Nothing too scary for our Halloween Day posting.
Speaking of Halloween, (shameless plug) I had written a story for Halloween a few years ago if you all want to check it out.
Amy:
It was Sunday evening and Amy sat in the corner booth of the Cheesecake Factory in Pasadena, nibbling on the mini corn dogs she had ordered. Bernadette was over 25 minutes late for their engagement but she was too hungry to wait. She listened to the voice mail from Sheldon as she sipped her diet coke and watched the door carefully.
"Hello, Amy. This is Sheldon. I wanted to inform you that I took your advice and thought of three possible replacements for Len... I mean Wheezy's room. The first suggestion I dismissed outright since an in-home spa sounds unsanitary. The next is a collectible's room which I will cordon off into four types. Comic books, trains, Sci Fiction memorabilia, Vintage with a subset of Science fiction memorabilia Modern-"
Amy stopped listening to the voicemail as soon as she saw Bernadette approach the table.
"I'm so sorry I'm late! Howie didn't fill the car with gas. Some engineer, right? Oh, did you order? Thank god! I'm starving!" Bernadette grabbed a mini hot dog and gave the waitress her order, "Can you get me the Thai Chicken Big Bang with no pepper flakes, extra coconut sauce and tell the cook to not skimp on the rice. Oh and an iced tea." She turned back to Amy, and said, "So, we finally get to talk."
"Yes..." Amy smiled and said nothing for a minute as she waited for Bernadette to say something else.
"Oh I see this is the chin-wagging part of the conversation where we engage in small talk. I am prepared." Amy wiped her mouth and asked, "Um... how is your work going? Any new breakthroughs?"
"Nah. We are all working on a SARs type of vaccine for that new virus, but I doubt we'll make any money off it."
Amy's phone rang: Sheldon calling again. Amy let it go to voicemail.
Bernadette laughed as Amy silenced her phone. "You seem very popular. Boyfriend"
"No. Not at all. It's not a relationship that I see progressing in that manner..." Amy stumbled before she answered again, "No...Just a friend. A very persistent friend." Amy put her phone in her purse and took another bite of her, now, cold mini corn dogs.
Bernadette nodded as the waitress brought her iced tea, "Yep. I got one of those... I'd love to set you up with him." Bernadette stole another corn dog off Amy's plate and then asked with a full mouth, "So, tell me about you. Are you ready to make a move?"
"A move?"
"Yes, I mean. It's about time, don't you think? Sounds like you've been at this for a while, and it's not going anywhere. Don't you think it's time to look and see what's out there? They're a lot of options available."
Amy hadn't considered a relationship since she had Sheldon as a friend. "I really haven't given it much thought. I mean, I'm in a happy place right now, but I guess... I guess you're right. I should see what's available to me. But... don't you think I'm too old?"
"Nonsense! You can make a change anytime you want. The New Year coming up is a great time to start. 2020 is going to be the best year ever!" Bernadette declared with a clink of her glass with Amy's.
"I don't know…" Amy sipped her soda and wondered about dipping her foot in the germy dating pool. At Thanksgiving, her mother had kindly pointed out that time was ticking and had insisted that she find a man by 2020 or she would find one for her.
"Don't let the accepted social convention hold you back, girlfriend!" Bernadette thanked the waitress for her food and dove into the steaming dish in front of her. With a full mouth, she said to Amy, "No one can blame you for looking."
"Really?" Amy asked. She had not really given this much consideration, but she wondered now, if it was time. Perhaps she should look around at other possible dating options. Sheldon was wonderful, and a great friend, but as a boyfriend? She did not think he would ever be ready for that.
"There are a ton of websites to help and my boss would love just to get his hands on you."
"Oh my!" Amy slipped her diet coke. "I have just got accustomed to the idea and someone already wants me in a carnal fashion."
"Carnal what?" Bernadette asked as she choked on her spicy chicken.
"Aren't you talking about dating?" Amy asked.
"No, I'm talking about a job. It's one of the reasons I wanted to meet with you. I get a huge signing bonus if we bring anyone into the company this year. It's Mid- December, I gotta hurry up! I looked you up when you called the first time and boy do you have the chops. When I got my friend Penny on board, I got enough of a bonus to pay for a hot tub!"
"Oh... I thought you wanted to be my friend. I'm sorry. I misunderstood." Amy looked down at her half-eaten dinner and lost her appetite. "If you will excuse me for a minute, I need to evacuate my bowels."
