Pantsu finds the interesting smokables, picks some and sits down on the ground to watch the fight.
Madara Clone and the small gang of Pantsu's allies eye each other up. They circle each other warily while Pantsu stuffs the smokeables into his pipe. Pantsu lights his pipe and starts puffing on the sweet smoke.
Mito's clone raises a hand and starts drawing seal formulae on the air with chakra. "Fuuin: -"
Madara immediately interrupts her jutsu by hitting her solidly with his war fan. The Mito Clone immediately dispels in a puff of smoke.
"Woodstyle: -" the first Hokage claps his hands together and starts to cast a jutsu, only to suffer the same fate as the Mito Clone.
Pantsu applauds. "Good work boy, eh!"
"Pantsu, whose side are you on?" demands Fugaku.
"Yours, obviously," says Pantsu, taking a long puff of his pipe. "But that was a good move by Madara. Now kick his ass, Hokage-dude, eh."
"Of course," says Fugaku, weaving hand signs. "Fire Style, Grand Fireball Jutsu." Fugaku unleashes an enormous fireball in the general direction of the Madara's Clone's face.
Pantsu takes a long puff and breathes out a cloud of sweet fumes as the Madara clone easily dodges, uses the fire ball to light a set of shuriken on fire and throws them back at Fugaku.
Might Gai aims a flamboyant kick at Madara's back. Madara ducks and punches Gai's leg, sending Gai flying backwards.
Pantsu sees black spots in front of his eyes. He shakes his head and shrugs. It's probably nothing.
Zabuza tags in, swinging the Executioner's Blade at Madara, only for it to sink deep into the ground as Madara sways out of the way. Suigetsu follows up with a water pistol as Haku sends a volley of senbon at the Clone.
Pantsu sees a giant dinosaur grazing nearby and turns to look at it. He's sure it wasn't there before. Balancing on top of the dinosaur is a cat wearing boots and standing on its hind legs. The cat has a rapier strapped to its belt and a feathered hat on it's head. It is wobbling precariously as it attempts to stay on top of the giant lizard.
"That's not right, eh," mutters Pantsu. "This is not how I usually hallucinate. Either this stuff if the real deal or...or it's poisonous." The black spots appear in front of his eyes again, accompanied by a feeling of heaviness in his limbs. Sighing, Pantsu takes one last puff on his pipe. What difference will it make now? He does not have the strength to fight off the poison like he did in his younger years. He used to smoke all kinds of things once upon a time, and if something was poisoned, he'd just sleep it off. "So this is how I die, eh Steve? Smoking a strange plant." Pantsu leans back and looks up at the sky, where giant pigs with dragon wings are flying around breathing fire. "I didn't even have enough time to properly train Burifu, eh…"
Five-ish years ago…
Pantsu sits under a tree smoking the good stuff and generally enjoying the sunshine. He is disturbed by a distressed wail that sounds somewhat like an angry toddler. Pantsu glances in the direction of the crying and sees someone running to investigate. Shrugging, he goes back to smoking his pipe.
The screaming only gets louder. Pantsu hears adult voices trying to shout over the screaming toddler, but the louder they get, the louder the child gets.
Pantsu sighs and gets up. He'd better deal with this if he wants his peace and quiet back. Pantsu heads over to the commotion and finds several of his grand daughters trying to calm a muddy, naked, screaming toddler. Pantsu recognises the little girl as one of his great grandchildren. He knows all of his descendants' names, but Pantsu cannot recall this child's name. He remembers that her mother died when she was only a few days old and her father has been too drunk to function ever since. The little dudette has a brother, but the boy doesn't pay any attention to her.
"Grandfather!" one of Pantsu's Granddaughters notices him. "Thank Steve you're here! We can't stop her from screaming."
Pantsu takes a long puff on his pipe and asks, "Who looks after this dudette most, eh?"
"Well...ah...we all look after her…" Pantsu's Granddaughter stammers. "No one person is responsible for her."
"Hmm," muses Pantsu, puffing on his pipe. "What is her name, eh?"
"Ah...um...I...I don't know. None of us do. I'm sure she has one, but her brother doesn't know or care and her father is too drunk to tell us…"
That explains why Pantsu does not know the dudette's name. She does not have one because no one bothered to give her one. Such oversights happen in a community of people who are constantly either drunk or high.
