Madara was well aware he has a odd way of starting friendships. Granted he only really started two, but the point still stands. His first friend was met while skipping stones over the river. Then getting stones thrown at him. And being sneaked up on while peeing.
The other he teamed up with while trying to track down a perverted old man who thought that madara. (He was very manly looking thankyouverymuch) and the other man were a young lady's and had stolen his undergarments. In the dead of winter might he add. The first was very tame compared with the later.
Clan business was stressful his father training him to take title of Uchiha clan head and the constant war looming overhead. So in a fit of desperation he ran off to the closest natural hot springs the first chance he could.
Madara blames the stress for not checking for other chakra signatures. He tore off his clothes with ease. Just barely dipping his toes into the springs when the man coughed quietly. Still to this day Madara fervently denies screeching like a seven year old civilian child.
"Are you quite done now."
Madara continued to screech but noticeable a bit quieter. Maybe due to the fact he was now fully submerged in water.
The unidentified man snorted loudly snapping Madara back into to his shinobi training.
He very gracefully sat back up and tensed his muscles for a fight.
The man had a relaxed posture not a hint of muscle preparation for a attack. His muscles relaxed a bit at the realization.
The strange man had a stringy build and appeared to be on the tall side.
What stood out the most was the strangers features they were not like any he had seen before.
He was foreign. His face was wrong. His eyes were too lifted his nose was too long. He was so ugly. The stranger had a bit darker complexion like Hashirama but seemed to lack the life Hashirama had. Lacked it so much that his cheeks were flushed slightly grey. His nose was making for the the lack of pinks with a strikingly crimson shade. He was so so ugly.
"Would you like to ask me a question, or will you continue sizing me up?"
"State your name."
"It's rude to ask a name before giving one."
Madara twitched as much as a very respectable highly trained shinobi could. By his eye narrowing a slight bit.
"You just told me I could ask any question."
"I asked if you would like to. not a promise of answers."
Now Madara's twitch was in the form of a pain promising grin, and and hand reaching for his kunia. The man then had the gall to to snort. He then waved his hand in a dismissive motion.
"I don't have a name haven't had one in years."
"What do you mean by that?" Madara sneered at him
"No one left to call to me."
"Oh."
He was a orphan of war then. Common in these days.
"Well I just told you some tragic fact. Tell me one of yours."
"Well my brothers and mother died."
"Recently."
" no of course not. I wouldn't tell some fucking orphan stranger important shit." Madara winced as the words came out.
"Fucking orphan stranger. Important shit. Your implying your business is more important then my own."
"Of course you are just some clan less kid." Oh yes just insult the stranger you just met, Good job.
"Well fuck you and your mom too."
Madara surprisingly didn't feel bad for insulting him anymore.
He snarled and lunged forward kunia in hand ready to gut that fucker.
What he didn't account for was his hand being caught mid stab. The man twisted his hand back on itself. There chest pressed together as they fought the earlier kunia being disbanded for less clean method. The man was straddling his hips trying to pin one of madara's hand down which he was currently using to form the hand signs for a grand fireball jutsu the other trying to strangle the bastard stranger.
A shrill squeal disturbed there squabble.
The nameless man snapped his head up in the direction of the squeak. a old man with a bloody nose was muttering about pretty women straddling one another while naked.
Wait... pretty women straddling each other naked. Both he and madara went completely still.
He became aware that we noticed him and scampered out of there.
The strange man promptly stood up off of madara and walked over to wear he his clothes were stored. Madara a now brilliant red , hurried over to his respective pile of belongings only to find them gone. He guessed from the killing intent radiating off the strange man that his we're missing as well.
The man walked over to him in all his naked glory. As If madara wasn't already a bright red he became even more flushed. Did this stranger have no sense of decency.
Now standing straight next to the man he realized man was taller then he first thought. Inhumanly so. Standing at roughly seven foot five.
"Truce for now?"
The man questioned bring his hand out for a handshake.
"Let us cleave off this old mans genetalia."
The men shook hands in agreement.
The old man was surprisingly difficult to catch. That perverted must have spent many years avoiding pissed off women. The man with fluffy hair weaved through the trees at level of speed only flustered ticked off madara's can. Mr. noname hot on his heels. He caught a glimpse behind him, the stranger was hot on his heels. Madara tilted his head to the right signaling that's where he was headed. They spilt up madras darting behind a bush to the right and sprinting ahead of the man. While his new acquaintance slowed and fell to the left.
Madara thrust himself out of the thicker underbrush into the clearing the old man had run into. The pervert took one full body sweep of the very angry madara.
"In my defense you look a lot like a girl from behind."
The regretful pervert threw the clothes at madara's feet. He slowly took two steps backwards only to run straight into the other very pissed off man.
"Not one of you was a girl. Talk about a trap." The man whistled
"Well I'm just going to leave now have a-"
"No no, I believe me and blush-Chan over here have a agreement to fulfill."
Madara will forever cherish the screams of pain the old pervert let out. The old man was sent on his merry way. They let him keep his dick in a separate bag.
He already slipped into his kimono and was in the process of putting on his bulking armor when the man spoke up.
"Sorry for telling you and your mom to go fuck themselves."
"My apologies for trying to stab you. oh yeah, and insulting your non existent worth."
"Mmm... the last part is a lie."
"Really?"
"Yes I have a lot of worth."
"Would you shut up."
The man smiled at me. Not your typical reaction to being told to shut up but ok.
"My names madara. Try not to over use it"
"I think my name might be august. I would tell you not to over use it, but there's no stopping the inevitable."
"Well fuck you too."