AN: Sorry for the late update. Merry Christmas from New Zealand.
Three Hundred and Fifty Eight
Before the Guards have even set foot on the sand, children are running through the water to tackle them with hugs and cries of, "Mummy!" and "Daddy!"
And why the heck did none of them mention they have families? Kurama demands, suddenly very annoyed with his adorable Guards.
The older male Guards have wives and the older female Guards have husbands, while the younger Guards greet their parents and finances. They all have very boring families, Kurama notices. One or two kids apiece, with the exception of Sei, who has three. However, Sei is so boring that his family is as plain and ordinary as he is. While the other Guards have very interesting looking kids, Sei has an 11 year old son who looks just like him, a nine year old daughter who looks just like him and a seven year old daughter who looks just like his wife, who has curly blond hair and the most housewifey outfit Kurama has ever seen.
Off to one side, Kurama notices a boy, about twelve, looking at the crowd of guards with a disappointed expression on his face. Go over to that kid and ask who he is looking for, Kurama orders. Naruto heads over and asks. The boy replies that he is looking for his parents. Then he names the dead Guard and the crippled Guard.
Kurama! What do I tell him? Naruto asks, upset. I knew those two were married, but I didn't know they had a son!
Bring him in here, says Kurama, sighing. This is his duty to take care of. I will tell him the bad news.
Yes Mr. Kurama, says Naruto, and puts his hand on the boy's shoulder. "Mr. Kurama wants to talk to you," he tells the boy, and brings him into the seal.
Kurama is glad the seal is a bit tidier than last time Naruto brought someone over. It is much better lit, there aren't any leaky pipes and the gates had a good polish. Kurama waves his tails about majestically and looks down at the boys.
"This is Mr. Kurama," says Naruto, by way of introduction. "He's my Guardian Angel, dattebayo."
Kurama growls at Naruto. "I am not your Guardian Angel, brat! Now get in here so I can stick a hole in you!"
"I'm telling my Dad on you!" says Naruto, a leaves the seal, leaving the dead Guard's son behind.
While Naruto yells for his father so he can complain about Kurama yelling at him, Kurama turns his attention to the other kid. "Listen boy, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but your father is dead. We are actually here to bury him. Your mother is in hospital because she had her legs crushed. She will be in a wheelchair for the rest of her life."
The boy stares up Kurama, tears filling his eyes. "But...I haven't seen them in so long...and now my Dad is dead and my Mum is crippled! It's not fair!"
"No, it's not," says Kurama. "But if you wish to come to the Leaf to be with your mother, I am sure no one will mind."
Minato appears in the seal with Naruto. "What's going on in here?" he asks.
Kurama turns to Minato. "I was just telling this kid that his father is dead and his mother is in hospital."
"Oh, I see," says Minato, sadly. "And what's this business about a Guardian Angel?"
"Ask your father," says Kurama, glaring at Minato. "I can guarantee he will just laugh. He does that about a lot of the bull crap Naruto pulls."
"What?" Minato gets that dumb, confused grin on his face.
"Naruto got it into his head that I am his Guardian Angel," explains Kurama, wondering how a genius can be such a ditz. "Please set him straight."
"Naruto, what makes you think that Kurama is your Guardian Angel?" demands Minato, crossing his arms.
"He's been there for me my whole life," says Naruto, without missing a beat. "He heals my cuts and bruises, he cures any poison I ingest (I learned that word from Kakashi sensei), he lends me his chakra when I need help in a bad situation and he's my friend!"
"Well, when you put it that way…" says Minato, tipping his head to one side thoughtfully. He turns his head to look at Kurama. "You're his Guardian Angel. Deal with it."
"That's it, out of my room!" says Kurama, and kicks all three humans out. Dumb humans! Naruto definitely takes after his parents. It's a pity he didn't get more of his grandparents. Kushina's insane parents pop up in Kurama's mind and he amends that thought. Paternal Grandparents.
Son Goku, King of the Water Screen Cave, the mighty Four Tails, is bored. His human, Roshi, is not the talkative type. He doesn't even talk to himself, let alone Son. Since Roshi lives in the middle of nowhere, completely alone he, of course, has not uttered a word in almost a month. Son gave up trying to make conversation a long time ago.
Son wishes something would happen. Anything. Anything at all.
