So you don't know where you're going and you wanna talk
And you feel like you're going where you've been before
You'll tell anyone who'll listen but you feel ignored
Nothing's really making any sense at all
Let's talk, let's talk
Let's talk, let's talk-Talk, Coldplay

Brian had been enjoying his developing friendship with Bender. He liked hanging out with him, and even smoking with him every now and then. He loved the fact that they'd gotten so close that they were the only ones who hung out together on school grounds, even if it was in private. He would never have guessed it, but he found Bender very easy to talk to. Once you got past all the sarcasm and bite, Bender was a pretty funny, cool, chill kind of guy. And he never really made Brian feel bad about being a geek. He only teased him affectionately about it. If it were up to Brian, he'd have eaten lunch with Bender every day.

But not on Wednesday. On Wednesday he dropped a note in Allison's locker. He wanted to spend lunch in the library with her. Brian was becoming a little uncomfortable with carrying around everyone's secrets. And if everyone was going to confide in him (which he didn't really mind at all—in fact he'd have enjoyed it if it weren't for the fact that his knowing everyone's secrets meant he knew when they were misunderstanding each other and causing themselves their own misery), then it was up to him to do what he could with these secrets to help his friends.

Ten minutes into lunch, when Allison hadn't shown up in the library, Brian began to worry that she might not come. He wouldn't have been surprised. Allison probably knew exactly what he wanted, and even though she was sweet and sensitive, she could also be unshakably stubborn.

But when he heard the swishing of her "jam bag" (he'd heard Andy call it that jokingly) against her jacket, he sighed with relief. She slammed down next to him, and he could tell she was not exactly thrilled to be summoned by Brian. It was as if she already knew what he was going to say.

Brian sat tapping his pencil as she went through her weird lunch routine. When she was done, he took a bite of his own sandwich, gulped, and said, "So. That's pretty big news about Andrew, huh? I mean, wow." He said, touching the side of his head and then gesturing an explosion with his hand, indicating that his mind was blown.

Allison just shrugged. "I think it's pretty stupid of Sporto, if you ask me. He needs a wrestling scholarship for college." She said. But Brian could tell she didn't think it was stupid at all. Deep down Allison was proud of him for thinking for himself, even if she did believe he was throwing away an opportunity.

"Um, well, he's got a job now. I think he plans on saving up some money from that for college. And, you know, um there's other kinds of scholarships, and grants even, financial aid, all of that, you know."

Allison just stared at him. Brian continued. "Anyway, I was, um, thinking about what you said. Back in June. About not wanting Andy to sacrifice his own happiness and future for you. And I thought that if that's why you broke up with him, like you told me you were thinking about doing, then, you know, it's kind of a moot point now. I mean, the guy's already made his decision, you know? There's nothing for you to worry about."

"What are you saying, Brian?"

"Well, I mean, you guys can get back together, now. You were afraid that you would make him give up his future, and he's already done it on his own, right? So there's nothing left to keep you from being together."

Allison got that teary eyed look she was famous for. "I…I didn't want him to do this. It's the exact opposite of what I wanted for him. What's he going to do now? And his dad is going to be even worse on him."

Brian nodded sympathetically. "You really do care about him, huh? I've… I've never known anyone who was willing to give up their own happiness for someone else."

"He's…he's different than I thought he was. He tries so hard to be a good person." Allison said softly.

"Allison, why don't you tell him how you feel? Tell him you only broke up with him for the sake of his future, and that you still care about him, and—"

"—No," Allison said, simply yet firmly. "I can't. It's not what he needs. Or even wants. He's dating other girls already. And, his friends still won't accept me."

"I don't think he cares about that, though, Allison. And those girls, I don't, I mean, he, and they… I don't think he cares about them like he does you."

Allison shook her head and squeaked. Brian understood. He knew what it was like to lack self-confidence.

"Allison," he began, "he spent the night at my house last night. I told him that he should call you, but he said that he didn't want to pressure you because he thinks you don't like him anymore. The guy… the guy is crazy about you. He got all upset when he was talking about you. I think…I think maybe those other girls are just, like, a distraction."

And when Brian looked at her next he could see the tears streaming down her face.

