I know you hate to be impressed with someone else, other than yourself
But you know trying to hold back on being an asshole helps

-Fear of Sleep, The Strokes

Claire drove to school on Friday, thinking about how sure she was that all her plans for the weekend were about to change. She had been so sure that she was about to prove once and for all that she wasn't a total bitch, but that had all gone out the window last night.

In fact, while yesterday she'd planned to tell Annabelle today all about her boyfriend who she was more and more admitting to herself that she was absolutely crazy about? Well, today that plan had gone out the window. Because the truth was, by now she was pretty sure that once she got to school on that Friday she was going to discover that she no longer had a boyfriend.

As Claire drove to pick up Annabelle, she reflected on her week. It had started out with so much promise.

Tuesday had become the Breakfast Club's regular day to meet in the mornings for breakfast. So when Andrew had called Claire Tuesday night to ask her to get the group together the next morning for breakfast, she knew something was going on.

Everyone had been thrilled to discover that Andy and Allison were back together. Especially Brian. Claire had a feeling that Brian knew much more about that situation than she and Bender did.

So that had been a good sign. While the others ate and talked and Claire looked around at her friends, her heart warmed at how happy they all seemed to be. Andy and Allison were back together, and (Claire could tell from the way they looked at each other) head over heels in love which was especially great after the horrible time Andy had been having the past few months; Brian had seemed so unhappy and lonely and beaten down by life when she first met him and now he looked happier and happier every day; and Bender…. Claire didn't even know how to describe what she felt when she looked at him. She couldn't believe that this person, this almost fully-grown, trouble-making, sarcastic, gentle-at-heart, rebellious but morally sound man whose existence she would have pretended to ignore only months ago, had grown to mean so much to her; that he had wormed his way into her heart so much that Claire was becoming afraid she'd never be able to get him out.

If she'd had any doubts before that day that it was time to do something big to prove she was worthy of him—worthy of all of them, they were removed that Wednesday morning at breakfast. It was time to tell Annabelle the truth.

Claire's plan had been to tell Annabelle on the way home from school Friday afternoon. It wasn't that she thought Annabelle would go and blurt it out to the whole school, but she wanted to give her friend time to process the information over the weekend, before she had to deal with all the inevitable questions about her relationship with Bender—questions that she didn't even know the answer to herself. She was nervous about how Annabelle would react, but she was more excited to have someone to talk to about Bender. Brian and Allison had tried to fill the girl talk shoes, but there was only so much Brian could tolerate—he was, after all, a guy—and Allison would mostly just sit there and listen, nodding and not showing any emotion or doing much else.

But by the time Claire went to bed Thursday night, she wasn't even sure if there was anything for her to tell Annabelle anymore.

It had all started Thursday after school. Claire had said goodbye to Charlotte, Annabelle, and Erica and was headed to her car when she spotted Saidie Heyer walking and talking with Freddie, Ferris Bueller, and that weird, uptight friend of his, Cameron, who looked more like he should be hanging out with Brian's group than with someone as popular as Ferris.

Oh, real nice, Claire, she thought to herself, good job on not being a total, judgmental bitch. She felt ashamed of herself for thinking like "pre-detention Claire" again.

That shame lasted about two seconds before she found herself wondering what Ferris and a guy like Cameron were doing talking to a guy like Freddie. And then she noticed the way Ferris was smiling at Saidie. It was almost too much for her. Ferris was the ultimate charmer. He won people over, not the other way around. How was this girl even charming the pants off of Ferris?

She was even jealous of Ferris, she began to realize. That was why Claire had never gone out of her way to make friends with him the way everyone else had. She avoided Ferris most of the time, never realizing until now that it was because she wished she were more like him. It wasn't fair that he got to be popular and do whatever he wanted. It wasn't fair that he got to be loved by everyone without playing by the same rules Claire had been miserable playing by for years. Why was it that no one made fun of him for talking to burnouts or for being best friends with a weirdo nerd like Cameron? Why did Ferris get to get away with everything, be a total individual, and still get to be the most popular boy in school—universally loved even more than the jocks and the cheerleaders? It just wasn't fair. And, she realized, she'd always loathed Ferris for it.

That's when Claire remembered that she had planned to keep an eye on Saidie. She smiled to herself. As bad as it sounded, she was now thankful for the methods of manipulation that all her years of being a Queen Bee had taught her.

