A loud screech was heard in a far-away control room, the sound of a wicked witch angrily smacking the controls as she saw that dumb bear and bird get three chips already! Gruntilda's hissing and growling even outdid Piddles' own hissing, which quite scared her!

"This cannot be, they've gotten three! If I don't make haste, they'll get to me!" Her games were being ruined, one by one! By that stupid Banjo and his lame friend Kazooie.. the mere thought of those two made her water tank of a head boil. Gruntilda looked down at the monitor on where their next game was headed and suddenly got an idea.

"Fighting those two might excel, but they'll both lose, I can tell!" In a sudden horror sting, she withdrew a black device. The bane of every gamer's existence, the Game Genie.

"A little code here, a little hack there.." The witch soon input a bunch of unfair cheap winning moves that could one-hit kill anyone that stood in her way.

"Let's see that sap win, that stupid ol' bear! AAAAAHAHAHAHAAAA- hack-cough- wheeze!" The witch had gotten into another coughing fit, and set her palm upon one of the control panels to steady herself, lest her haggy nature becomes her undoing.

—

Our heroes; Banjo, Kazooie, Mumbo, Jingaling and Jolly, trounced in the portal to a certain gore fest of a genre, and caught themselves blindsided by a cold breeze wildly hitting their fur. It was enough to make Mumbo's skirt flip over, as he hurriedly covered himself with a blush. "Brbrbrrrr! Mumbo not used to cold, should've brought warmer loincloth!"

"I do concur," the Jinjo King replied, keeping his robe down to the chagrin or Jolly's delight. "It's pretty annoying having to keep my staff in check." Kazooie wished those two paragraphs never happened.

They were all standing on top of a skyscraper in the middle of the night, various building lights and building posters illuminating the scenery as a dark techno sound played in the distance.

"So uh," Banjo scratched his head, unknowing to what had awaited them. "Ah'm not exactly fighter savvy," said the liar who got into Smash some time ago, "what type of fighter are we in? Hopefully it's not too gory.."

Suddenly Kazooie cracked up laughing, unable to stop as she facepalmed. "Pahahaha, oh man! You won't BELIEVE how gory fighting games get!"

This made Banjo gulp, and when Kazooie says something will get gory fast, oh it'll become a bloodbath. In fact he was kinda regretting not going for another portal, but if it was to save their friends..

"Uh, was that thing always there?" Jolly pointed out at the shadowy figure that suddenly appeared before them, obscured entirely except the purple overtones that made up their lights.

Coming out of the shadows, it turned out to be Humba Wumba, dressed completely in a skimpy green leotard, boots, flowing hair and a revealing window.

"Humba!" Banjo realized in horror that they were to have to go against a woman, and he was raised better than that! Then again, Gruntilda..

"Good heavens woman, Your outfit is most revealing!" King Jingaling said what everyone was thinking as he shielded his eyes with his cape, "What would your glowbos at home think of this debauchery?"

The skull-faced shaman, however, was not impressed nor enticed with such casual revealing outfits worn by his biggest rival. Mumbo brought out his long staff and twirled it around in his hand.

"Hurrhurr.. Mumbo always knew Dumba Wumba was loose and easy. Brave Mumbo take down stupid fake easily. Fake shaman had this long time coming." Immediately the shaman charged with his stick about to smack Humba across the face, and it honestly felt too scary how willing he was to do so that quickly.

Banjo cried, reaching out his hand to try and stop the shaman. "Mumbo no, you don't know what she can-"

It was far too late however, as Humba Orchid started punching and kicking Mumbo across his skull, relentlessly beating and tearing into him, before tiger uppercutting him across the stage and off the building.

"AAAAAAA TELL MUMBO'S STORYYYYY!"

"This.. might be a problem." Kazooie said, even if she enjoyed watching Mumbo get the shit kicked out of him.

SUPREME VICTORY! An announcer voice said from Banjo's mouth before he shut himself up. He had no idea where that came from and it scared him.

"Pffft, what was that?" The bird was in disbelief that the kind of voice came out of her best friend. The bear wouldn't say a word though, as he was seeing Humba slowly turn her attention against them, glaring down our heroes with a fierce stare.

"We might wanna run, Kazooie."

"Banjo, what's the worst she could ever do? It's not like that overpowered sudden attack was because of.. a.. code.."

The four heroes looked at each other and immediately ran in opposite directions, screaming. Humba targeted the King of all Jinjos first, running to him and roundhouse kicking him across the face to the ground. He lisped in pain, "AAARGK! I tink she bwoke mah jaw!"

"Banjo sweetie, I think it's time you use your parrot as a weapon?" The effeminate frog looked over at Banjo as he realized he had Kazooie. "D'oh, right!"

Grasping Kazooie, he aimed her right at Humba and started firing grenade eggs, fire eggs, even Kinder eggs! To no effect however, as Humba grabbed the bird and tossed her aside with a squawk!

"Kazooi- ggurk- Gah!" The bear suddenly felt his neck being clamped down by harsh fingernails, Humba had his throat in the air!

You know what else was in the air? Humba's knee revving up for a full frontal assault..

"Humba no, what are yuh doing..?!"

But before Kazooie could come back in and save his friend, the possessed shaman gave a swift and painful kick to Banjo in the crotch. This made Banjo howl in pain in a higher pitch than anyone heard from him. "GWOOOAAAOH!"

Humba was suddenly tackled by the breegull, scratching her and trying to do some damage on her but to no avail. "Why, won't, you, just, die!?"

"Humba killer." The native merely replied as she punched Kazooie in the gut, kicking her aside to where Banjo and Jolly were, with Jingaling crawling up to them in pain.

"I didn't expect my life to end this way.." King Jingaling muttered, to which Kazooie replied, "no one did. I just assumed you would be poisoned by one of your subjects after years of treason under your rule."

