I think we are back, folks! You all have been so wonderfully patient, I wanted to give you an extra chapter for your Friday. I really want to thank all of you for your support while Fan Fiction was working out whatever the heck they were working out.

Here we go!

Amy

Amy was just about to leave work for the day, when her phone lit up. She rolled her eyes on seeing the caller id and answered the phone in a huff. "Mother, why are you calling me, you know I am busy this week."

Amy wasn't busy. In fact, she had very little on her schedule, but the last thing she wanted to do was talk to her mother, especially as she knew exactly what the conversation was going to be about.

"Don't give me that nonsense. You have nothing going on and you know it. Now... Amy dear...you know it's already two months into the new year. 2020 is the limit I had for you to find a man without my intervention. You still have not kept your promise, and don't try to include that date you had to your cousins wedding. That was a family commitment and you know it. You have to try and get yourself out there, honey. You're not getting any younger if you ever want to have children."

"Mother, we have talked about this. If I want to have children, I'll go to the high IQ sperm bank and be done with it. End of story."

"A father is very important in a child's life. Your father could use some work, sure, but that's no reason-"

"Mother... I'll schedule something soon. I promise." Amy got off the phone and was just about to pack her laptop away when the phone rang again: Her father this time.

"Amy... it's your father."

"Yes, dad, I know." Amy rolled her eyes and sighed. It was going to be a long evening.

"Yes, well, your mother is concerned..." Amy heard mumbling on the phone and then her father returned to the call, "I mean we are concerned that this bluestocking lifestyle will result in... " there was a pause and then she heard her father call out, "...what's this word, I can't read it."

Amy shook her head, and said, "Dad, tell mom you talked to me and that I'm going to make a date this week. I promise. Don't let her push you around so much."

Amy's father let out a relieved sigh and said, "Yes... well, thank you. So... do we keep talking?"

"No, dad. You're good. Bye." Amy hung up the phone and let out a huge sigh. She had better get a date soon or her poor father would be bullied into calling every day.

At one point she had thought about using the date with Sheldon as proof of her having completed her annual task, but her mother always asked three questions following the date: What was his full name so she could do a background check, what did he do for a living and what did he look like. She did not think that one out of three would satisfy her mother, so she had decided against it.

She was about to search the web for a dating site when the phone rang again. She picked it up without looking and screamed into the phone.

"I am trying to schedule a date with some poor unsuspecting soul as we speak! Get off my back!"

"Oh, sorry. Have I called at a bad time?" The voice on the other line eked out like a mouse.

Amy checked the caller ID on the phone. It was Penny.

"Forgive me, Penny. Not, I just thought it was my mother calling. She wants me to schedule a date so I won't be an old spinster. That Foreman grill 4 years ago has a lot to answer for."

"I don't know what you mean about grills, but if dates are what you want, I heard of this circuit dating. It's in a safe space and you can date over 20 people at once. Cull the herd so to speak and not waste time."

"That sounds... unbelievable!"

"Yeah, my friend Raj tried it last year. He got a few prospects but they fizzled out. I'll send you the info if you like."

"Thanks so much." Amy was about to get off the phone then asked, "Oh sorry, why are you calling?"

"Well, I was going to see if you were interested in grabbing a coffee so that I can pick your brains about a friend of mine that's going through a hard time. He's upset we are moving, and I could use your brain magic to figure him out. But since you're going to go on a date, let's go shopping instead!"

"That sounds amazing! This Friday?" Amy made plans with Penny and hung up. She was just about to leave when her annoying co-worker slithered into her lab and leaned against the door as she said with a sneer, "So... Looking for a date huh? Have I got the person perfect for ya!"

Sheldon

Last Saturday's shopping trip with Leonard was a harrowing experience, but Sheldon felt vindicated for Leonard's blatant disregard for their agreed-upon schedule. One would think that Leonard would have wanted to spend as much time as he could with Sheldon before he abandoned him, but it had been obvious that that assumption had been wrong, and the slight had stuck with Sheldon. He had snapped at Leonard through the whole shopping experience, made him promise to take Sheldon to a film for his virtual date with Amy the following Monday, and just for spite, had picked the furthest theatre showing the documentary making Leonard drive all the way to Westwood near UCLA. A choice that had backfired thanks to the lack of proper candy at the theater.