Claire cleared her throat and walked over to Saidie and the boys. "Hey, guys," she said, looking directly at Ferris, and avoiding eye contact with Freddie, Saidie, and Cameron.

"Claire! Hey!" Ferris said, putting his arm around her. Claire smiled her fakest, most diplomatic smile.

"Um, I was just coming to collect Saidie. I was wondering if we could talk for a minute. You know, girl stuff?' Claire said.

She pretended not to notice the look between Freddie and Saidie. Claire was pretty sure Saidie's was a look begging Freddie not to leave her alone with Claire, and that Freddie's was a look of "what do you want me to do?"

"Cool. We've gotta go meet Sloane, anyway." Ferris said, nudging Cameron, and the two took off.

Freddie shrugged at the two girls, mumbled "Later," and was gone.

Saidie stood there staring at Claire, not knowing what to expect.

"Um, what's up?" Saidie asked. This was definitely unusual; Claire seeking her out.

"Do you want a ride home, Saidie?" Claire asked. She noticed the skeptical look on Saidie's face, which she quickly tried to cover. She did it because she hadn't meant for her expression to hurt Claire's feelings; Claire just saw the immediate change as further proof that Saidie was a total phony.

"You want to give me a ride home? That's…um, that's really nice of you." Saidie managed to say, hoping that Claire wasn't up to something, but knowing she probably was.

"Just…thought it would be the nice thing to do. You know, because you're a friend of Bender's." Claire said. This was only a half truth.

"Okay. Thanks." Saidie replied. This was the longest Claire had seen her go without that smile plastered on her face.

They headed for Claire's BMW. The first few minutes were spent in silence. Finally Claire cleared her throat and said, "So, how did you and Bender become friends?" She tried to inflect her voice to sound as interested as possible.

Saidie didn't answer at first. Then she said, "Um, we kind of just started hanging out in middle school."

"Oh? That's… that's cool. So, did you guys use to live near each other, or something? I mean, you guys just seem so different. It's weird to imagine you two as friends."

Saidie finally smiled, but it wasn't the same smile Claire saw when the two of them were around other people. "You know, Claire, you can just say whatever it is you want to say. Ask whatever it is you want to ask. You don't have to pretend to be nice to me."

Claire turned red. "Um, what do you mean? Are you saying I can't be nice just because?"

"No. I'm saying you can't be nice to me because you don't like me. I know you don't. I know you didn't offer me a ride home just to get to know me better."

Claire was like a wild animal, cornered and trapped. She went on the defensive. "Well! Looks who's not so innocent and naïve after all." She snapped.

Saidie laughed at that. "Me? What? I never said I was innocent. I never said I was anything."

"You didn't have to say it." Claire muttered.

"I…I'm sorry if my friendship with Bender bothers you. I never meant for it to."

Something about Saidie saying this infuriated Claire. She was sick of this sickeningly sweet girl who never seemed to get angry and never seemed let things bother her or get riled up. She didn't buy that Saidie was as nice and positive as she seemed. She couldn't be. No way Bender would be friends with such a gooey-sweet goody-two-shoes like that.

It made her blurt something out; show her hand. "How long have you been in love with Bender?!" she asked.

"What? I'm not! Bender is just my friend. A very good friend."

"Please." Claire muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Is that why you hate me so much? Because you think I'm in love with Bender, and you think I'm plotting something against you, or something?" Saidie asked, trying not to sound accusatory.

That did it. Claire immediately pulled the car over. She turned to face Saidie, took a deep breath, and said, "No. That's not why I don't like you. And I don't think you're in love with Bender, I know you are. And the reason I don't like you is because you won't admit it. And because it's not fair to poor Brian."

And there it was. Claire had finally gotten the words out. She didn't know what to expect from Saidie in return, but she was certainly caught off guard by the change in Saidie's expression as soon as she mentioned Brian.

Saidie took a deep breath. "Ok, you know what? Fine. Fine! There was a time when I was very much in love with Bender. When I first met him, I had a huge crush on him. And after we became friends, those feelings only grew. I fell in love with him. But that was a long time ago. Things change. Don't you think if I were really after him, I would have done something about it long before you came into the picture?"

She had a point. Claire had to admit that.

"You mean you're not after him?"

"No, I'm not. I'm not even in love with him anymore. I got over that a long time ago."

"Oh," Claire asked, dumbfounded, "why?"

