Hiashi wishes he brought popcorn. He really does. The Village as a collective looks like it's not sure if it should riot or cheer.
"Please, by all means: panic and riot if you must," says Fugaku calmly. "However, bear in mind that if you do, the Police will arrest every single one of you for endangering the general public. If you are unsure how to respond to these developments, go home, think about it and cry in a corner. After all, the Bloody Habanero is back, and she'll want to know ALL the details of her son's life."
Hiashi watches the colour drain out of the faces of most of the village. The Police look very, very smug. About as smug as Hiashi feels.
"Who's the Bloody Habanero?" Madara whispers to Hiashi.
"That would be Kushina Uzumaki," Hiashi whispers back.
"What exactly is the threat here?" whispers Madara.
"Naruto's a jinchuuriki, she's his mother: you fill in the blanks."
Hiashi watches understanding dawn on Madara. "Ah," he says. "I'd feel sorry for them, but I'm glad they're panicking about an Uzumaki over me."
"Fugaku knows what he's doing," shrugs Hiashi. Hiashi desperately hopes that statement is true.
"Yes Lord Hokage," mumbles the general populace, and almost everyone slinks home - presumably to cry in a corner.
A few people remain - all people who were kind or at least neutral about Naruto. Someone calls out, "So where's the Fourth then?"
"Oh, I'm right here!" calls Minato, from his corner of what's left of the crowd. "The Yellow Flash is BACK! And no, I won't be signing autographs."
"AWWWWW!" someone groans in disappointment.
"ALRIGHT!" Fugaku claps his hands together. "You are all dismissed. Go home, make a cup of tea and collect your kids from school, get your washing in, or whatever else you need to do."
The crowd disperses with cries of, "Ah, I forgot about the washing!" and "Dammit, my cup of tea that I forgot is cold by now!"
"Lord Hokage," says Koharu sternly. "Naruto's identity is an S Rank secret of the highest order. Was that wise?"
"It's not anymore, and yes it was," says Fugaku, grinning wickedly. "Now no one cares about the Madara situation because Naruto is the Fourth Hokage's kid, Kushina is back and oh no, they were mean to the little ray of chaotic sunshine."
Lord Third smiles grimly. "I'm am sure Naruto won't sell anyone out, but I can't say the same for Kazama. Kushina will have her hands full dealing with the idiots who thought they could mistreat Naruto while our backs were turned."
"Haha, I will volunteer a few names," says Hiashi. "And I'm sure Hinata will too."
"I'll have to make sure Kushina knows not to kill anyone," says Fugaku, heading off to do just that. "I can't have her wiping out most of the village."
After a relatively light dinner of instant ramen, Kushina, Minato, Kazama, Arashi, Naruto, Burifu, Jiraiya and Kimiko sit in the living room and chat about this and that, and nothing of importance. Kohari, Ikkaku, Namiko and Mei are upstairs with Iruka, who is back in bed. All the children have had baths except Burifu, who is covered in mud and very happy about it. Kushina wonders exactly what kind of upbringing this kid has had so far.
"Well Naruto," says Minato, grinning his adorkable grin. "We've missed all of your birthdays, so how about this: you can have anything you want - anything at all."
Naruto looks from one parent to the other and then a grin blossoms across his face. "I want a baby brother," he says. "And bunkbeds to share with him."
Kushina's insides melt from the cuteness. Here's her son, who is nearly 14, and he could ask for anything at all. But all he wants is a brother and set of bunk beds. Kushina catches Minato's eye and gives him her best 'you are getting laid tonight' look. "Of course," she says, feeling all emotional. "We'll do our best to get you a little brother. Then once you have him, you can pick out some bunk beds."
"YES!" Naruto hugs Kushina, and then Minato and then squeezes himself in between them, grinning from ear to ear.
Kazama stands, walks over to Burifu, pulls the girl to her feet and says, "Come on, Burifu. You need a bath."
"No," says Burifu firmly.