Sheldon was just finishing up dinner on Thursday when her call came in over 3 hours early. His weekly physical release schedule with Amy had quickly become his favorite day of the week. Sheldon adored his new solitary schedule and he was elated that she had the same regard for timeliness. Given this attribute, he was curious about the early alert for their nightly conversation.

"Good evening, Amy... A little early for our call. You didn't suddenly fly to the East Coast and happened to be calling me at 7:00 EST?"

"I wish I was on the East Coast. No, I just had a rather disturbing conversation with my co-worker who was trying to fix me up on a date with her cousin."

"I see." Sheldon took a large sip of water to wash down the lump in his throat. He stood up to throw what was left of his dinner away.

"Her cousin is a 300 pound WBA player that loves cat videos."

"What is WBA?"

"Women's basketball. I don't know what is more insulting: The fact that I would date an athlete or that she said it was the best I could do given my track record."

"You mean because she is a woman?"

"Not at all. It's because she has her own website dedicated to cats who dress up as old Presidents. Her most popular videos are Abracat Lincoln and Kitty Buchanan. "

Sheldon immediately went to his laptop and asked, "Where are these videos? That sounds adorable!"

"Maybe she is right..." Amy sighed.

"About Abracat Lincoln?"

"No! My Mother. About going on dates..."

"I don't know your dating history, but I think you could do better than a person who gets paid to throw an orange ball into a basket, or hoops as the kids say. Did you know the first hoop was not a hoop per se, but a peach basket, hence the term: Basket Ball?"

"I did know that fact... but I wonder..."

"I do too! It should be called Peach ball! We should start that trend!"

"No! I wonder if she was right! I mean about dating."

Sheldon felt the need to swallow the moisture in his mouth and cleared his throat. He suddenly decided that he needed a cup of tea. Possibly Red Zinger given the subject matter, or hot apple cider and cinnamon sticks. He went to the kitchen and filled the kettle as he continued the conversation.

"I don't see why you would waste your time. Remember, the last date you went on? The man had coitus with your cousin!" His voice cracked as he burned his hand on the stove.

"That was not the last date I went on, but I see your point. I do hate wasting time."

Sheldon smiled, "You're right! It wasn't the last date! We went to the movies "virtually" together. I still think that counts, no matter what Sleepy says!"

"Sheldon... It really doesn't count."

"It does! Just because we weren't in the room together doesn't mean anything! We spoke before the movie, and afterwards to berate the director's casting choices. It was the best date! We were with each other the whole time! Just because we weren't seated next to each other doesn't mean it didn't count! Besides, you can't talk in a movie anyway. Well, you can... but that is rude, as I pointed out to Wheezy before the movie started."

Sheldon paused for breath, annoyed. He had already had this discussion with Penny when he and Leonard had returned from his movie date. She had berated him, saying that it was a farce. However, Sheldon was adamant that the date was the best date he had ever. But Penny had dismissed his argument saying that he actually had nothing to compare it with and then she gave him the death blow. She said it didn't count as a real date because he hadn't kissed his date good night. Penny did not know that Sheldon had visualized kissing Amy good night in his pillow when he had gone to bed, just like their Thursday evening physical sessions. To Sheldon, it was as good a date as any, and in fact, he would argue it was better.

He could hear her breathing on the other end of the phone, and then, after a heavy sigh, Amy said, "Sheldon... I loved our movie night and all our sessions, but there comes a time that a person might need real physical contact."

"I don't. I never did, and I am doing just fine. What we have is good enough for me."

"I know that. I know it's perfect for you and I would never ask you to change it."

Sheldon returned to the couch to sit for a moment as the kettle boiled. "Good. I am glad we can put all this nonsense behind us." He leaned back in his spot and let out a relaxed sigh.

"However..."

He sat up and asked nervously, "However what?"

"It might not be enough for me...I now think I may need more." Amy's quiet voice was barely audible over the whistle of the kettle.