"Because…because I was smart enough to realize he would never see me that way. I'm nothing more than an annoying little sister to him, and that's what I'll always be. Bender's a smart guy, contrary to popular belief. Like, really smart. And he reads people better than anyone I've ever known. I finally wised up and realized that he had no clue of how I felt about him, and if someone as good as reading people as he is couldn't see it, it was because he didn't want to see it. There was no way he'd ever see me that way. So I eventually got over it."

Claire felt awful. She hadn't meant to make Saidie relive a painful memory.

But that was nothing compared to how bad she was about to feel.

Saide cleared her throat. "But let's get one thing clear, "she said, finally standing up for herself. "Don't you think for a second that my feelings for Brian aren't real. Because they are. I care about him a lot. He's the best guy I have ever known, next to my dad, and I am absolutely crazy about him. Don't ever question that, because it really upsets me." Saidie paused, huffed, and continued. "And you were right about one thing. No, I guess I'm not as naïve as some people think I am. Because you don't fool me at all. Sure, you can tell yourself that the only reason you have a problem with me is because you think I want your boyfriend. If it helps you sleep at night to make me the bad guy, then great. Go for it. But we both know that the real reason you don't like me is because I'm not like you; and you hate anyone who isn't like you because you're afraid you can't figure us out."

"That's not true!" Claire claimed.

"Yes, Claire. It is. Brian told me the story of how you guys met. You would never have looked twice at any of those people before that day. Because they were different from you. Because you can't stand anyone different from you. You hate the fact that you can't put me in a little box." Saidie was on a roll now, and Claire hated that she'd even started this conversation.

"You hate the fact that I don't have to belittle other people to make friends or get people to like me. You hate that I do it by actually being nice to them. Because you got popular by being rude to other people and by snubbing the non-popular kids, and yet those same kids that you've snubbed and treated like crap idolize you to your face for appearance's sake, but call you a bitch behind your back. Your friends are phonies that you know you can't trust, but you can't stand me because I don't care about popularity, because I don't idolize your friends, and because I made friends my own way."

"Stop!" Claire said, now in tears. This was beginning to remind her too much of the things Bender said to her in detention. "Be honest; you don't like me either!" Claire spat back.

"Fine. I'll admit that. Maybe I don't. But the difference is, I don't like you because of the horrible things you and your friends do to people. You don't like me because you think I'm too nice. I don't like you because I know things that Brian and Bender don't know. I mean, they know that your friends are conceited and rude. But they don't know what horrible people you guys really are. I'm a girl, so I see the stuff you all do to other girls; the stuff that the guys don't see. Like how you ruin girls' reputations by telling the school someone is pregnant just because you don't like them or because they wore clothes you don't like. Or how you all made Tiffany Smalls cry because her parents were poor and she couldn't afford to go on that field trip when you were in 8th grade. How you laugh and cheer the jocks on when they beat up guys like Brian in the hallway. How you tripped a girl up and made her break her nose, just because she wasn't popular. Or…or how you once stood there with your friends and said nothing, actually laughed, when Erica Grand called me a racial slur and made fun of Bender for being Jewish."

Now Saidie was crying.

"I'm sorry." Claire whispered.

"And despite knowing all of that, I still tried to be nice to you. I was even willing to start over and become friends. Because you're important to Bender and Brian. So don't ever compare what I think of you to what you think of me. It's not the same thing at all."

Saidie got out of the car and began to walk home.

Claire knew she should have gone after her, but she didn't. She couldn't even look at Saidie right now. She had never felt so small in her entire life. She had been so proud of herself for trying to change, and for not being a bitch to everyone, that she had almost forgotten how horrible of a person she once was.

How could she have forgotten that she had done all those things? Sure, they were in the past, some even years old, but Claire couldn't possibly imagine forgetting about being so awful.

To think, she had spent all this time thinking Saidie was the phony. Claire felt like one now. She'd actually convinced Bender, Allison, Brian, and Andrew that deep down she was a good person. But Saidie had made her feel like maybe she wasn't. The problem wasn't that Saidie was fake, or too nice. It was that being around her made Claire feel like absolute shit because she wasn't more like that.

And now she was sure that Saidie would tell Bender about their conversation, about what an asshole Claire been to her, and about all the things Claire had done in the past. She was sure that Bender would want nothing to do with her, and neither would the others

A/N Next up: Claire deals with the aftermath of her confrontation with Saidie. Annabelle and Claire bond, and Annabelle reveals her secret to Claire. And more Bender and Claire stuff ahead. Whose side are you on: Claire's or Saidie's? Let me know in the reviews!