The eight Guards who are left gather in the training room to meet with Kurama and Naruto - but mostly Kurama. Naruto, switch, says Kurama. This will go more smoothly if I talk to them directly.
Naruto switches with Kurama, so that Kurama is in control and Naruto is sitting back watching. If we do this too often, the seal will start to unravel, says Naruto. We need to get our hands on the key so we can switch back and forth freely.
Ask your father about it later, says Kurama, and turns his attention to the assembled Guards. "First things first," Kurama says. "Why did none of you say ANYTHING, ANYTHING AT ALL, about having families?"
"We knew you would send most of us off to be with them," says Sei firmly. "And with the looming danger from Zetsu we could not afford to leave you unguarded. We chose to keep quiet until Zetsu was defeated so we could protect you properly."
"Well that won't be necessary any more," says Kurama, crossing Naruto's arms. He can see where they are coming from, but he wishes they had mentioned their families all the same. "With Minato and Kushina back, I only need about half of you at a time. You can all take it in turns to guard me, so that no one is away from their family for very long. There might even be enough room in the Guard barracks for you to have your families stay with you sometimes, although you will need to ask Kazama."
"Yes, Kurama," the Guards mumble, shuffling their feet and looking rather pleased, but also embarrassed.
"Now the second order of business," says Kurama. "Choosing the new Guards. How do you generally select the new Guards?"
"We put them through one of the tests…" begins Sei.
"The same tests I used?"
"Well, yes," says Sei. "We try to change them up a bit each time, and we make sure to watch out for people who are just playing the test to get in."
"I will handle the testing this time," says Kurama.
What are you going to do? Asks Naruto, excited.
You'll see. "I am going to ask Minato and Kushina to help me," Kurama says, aloud. "Gather all the candidates. In order to avoid cheating, both the male and the female candidates will be tested at the same time, but in different locations."
"He wants us to put them through the Bell Test?" says Minato, staring at Naruto.
"Yep," says Naruto, grinning. "Mr. Kurama says that he wants you to test the boys and Mum to test the girls. That way the group that goes first can't tell the second group the answer to the test, 'tebayo."
"Only one person can pass, right?" says Kushina. "What are we looking for?"
"Teamwork, honesty, loyalty, strength - the qualities the Bell Test tests for, basically," says Naruto. "Mr. Kurama says to choose people you would trust to protect me, 'tebayo."
Minato and Kushina grin, and it is terrifying. "We will."
Kurama smiles to himself. These two will chose good new Guards.
"So the first thing - obviously - is to adapt the test for a larger group," says Minato.
Kushina puts her arm around Minato's shoulders and says, "We can't tell them to skip breakfast because that's already happened, so what say we call them together around lunchtime and make them fight on empty stomachs?"
"Or you could call them at eleven make them wait for hours and then start the test," suggests Naruto. "And make it so they can't leave to get lunch because leaving is instant disqualification and you'll be back in a minute. You know, a 'Grandma When She Runs into Someone She Knows in Town' minute, 'tebayo."
"Oh I see," says Minato, nodding. "So we'd do that, but we'll be off having lunch. And you and Kurama can watch them, to make sure they don't leave. But we have to make sure they don't spot us."
Minato's lunch is finally settled and he thinks it is about time he tested the waiting hopeful Guards. He heads down the the training field where his victims are waiting. Naruto is giggling to himself.
"What happened?" asks Minato, appearing beside Naruto as suddenly as he can.
Naruto and Minato's clone turn to him and grin. "One of them brought a packed lunch just in case, but he didn't share it and now they are all mad at him, 'tebayo," says Naruto.
"I didn't realize none of you thought to even bring a snack!" a voice shouts from the forest. "I got hungry, so I ate! It's not my fault our tester is taking so long!"
"Well they are all failing right now," says Minato, grinning. "Time to apply the pressure." Minato heads down to do just that. He appears in the middle of the four candidates and says, "I hope you are all ready for the most gruelling test you will ever take. Let's begin." Then Minato punches the candidate who ate lunch in the stomach.
The candidate coughs up his lunch. Minato regards the candidates coolly. Eating before the bell test means you will throw up, and it's about time he made it clear that no one is ever joking when they say that.
"Now the playing field is even!" Minato says cheerfully. "Didn't I tell you earlier that if you eat before the test you will throw up?"
"What's the test?" asks the one who ate, clutching his stomach.
Minato grins his most evil grin. Then he holds up a single bell. "Get this bell off me before the timer goes off. If you do get the bell, I will do my level best to get it off you again. If I have the bell when the timer goes off you loose, and no one gets any tea. If one of you has the bell when the timer goes off, that person will be the new Guard. Any questions?"
"I have one," says another candidate. Since they are all wearing different shirts, Minato decides to identify them by the colour of their shirt. This one is green. "Why are we doing this? It's not the normal test."
"Because Kurama wants to change things up a bit!" says Minato, pulling out the alarm clock and setting it. "Now, the alarm clock is set for 5:30. If any of you tamper with it, you will be instantly disqualified." Kakashi should've thought of making that rule before taking on his genin team. Minato ties the bell to his belt and says, "Come get the bell." Then he teleports into the trees to chill out.
Purple shirt (the one who ate lunch) finally gets up and starts to search the trees and bushes nearby for Minato. The other candidates join in. Time for some dumb tricks. When the candidates are nicely spread out, Minato moves in for the kill. His first victim is the one in blue. Before Blue even knows Minato is there, Minato casts a genjutsu to make Blue see the Yellow candidate lying in the grass, covered in injuries.
"Help...me…" begs the illusion, reaching out a hand beseechingly.
"How did this happen so quickly?" says Blue, shocked. "The test only just started." He walks over to the illusion and has a look at his injuries. "What happened to you? I'll bandage your injuries, but I must get back to the test."
How cute. He's all concerned and hasn't noticed it's a genjutsu. Minato shrugs and heads off to find his next victim. He soon locates the real Yellow and sets up a simple trap. Then he puts the bell beside the trap and waits. Yellow sees the bell and heads over to it. "He must've dropped it while fighting one of the others," says Yellow and goes to pick it up. Almost instantly, Yellow is caught in Minato's snare and finds himself hanging by the ankle.
Minato heads over to retrieve the bell. "That's two down, two to go," he says, twirling the bell around. "Time for the Thousand Years of Death, I think." Then he saunters away to find another candidate.
"The Thousand Years of Death?!" Yellow shouts, panicking. "What kind of jutsu is that? Oh no, I have to warn the others!"
Grinning, Minato saunters through the forest until he comes across the Green one. "Oooh, another one," he says.
"There you are!" says Green, and starts weaving ninshuu hand signs.
Minato throws a Kunai at Green, who dodges. A moment later, Minato is behind him. "Special Secret Technique: One Thousand Years of Death!" Minato launches Green into the air with a well placed jab in the backside.
"ARRRRGH!" Green screams as he goes flying through the air.
"You're very good," says Purple, stepping out of the trees. "But I am stronger than they are. You will not be able to fool me with such simple tricks."
"Oh good," says Minato, fishing around in his weapons pouch for something to use against this one. He feels the latest copy of the Make Out series. "Oh, I forgot I still had this on me. You know, I have a lot of catching up to do." He pulls out the book and starts reading.
"You're READING?!" shouts Purple, charging in blindly. "Am I a joke to you?"
"Shh, shh, sh," says Minato, stopping Purple by placing a finger on his mouth. "I'm trying to read."