Amy put her purse on her shoulder, slipped the waitress a $20, and ran to her car. By the time she had left the parking lot, her face was wet with tears. She felt embarrassed and humiliated. She never should have been so eager, so needy. She thought about calling Sheldon, but he would never understand. He had plenty of friends; Amy had just attempted to make one. One that she had not realized was so important to her until it had been jerked away from her. A girlfriend, something she had never had. Someone, she could make her bestie and do girl things with like shop for booties, or have slumber parties and pierce each other's ears. She drove home, ignoring her phone ringing incessantly.
Once home, she washed her tear stroked face, and sat on her couch to regain her composure. She chided herself for her sudden burst of emotion. This type of emotional upsurge was the reason she had devoted herself to the pursuit of pure science. Science doesn't show up late or ignore you. Science doesn't leave you in a room with a rabid otter and laugh at you. Science doesn't break your heart.
She pulled out her phone. Five missed calls, four from an Alta Dena Area code, and one from Sheldon. She called Sheldon back.
"Hello, Sheldon."
"Hello, Amy. Good to hear your voice. I have made a choice."
"So have I." Amy said, she ripped up Bernadette's card and hugged her knees to her chest. "Tell me about your redecorating idea."
#
Sheldon:
At the end of their first phone call on Thursday evening, Sheldon had asked her to call him on Friday morning instead of their usual morning text, just to make sure he was feeling better about the change since it would be the first time seeing Leonard since the announcement that he was abandoning Sheldon for some mediocre house in Alta Dena of all places. She had agreed, and the concerning jester emoji was like a warm cup of cocoa and made him smile.
Since then they had spoken every night, though on Sunday evening she had seemed rather depressed for some reason and wouldn't state why. Despite that, she had helped him continue to recover from the shock of his friends abandoning him by discussing his ideas for Wheezy's room.
Unusually this year, the group was going to be depleted at Christmas, with Raj's parents insisting that he meet yet another young bride-to-be in India, and Bernadette and Howard spending the time with her parents who said they wanted to see their grandchildren opening their presents. When Penny's parents invited Penny and Leonard to spend their first Christmas as a married couple with them, Leonard had initially refused, as this would mean that Sheldon would be on his own, and Leonard was worried how it would affect Sheldon so soon after them telling him about their plans to relocate.
However, surprisingly Sheldon had insisted that they go, reiterating that he could cope, and it would give him the opportunity to get used to being on his own. Secretly he knew that this would enable to him to spend more time on the phone with Amy, without any snide remarks or funny looks from his 'friends'.
So, Amy and Sheldon spent Christmas together on the phone. He allowed one Christmas Carol for sing-a-long night, but her voice was so soothing, they spent the whole evening singing 'Good King Wenceslas' in rounds. They spent New Year's on the phone as they both watched the ball drop as Sheldon relayed all the world's New Year's traditions. He hung up when he heard Amy's soft snoring into the phone.
New Year's Day, he called her to wish her well. He loved how she answered the phone with an inquisitive, yet throaty tone that told him that she had just woken up. Sheldon wondered if she would be happy to include in their morning routine regularly scheduled morning wake-up calls rather than their normal morning texts.
"I am going to catalog the suggestions you gave me for the extra room and think about applying them to the other open areas in my apartment. I do believe that a recording studio would require acoustic paneling, but..." Sheldon heard a knock at the door, "Forgive me, Amy. I have visitors. Let me get rid of them."
Sheldon held his phone to his chest as he answered the door. Leonard and Penny greeted him with tenuous smiles. They held a batch of muffins with far too much energy for an early morning breakfast and a copy of the written notice terminating the roommate agreement effective March 1st.
"We made you your favorite... Wait...are you on the phone?" Penny asked as Sheldon put the phone behind him.
"As a matter of fact, I am."
Leonard asked with a confused yet annoyed tone, "What happened to no phone calls before breakfast unless it was Stephen Hawking?"
"Things change. Now if you excuse me."
Sheldon grabbed the plate of muffins and closed the door in their faces"
Sheldon returned to his phone call but Amy spoke first, "What was that about no phone calls before breakfast?"
"You're the exception." He smiled and took a bite of the muffin. "Always."
Later that week, on the way to work in the car, Leonard seemed particularly skittish which unnerved Sheldon who felt that Leonard should be paying better attention to the road.
"I hope you're doing okay with this change, Sheldon. You haven't said much about it and I was worried..."
"Not much to say, Leonard. People move on."
Leonard was still spending far too much time looking at Sheldon instead of the road as he said, "Penny and I are still in escrow, but we should close by March 1st. Is that a good time?"
"That's 55 days from now, Leonard. Can't you move up the time frame? I have a contractor coming in to measure for new cabinets."
