Thank you for the reviews.

And of course, Eddie was going to be a gentleman... I had to get him as far away from the other guys that Amanda/Rachel had been with...

The Christmas prompts are going to be the next thing that I post. So I will see you on 31st December for the first chapter of Follow Your Fire... Maybe this will give you a bit of an insight into where I am going with this...

And I think we need to see things from Amanda/Rachel's POV, don't we?

Fenshaw

19th February 1990

Her first kiss was Jake White. It was in Year Eight and he had used the fact that she could hide that she liked him to his advantage when he asked her for a birthday kiss, which she had meant for his cheek, when he turned last minute, making it land on his lips.

Her first time… She couldn't say who her first time having sex was with. But she knew it happened at a party before her 15th birthday and she had been handed alcoholic drink after alcoholic drink until she couldn't stand and had passed out somewhere. It was only because Tina Reeves had walked in on it happening that she knew that it had happened. Her money was it being on Ben Jones but he never confessed to it. And then Melissa wondered why she stopped going out and started getting her head down.

If anything, she had been used and abused by men her entire life. She didn't want to be at home, just in case her dad finally took it out on her, like he used to take it out on her mum.

It was the reason she wanted to leave. It was why she wanted to get as far away as possible.

Even if she had to be used and abused by more men to get there.

It was why she knew that the guy at the bar was staring at her when she walked in. Because she had once been used to those sorts of looks. Not anymore. Not since she started to sell herself for a better life. She was sure that the guy at the bar didn't know the type of place that he was in. Mainly because he looked a little underdressed for their clientele.

Amanda sighed before she made her way over to tell him where he was and that he better make a move out of there. The last thing she wanted was for him to get a bill that he wasn't expecting if he picked someone up.

But the closer she was to him, the more she realised that the guy was staring at her in a way that she hadn't been looked at before. His eyes were yet to make their way down her body and it made her change her tact. Mainly because she was intrigued by him.

"Like what you see?" She said.

It was then that he looked her up and down and she knew that it was too good to be true. There wasn't a true gentleman out there. He was like every other guy. Out for one thing and one thing only. She just had to work out how long she was going to entertain him for.

"Maybe." He said.

Amanda found herself smiling and shaking her head. "I'm more hassle than I am worth."

"I don't believe that for a second."

Amanda wanted to laugh but she didn't. The guy definitely didn't know what sort of club he was in and if he did know, then she was sure that he would run a mile. Everyone knew what sort of place this was. Everyone knew that this was the place to pick up a prostitute, such as herself. It was why she said her next statement.

"You are obviously not from around here."

"No, originally from Stoke-on-Trent but at university in Birmingham. You?"

"Manchester, born and bred. What are you doing this far north?"

"It's my birthday and we decided that a change of scenery was best."

"Happy birthday."

"Thank you." He paused for a moment. "What are you drinking?"

She tilted her head at him. "You are definitely not from around here."

"Why?"

"As I've already told you, I am more hassle than I am worth."

"And maybe it wouldn't be very gentlemanly of me if I didn't buy a girl a drink after talking to her for a bit. Unless you are waiting for someone. Then you can tell me to piss off."

The offer to tell him to piss off was attractive. Just to save him from what he didn't know but there was just something about him that made her incredibly interested in him. Like no one had ever offered to buy her a drink. They would usually tell her to get the drinks in, handing her the cash to pay for it.

"Vodka and cranberry." She said.

She knew that she was going to get the dirty look from the bartender. He was one of the ones that didn't know what sort of establishment this was until after he got the job, and he was having a hard time leaving said job like she was.

She was trying to come up with the best way to tell him about what sort of club that he was in when she noticed that he picked the drink up from the bottom and placed it in front of her. She wished that he would stop it. Because she was meant to be meeting up with someone and she knew that she would have to get rid of him before the other guy turned up. She wasn't used to this behaviour and she knew that she had to give this guy something that explained that.

"Maybe I am not used to a gentleman." She said.

"A beautiful woman like you?"

"I don't think everyone will agree with you there."

"Then they are pricks and don't deserve to be in your company."

"Now I think you are trying too hard."

"Too hard?"

"To be a gentleman. Men only want one thing."

"Do they?"

"Well, you should know. You are a man after all."

"Maybe I've just been brought up better than the other men you have met. I mean, you are glad that you are talking to me rather than one of my mates. Because they would be here giving you a list of reasons why you should leave here with them tonight."

"And you aren't."

"Maybe I can talk to a beautiful woman and not feel the need to jump straight into bed with them."

"Straight into bed?"

"Maybe not at all. I suppose at some point I should ask for your name."