"It's my fault. I shouldn't have mocked him for not standing up for himself. I was just putting more pressure on him. I don't want to be the reason his whole life changes. I don't want to be another reason his dad is making him miserable. And I don't want to be a reason for his other friends to hate him."

Brian didn't know what to say to that. He simply let Allison cry, and sat beside her in friendship.

Claire was late to lunch that day. When she finally made it to her table, all her friends were in an uproar, and some of the jocks were sitting with them, as were some of the other popular kids like Benny Hanson and Steff McKee.

"The guy just snapped. I blame his dad. The guy does something legendary, has to deal with his dad

when he gets detention for that hilarious stunt he pulled on that geek boy, and then Clark just loses it." Stubbie was saying.

Claire sighed. She really didn't want to have to listen to this. But what else was she going to do?

"What an idiot. What's he going to do about college now? Everyone knows his dad doesn't make the kind of money that, you know, ours make." Benny chimed in.

Now Claire understood why she and Steff were seated at their table. Usually they ate off campus. They were too cool to eat at school, even with the other richies. They just wanted to get the gossip on Andrew and gloat about how their dads could pay for college and Andy's middle-class dad couldn't.

Will shook his head. "I'm more concerned about who's going to replace him. I got a bad feeling that this is over some girl."

Steff, who was sitting near Charlotte, nudged her as he snickered. "Oh? Is someone moving in on your prize, Charlotte?"

Claire could see Charlotte fuming. Charlotte felt personally humiliated by Andrew. She'd made a fool of herself going after him, even though he'd always shown almost no interest in her, and that was especially hard for her considering that he wasn't one of the rich kids. But she'd looked past that because he was cute and a star athlete and was super popular. But now he wasn't going to be even those things. And everyone knew she'd gone after him. She looked like a fool among their group.

She had already began planning ways to make Andrew's life hell for causing her humiliation.

And not only that, but she was still hearing rumors about that freak girl. As if crushing on a nobody wasn't bad enough, to lose him to a freak bitch like that girl from Spanish class was even worse.

"Ew," Charlotte said, looking at Erica, who was sizing her up, "not hardly. I'm not interested in Andrew. He was just…entertaining for a while. You couldn't pay me enough to go out with him." Then she laughed and added, "Not that he could afford me, anyway."

The others laughed, and Claire could feel herself turning red. How could they all turn on him like this? Andrew was one of the nicest, most wholesome guys she'd ever met. He'd always been nothing but nice to these people, even when they were complete jerks to him. And they could just drop him and talk about him like this?

Steff rolled his eyes. "Well, that's a relief. I don't know why any of you wasted your time on him, anyway. The guy's a total waste. No class, no sophistication. He's the kind of guy who'd end up working at some menial job, getting fat on beer and trying to relive his glory days as some high school athlete."

Claire had had enough. "What is it to you, Steff? Why are you always so invested in the personal lives of other boys? You're always in everyone's business and everyone knows you're always trying to order Blane around and keep up with what he's doing. If I were you, Steff, I'd be a little more concerned about what people will think about your odd fascination with other boys and less concerned with Andrew Clark's future."

Claire would have felt proud of herself, but she really hadn't done anything all that brave. She'd never liked Steff anyway. It wasn't like she was standing up to one of her actual friends.

Steff struggled to find a response as the other boys laughed at what Claire had said and the girls looked at Claire as if she were crazy. Benny, especially, narrowed her eyes at Claire.

"What the hell is your problem?" she asked.

Claire blushed and shook her head. "I just don't get why everyone's making a monster deal over Andy. So he quit wrestling, big deal. Why does it have to be, like, front page news or something? Can't we find anything else to talk about other than gossiping over other people's lives?"

Erica glared at Claire now, and Claire knew whatever was coming wasn't going to be pleasant. "Okay. Sure thing, Claire. So, I heard you made mostly C's and a couple of B's last semester."

"Yeah. So?"

"That's funny. Because I thought, with all the times you ditched us last year to 'study', you'd be making straight A's. I mean, who studies that much and still makes C's, right, Charlotte?"

Claire's face was red again. She looked to Annabelle for support, but Annabelle just looked back at her sympathetically.