"New cabinets? I've not even moved out yet!" Leonard turned his eyes back to the road just in time to screech the car to a swift halt almost missing the stop sign.
"Yeah... Maybe if your credit score was better, you could have had a shorter escrow." Sheldon turned his attention to his calendar to try and take his mind off Leonard's driving.
He penciled in chatting with Amy in the morning, after his morning ablations, then again at lunch so they could share a meal together and again in the evening at 9:00 PM. He thought about the sexual based stories he had intended to wow his friends for the NFC 2.0 Club. Unfortunately, the NFC 2.0 club was still on hold since Stewart had a new girlfriend who worked at the comic book store and Bert was still recovering from his lack of one. However, Sheldon decided that the weekly texts he and Amy shared should continue – practice makes perfect.
As it turned out, the day was a total waste of time. Sheldon couldn't calm down at work thanks to the memory of Leonard's erratic driving.
Most of the week was a bust at work as well. He had unsuccessfully tried to research a theory on dark matter (probably his first mistake was researching dark matter in the middle of the day).
Leonard had barely kept up with his obligations since moving in with Penny permanently to prepare for their move. He still purchased dinner, but most of the time, it was late, or incorrect.
Even traditional Monday night Thai wasn't safe. Sheldon's dinner was ruined because their Thai restaurant had closed and Leonard instead had purchased some Thai-Mexican fusion place called Thai-a-Wanna, and the group's conversation only slightly distracted him from the horrible meal as he half-listened to their conversations.
"Whatever happened with that person you wanted to poach from UCLA for Zangen. I never heard."
Bernadette said, "Oh, didn't I tell you? She ran out on dinner and hasn't answered me since."
"So, she just left the restaurant?" Penny asked with a mouth full of curry tacos.
"Yeah...I feel so bad. I mean, for some strange reason I wanted to get to know her, ya know. She seemed so stiff yet still keen to talk. I've called her a lot."
"It's probably just Christmas and New Years, you know… she was busy… Maybe try now the holidays are over."
"Thank you, Jesus." Sheldon blurted out.
Bernadette rolled her eyes and ignored him. "I thought she would be interesting. I looked up her resume and she's really top of her field. I'm mean, if we landed her for the neuroscience division, you'd be able to hock any drug we had and with the bonuses, you could buy that house in Pasadena instead of schlepping up with us in Alta Dena!" Bernadette's eyes widened as she realized she might have said too much.
Penny waved off her concern, "Don't worry. Sheldon knows we're moving out. We had to give a written 90-day notice on Wednesday. He's fine with it." Penny tipped her wine glass to Sheldon with a smile. "He could care less."
"You mean couldn't care less. I could care less, but that would mean I had more care to give, which is the opposite of my current quantitative state of caring." Sheldon's smug smile covered his face.
Penny snapped at him, "I don't care."
"Exactly." Sheldon put down his phone and picked up his deconstructed Mee Krob enchilada with a fork. "Besides, I think it's time I concentrated on myself for a while. I mean, work is stagnant, and I haven't been able to finish one episode of my Flag show since I can't get the camera right."
"Such a shame..." Howard said as he rolled his eyes. "Your audience will be devastated."
Sheldon ignored Howard's remarks, "I think I will make Thursdays a thinking-only day. No distractions. Just pure cognitive bliss. "He looked around the room and announced, "Plan accordingly."
"What about our vintage game night?" Raj asked, almost hurt at the suggestion that vintage game night might be canceled permanently.
"Canceled," Sheldon said proudly. "In fact, maybe I should make it on Friday as well."
"It's your call, Sheldon. We only come over here on Thursdays for you, buddy." Leonard then looked at the group who had stopped talking. "What? We do! He is the only one who wins the games anyway!"
"It's just that it seems we have all moved on from each other" Raj mumbled into his lap. "I guess...Well, I always thought I would be the last one alone." He looked at Sheldon sympathetically, but Sheldon shrugged.
"You are. I have a very satisfying relationship with a female. So, I'm afraid until you get married and the ink is dry, you're the last one." Sheldon smiled and returned to his dinner checking his phone for Amy's text or call.
"The only thing Sheldon gets excited about lately is his phone call with his mysterious girlfriend. Giddy Anticipation." Penny joked.
Sheldon smiled, and surprisingly this time didn't correct her.
Sheldon's proposed new Cognitive Only day on Thursday was not a success. He spent the day staring at a blank whiteboard at home. He had an uneasy feeling; it was as if his skin didn't fit anymore and he couldn't understand why. More than once he turned to say something to an absent Leonard, and even more unnerving was the fact that he didn't have his texts or calls from Amy.
However, he was supposed to think, not chat.