"Now that is a dangerous thing."

"Why?"

Amanda was sure that he could sense her hesitation but he couldn't know her name. If he truly didn't know what sort of a club he was in, then he couldn't know.

Or maybe he did know. They had all been warned that undercover cops were going around and trying to find out where the brothels were. She knew that her bosses would finally work out what she was doing but she knew that she would be royally fucked if she gave her name over to an undercover cop and could be the reason that her bosses were found out.

"Because it is." She said.

She could tell that he was trying to get something out of her. But she didn't expect him to offer his hand out to her. He was definitely confusing her more. She just couldn't work him out and she had no idea what he was going to say next.

"Lawson." He said.

"Sorry?"

"My surname is Lawson."

She hated him for that. Because he had given her something to get something off her. It was clever of him and she hesitated as she wondered whether she could give him her actual surname or a fake one. A fake one might have been the better way to go but she ended up choosing her actual surname.

"Fenshaw."

"Now, Fenshaw, can I assume that you are here on your own as you didn't tell me to piss off earlier."

Amanda was equally trying to work out how to ditch Lawson while also trying to work him out. She quickly glanced at her watch, knowing that the person that she was meant to be waiting for would be turning up soon.

She looked at her reflection in the mirror as she wondered what was best to do. She knew that she had not recognised herself for a long time. That the person staring back at her wasn't who she was. The strappy top and the short skirt wasn't her. The ever-thinning figure and sunken cheeks weren't her. She had no idea how Lawson could call her beautiful. Maybe she would have accepted it a couple of years ago but not now. She was definitely not beautiful now.

"Your guy is going to be here soon," Tess said as she leant against the sink next to her.

"I know."

"So get rid of the hang on. Unless he has made you a better offer."

"He doesn't know what sort of club this is."

"Then he is going to be in for a bit of a shock."

Amanda turned to her. "I don't know how to tell him."

"Just fuck him and then charge him. Oh, wait."

"Please, Tess. Not this again."

"You are going to get caught out soon."

"Well I am hoping, soon, I won't be doing this."

"I still don't know how you are going to do that. They own you." Tess laughed. "I mean, are you really going to miss out on this job for that… idiot?"

"You could have him. It is £300."

"And you are going to lose out on £300 for what?"

"Someone who doesn't know what I do and is making me feel human for a night."

"Your head is in the clouds, Mandy. We are fucking human. We are just making men pay for what they want. You think that they have the power over us. But it is us that have the power over them." She paused for a moment. "Fine. I'll take him. It isn't like you were going to fuck him anyway. I, personally, think that £300 is a lot for a blowjob."

"Just fuck off Tess. I don't want to fucking do it anymore. I want out."

"And to get out, I think you should be making friends rather than enemies. You owe me for this Mandy and you will never know when I will call in the favour. Just charge the hang on appropriately. Because poor little Mandy doesn't want to be going home empty-handed. That Daddy of hers might just finally lose it."

Amanda let Tess go and she closed her eyes as she tried to swallow down the bile that was rising in her. There was one thing for sure. She wasn't going to charge Lawson at all. No matter how much she needed the money. Although, she wasn't even sure that she wanted it to go that far with him.

Amanda had to admit that things were not how she planned them at all. Or how she knew things to be.

There was one thing for certain, Amanda loved the way that Lawson was kissing her and she loved kissing him back.

Amanda had been kissed a few times but in her line of work, it wasn't the done thing. It was actually one of the things that her bosses forbid. Mainly because it was just meant to be plain, simple sex. And she accepted that. Because, at the time, she was doing it for the money and to get herself and her sister away from their dad. She knew that two wrongs didn't make a right but she was hoping that it would in this case. That her dad being the way that he was plus her unfavourable job would mean that she could get out of Manchester with her sister to start somewhere new and become something.

But Lawson was making her feel all these different things and she wouldn't call it love but there was a part of her that felt like she was falling for this guy that was showing her how real people met and had one night stands.

It was why she asked whether he was going to kiss her. Because she wanted to know it all. She wanted to know what a night with a real gentleman was like. He was right. She had only been surrounded by men that wanted to use her.

Which is why she wanted this night with Lawson. Because she wanted to be normal.

Amanda had wanted to tell him what type of club he was in but she couldn't find the right words. She was enjoying his company so much that she didn't want it to go wrong when she told him that she was a prostitute.

It was why she complied when he lifted her up and held her against the wall as they started kissing again when they reached his hotel room.

She had been up against a wall before, but it was in an alleyway with a client that just wanted to get it over and done with. She could remember the way that her back scrapped along the bricks and she wasn't prepared for a repeat of that. But she knew that Lawson's trousers weren't around his ankles or that he had pushed her underwear to one side to grant himself entry.

