The house is getting noisier and crazier by the second. Kazama sees Madara slip out, and is half tempted to follow him and tell him the best place to get some solitude. Kazama is not sure why Madara is even there, but she assumes it is so Fugaku can keep an eye on him.
"This is my daughter Karin," Okami is saying to Ikkaku at one end of the room.
"Where were you, Eizo?" Mikoto is demanding of her son at the other end of the room.
"What should we name him?" Shisui is asking Itachi, referring to their baby, who he is now holding.
"We're naming him Karasu," says Itachi firmly.
"That must've been a pretty short labour," says Mikoto, leaving off reprimanding Eizo.
"No," says Madoka, frowning at Itachi. "Itachi's been in labour for probably most of the day, but she never realized because, as Sasuke pointed out, she has an unnaturally high pain tolerance."
"I only felt uncomfortable," says Itachi, sounding only mildly interested in that detail.
Kazama shakes her head. Kids these days.
Ikkaku and Kohari are paying no attention to Itachi and her new baby: they are off to the side hugging the life out of Okami and Karin. Everyone else is staring at the new baby.
Knock knock. Kazama is sure no one else heard, so she heads to the front door to see who is there. Chief Kinoko, her two adopted sons and Kabuto are there. "Hello," says Kazama. "It's turning into quite a party. I hope you brought food."
"We brought pork buns," says Kinoko, handing over the covered basket she is carrying.
"Good, come in," Kazama ushers them inside and shuts the door behind them. She takes them to the kitchen to deposit the food first and discovers a pot full of what looks like the ingredients for tomato soup. Kazama remembers that Mikoto brought it in, and put it down when she hugged Kushina. No one really noticed at the time, because Eizo's disappearance took all their attention. One of the kids must have brought the pot into the kitchen while the adults were all looking for Eizo.
Kinoko deposits her basket beside the pot and they head into the living room.
The moment Jyugo steps into the living room he is hit by a small purple cannonball named Kimiko. "JYUGO!" Kimiko shouts joyfully, wrapping her arms and legs around Jyugo.
"Kimiko!" Jyugo says, astonished.
"Just a heads up for those of you who don't know," says Kinoko, drawing everyone's attention. "Jyugo here occasionally loses it and tries to murder everything. If that happens a strong sharingan genjutsu or some form of restraint that sucks chakra will calm him down."
"Cool," says Kakashi. "At least half of us can stop him, so he'll be fine."
"Hey, Kabuto," says Naruto, grinning.
"Hey Naruto," says Kabuto, grinning back.
"How did Pervy Sage screw his old team mate and not realize, 'tebayo?"
Kabuto laughs. "Well, it went something like this: Flashback no jutsu!"
A dimly lit room appears. Inside is a much younger Kabuto and a female Orochimaru, with a dead male Orochimaru lying beside her. "The transfer was a success," says Orochimaru, looking down at her new body. "I am now in a new body."
"Congratulations," says Kabuto, mixing some slimy liquids together. "Since that is a female body, I wonder if you will start to behave like a woman?"
"That will be interesting to find out," says Orochimaru thoughtfully. "I will take notes." Then a strange expression crosses her face. "I wonder if I am able to get pregnant in this body?"
"What…?" Kabuto's face goes black with confusion.
"Hmm...it would be a very interesting experiment…" Orochimaru muses. "I'll need a sperm donor...and now that my old body is dead, I can't get it from myself...But where am I going to find a man who would happily have sex with a total stranger, no questions asked and not try to find me afterwards when I just vanish?"
"What if you don't get pregnant?" says Kabuto, looking as though he wants no part in this.
"I'll use chakra to ensure it," says Orochimaru, waving away Kabuto's concern. "Now where to find a man who sleeps around so much I'd just be another in a long list…" Orochimaru's eyes widen. "Nope. Not going there."
"Did you think of someone?"
"Yes, and I am not doing it."
"Not even for science?"
"Well...if it's for science…" Orochimaru heads for the door. "I need to think about this." She leaves, muttering about not wanting to, but is his reputation well earned?
"Then, a few days later," says present day Kabuto.
The scenery changes to a different room. Orochimaru is banging her head against a wall saying, "It's for science! It's for science! It's for science! It's for science! It's for science! It's for science! It's for science! It's for science!"
"Er, Lord Orochimaru?" says Kabuto, who is standing in the doorway looking concerned. "What are you doing?"
"Psyching myself up," Orochimaru says, pausing in her headbanging. "And it's Lady Orochimaru now. I'm going to find that man and see if I can get pregnant. I will also gain the answer to a question I have been wanting the answer to for a long time."
"What question?"
"Never mind."
"You'd better do it quickly before you lose your nerve," says Kabuto. "If you are going to do it." he closes the door and leave Orochimaru to her latest whim.
"The early hours of the next morning," says present day Kabuto.
The scene changes again. This time Kabuto is heading for the shower with a towel over his arm and a toothbrush in his hand. He passes Orochimaru's room and stops to stare. Orochimaru is lying face down on the floor saying, "It was for science! It was for science! It was for science! It was for science! It was for science!"
"Lady Orochimaru?" says Kabuto, looking disturbed.
Orochimaru turns her head. "It was a success," she says. "And DAMN his reputation is well earned."
"Is that your question?" guesses Kabuto. "Whether this guy's reputation is well earned or not?"
"Something like that," says Orochimaru.
"Some months later," says Kabuto.
Again the scene changes. Orochimaru is lying in bed with Kabuto beside her and a baby in her arms. "She's perfect," says Orochimaru. "What are the DNA readings?"
"There is no trace of your host's DNA in her. Somehow, it is only yours and her father's - who ever he is," says Kabuto.
"I see," says Orochimaru, looking pleased. "That is good. I shall name her Kimiko. She is too precious for this shinobi world. She must stay pure and innocent and not be a shinobi."
"Yes, Lady Orochimaru," says Kabuto.
"After that," Kabuto explains. "Orochimaru raised Kimiko by basically mother-henning her as much as possible. Several of the other Sound ninjas would bully Kimiko when Orochimaru wasn't around. She never told her mother, but Kimimaro, Jyuugo and I knew, and we respected her desire not to tell Orochimaru, and we defended her whenever we could. And before you ask: we did not tell Orochimaru because if we did there was a high chance that Orochimaru would simply shut Kimiko in her room to protect her."
"I didn't want to be even more over-protected," says Kimiko, dropping back down to the floor and holding Jyugo's hand. "And if I got shut up in my room I wouldn't be able to visit Jyugo - he wasn't allowed out of his room for safety reasons."
Kinoko smiles at Kimiko. "Don't worry, little girl, you can see Jyugo as much as you want while you are here in the Leaf."
"Thanks, Lady," says Kimiko, shyly. "Who are you?"
"I'm Kimimaro and Jyugo's new mother," says Kiniko. "I found them in the forest and they're mine now."
"I don't remember Kinoko being this crazy," Kushina whispers to Mikoto.
"She's high on cactus juice," Mikoto whispers back. "It's Rasa's kids' doing."
"I am not on the juice right at this moment, Mikoto," says Kinoko crisply.