Unfortunately, the more he thought about thinking, the less he did, and at the end of the day, he slumped into his cold bed, defeated. The only thing he had to show for his time was how much he thought about how much he didn't think.
He did the only thing he could think to do. He called Amy.
"Sheldon, I didn't expect you to call today. What happened to Cognitive Only day?"
"I don't want to think about it." He confessed his failure, and despite his dismissal of her suggestion that the recent disruption to his routine could be the cause, she added,
"I think you should keep your social interactions as they are since it's a good distraction and stress alleviator. Change is hard for most people, but most of all you. You're still complaining about that terrible Thai-Mexican food!"
"You didn't have to eat it. However, I have matured beyond the need for social interactions with my previous friends. Besides, believe me, one disruption is not going to cause this level of stress" Sheldon curled his neck to relieve the ache and shifted on his side.
Amy tisked into the phone and said, "Sheldon, why is it that you do not take suggestions for relieving stress, yet create a state of constant anxiety that distracts you from work and social relationships?"
"I do not do that! I just don't feel I need to relieve stress that shouldn't be there to begin with."
"Fine. I have suggested methods you can employ to alleviate stress. Try the mediation I sent you. Just turn your mind off and don't think."
Sheldon rolled his eyes, "The idea is to THINK, Amy. It's cognitive only day. Besides... every time I try it I fall asleep. I don't like mediation."
"Massage would have worked if you tried it." She had attempted to help him. But he couldn't get it right, even with her detailed diagrams.
"Too complicated... I need something else." Massage would have to be a guided exercise, which made him think of the last suggestion, Amy must have read his mind.
"There is the last choice, you know. Re-Read Dr. Hofstadter's book with particular attention to chapter five."
"Chapter five gave me nightmares." Sheldon sighed, "I shouldn't have to contend with my baser urges like a common man."
Amy said calmly, "I would think of it like medicine. Treat it like you would a trip to the proctologist."
Sheldon crossed his legs thinking of the last visit.
Amy continued, "You could have regularly scheduled sessions that would release your tension, like a scheduled self-massage once a day. Or weekly. Masturbation Mondays, or something. It's no different than how some people have to take a two-week vacation every year, or they can't focus."
"I never needed to take vacations, but if I did, my mother would hijack my time for a visit to Texas... However, you do bring up my favorite word."
"Masturbation?"
"No... schedule. I do love scheduled events. My morning ablations run like a German train schedule. I have regular trips to the doctor and I also schedule when I will allow crying fits."
"Good. This is no different. But remember, this is to relieve stress, not create it. So make it fun."
"Fun and masturbation are not normally words that go together in my vocabulary." Sheldon leaned forward and looked around as if someone could hear before he asked. "Out of curiosity, how often do you.. um... perform self-abuse."
Amy was quiet for a moment as if she was thinking, then said, "I wouldn't call what I do self-abuse at all, and I'd say... At least once a day, or maybe more." Amy cleared her throat and asked, "Um, have you ever done this activity? I thought a few weeks ago-"
Sheldon scoffed, and said flatly, "That was a one-time thing." He cleared his throat and said proudly, "However, I doubt I would need to do it that often."
"Well, you decide. So, since Cognitive day is a bust, 'take the L' as the kids say. How about my new game? I was thinking we could rename all the generals of the Civil War to Care Bears, and then redo the battle of Antietam. General McClellan could be FunShine bear and General Lee is obviously-"
"Hold on, I'm not ready. How exactly do you do this?"
"Well, we will make a list of the generals-"
"No, I mean masturbate."
"NOW?" Amy yell hurt Sheldon's ears.
"Why not? Besides, I can't think anyway, I might as well do a mindless activity, besides your game of course."
"Of course." Amy snapped.
"What do you do?" Sheldon asked innocently. "I mean... what do you think about?"
"Well…" Her voice softened and she paused for a moment before she answered, "I just think about... I really don't know. I guess, I just. I don't know Sheldon. It's rather personal. Okay... Well...Start with what arouses you."
"I'm not sure..."
Amy drew in a breath and said in that calm and soothing voice he loved so much, "Think of something so exciting, so exhilarating, you're giddy when it happens. You surge, every electron in your body fires. You have a profound sense of relief and excitement because you know that you want it to happen again. When that feeling is happening, you want to last forever. Have you ever had a feeling like that?"
Sheldon remembered how his friends had described him when waiting for Amy to call. Giddy anticipation. Then when the phone rang, he was euphoric, and the excitement continued. Hearing her voice, listening to her wise words, and comforting tone, it was like a tender kiss, a kiss he wanted every time. He depended on it, it helped him sleep, her voice helped him think, he needed it. Her voice. That was the key.