In fact, Lawson was placing kisses along her jaw and down her neck and she couldn't stop her hands from landing in his hair as she moaned when he kissed a sensitive point. One that she didn't even know she had. She was brought back into reality when he started to nip and suck rather than just kiss. Because she couldn't go back with a love bite.

"Are you trying to get me into trouble?" She said after she had pulled him back.

"And I thought you weren't waiting for someone."

"You could still get a girl in trouble for something like that."

"Really?"

Amanda could see him thinking over what she had said and she almost said something else to try and make things better. She didn't want him to stop because of something that she had said. But that was when he wrapped his arms tighter around her waist and moved her away from the wall. She half expected for her to be laid down on the bed but she continued to look down at Lawson as he sat on the edge of the bed.

The slow kiss allowed her to take control of things and she wouldn't say that she had completely made up her mind as to whether she was actually going to sleep with him or not. Which is why she slipped into her new habit when she reached for his belt buckle and expertly unbuckled it. She had been finishing off her clients in other ways, not actually having sex for a good couple of months now. It gave her the control that she felt like she was losing.

Amanda felt like it would have been what happened if he hadn't realised what she was doing before she had released him from his boxers and placed a finger underneath her chin to bring her eyes level with his. He gave her a short kiss before he spoke.

"You aren't doing that." He said.

"Why not? Men like it."

"I personally don't see the appeal of it."

She knew that she was stunned by his answer. She was thinking over why he didn't see the appeal of a blowjob. Because no one had complained before, just as long as they got the release that they were paying for. But maybe that was the difference with Lawson. He wasn't paying for this. He thought that he had just picked up a girl that had been used by pricks.

She didn't really understand why Lawson took his top off first before he took off hers. If anything, she wanted to sit up and focus on him. Because that is what she was used to. She didn't know what meaningful sex actually was.

Until Lawson.

Because he was doing things to her that no other guy had ever done. There were all these sensitive parts of her body that she didn't know about, that he just seemed to know where they were. He was causing this reaction in her that she had never experienced before and it made her want it again.

It was the way that his hands went up her thighs that made her realise how much he had undressed her and himself and where he was heading. She obviously knew that it happened the other way round and part of her wanted to know what that felt like. But then she remembered that he had stopped her earlier and there was a part of her that liked to tease. Which is why she copied what he had done to her and brought his face up to hers.

"Well if you aren't going to allow me, why should I allow you?" She said.

Part of her wondered whether it was just him that did funny things to her as his groan did the strangest of things.

Was this how normal people fell in love? Was this how normal people built these sorts of connections? Or was it just by chance that she had met her other half in Lawson?

Not that she believed in soul mates or the one or anything like that.

She did wonder why he pulled back from her for a moment. He looked down at both their naked bodies and she felt like he was leaving it a bit late if he was having second thoughts.

"Shit. I don't have any condoms."

Amanda didn't know why she started laughing. Maybe it was because she wasn't used to this level of concern. Especially from a man. Which is why she told the white lie. Because this was only going to be one night.

"I'm on the pill." She said.

Which was a white lie because she was meant to be. She just kept forgetting to take it because she didn't see the point. There would be if she did her job properly. But this was one night of normal. She'd had worked days where she had forgotten to take it and everything had been fine. Why should her night of normal be any different?

Amanda didn't quite know how she had managed to get out of bed and dressed while Lawson slept. There was a part of her that wanted to get undressed and back under the covers with him. She wanted to see how he was in the morning and whether they would have one more round before they parted ways.

Although she was sure that if she stayed, then she wouldn't be able to part ways with him. She would end up telling him her story and ask for him to take her and her sister to Birmingham with him. She would follow him as long as he kept her and her sister safe. She would do anything for him if he kept them safe.

But this was no fairytale. Her life wasn't a fairytale and he wasn't her knight in shining armour. No matter how much she wanted him to be.

She carefully knelt on the bed and leant down to give him one last kiss. Because they'd had their night and Amanda was sure that she would never forget Lawson. Because he was the man to show her what love was actually like.

With one last look at him, she made a move, off the bed and out of the room, taking the memory of the night with her.

10 years later
25th November 2000

Rachel tried to stop the tears from falling as she thought about everything that had just happened. The hardest part was that she was now homeless for the second time and in a position that she never thought that she would find herself in again.

"Oh, Rachel," Melissa said as she dropped on the sofa next to her and pulled her into a hug.

"I've been so stupid again."

"No, you haven't. You loved him and he… well, if I could get a hold of him, I know where I would want to kick him really hard."

