Madara crosses his arms superiorly and glares at Obito. "So to summarise," says Madara. "You betrayed me because your girlfriend told you to, and the power of boners was too strong?"

Rin laughs. "That's pretty much what happened."

Sasuke and Naruto exchange a glance and fly up towards their allies. Madara leaps down from the roof and grabs Naruto by his collar and Sasuke by her leg.

"Where do you two think you're going?" Madara demands, holding Sasuke and Naruto up in front of himself. "I'm not finished with you two."

Sasuke wriggles angrily as her dress falls down over her face. "Put me down!" she screams angrily. Desperately, she tries to push her skirt back into place. She does not even succeed in covering her brown shorts.

"Cool shorts," says Naruto. "Why don't you just wear a shirt with them, 'tebayo?"

"SHUT UP IDIOT!"

"Hey Madara," says Naruto. Something is bugging him about Obito's flashback. "You said Black Zetsu is part of you, right?"

"Yes," confirms Madara.

"I think he tricked you," says Naruto. "According to the Whirlpool Sacred Scrolls and the Sage of Six Paths, Zetsu is the third son of Kaguya Otsutsuki. What made you think he was part of you, 'tebayo?"

Madara blinks an expression of surprise on his face. "You've met the Sage of Six Paths? What did he tell you?"

"He told us that we are the current incarnations of his sons Indra and Ashura, and that you and Hashirama were the previous incarnations," says Naruto, picking his nose. "So I suppose I'm the reincarnation of the First Hokage and Sasuke is you...sort of, 'tebayo."

Madara turns Sasuke up the right way and holds her up by the back of her collar for scrutiny. "I was reborn as a girl huh?" he says thoughtfully. "Why couldn't I have been reincarnated as a busty girl?"

Sasuke kicks Madara. "I'm only 13! I've barely even started growing boobs!"

"Yeah, Sasuke doesn't even get her period-" Naruto says.

"HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?!" interrupts Sasuke, kicking at Naruto.

"OI!" yells Mr. Nice Hokage. "Stop being inappropriate!"

"He started it!" says Sasuke, pointing at Madara.

"And I'm coming over there to finish it," says Mr. Nice Hokage, leaping down off his sand platform. He lands with a thud on the ground and runs towards Madara.

Madara turns to look at Mr. Nice Hokage. A second later, the Four Crimson Ray Barrier erects around Naruto, Sasuke and Madara. "I said I'm not finished with these two yet," Madara says calmly.

"You better not hurt them," says Mr. Nice Hokage, punching the barrier.

"Oh, please," Madara tosses his hair. "What kind of adult hurts a defenseless child? I have something far better in mind for these two."

Madara sets Naruto and Sasuke down on the grass and makes a short table between them with woodstyle. Then he pulls out two sheets of paper and two pens, and hands the two kids each a piece of paper and a pen. "Now listen to me carefully," Madara says to the two kids, crossing his arms. "If you don't do this properly, I'll make you do it again twice over! You are each to write out 100 times: I will never stop time and pull down Madara Uchiha's pants again."

"YOU'RE MAKING THEM WRITE LINES?!" The allies floating in the air shout in surprise.

Fugaku just rolls his eyes. "Of course you're making them write lines," he sighs. "It's a pity you're our enemy. You'd get on really well with Iruka."

"But that's haaard!" whines Naruto, dropping onto the table. "I don't like writing lines, dattebayo!"

"Um, my writing hand just got healed by the Sage of Six Paths," says Sasuke, pushing her pen away. "I don't think I should use it just yet."

"Naruto!" Iruka-nii's voice rings out across the battlefield. "If it was easy, it wouldn't be a punishment. And Sasuke! You're ambidextrous. Quit whining and write the damn lines."

"WHY ARE YOU TAKING MADARA'S SIDE?!" The allies floating in the air shout in shock.

Once again, Fugaku simply rolls his eyes. "It really is a pity we're enemies. Iruka needs more friends."

"IRUKA NIICHAN!" Naruto calls, grinning. "YOU'RE OKAY!"

"Well," says Iruka, smiling. "Most of me." Iruka looks down at his left side, and Naruto follows his gaze. Iruka's arm is burned badly, along with his shoulder and the underside of his chin. From the elbow down, Iruka's left arm is gone.

"Oi, stop moving!" snaps Tsunade. "I'm not finished with you yet."

"I'm so sorry, Iruka!" Iruka's mother says, grabbing his hand.

"Ah, it only hurts a little," says Iruka, shrugging. "I'll be fine."

"Grandma is gonna be mad at you," says Naruto.