"I think I have something I can use."
"Good. Then use that."
"It might get awkward." Sheldon could feel his hands become wet with sweat. He rubbed them on his pant leg.
"Oh?"
"Yes... um... I need your voice."
"Oh!" Amy paused for a moment that seemed to last a life time, and then said, "Well, okay... That's okay... I guess I can read Dr. Hofstadter's book to you."
"No. Not that. But...Maybe a fantasy... like-" Sheldon was about to suggest she read his Batman/Catwoman fantasy with her husky voice, but she had other ideas.
Her voice perked up, "I have a fantasy... I have been thinking of lately which I think is rather riveting. It would be a good introduction to the idea of self-massage first before masturbation, and then you can see if you like it. Would you like to hear it?"
"Color me intrigued." Sheldon sat up on his bed and hugged the phone to his ear.
"Are you familiar with Little House on the Prairie?"
"I assume it's about a dwelling in the middle of a grassy field. You're not selling it too well, sister, I have to admit"
"No, it's a television show set in the 1800's. Well, what if a young woman lives by herself in a little house. No one around for miles, but one day, a stranger shows up. A tall dark-haired stranger, with enchanting blue eyes, rounded muscles, and thin lips."
Sheldon smiled at her description, "I think he sounds like a handsome fellow I must say."
"And he has a suspicious mole on his shoulder."
"Quickly losing interest." Sheldon scolded.
"Yes, well, she will discover the mole when she gives him a bath."
"She gives him a bath? Why can't he give himself a bath?"
"She is helping him because he is wounded."
"Wounded? Like from some horrible accident, or some trauma? This story doesn't sound very good so far, I have to say-"
Amy interrupted, "Let's say he was an engineer on a train."
Sheldon leaned forward, "Go on."
"And his train was robbed and they threw him off the train."
"I bet they took his pants and all his stuff..." Sheldon groused, but said with interest, "However...I like the train part. Go on."
"Then a young woman with long brown braids, wearing a cotton dress finds him one day as she is gathering lavender and drags him back to her house. She nurses him back to health with herbs and hot soup and he recovers from his fever."
"FEVER? Is he sick? You know the archaic medicine at that time was one step away from leeches. Do I need a real doctor? Is it SARS? Or that virus going through China now?"
"Sheldon! Calm Down. It's not a virus. It's just from the shock, and besides the point is that you need a bath, lots of nice warm bubbly lavender baths where I rub your whole naked glistening body with soft cloths and sing to you. So...you want my expert command of your central nervous system or what!?"
Sheldon swallowed and did what he was told. "'Yes... please." Sheldon begged.
Amy softened her tone like a kitten's purr. "It's going to be hard to reach in this big brass tub. So I might have to get into the tub with you."
"Do you um, think that is sanitary?"
"I think it's our fantasy and we can imagine it as clean as the UCLA brain lab, if we want... Also, I wanted to touch you. Touch your neck and shoulders."
"My neck does hurt." Sheldon confessed as he rubbed his aching neck, then remembered the fantasy. "The train needed coal, I must have strained something..."
"Oh you poor, engineer! I locate the spot where the scapula meets the acromion process." Amy's voice lowered, and she commanded him, "Do it now. Find that spot."
Sheldon moaned slightly, "Myofascial point...Yes..."
Sheldon remembered the massage technique she had sent him. He had never tried it out, but that night, with her voice guiding him he felt pleasure like never before.
"Following my instructions. Do what I tell you to do." "Good. You're a good listener." Amy praised him.
He found the place, the perfect relief.
He wailed out, "Oh that's nice... Yes... Just...like that...Oh that's it! That's the spot! OH YES! AMY!"
Sheldon laid back on the bed, breathless and relieved.
"That was amazing." Sheldon sighed out. "I don't understand why I couldn't do it before..." Sheldon sat up and said softly, "Your command of the central nervous system is exceptional."
Sheldon then had an amazing thought, and seeing as it was Cognitive Day, he thought the idea was brilliant. "Perhaps we can schedule a regular call about it. Um... like we did to create the story for the NFC 2.0?"
Amy's voice rose up, "I would enjoy that. I love to ignite my fantasy world, and role play in a unique way. You practice this week so our sessions will be more... um... productive. I will as well."
"Okay... now we're talking! Next Thursday, it's a date."
Amy giggled and said, "It's a date."
This chapter was deleted before. If you could, please leave a review that you've seen it. Fan fic . net is being weird
Things are heating up for our favorite couple. I hope you guys don't get too sick on candy today, but if you do, save me the Paydays, I love those!