"You are going to take a bath," says Kazama, attempting to pull Burifu towards the stairs.
"NO!" screams Burifu, digging in her heels. "I WON'T!"
"Yes you will," says Kazama calmly, trying to drag the brat to the bathroom.
Burifu goes limp, so that she is too heavy for the poor woman to drag. "I WON'T!"
Kushina can see the child is too much for Kazama. It's a good thing the cavalry's here. And by cavalry, Kushina means herself, of course. She stands and walks over to Kazama. "Let me handle this," says Kushina, putting her hand on Kazama's shoulder and smiling gently.
"Be my guest," says Kazama, releasing Burifu. "This is why I gave her the first bath when she was too miserable to fight back." Kazama goes back to her seat.
Kushina looks down at Burifu, wondering what the best approach to take is. Probably the most direct. What would I do if she was my child? Wonders Kushina. Spank her backside, probably. "Burifu, get up and go to the bathroom," says Kushina firmly. "You are going to take a bath."
"No I'm not," says Burifu without budging.
Kushina bends down and pulls Burifu up by her T-shirt. "When I say you are going to take a bath, that means you are going to take a bath."
"NO!" screams Burifu, and kicks Kushina.
Kushina responds by slapping Burifu across the face. "Do not kick me."
Burifu twists around at an unnatural angle and bites Kushina hard.
She's like a wild animal, thinks Kushina. She doesn't understand that we are trying to help her. She's probably never met anyone who is not fazed by her behaviour, either. If I don't lay down the law now, she will never listen to me, or anyone, ever again.
Frustrated that Kushina did not budge, or even react to her bite, Burifu flails about, hitting and kicking Kushina.
Kushina slaps her again. "Stop that. You are not a wild animal."
"I WON'T TAKE A BATH!" screams Burifu. "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME, EH!"
"Yes I can," says Kushina, and she wraps the little half-wild girl up in a chakra chain. "Now how about we go and take a bath?"
"NO! NO!" Burifu struggles against Kushina's chain, but to no avail.
Kushina heads upstairs to the bathroom, humming cheerfully to herself. She runs a fresh lot of bathwater and fills it with bubbles. Then she undresses Burifu, who struggles and fights every step of the way. Kushina notices a glint of fear behind all the defiance, so she takes off her own clothes and shows Burifu how taking a bath works. It's nothing to be scared of, really. Kushina shows Burifu how to wash herself, rinse herself off under the shower and forces the kid to do those things using her chakra chain. Then into the bath they go, where Burifu sits tensely, glaring at Kushina. Kushina simply leans back and relaxes. Kushina is reminded of a feral dog that has been rescued, subjected to the necessary (but traumatizing) clean up and is now wary of being cleaned.
Burifu continues to glare at Kushina.
"Relax," says Kushina, scooping up a handful of bubbles and popping them on Burifu's head. "This is going to be a daily occurrence, so you might as well get used to it. And who knows, if you stop resisting, you might even come to enjoy taking a bath."
"No," says Burifu, pouting.
"Well I guess we'll never be able to take you to the hot springs, then," says Kushina sadly, as if that is a great tragedy.
Burifu falls for it, hook, line and sinker. "The hot springs? I've never been to the hot springs. I want to go, eh."
"Then learn to take a bath," says Kushina, sternly. "And we'll take you some time."
"Okay," says Burifu, nodding slowly. "But only if I can go to the hot springs, eh."
"What's this 'eh' business, 'tebane?"
"It's what Grandpa used to say," says Burifu, shyly. "I'm gonna say it to, to remember him."
Kushina pats Burifu's hair. "Cutie."
They soak in the bath for a little longer, and Kushina eventually removes her chain. Burifu doesn't even seem to notice. By that time, she has discovered the joys of the bubbles. When the bubbles are gone, Kushina decides they've been in the bath long enough. Several minutes later, Kushina descends the stairs wrapped in a towel with Burifu, also wrapped in a towel. They are holding hands - now fast friends.