"Not.. funny." The king sputtered.

Gruntilda was watching all of this from a television screen, as was getting giddier by the second. This was going perfectly! The game was already over before it began, and she knew it! Now for the finisher.

"The game is set, you're all to die!" She pressed a button to unleash the finishing move for Humba Orchid. "The Isle O Hags will still be mine!"

For her finishing move, Humba Orchid did the most obscene thing anyone could have ever programmed in any game. She unzipped the front of her green leotard, preparing to take out her stunning boo- I mean moves, and flashed the entire group of E-rated characters! Banjo was absolutely stunned, gasping at the sight and promptly fainted with blood spilling down his nose.. probably from previous injuries, I hope. Jingaling gasped and was just speechless, and Kazooie was merely staring with a faint blush. Jolly though?

He stood in front of the group with a smirk. "Ooer, girlfriend, is that what you call impressive?" The bold frog waved a hand oh so gayly, sassy making his way towards her to slap her across the face. Catfight!

Humba did nothing except remain shocked by how her booby trap didn't work, before getting another slap across the face, then two more, then a purse smack from Jolly's compartment!

Gruntilda was just staring, no reaction to what was happening on the monitor. ".. The heck is this? This is too much, I'm going to just go break for lunch." Completely flabbergasted at the sight, she scampered off into another room to make herself a rotten egg and mushroom sandwich, complete with witch's brew and actual sand.

"Alright, this is getting ridiculous." Kazooie rolled her eyes. She stood up and flew overhead at Humba and Jolly, spitting down bombs of eggs upon Jolly and Humba.. Mostly Humba.

"Aak! Eek! Aak! Eek!" Humba repeated, being ULTRA COMBO'd to oblivion before the finishing slap by Jolly knocked her out onto the ground.

K.O.! JOLLY WINS!

"Yatta!" Jolly spun around and blew a kiss to the fourth wall. "Go home and be a family woman!"

Uh-huh. Kazooie really just wanted this chapter to be over with, and to see how Banjo and the others were like after the.. Ahem, special viewing. It didn't take much to locate the chip lodged inside Humba's skin, it was on the scalp of her head hidden by her hair! And with a quick dislodge, the building stage and glimmers of the city were gone, as everyone was back in the mainframe with LOG.

Everyone woke up in a daze, confused as to what was going on, also Mumbo fell from the sky onto the ground. Ouch.

"Hrbrbrbr! .. is Mumbo dead? Did Mumbo go to big tiki hut in the sky? Where are beach babes massaging Mumbo's back?" Alas to his disappointment, he saw his eyes upon Humba. "Oh, it just you."

"Mrrrrggh.. Humba confused as to what happened, have headache.. bigger now that dumb shaman here."

The Lord of Games weakly hobbled over and fell in front of Kazooie, looking up at her and practically begging for the chip like a dying patient.

"Okay okay, hold on." As Kazooie was putting the chip in place, Jolly was just crossing his arms.

"Harumph, you should be ashamed of yourself, gurlfriend. Showing off your goods like that!"

"Goods what?" Humba was confused, and somebody had to tell her what happened.

"Guhhh, you all got teleported into games designed by Gruntilda, and she made you into this powerful kickboxing champion!"

A kickboxing champion? Humba wasn't.. entirely opposed to such a position. "Humba no see big whoop about it, think it kinda awesome."

The king finally got up from his video game induced coma, "oh, did we mention that you showed off your.. rather impressive mammaries?"

"... My what?"

"Oh for Chris' sake- WE ALL SAW YOUR BREASTS!" Kazooie yelled at the moment she installed the latest chip into LOG, turning him on. This absolutely horrified Humba.

"Humba did WHAT?!" Mumbo's eyes widened, remembering he completely was out of commission for the entire match and missed the peep show.

"Mumbo missed seeing Humba's b-b-brbrbrb- Ahem. Well, Mumbo not need see it. P-probably saw better." He blushed, trying to keep his uninterested composure as Jolly and Humba scoffed.

"Peh, shaman big heap pig. No see any man who respect lady for mind."

"Mm," Jolly retorted, "Tell me about it, sister. No wonder I didn't welcome him in my bar."

"A-a-ah, you found the next chip! W-well done.." The Lord of games muttered, in a better state than he was 4 to 5 chapters ago. "And you've saved your friend, again. I'm rather impressed, I figured the hasbeen bear and bird would've given up by now."

"Hey, we're the ones saving your two-bit hard drive."

"KAZOOIE!" Banjo scolded.

"No no, she's right.. I will be opening another portal in a bbbbbbbbit. GGggET readadady.." The Lord glitched, conjuring up another portal.

"Ahem.. uh, I would rather sit out the next couple of portals," Jingaling said, holding his head. "I did promise to stick by to take down the witch, but.." He blinked and only saw what he could think about.. and didn't like it. "Twig can tend to me, but I'd rather not slow the rest of you down." Twig suddenly latched onto Jingaling's back and started to give him a back massage for the troubles.

Banjo nodded and smiled, "It was at least nice for ya to come along and help us out, King Reneeding!"

"Jingaling." Twig and the king replied blankly.

"Right, Twivesting!" Banjo happily gleamed and looked at the portal, all mathy like.

"Oh uh.. what is all this?"

"That would be Bottles Age, simple bear." LOG explained, "A game that tests your mental age, and how fast you can solve puzzles!"

"Puzzles? Ah like puzzles."

Kazooie, on the other hand? "Ugh, the fun had to end sometime."

And so, everyone sans LOG, Twig and Jingaling leapt into the portal to Bottles Age. What will become of our heroes? Will Kazooie open up her tastes to other game genres? Find out next time in Banjo-Threeie!