"MORE!?" Sheldon ran to the kitchen to remove the kettle but his voice stayed at the same level, "How much more could you possible need?"

"I don't know, Sheldon. I am not asking you..."

Sheldon cut off anything she had to say with a cry. "We do physical things...?" Sheldon cupped the phone whispering, even though he was in the apartment alone. "Need I remind you of last Thursday evening?"

"You do not. Not at all."

Sheldon could have sworn if blushing was audible, he heard it on the line. He smiled with pride as he filled his tea cup with hot water. He imagined her flushed face would match the red hue of the tea steeping in his cup. "But..."

Sheldon stopped dunking his tea bag and let out a sigh, "But what?"

"Those are things we do by ourselves."

Sheldon said nothing and started to dunk his teabag again, but more vigorously. Amy finally said, "Sheldon..." She stopped for a moment and drew in a long breath, "I am not asking you do anything or make ANY changes whatsoever. I like how we are."

Sheldon's shoulders relaxed, "So nothing changes?"

"I'll make sure of it."

Sheldon took his tea and sat back in his spot on the couch. He had had enough of changes this week: Leonard moving, changes in his shopping days, no jujubes at the movies and now this hootenanny. It was too much.

"How... um... are you going to find these people you will date? More weddings with handsy men who grab your posterior?"

"I don't know. I thought it would be great if you could screen dates before you try them. I've tried dating sites, but those are..."

"Nothing but hokum! They prey on the desperate."

"That is true. I have heard of a place where you can date 20 men at once."

"Yeah, it's called a brothel!"

"No, Sheldon. I think I should try this circuit dating I've heard of recently. Seems efficient and by luck, there is one close to this coffee shop I've been to before. Your dates only last 10 minutes and then you go to the next person. Seems perfect. I can be done with my annual obligation for my mother and get this out of my system."

Sheldon calmed when she said getting it out of her system. Sheldon suggested, "So like an experiment?"

"Yes, just like that."

"If it's truly an experiment, then you need to collect data on all your dates so we can scrutinize each one through a rigor-"

"Sheldon, I'm going to do this on my own. You don't need to be involved. It would violate our friendship agreement."

Sheldon had a familiar feeling of being left out, like his sister's sleepovers, or his father's football game nights with his friends. He shoved the feeling of abandonment down like the hot liquid burning his throat and said, "Fine...I think that might be an acceptable means to appease your mother. And it sounds efficient, but can you really know everything about a person in ten minutes?"

"I don't need to know everything, just enough to know they aren't a louse or worse, an Art History major."

Sheldon sipped his tea, "Well, I think if I was ever in need of a date then that would seem to be an efficient method. Good thing I am content to rely on my own sparkling personality to entertain my evenings. Some days, the best conversations are the ones I have in my own head."

"Some days, the best conversations I have are with you."

"Agreed." Sheldon sipped his red zinger wishing now he had picked chamomile. His hands were shaking and his jaw tensed up. "Now, do you wish to continue with our session later, or are you too busy doing makeup tutorials and the like."

"I would like to continue as if nothing changes. I will call you back at nine PM."

Sheldon hung up then reviewed the evening's scenario.

He had crafted a brilliant session which included a Princess Leah costume and Han Solo emerging from Carbonite, but as Sheldon tried to mentally and physically prepare, he decided to scrap the whole script. He had a new plot he wanted to try.

Amy called at exactly 9:00 PM.

"Okay Amy... You are trapped in a dungeon under a library, tied up with a ball and chain."

"Oooh. Bondage, how exciting. How bold! How-"

"You also have your mouth gagged. Now... May I continue?"

Amy mumbled, "Um uh..."

Sheldon continued his story, however during the session, he kept imaging Amy with different men, each one enamored by her wit, her beauty and most of all, her mind. He had to save her three times from would be stalkers and ner'er-do-wells intent on trapping her in the cookbook section of the library. Amy loved the complicated plot and story line.

Breathless, she said, "I must say, I do love your possessiveness in this fantasy."

"Yes, fantasy... sure. Now, come with me to this part of the library so I can show you what a real scholar can do."

