Disclaimer- I don't own the games or the show.

I hope you like reading this as much as I loved writing it!

Ps- School started back up for me, so updates might be a bit more irregular.

"'Fortress of…Squalitude?'" Sonic read off the screen as he returned to his seat between Knuckles and Eggman, dusting off any confetti papers sticking to him. He wondered what surprises this episode had in store for him. Hopefully it wasn't anywhere close to the 'him being tortured with romance' kind.

"I don't even know what that means." Knuckles rose a brow over the fox, who was trapped between black and pink. He actually felt bad for the kid. Would he switch places though? Nope. "Tails?"

The vulpine shook his head. "I have no idea…maybe it's a spin off of solitude? We still don't know what this one is about though…"

"One way to find out." Shadow drawled out, severely unenthused. He pressed play and hoped that he could manage to stay awake this time. Taking revenge was great, but not at the expense of being startled half to death. And having everyone irritatingly shout at each other.

The scene started out in Eggman's lair, with said human examining a handful of mail. "Junk," he said flatly and threw an envelope away. Something whirled off-screen. "Junk." He threw another away. "Junk." Again. "Junk." And yet again. Eggman peered closer at a large red paper. "Evil boot warehouse…" He shoved it into Cubot's mouth, who seemed to be shredding all of his unwanted mail.

Amy didn't care about the other Eggman. She wanted to see her other self and Sonic and how they were so compatible together! If her Sonic saw more of that, then all her dreams would come true! She could hear the wedding bells now!

Only if that doctor would get off the screen!

However, because of the size of the paper, Cubot started to cough. Orbot came up behind his robotic friend and hit him on the back a few times. "Paper jam." Cubot spat half of the paper out in relief.

"No better than an inexpensive shredder." Metal was tired of seeing those two mechanical disgraces. "If that doctor had any ounce of intelligence, then he should destroy them without any remorse."

"Careful Metal." Sonic smirked at the leashed bot. "The other you might be no better than a busted toaster."

If the robot was indeed an appliance used for toast, Metal was going to find a way to strangle the Eggman in the television. His perfect attributes were designed to kill a particular fleshy hedgehog, not to make bread crunchy.

After reading over another letter, Eggman exclaimed, "Orbot!" The red mech opened his mouth to shred, and the doctor shook his head. "No, you imbecile!" He sat up straighter on the couch he had been previously laying on. "I don't want you to shred this. It's the key to our future!" Eggman gestured to the paper in his hand. "Do you know what this is?"

"Robotic women who love us for our minds and aren't into looks or money?" Cubot guessed.

Tails frowned in thought. "That's an interesting topic…" Did robots actually have emotions like that? And did they like other sentient robots? Or any machine? "Hey Metal, do you feel attracted to vacuum cleaners?"

"Be lucky that I am collared fox," Metal said as Knuckles and Sonic stifled chuckles. "Otherwise, I would have torn out your trachea."

"…I'll take that as a no."

"Dunno about that, Tails! He avoided your question!" Sonic barked out a laugh before nudging the grumpy Eggman at his side. "Be careful Eggy! Make sure that you knock before you go into your kitchen!"

Eggman hadn't wanted to picture it, and now he was, and now he desired to throw out every appliance he owned.

Amy giggled when an idea came to her. "Eggman! You could build a Metal Amy for Metal Sonic! So he won't be so lonely!"

"Absolutely not." The doctor's retort was automatic. He didn't need a metallic version of her making him want to pull all of his mustache hair out. "I would go insane with two annoyances with attitude around me all the time."

Metal desired for this to end. "You all will perish."

"No." Eggman deadpanned. "Our home, and by that I mean my home, is going to be featured in Modern Lair magazine." He let Orbot read the paper. "Here, read the exposition."

Eggman released a long exasperated groan. "Is this episode going to be about me? I don't know how much of seeing myself as a bumbling fool I can take…" He narrowed his eyes at the TV. "And really? A magazine? He shouldn't care about that if Sonic is still out there!"

Knuckles shrugged. "Maybe he's having an off-day. Though caring so much about a magazine – a home-ec magazine no less – is seriously weird."

Sonic's snickers almost made Eggman wish that the air horn would make a return. "Everyone has their hobbies, Knux! And well…that Eggy is making sure his place has the right fengshui." He teased. "Maybe you should take after him Eggman! To get your mind off of all your losses!"

