"Alright Naruto," says Jiriaya. "We are here strictly for research purposes. Don't let your guard down for a second. I'm counting on you to watch my back."
"If you get caught I don't know you, Pervy Sage," says Naruto as they head into the hot springs in a random town. "And you can watch your own back while you're peeping."
So they go into the hot springs, and who should they find there but Kurama and Kon. "Kurama!" Naruto yells, hugging Kurama.
"Hey brat," says Kurama, pushing Naruto away. "Make sure Jiraiya doesn't peep on the ladies. Fukuro is in there and I won't tolerate any perving on my side kicks."
"Yes Kurama," says Naruto. "So what have you been doing since you left?" he asks. "Are your sidekicks strong yet? Sasuke is training with Madara, and now I'm training with Pervy Sage. Mei-neechan is having a baby. Sasuke's mum and my mum and Grandma started a Babysitting centre because they keep being dumped with random kids. It's already really popular, and Mr. Nice Hokage sends ninjas he's unhappy with to help them. I made Pervy Sage promise to take me back to the Leaf in a couple of months. That's when my birthday is. My first birthday with my parents. I'm so excited."
"And I'm so done with listening to you talk," interrupts Kurama. "I'm going to go somewhere and get some peace and quiet. Don't let Jiriaya peep!" Kurama vanishes over the wall, leaving Kon, Naruto and Jiraiya alone.
"So Kon," says Naruto, sidling closer to Kon. "What has Mr. Kurama taught you?"
"...Ninja stuff," says Kon, sidling away.
"Aw, come on, tell me!" insists Naruto. "Remember, I have the other half of Mr. Kurama inside me-"
"Wanna swap?" asks Kon.
"Nah," says Naruto. "I like my Mr. Kurama. Can you mold your chakra yet? What about climbing trees?"
Kon sighs. "Yes."
"Aw, tell me more than that!" says Naruto. "Do you know any cool moves? Have you had any cool adventures? Have you run into Akatsuki?"
"We met Itachi and Kisame at a dango shop," says Kon. "Nothing of note happened that day."
"But what about other days?!"
"First Rule of Kurama's Training: Don't Talk About Kurama's Training," says Kon, holding the sides of his head.
"But you can talk about it to me, right?" says Naruto.
"Second Rule of Kurama's Training: Don't Talk About Kurama's Training to Naruto Under Any Circumstances Whatsoever."
"Oh, maybe I could sit in on a training session?"
"Third Rule of Kurama's Training: No Outsiders are Permitted to View any Part of Kurama's Training."
"Maybe you could tell me about his methods?" says Naruto, persisting. "Come on, give me something, dattebayo!"
"Fourth Rule of Kurama's Training: Do Not Question Kurama's Training Methods."
Oi Mr. Kurama, says Naruto, addressing his half of Kurama. Can't you get him to tell me?
No, growls Mr. Kurama. Leave him alone and see what Jiraiya is up to.
Oh s****, I forgot about Pervy Sage! Naruto panics and looks around to find Jiraiya.
Jiraiya is over by the fence dividing the mens' hot spring from the women's hot spring. He is sitting at an angle that would allow him to look through a perfectly placed peephole, if one existed. Knowing Jiraiya, he probably made one himself.
"Pervy Sage, are you peeping?" Naruto demands.
"Shh, my research-" begins Pervy Sage.
"YOU ARE PEEPING!" growls Naruto, marching over to Jiraiya.
Kon beats him to it. With a punch to the face, Kon sends Jiraiya flying before Naruto even realizes he moved. Jiraiya lands a few meters away on the rocks, his legs sticking in the air but his towel still in place somehow.
Naruto laughs and says, "Mr. Kurama trained you well."
Jiraiya jumps up and glares at Kon. "You ruined my peeping!"
"You're a dirty pervert!" snaps Kon.
"I am not a dirty pervert," says Jiraiya proudly. "I'm a Professional Super Pervert."
"That's not something to be proud of," says Kon.
Jiraiya heads over to Kon and puts an arm around his shoulders. "It seems I need to educate you," says Jiraiya, leading Kon over to the peephole. "Peeping is the favourite past time of a great many men, and you can't call us dirty unless you try it yourself. Come and have a look."
"My sister is in there!" snaps Kon, shaking Jiriaya off and throwing a punch at him.