At that precise moment, ten people appear out of seemingly nowhere. Five men and five women, all wearing dark red gis and white headbands with long tails that stream out behind them. They have long, black staffs with silver caps at each end in their hands. One has a small monkey on his shoulder and one has a long monkey tail.
Not the brightest of humans, Roshi attacks them.
Son sighs.
His Guards, for that is who these ten are, simply open a hole in the ground underneath Roshi and bat away his jutsu as if it is nothing. Roshi falls into the hole, unhurt but annoyed. Son could tell Roshi who these people are, but Roshi made it clear that Son is not to talk to him. Well what can a Monkey King do but comply?
Roshi scrambles to his feet and tries to draw on Son's power. Son, without a word, refuses to give him any. The Guards stand at the top of the pit and look down at Rishi.
"Calm down," says one. "Don't you know who we are?"
"No," says Roshi, then he has to clear his throat because he has not spoken in so long. "Who are you and what do you want with me?"
"We are Son Goku's Guards," says a different Guard. "We want you to come with us to the Water Screen Cave."
What is this? Roshi demands, finally talking to Son. Why didn't you say anything?
You told me not to speak to you, remember? Says Son smugly. I was only following orders. Now ask them how they found us.
For once, Roshi listens to Son. He was probably going to ask anyway. "How did you find me?"
US! Son roars. Is that so hard?!
Shut up! Snaps Roshi.
"Oh, that's simple," says one of the Guards. "Flashback no jutsu!"
The scenery changes to a magnificent cave behind a rushing waterfall. The Guards look up from polishing the great pillars supporting the cave as two shinobi burst through the water screen. One shinobi is a young, blond Earth ninja and the other is an old rogue Waterfall ninja.
"Nice cave," says the Earth ninja, tossing her ponytail. "I want to turn it into art."
"No, Deidara," snaps the other ninja. "We are here to pass on a message. The leader will not be pleased with you if you blow this place up!"
"Fine," Deidara's shoulders slump.
"Now, how much to charge for the information?" muses the Waterfall ninja.
"HEY!" yells Deidara waving her fists about. "IF I CAN'T BLOW THEM UP, YOU DON'T GET TO CHARGE THEM FOR THE INTEL, KAKUZU!"
"Excuse me," says the Guard closest to the intruders. "Who are you two and why are you here?"
"We are with Akatsuki," says Kakuzu. "Currently, Akatsuki is reuniting the Biju Guards with their Biju because there is a malevolent evil trying to capture the biju and recreate the Ten Tails."
"We are here to tell you where you can find the Four Tails Jinchuuriki!" chimes in Deidara, pulling out a photograph of Roshi. "This is Roshi, the Four Tails' jinchuriki. You'll find him in the middle of nowhere in the Land of Earth, being an antisocial hermit. Now if you'll excuse us, I have to go make art, and he has to go make money." The two Akatsuki leap back through the water screen, leaving a group of very stunned Guards behind them.
"And then we spread the news and came to find you," says the Guard, ending his strange, but ingenious jutsu. "Now come with us to the Water Screen Cave."
"No," Roshi refuses.
"Let me rephrase that," says another Guard, his eyebrows forming an angry 'V'. "You are coming with us to the Water Screen Cave, where we will protect you and Son Goku as per our duty: the duty handed down to us by our ancestors, who received this task from the Sage of Six Paths himself."
Roshi, the Hidden Stone will never find you in the Water Screen Cave, says Son, deciding some buttering-up is needed. If you go with them we will be treated like royalty - I am their king, after all. They will protect you with their lives in case they lose me again and if you want to be left alone they will leave you alone - but only if you are safely inside the Water Screen Cave.
Is the Water Screen Cave the place you know of where the Stone will never find us? Asks Roshi. Apparently he remembers the things Son said to him, even if he did not want to listen. Maybe Roshi is just a giant tsundere like Kurama.
So you were listening, after all, says Son. Yes, and we could've been living the high life if you'd listened to me from the start.
Roshi looks up at Son's Guards and sighs. "Well since there is no getting out of it, I will go with you."
Son's Guards let out a great cheer, lift Roshi out of the pit and hug him as one big group. Roshi manages to fight them off, making it clear hugging is not allowed. Then together they go home, to the Water Screen Cave, where Son Goku is king.