"Whose Grandma?" asks Iruka's mum. "Your Grandma? Why will she be mad?"

"She is my adoptive mother," says Iruka. "She will be very angry with you."

"Well," Naruto's Dad laughs nervously. "I'm sure if we explain the situation…"

"I'm going to let that go because you haven't seen your mother since you were five," says Iruka. "Naruto, I hope you are mentally prepared for the scolding you are going to get for blackmailing the shinigami."

"But he blackmailed them to bring us back," says Naruto's mum crossing her arms. "Surely he won't get in trouble for that."

Iruka sighs. "He'll get in trouble for blackmailing shinigami, I'll get in trouble for not telling him off, you'll get in trouble for encouraging his behaviour, my Mother will get in trouble for attacking me and for letting herself be mind-controlled...need I go on?"

"No, that's alright," says Mei, who is sitting beside Iruka. She kisses his cheek and adds, "They'll realize soon enough that Kazama is not one to be taken lightly."

"Mei? When did you get here?"

"Just in time to save you...well, most of you," says Mei. "I'll probably get in trouble with Kazama for not saving all of you." She laughs.

"As amusing as this is," says Madara, creating a clone of himself. "You are distracting these two from writing their lines. Please take my clone and whichever of you are still able to fight outside the Temple Barrier and continue the battle where there is room. And please, no heroic monologues: I've heard them all."

"Take us back down to the ground," says Gaara, standing and wiping the rest of the tears from his eyes. "All medics are to stay inside the barrier and treat the wounded. Half of those still able to fight stay here and be prepared to fight the real Madara. Lord Hogake, what will you do?"

"I will help fight the clone," says Mr. Nice Hokage. "Of course, we will need to beat him before Naruto and Sasuke finish writing their lines. So, take your time kids." He flashes Naruto and Sasuke a devious smirk.

"Obito, stay inside the barrier and recover your chakra," Yahiko orders Obito. "We will need you to fight the real Madara."

"I don't get it," says Naruto, screwing his face up in confusion. "Why are they getting so worked up over fighting your shadow clone?"

"Because it's MY shadow clone," says Madara, grinning maniacally.

The shadow clone slips out of Madara's barrier and heads over to the Temple Barrier. "Do hurry up," says the clone. "I'm bored already."

"I see that in order to get you kids to concentrate, I am going to have to block your view of the outside," says Madara, sitting down on a piece of rubble. He weaves some hand signs and the entire barrier turns opaque (Naruto learned that word from Hinata' Dad.) All sounds from outside the barrier are cut off, and Naruto can no longer see out. "There," says Madara. "Now no one can see or hear what is going on on the opposite side of the barrier."

"But…" Naruto starts to protest.

"Write your lines, and then we can leave," says Madara firmly.

"You sound like Iruka sensei," mutters Sasuke, grabbing her pen and beginning to write.

Muttering under his breath about boring adults and lame writing, Naruto also picks up his pen and begins to painstakingly write out his lines.

After what seems like hours of writing, Sasuke finally finishes. Madara inspects her lines while Naruto finishes. Finally, Madara nods and says, "Acceptable."

Sasuke sighs in relief.

"I'm done now, 'tebayo," says Naruto, finally putting his pen down and passing his paper to Madara. Madara inspects Naruto's paper. Finally, he says, "You spelled my name wrong." He hits Naruto on top of his head with the paper. "It's Ma-DA-ra, not Ma-DE-ra."

"Please don't make me do it again!" begs Naruto, crocodile tears streaming down his face in a comical fashion. He did it on purpose to buy time for the others to defeat the clone Madara. "My hand hurts!"

Madara looks down at Naruto, one eyebrow raised. "You spelled my name wrong on purpose!" he says. "Trying to buy time for your friends, are you?"

Naruto looks away, suddenly feeling very guilty. "Maybe…"

Madara sighs. "There's no need for that. I am not leaving this barrier until my clone disperses. The real question is: what shall we do while we wait for the grownups to finish fighting?"

"Let's exchange flashbacks!" suggests Naruto, instantly perking up. "I've always wanted to swap life stories with someone, but most people are only interested in telling me their story. They don't want to hear mine."

"Alright, we'll do that," says Madara. "I'll tell you brats my story, then you tell me yours. When we are finished, we will leave the barrier, whether my clone is defeated or not."

"What if he's defeated before we finish?" asks Naruto, crossing his fingers behind his back.

"Then your allies will have a chance to catch their breaths, won't they?" says Madara. "Now show me that Flashback Jutsu you were using and we will begin."