Jiraiya ducks and punches Kon across the hotspring, sending him crashing into the doorway leading into the changing rooms. Kon jumps up instantly, not appearing to notice the bruises forming on his body.
Kon starts making handsigns that Naruto does not water in the pool directly in front of Kon rises up in a stream and blasts Jiraiya.
Jiraiya sees it coming and counters with a wall of earth. "You want to mess with the mighty Lord Jiraiya, the Toad Sage of Mount Myoboku?"
"You want to peep on my sister," says Kon. He launches another water ninshuu at Jiraiya, who dodges out of the way. The jet of water hits the dividing wall, knocking it down and revealing all the girls on the other side. They scream and run away.
All except one. Fukuro marches through the dividing wall weaving hand signs. Branches from the nearby trees shoot down and grab Jiraiya, Naruto and Kon. "What the bloody hell do you three think you are doing?"
Oi, Naruto, Says Mr. Kurama. Let me take over for a minute.
Rat Pervy Sage out, says Naruto, and lets Mr. Kurama take over.
"Oi Fukuro," says Mr. Kurama. "Naruto and Kon didn't do anything wrong. Jiraiya was peeping and they tried to stop him. A fight broke out and Kon accidentally knocked down the dividing wall trying to beat Jiraiya's brains out."
Fukuro releases Kon and Naruto. "You are so dead," she says to Jiriaya and then proceeds to beat the stuffing out of him. When she is finished with Jiraiya, Fukuro turns to Kon and says, "Fix the dividing wall since you are the one who broke it." Then she turns and marches back into the women's side of the hotsprings, and turns to glare at Jiraiya.
Kon makes some hand signs. Branches grow up out of the ground where the dividing wall was and wind together to make a new wall with no gaps or peepholes.
My other half didn't muck around with teaching them, did he? Says Kurama proudly. I'm glad we chose those two.
Technically my Dad chose Kon, Points out Naruto. My Dad chose well.
That he did, agrees Kurama.
Sasuke is still feeling very embarrassed when everyone leaves the hot springs. None of the others seem bothered at all by the peeping. Even Kazama took a peek eventually and had a giggle over watching her husband try to stop Yatsude from stealing people's towels. Apparently Madara intervened after Yatsude actually succeeded in stealing Shino's towel, a thought that made Sasuke turn very red. All Madara had to do to get Yatsude to stop was to tell the boy he was behaving disgracefully.
Sasuke turns a little pink remembering all the peeping.
They wait outside for a few minutes before Madara, his boys, Arashi, Minato and Iruka emerge, followed by Kinoko's boys. Then Sasuke sees Shino and his Dad just behind Kimimaro.
Sasuke remembers what Shino looked like in just a towel and her face burns. Hoping that Shino has not seen her yet, Sasuke shunshins away to hide in the trees until he is gone. Shino and his Dad leave after greeting those in the group of ladies they know. Thankfully, no one mentions to them that Sasuke was there too.
"You can come out now," says Madara. "Your little crush is gone."
Sasuke turns even redder, but heads over to set the record straight. "I wasn't hiding because I have a crush on Shino!" snaps Sasuke, glaring at Madara.
"Nope," agrees Burifu, grinning. "She's embarrassed because-" Kushina claps her hand over Burifu's mouth.
"That's private, Burifu," hisses Kushina.
Madara raises an eyebrow. "Is that old peep hole still there?" he asks. "You ladies were spying on us, weren't you?" he laughs. "Hiruzen made that peephole when he was little, the pervert."
All the other girls turn as red as Sasuke, except for Sekitei, who appears genuinely confused. "Why are they getting all worked up?"
"I'll explain when you're a bit closer to puberty," says Madara. "Let's go home and have lunch."
"Can I get my ear pierced?" asks Yatsude.
"When you're ten," says Madara, looking for all the world like he hopes Yatsude will forget about it by then.
Sasuke is about to go off on her own when Sazanka jumps on her back. "Carry me, Sasuke-neechan!" he demands. Sasuke sighs. It looks like she's going with Madara after all.
"You were peeping on me?" Minato says to Kushina as Madara, his kids and Sasuke leave. "Did you like what you saw?"
"Yes," says Kushina suggestively.
"Jyuugo, you have a nice butt," says Burifu, making Kimimaro laugh.