"Why did it take getting to him doing that before…"

"Rachel, I don't know. But you can't think like that. I doubt that with everything that happened between you that it wasn't an easy thing to do. Even if he was… you know."

"But I… Wait, how late is it?"

"That doesn't matter."

"It does."

"Rachel, it doesn't matter that it is one am on Saturday morning. What matters is that you got yourself out and you felt like here was a safe place to come."

They pulled back as Tony, Melissa's boyfriend, came into the room and offered her the cup of tea that he had made for her. She could already tell that it was a cup of tea for the shock as she could smell how much sugar he had put in there.

"I am just going to repeat what Melissa has just said," Tony said. "You are more than welcome here. No matter how late or early it is. And we can help. With everything."

"I've just realised how far away work is." Rachel said.

"And we can sort that all out tomorrow. When you have got some sleep."

Rachel somehow managed to smile before she took the first sip of her extremely sugary tea. She knew that she had a lot to sort out and being nearly two hours away from where she would call home wasn't ideal. But she had to get out of there and she needed to do it when she did.

"Mum, what is going on?" A bleary-eyed Philip said before he woke up a little more. "Auntie Rachel!"

Rachel managed to get her tea onto the coffee table before Philip ran into her. The seven-year-old launched himself at her and she was glad to catch him and hug him tightly. She always loved how much her nephew loved her.

"Wait, where…" Philip started.

"Come on mate," Tony said. "Let's leave your mum and auntie to talk."

Philip planted a kiss on Rachel's cheek and she was glad that Tony seemed like the father figure that Philip needed after his dad walked out on him and Melissa. Although, Rachel was sure that she hadn't got the full story as to why it happened. Just every so often, Mark did decide that he wanted to be in Philip's life and it was the glare that he would always give Melissa as to why Rachel felt like there was more to it.

"You are free again," Melissa said.

Rachel could only roll her eyes. Of course, her sister would be thinking that she would be back out there to play the field. If anything, it was the last thing that she wanted to do.

"Melissa…"

"I think we need to try and find that guy that you are mad about and…"

"Melissa."

"What?"

"All I know is that his surname is Lawson."

Melissa started laughing but it died when Rachel gave her a look.

"You are joking. You had the best night of your life with a guy and all you know is that his surname is Lawson and what he looks like."

"I couldn't give him my name, could I? All I know of him was all he knew of me. Except he thinks that my surname is Fenshaw."

"He didn't know."

"I never told him and I couldn't. Melissa… I know you never accepted what I did. You definitely don't accept the reasons why I did it. But." She sighed. "Lawson was there, not knowing where he was, being a gentleman and I couldn't tell him. He… showed me what love and meaningful sex was that night."

"I think he gave you more than that."

"I know."

"Well, he is going to be in for quite a few surprises when you do find him."

Rachel shook her head. "Honestly, I think we had our time. We had a night that I am never going to forget and that was all I was allowed with Lawson."

"You'll find him. I can feel it."

Rachel sighed. As much as she did want to see him again, she wasn't sure that it was going to happen. Plus, if she did, she wouldn't really know where she would start as she had to unravel all the things that she had left unsaid that night, and what had happened since.

4 years later
22nd September 2004

"You know, it has been nearly four years since Robert," Melissa said as she sipped on her wine.

"I know." Rachel said.

"So?"

"So what?"

"So, when are you going to get back out there? The only way you are going to find Lawson is if you are actively looking for him."

"I don't know whether I do want to find him."

"Rachel, we've been through this."

"And you aren't the one that will have to explain why I never told him that… I was a prostitute. And there is a white lie that is going to come back and bite me."

"What white lie?"

Rachel closed her eyes at her sister's question. "Isn't it obvious?"

She opened her eyes as Melissa opened her mouth and Rachel knew what her next question was going to be. Which is why she was glad that her sister thought about it for a moment.

"Oh," Melissa said. "That was a very white lie."

"I don't actually think I can call it a white lie anymore."

"So are you going to get back out there?"

"No."

"Rachel."

"I am not lonely."

"But…"

"Melissa, I don't need anyone. I am not lonely. I… can't go through that again. I can't let someone in for me to push them out so violently."

Rachel picked up her wine and took a gulp of it, hoping that Melissa got the message that the conversation was over. Because she knew that her sister would try and argue that she had every right to push Robert out and that finding Lawson was the right thing to do. If anything, Rachel had enough of learning to rely on people that would just end up letting her down.

So it would be best if she didn't see Lawson again. Because she couldn't trust herself that she would take what she wanted from him. Nor could she see him taking the news well. It would have to be another what-if, just to save herself from the heartbreak.