One Hundred and Fifty Five
Kurama, Kon and Fukuro are approaching the Hidden Mist. Kurama wants to pay a visit to Saiken and apparently he's hiding out somewhere in the Land of Water. Saiken was always Kurama's favourite because they used to nap together. Saiken made a great pillow. Kurama wonders if he should pop in on the Mizukage and see if she's had her babies yet. Most likely - twins usually come early, and Mei was due a week or two ago. He knew all along she was having twins. Kurama wishes he could've seen her reaction when she popped out a second baby.
"Kurama sensei?" says Kon as they walk along the beach. "What will we do at the end of the truce? Will we help fight Madara, or will we stay out of it?"
"I haven't decided," says Kurama cheerfully. "Madara is spending all his time looking after kids thanks to Iruka. Maybe he'll get out of shape and the Leaf will handle him easily."
"What makes you think we'll need to fight him at all Kon?" says Fukuro. "Obviously he'll be good by then."
"No he won't!" Kon protests.
Fukuro rolls her eyes. "Don't you read any books or watch any movies?" she demands. "When a grumpy old person - usually a man - is tasked with looking after one or more sweet orphaned children their hearts soften and they turn from their bad ways, and focus their attention on raising the kid or kids. They usually stay grumpy to everyone else, though. I bet that's what will happen to Madara."
Kurama laughs, sending shivers up his sidekicks' spines. "You're probably right."
"Hey Kurama!" someone shouts.
Kurama sighs. He was hoping the nearby surfers wouldn't see him. "Hi Iruka," he says, glaring at the human.
Iruka's brat is with him. Apparently he's teaching her to surf. Iruka surfs over to the shore, propelling his board with chakra. Namiko clings to his leg. "How's the training going?"
"This one just proved she has a brain cell," says Kurama, jerking his thumb at Fukuro. "The other one is a dumbass."
"Oh, a compliment. They must be doing well to put you in such a good mood," observes Iruka - correctly, not that Kurama will ever admit it.
Kurama snorts. "They are not as disappointing as some humans."
Kon and Fukuro droop.
"Cheer up," says Iruka. "You'll know he's pleased with you if he actually uses your names."
"But he never has!" whines Kon.
Fukuro, frowns. "Then let's train hard and earn it!" she says, slapping her brother on the back.
"Oh, half a brain cell," says Kurama, meaning she has one and a half brain cells.
Iruka laughs.
Namiko sticks her bottom lip out and watches Kurama nervously. "Daddy, can we get back to surfing?"
"Of course," says Iruka. "Later, Kurama."
Kurama decides to avoid the Hidden Mist after that. He leads his sidekicks through the forest, wondering if they will run into anything interesting. After a few hours, a rogue Mist Ninja drops down from the trees.
Kon and Fukuro stop and start backing away nervously.
"Kurama sensei?" says Kon. "I don't think we're strong enough to fight this guy yet."
"Surrender all your valuables," says the rogue Mist Ninja.
"Do you really want Brainless and Almost Brainless?" asks Kurama, surprised. "Well, you can have them. Sidekicks, kick his ass."
"Um...Kurama sensei, isn't he too strong for us?" asks Fukuro.
"No, this guy is weak as as f***," says Kurama.
"How can you tell?" says Kon. "He looks scary."
"Pfft, he's nothing," scoffs Kurama. "Do you see an orphan kid following him around? No. He ain't s***. Everyone knows any Rogue Mist Ninja worth anything has a pet orphan. Now stop shaking in your sandals and kick his ass."
Kon charges in, weaving hand signs. He skids to a stop closer to the Mist ninja and casts his ninshu technique. The ground rumbles beneath them. Then it splits beneath the mist ninja. The mist ninja leaps away, into a nearby tree.
Fukuro starts weaving hand signs and, a moment later, the tree wraps its branches around the mist ninja, swallows him up and spits him out near the ground.
The Mist ninja scrambles to his feet and runs away crying. "MUMMY!"
Kon and Fukuro laugh at him.
"Hmm, you took longer than I expected you to," says Kurama. "Let's be going."
"Wow, you were right, Kurama sensei," says Kon. "He was weak."
Kurama grins. No, he was chunin level. Kon and Fukuro get stronger and stronger every day. It's time to throw them into a conflict against weaker, but more numerous opponents.
Inari and a bunch of the boys from his village stand across the Great Naruto Bridge. "Back off and we won't hurt you!" Inari bravely tells the bandits who are trying to get across to rob the town. "You don't scare us!"
"Aw, how cute," says the bandit leader. "The little boy is trying to act like a man. You common rabble and your pitchforks don't scare us! We will crush you!"
"Excuse me, coming through," says a new voice, and a man pushes his way through the bandits. He has two teenagers following him. "Sidekicks, welcome to the Great Naruto Bridge. As you can see, people like to attempt to kill each other here."
"Who the hell are you?" demands Inari, glaring at the intruders. Are they with the bandits?
"I'm Kurama, and these two are my sidekicks: Nearly Smart and Nearly Brave," says the man, gesturing to the girl first and then the boy. "I know who you are: you're a friend of Naruto's."
"You know Naruto?" says Inari. "Can you help us? Please?"
"Hmm…" Kurama pretends to think hard.
"Um...Kurama sensei?" says Almost Brave. "I would like to help."
"So would I!" says Almost Smart.
"Go ahead," says Kurama. "Let's see how you do against multiple weak opponents."
Almost Smart and Almost Brave start making strange hand signs. The river rises up and washes over the bridge, grabbing the bandits and dragging them downstream. Almost Brave and Almost Smart high five.
"Hmm, your form was a bit sloppy," says Kurama, crossing his arms. "But your teamwork was passable."
"Was that…" says Almost Brave.
"...a compliment?" finishes Almost Smart. "Yay, we're improving!"
Madara is fed up with teaching Iruka's class. That lot are a bunch of little hellspawns. No wonder Iruka ditched them to hang out with his girlfriend. "Sekitei!" snaps Madara, pulling the girl out of a rubbish bin. "Stay out of there."
"Why?" asks Sekitei.
"It is disgusting," says Madara.
"Not as disgusting as ora-" Madra slaps a hand over the girl's mouth before she can finish.
"You are far too young to even think about that," says Madara. Now even more annoyed, Madara herds his four older charges through the village streets to Mikoto's Daycare.
When they arrive, Mikoto and two of the ninjas Fugaku is least happy with are trying to teach about fifteen kids to play cricket. "Madara!" calls Mikoto, when she sees him. "Ajisai is inside."
Madara raises a hand in thanks and heads inside to collect the baby. Inside, two of Fugaku's other least-liked shinobi are watching about five children under three years of age. Anko is one of them.
Ajisai sees Madara and shoots across the floor, crawling with astonishing speed. Wonderful. She can crawl now. Madara isn't sure if he should be happy or scared. Madara scoops up the baby and deftly ties her to his hip with the baby sling.
"Your bubby gave us the run-around today," Anko tells Madara. "That brat is gonna be a terror. You all better hide anything breakable. And anything small enough for her to swallow. She ate a bead today. It'll come out in her poop in a couple of days, though. Be sure to check for it."
"Wonderful," says Madara, sighing. Why can't Anko wear something other than skin tight chainmail? Honestly.