Charlotte looked like a deer caught in headlights. "Um, yeah. Yeah, Claire. So, that leads me and Erica to draw one of two conclusions. Either you're just really dumb, or you're hiding something from us." She said.

Erica looked proud of her clone. "So, which is it Claire?"

Claire wondered why it was so hard for her to stand up to her friends, when she'd easily been able to stand up to scary John Bender.

"I'm not hiding anything," she said, her voice almost a whisper.

"Really?" Benny chimed in. "Because Annabelle said you ditched her after school yesterday to go study, but Charlotte, and Caroline Mulford, told me they were pretty sure they saw your car in the back parking lot after school during cheerleading practice."

"Duh. It's not impossible that someone else has a car like mine." Claire lied. The girls looked at her like they weren't buying it. Charlotte looked almost smug.

"If you guys are going to treat me like a child and, like, give me the third degree, I'm just going to bail." Claire picked up her purse and her lunch and huffed off.

At least Andy's lunch time had turned out better than he expected. He had thought he'd be forced to spend lunch alone, but instead found himself in the company of, when he really thought about it, one of the most fascinating people he'd ever met.

As Andy handed Saidie a bag of chips, she asked, "So. What did you and your friends fight about?"

"They're jerks. They're kind of mad at me because I quit wrestling. And football."

"Why would they be mad about that?"

"Because they feel like I abandoned them. Left them high and dry. Well, maybe they're not so much mad at me as done with me. See, they have no use for me now, since I'm not one of them anymore."

Saidie's eyes bugged with shock at that. "Oh. Well, that just sucks. At least now, you know they were never your friends to begin with. If they were, you wouldn't have to be just like them to be accepted."

Andy nodded. He knew Saidie was right, but accepting that was a lot easier said than done.

Saidie continued. "I mean, look at me and my friends. Bender and I are nothing alike. Freddie and I are nothing alike. Bender's a rebel; I'm just some weird quiet girl. Freddie is this amazingly deep, hilarious guy; I'm just his sidekick. They don't care that I'm different from them; I don't care that they're different from me. They just kind of accept me. I think they like that I'm different."

Andy sighed. "I wish I had that."

"Yeah, it's the same with my other friends,too. I mean, I'm closest to Bender and Freddie, especially Bender, but I have other friends. Mostly outside of school. You know Ferris? We're cool, but he doesn't count. He likes everyone, and everyone likes him. But his friend Cameron lives close to me, so we're pretty good friends. He's kind of straight and narrow and thought I was weird at first, but we study together sometimes. And then I have a friend who I go to concerts with; you know, when it's the kind of music that Bender isn't into. He's kind of odd like me."

Andy looked at her wistfully. "See, you're a girl, so it's easier for them to be comfortable with you as is. It's different with boys. Male friendships are based on making fun of each other, competing with each other, giving each other crap about things. And it's way worse when you're a jock. You either fit in or you're out."

Saidie shook her head. "I don't think I could live like that. I wouldn't want to be friends with the kind of people who won't let me…well, you know, be me."

"Yeah, if I'd known what I was getting into before I became friends with them, I'd have never done it. But once you're in, I don't know. It sounds really shallow and stupid, but… I think everyone wants to be popular. And once you get to experience it, you kind of want to do everything you can to hold on to it, even if you hate it, because it's better than being invisible."

Saidie appeared to think on that some. "I don't think everyone wants to be popular. I mean, I never did. Most of the people I hang out with never asked for it. If I wanted to be popular, I'd hang out with people like Ferris more. But the very reason I don't hang out with him much in school is because he's always surrounded by people, and I hate that. I don't do well with crowds." She paused, sighing a little.

"If I wanted to be popular," she added, "I could be. It would definitely make things easier between me and my mom. She'd actually look at me as something other than a disappointment."

Andy looked at her with a surprised expression. "You don't get along with your mother?"

"Oh, we get along some. Well, I mean, I know she loves me, at least. But we're not close. I'm not the daughter she wanted. She wanted a daughter just like her. Someone prim and proper and girly and popular and…just the perfect little princess. But she got stuck with me; the weirdo tomboy daughter who wouldn't know the first thing about all that prep stuff. Sometimes she looks at me like I came from another planet. But I'm okay with it. That's how the other kids at school look at me."

