Madara's clone stands beside the wall of fire surrounding the Temple of Jashin and waits patiently for his enemies to sort out who is actually going to fight him.
"I don't care if Naruto is still trapped inside that seal with Madara," Hiashi is saying to Minato. "You better help fight that clone."
"But I need to be on hand if Naruto needs me!" protests Minato, flapping his hands about.
"I could help fight the clone," volunteers Shisui.
"NO!" everyone yells turning to him. "YOU ARE BLIND AND INJURED! Stay out of this!"
"It only hurts a little," says Shisui flippantly. "I can still fight."
"No, you can't," snaps Fugaku. "Because I forbid it."
"How about you living people stand back and let us reanimations handle the clone," suggests Ikkaku. "Most of you have little to no chakra left."
"No," says Mei, shaking her head. "We need you for the real Madara. We can't afford to send all the reanimations to fight a clone and leave ourselves vulnerable to the real Madara."
"He's just a clone," points out Gaara. "All we need to do is dispel him. Surely we don't need a small army to do that."
"He might be a clone," says Hashirama, "but he's still a clone of Madara Uchiha."
"Even so," says Jiraiya thoughtfully. "We can't afford to send any of the reanimations to fight him just in case the real Madara emerges."
"Can we hurry this up?" calls Madara, crossing his arms impatiently. "I am starting to get bored."
"You stay out of this," says Kushina.
"He's right though, you do need to hurry up," says Iruka.
Everyone starts yelling over the top of eachother saying things like: "Stop taking Madara's side!", "Let me fight him, then!", "Oh my gosh, he's just a clone!", "Let the reanimations fight him then!"
"WILL ALL OF YOU PLEASE SHUT UP!" Tobirama bellows, his voice carrying over all the noise.
Everyone turns to look at Tobirama, including Madara. Tobirama has an expression of pure rage on his face. It is scary enough to make Madara feel a twinge of unease.
"All of you listen to me and do as I say," says Tobirama with all the calm of a brewing storm. "Only a small number will leave the barrier to fight Madara. Any reanimations who wish to go will send clones out to fight. One Uzumaki, and one Uzumaki only, will go outside the barrier in order to take Madara's clone and those who will fight him past the barrier. Do you understand?"
"Finally, some common sense, eh," says Pantsu, standing up from his perch on a piece of rubble. "I'd better be the one to take the fighting dudes outta the barrier, since I can do it without any need for drawing seals on them."
"Aren't you a bit old to be fighting?" asks the Madara Clone, amused.
"I'm younger than you, eh," points out Pantsu, taking his pipe out of his mouth and waving it at Clone Madara. "Besides, I won't be fighting. I saw some smokeables on the way in that I want to try, eh."
"Smokeables…?" asks Clone Madara, raising an eyebrow.
"I saw a plant just outside the barrier," elaborates Pantsu. "I thought to myself: I've never seen a plant like that before. So I decided to smoke it, eh."
"Okaaaay…" Madara wonders if this ancient man smokes every unknown plant he comes across, and if so, how he is not dead yet.
"I'll fight the clone," says Fugaku. "Who's with me?"
"The SPRINGTIME OF YOUTH compels me to assist you, Lord HOKAGE!" says Might Gai, punching the air enthusiastically.
"This looks like it might be fun!" says Zabuza, hoisting the Executioner's Blade onto his shoulder. "Apprentices, we're going to fight this clone."
"Yes Zabuza sensei!" says Suigetsu, saluting.
"Of course," agrees Haku, nodding gracefully.
"Alright, that's enough people," says Tobirama. "Get out there and fight him."
"Wait," says Hashirama, making a wood clone. "I'm sending my clone in."
"Me too," says Mito, making a shadow clone. "I mean, f### it, why not?"
"Don't bother," says Tobirama, who is considerably calmer now. "He'll just dispel your clones."
"Good idea, thanks Tobirama," says Clone Madara. Half-jokingly, he adds, "If I ever have a kid, I'm calling him Tobi, in your honour."
"You'll never have a kid," says Tobirama. "But on the slim chance you do, I'm holding you to that."
"Shall we go then?" asks the Clone. "I'm bored enough to kill a country."
"Hang on," says Sakumo Hatake. "I'll make a clone to send out too."
"No," says Tobirama. "There are enough people to take on one clone of Madara. All they need to do is land a solid hit and dispel him, for goodness sake."
"We'll be off then," says Pantsu, shuffling over to the barrier. "Don't wait up for us."
Fugaku, Gai, Zabuza, Haku, Suigetsu, Mito's Clone and Hashirama's Clone fall in line beside Pantsu and walk towards the barrier.
"Alrighty," says Pantsu. "For the jutsu to work, I need you all to hold hands, eh."
Madara's Clone, the two reanimation clones and the five ninjas set on fighting Madara's clone stare at Pantsu blankly.
"What…?" Zabuza breaks the silence. "You want us to...hold hands?"
"Yes," says Pantsu, sticking his pipe in his mouth and holding out his hands for someone to take. "Hurry up, eh."
Madara takes Pantsu's hand and then grabs Hashirama's Clone's hand. "Come on, you lot. I want to fight you all already."
"Really, Madara, really?" sighs Hashirama's Clone, shaking his head. Then he takes Mito's Clone's hand.
Mito's Clone takes Haku's hand, Haku takes Zabuza's hand and grins happily. Zabuza rolls his eyes and grabs Suigetsu's wrist. Suigetsu pulls a face as Gai takes his other hand. Fugaku takes Gai's hand and then Pantsu's hand, completing the circle.
Pantsu blows through his pipe, creating a smoke bubble. The bubble grows and detaches from the pipe, and continues to expand until it is large enough to fit all of them inside. The bubble floats into the air, lifting the circle off the ground. Then it floats through the barrier, completely untouched by the wall of fire.
The Madara Clone thinks it's cute how Haku is smiling adoringly up at Zabuza and practically hugging his arm. He feels a twinge of jealousy. No one except Madara's brothers ever looked at him that way. Madara's brothers are all dead now, but they won't be in the Infinite Tsukinome.
The bubble descends to the earth and pops once everyone is back on solid ground.
Immediately, everyone drops everyone else's hands. Madara gets some small amount of satisfaction knowing that Hashirama is horrified and embarrassed by having to hold Madara's hand in public. Haku is very, very reluctant to let go of Zabuza.
"Haku, I can't fight properly if you are holding on to me," points out Zabuza emotionlessly.
"Sorry Zabuza sensei," says Haku, releasing Zabuza. She looks sad.
"So why did we need to hold hands?" asks Hashirama, wiping the hand Madara held clean on his pants.
Pantsu smiles the biggest, most s### eating grin Madara has ever seen. "You didn't," he says. "I was just messing with you all, eh."
"I like you, old man," says Madara, grinning at Pantsu.
"WHY?!" protests everyone else.
"You mean I held Madara's hand for no reason?!" Hashirama sits down and hugs his knees, while a black cloud floats above his head.
"Well I got a kick out of it," says Madara. "Now let's fight."
His enemies bust out their weapons and their adorable attack faces, and Madara pulls out his war fan.
"I'm off to find that plant and smoke it," says Pantsu, shuffling over to a nearby patch of wild plant life. "You kids have fun playing ninjas with Madara, eh."