They escaped and made love on a stack of science books. He told her every place on her soft body he would kiss, covet, and cherish all while Amy moaned out. He wouldn't let her climax until the appropriate time, one of his choosing.

"Not yet, Amy. Keep going."

"I can't." She whimpered, but her ragged breath told him that at that moment he controlled her, he was in charge. He loved knowing she trusted him, with every synapse in her body, she trusted him. She made him feel that he could do anything, and it would be okay. She would never think of him as less than perfect. He would never disappoint her.

"You will. Now, touch yourself again, in this order. Do precisely what I say."

"Yes, Sheldon." She moaned as she followed his precise instructions.

When Amy climaxed, he insisted she continue, repeating the action. Over an hour later, Amy's husky voice begged him to stop. He agreed.

Sheldon, with a smug satisfied voice said proudly, "I doubt your dates would be so... detailed."

"I should hope not, for my sake and my neighbors." Amy said, in a soft voice, "Good night, Sheldon."

Sheldon readied himself for bed, but stared at the ceiling for hours before he was able to fall asleep.

The next day, Friday, Sheldon invited Raj over to his apartment to get some information about circuit dating. As they ate pizza and sipped on grape nehi soda, Raj filled Sheldon in on his experience of circuit dating.

"It was a bust."

"Oh, thank god." Sheldon blurted out.

"What? I thought you wanted to try this out? Leonard said you've been moody and lonely."

"I am not moody or lonely, I just need to prove that whole process is a farce."

Raj melted in his chair, "I hoped you were going to give it a go, perhaps you would finally find your special someone. I mean if Sheldon Cooper could find true love, there would be hope for all of us."

"Love? Ha!" Sheldon laughed and started to peel the label off his soda bottle. As he fidgeted, he said with certainty, "True love is an idea based on false expectations, and eventually leads to disappointment and a distraction from pure logic and reason. It's just brain funny juice and false hope, and more importantly, there is no hope for anyone to find a person based on a 10-minute short conversation. It's just a colossal waste of time."

"Well, that sounds like my dating experience for sure." Raj stopped and cocked his head in confusion, "So... why are you doing this?"

"I have to stop a very special person from making the biggest mistake of her life. So as long as I am breathing, I'll make sure she doesn't find happiness with anyone else!" Sheldon slammed down his grape soda on the coffee table. "So spill it, Koothrappali!"

"Easy... Okay... Well the whole experience was wonderful at first. I had fun talking to the women who, for once...had to talk back to me. I had a real connection with one of the women, so much so that I didn't want to leave when the timer was up. She was beautiful, and a talented baker. Best of all, she loved scrapbooking for her dog as much I do. She had the kind of eyes that make you want to be better, you know?"

Sheldon didn't know, but let Raj continue.

"But, as with all the women who seem perfect at first, she never returned my email so I gave up. That's when I decided to give in and ask my parents to find me a bride. But even that experience was a waste of time." Raj told Sheldon Misha had returned to India to pursue her dream of mushroom farming. The wedding was off. "Maybe, as you say, it's all just brain funny juice and false hope."

Raj shook his head despondently and set to help Sheldon with his quest. There were over six speed dating events in the Los Angeles area scheduled for the next week, but Sheldon had a good idea which one Amy would be attending based on the clues she had unknowingly given him.

Raj helped him sign up for the relevant dating site. They asked for limited information to protect the anonymity of the person involved and to prevent ne're-do-wells or would-be stalkers from pestering the patrons.

He had to show up at the Pasadena Hilton at 6:30 for registration on February 29th. And since Raj's latest fiancée had decided to go back to India to pursue her fungus obsession and not get married, he had agreed to accompany Sheldon. Raj leaned back in his chair and said with a sigh, "Who knows, maybe you will find someone who makes you feel special. Makes you feel like you can do anything, be anything. Everything clicks when you're with her. A woman like that, you'd never want to let her go."

"Already got one of those." Sheldon raised his bottle to Raj and finished off the last of his grape nehi.

Well well well...What do you think our Sheldon could be planning... and how will Amy react? All will be revealed! On our next episode... I mean chapter. eheheh. Thanks again for your reviews!