That all sounded very familiar to Andy.

Saidie sighed again. "Wow. I haven't even told Brian that. I haven't even told Bender. He just thinks I have some perfect family and perfect home life."

Andy nodded, knowing what it felt like to be misunderstood.

"You know, I think you and Allison would get along really well. You two have a lot in common." he said.

Saidie smiled at that. "Yeah! I'd love to get to know her better. Your girlfriend seems pretty awesome. Unique. I like that."

Andy looked down at his shoes and took a sip of his soda. "Um, well, she is. But… she's not my girlfriend anymore. We broke up on the last day of school. Right after you and Brian left, actually."

"Oh," Saidie said, feeling like she had put her foot in her mouth. "I'm sorry. You guys were so sweet together. I could tell she was really into you."

Andy shrugged. He wanted to believe that, but if were true, why had she broken up with him?

"Yeah, it sucks. I was really into her, too. Still am. She's the most unique girl I've ever met. And she just got me. She saw past all that stupid jock stuff. She looked at me like I, Andrew Clark, the actual person, matter. Not just as the jock machine. I….I miss that every day. I mean, I still see her, but it's not the same."

Saidie nodded. "Yeah. I get that. I know all about unrequited love, unfortunately."

Andy was ready to change the subject before he could get too emotional. Baring his soul in front of strangers once had been more than enough.

"Um, I wanted to ask you about something. Brian was telling me that you're friends with Larry Lester."

Saidie bit into a chip nervously. "Yeah. He's my next door neighbor. And we used to have a ton of classes together. That is, before he left Shermer High. He was home schooled at the end of last year, and I hear he's transferred to the private school now."

So that was why no one had seen him. Andy felt even worse now. He had tortured a boy so badly that he'd made the kid actually leave school.

"Brian also told me that you know about what I did to Larry. And I want you to know it's been eating at me. Day and night. I think about what I did and it makes me sick to my stomach."

Saidie looked him right in the eye. Andy noticed that her eyes were so black, they should have been cold, icy, menacing, and empty, but there was something warm and inviting about them.

Saidie's voice was sympathetic. "Don't beat yourself up about it forever. I mean, sure, was it an awful thing to do? Yes. But does it have to haunt you forever? No. You can't take it back. And you're obviously very sorry about it. You should forgive yourself. I certainly don't hold it against you. He's my friend, but that one mistake doesn't make you an awful person."

Andy was relieved to hear someone close to Larry say that. He almost started bawling on the spot. But instead he just whispered a "thank you."

When he composed himself, he asked, changing the subject again, "So, how come all your friends seem to be guys?"

Saidie shrugged. "I don't know. I'm just used to guys. I don't feel very comfortable around most girls. They don't seem to like me very much. Please there's all that drama crap to deal with, with most girls. Guys are just so much easier. They're just fun. I don't feel like I'm being sized up and judged when I hang out with my guy friends. They just get me. Girls just….some of them irritate me. Others just make me feel bad about myself. But not girls like Allison, though."

Andy studied Saidie for a minute. "I get the feeling you don't like Claire very much."

"No! I mean, I wouldn't say that. I'm the kind of person who finds it almost impossible to take a disliking to people. I just don't think she likes me very much. She looks at me funny, like I'm an intruder, and like she can't figure me out or something. Like my presences bothers her."

"Nah," Andy said, "she just takes a while to warm up to people. Plus, I don't think she was expecting Bender to have such a close female friend."

Saidie considered that. "I don't think girls like me interest her very much. I think she thinks I'm too weird."

Andy studied her again. "Yeah, but be honest. You don't care for her either."

"Well, I just don't know her. I don't think we have very much in common. I don't know. I mean, we've only met a couple of times."

Andy gave her an inquisitive glare that even Allison would have been proud of. "Okay, fine," Saidie conceded, "She's not really my cup of tea, either. But that's just because she and most of her friends haven't been very friendly to me or other girls. But if you guys like her, I'm sure I will when I get to know her."

What she didn't add, as they finished up their lunches before class, was that she was suspicious of Claire. She saw how much Bender liked her, and she worried that Claire was going to break Bender's very fragile heart. The same way Bender had once almost broken hers.