"Little Dudette," says Pantsu, nudging his great grandchild with his foot. She turns to look at him, an angry scream dying in her throat. Even the babies in the Order know to listen when Pantsu speaks. "From now on your name is Burifu," he tells her. "And I will look after you mahself. It's about time I trained mah successor, and I suppose you'll do, eh."
The little dudette, now named Burifu, leaps up and latches onto Pantsu's leg.
"Bring me everything she owns," orders Pantsu. "The first thing ta do is to get Burifu in some form of clothing. It's starting ta get cold."
Half an hour later, Pantsu is back under his tree, smoking his pipe. Burifu, now wearing a tie-dyed dress, is sleeping contently in Pantsu's lap. Apparently, Burifu started screaming after being told no one knew her name.
Pantsu puffs his pipe, finished reminiscing. What will happen to Burifu after his death? The hallucinations vanish as Pantsu's pipe falls from his rapidly numbing fingers.
Steve catches the pipe.
"So you're finally here, then, eh?" says Pantsu, standing up and leaving his body behind.
"I knew you would die today," says Steve. "When the battle started I thought you would be a casualty of the fight, not wander off and smoke deadly poison."
"Before we leave," says Pantsu, taking his pipe from Steve's hand. "Can you do me a favour, eh?"
"Certainly," agrees Steve. "You served me most of your life. Name anything."
Burifu is lying in the grass beside the new extension at Arashi and Kazama's house, staring up at the sky. She wonders if the battle is over yet. The rest of the Order of Steve went back to the forest, but Burifu stayed in the Leaf to keep an eye on Namiko. Or at least, that's what she told the Order. Truthfully, Burifu likes hanging around Arashi.
"Burifu," she hears a voice say. It is a voice that is both familiar and unfamiliar.
Burifu sits up and sees Steve floating in front of her. "Steve?" she says, surprised. "Why are you here? I'm not dying, am I?"
"No," says Steve, and moves to one side revealing Grandfather Pantsu.
"Grandfather!"
"Well, little dudette," says Grandfather Pantsu. "Looks like you're the leader of the Order of Steve now. I smoked a plant I'd never seen before. Turns out it was poisonous, eh."
"Graaandfaaather!" Burifu wails, falling to her knees.
A door bangs, Burifu hears someone running, and then Arashi bursts out of the house, with Kazama not far behind.
Burifu sobs uncontrollably. Grandfather Pantsu's ghost shuffles over to her and puts his arms around her. Arashi and Kazama reach Burifu at the same time Pantsu does.
"Burifu, what's wrong?" Arashi asks, patting Burifua's hair.
"Let them see me," Grandfather Pantsu says, turning to Steve.
"Done," says Steve, snapping his fingers.
"Grandfather Pantsu!" Arashi freezes as he sees Pantsu's ghost. "You're..dead. Is the battle going poorly?"
"Oh, I have faith our allies will win," says Pantsu. "I actually died from smoking a random plant I found near the Temple of Jashin, eh."
"That doesn't surprise me," says Arashi.
"I came ta say goodbye to Burifu," Pantsu says. "I'm worried about what will happen to her now that I am dead. Arashi, I have one last order as Leader, the only order I will ever give you as a member."
"What...what is it?" Arashi sounds surprised.
Burifu keeps on crying.
"Don't let the Order take Burifu back to the forest until she is ready to lead them," Pantsu says. "In the Uzumaki Clan, if the clan heir was too young to lead when the old leader died, the heirs father, grandfather or, in some rare cases, uncle would lead the clan in her stead until she was mature enough to lead. I want you to lead the Order of Steve in Burifu's stead until she is mature enough, and in the meantime raise her as a foster child in your home. Raise her however you see fit, but let her learn fuuinjutsu, and let her learn to lead, eh."
"Yes sir," says Arashi, bowing respectfully.
"Thank you," says Grandfather Pantsu's ghost, pressing something into Burifu's hands. Then he kisses her forehead and says, "Goodbye, Burifu. We'll meet again when you're my age."
"Actually she won't die until she's a year older than you were," says Steve. "She has a long life ahead of her."
Burifu sobs harder. A moment later, she sees Grandfather Pantsu and Steve vanish. Burifu looks at the object her great grandfather gave her. It is his pipe.
Burifu lets out a wail and latches onto Arashi. She sobs into his chest while he pats her back and says comforting things.
"Poor kid," murmurs Kazama, patting Burifu's shoulder.