Eggman was going to have to learn to block that rodent out if he didn't want a constant migraine.

Orbot did so. "A photographer's assistant will do a site inspection tomorrow to consider you for our Island Fortress issue."

He and Cubot shared a dubious look while Eggman hopped up from the couch. "Let's give this lair some flair!"

Amy pursed her lips, mind drifting off the topic of everlasting love. "How do you even spruce up an evil base? Put traps everywhere? Leave out raisin cookies instead of chocolate chip?"

"He's not that evil." Tails shuddered that the mention of the serious crime. "And I guess it's about to show us…"

A montage started, and now Orbot was using a reluctant Cubot to vacuum the floor.

Then, in another room, Cubot was utilizing a plow to scoop up little pieces of scrap metal.

After that, the two robots were shown shining Eggman's many boots that looked identical to each other.

Eggman grumbled to himself, hating that fact that he too had many shoes of similar structure. They were comfy and durable – that was what he told himself every time he ordered new ones. He just disliked that there was something he and the other Eggman had in common.

Eggman walked into the room and ordered, "When you bots are done with my boots, make sure my rollercoaster is in tip-top shape."

"Rollercoaster?" Sonic perked up at that. "I was jokin' before Egghead, but man! Riding a rollercoaster before destroying one of your bases would be a hoot!"

Knuckles scoffed. "His bases were already basically rollercoasters. There are straightaways, curves, and ramps everywhere, and now that I think about it…" He made eye contact with Eggman. "It's like you always build your bases to help Sonic get through them, not the other way around."

Before Eggman could formulate an excuse that involved something fancy like cost efficiency – not the fact that ramps were easier to navigate without wheezing – Tails cut in. "He's right, Eggman! Why don't you put something like stairs instead?"

Sonic waved his brother off. "Pfft. You know he wouldn't make it up stairs."

"Why you little-!" Eggman attempted to wring his hands around that rodent's neck, but he was easily fought off. Granted, he wasn't known for his upper body strength, but he still had hope.

So, like the grown adult he was, Eggman crossed his arms and sulked.

The mechs glanced at each other again before nodding. The two robots later approached the roller coaster area with a toolbox. Doors – with carnival-like paint – slid open, and they entered. Only moments after the doors closed, crashing sounds were heard along with a cat screech. Cubot and Orbot exited the room in pieces.

"Yeah…that doesn't look safe." Amy observed with a wince.

"Definitely my kind of ride!" Sonic opposed happily.

Away from the bots, Eggman was adjusting a Bunsen burner on a table. He stared at it for a moment before rotating it again.

"Perfect!" The doctor smiled to himself. "It's all coming together! When the photographer's assistant arrives, he'll take one look at my lair and exclaim-"

At a later time, a rodent with a blue checkered hat and coat looked around in disdain. "You call this a lair?"

"Okay, I'm not saying that his base isn't drab, because it is," Amy started, twirling one of her quills. "But how would that guy know what a good lair looks like? He's seen more of them?"

"He's had too!" Tails responded, mind whirling. "So that means that there are more bad guys than Eggman there?"

"Please let there be." Eggman nearly pleaded, wishing that was the case. "So the focus can be more on them and not that disappointing version of myself."

"You-"

"Not another word Metal!" The human cut the robot off, knowing that nothing pleasant was going to come out of that mouth.

Metal didn't say anything for a moment, Eggman surprised that he actually listened, but then the words shot out. "You are a disappointment." Eggman threw his hands up in frustration while Metal added, "I could not not say it."

Amused, Sonic commented, "You know, the longer we're trapped in here, the more I like you, Metal."

"It is the opposite for me."

Eggman and Shadow communicated their agreeance with the bot.

"…Yeah I saw that comin'." Sonic's mood stayed bright. "But I won't take it back! You and I make a great team with messin' with Eggy!"

Metal's opticals flashed. "You and I aren't equals in anything. I am better at belittling the doctor."

Sonic held a hand up. "Whoa whoa hold the phone! You know how long I've perfected my practice? Before you were even made!"

"And the doctor still has his pride in place. You have not been doing a good job, and therefore are inferior," the robot stated.

Sonic pursed his lips before addressing his neighbor, who was rubbing his temples. "Eggman! Who annoys you more, him or me?"

The human ignored him altogether and turned his attention to Tails. "Fox, give me some aspirin."

"Do you not know the definition of manners, doctor?" Metal questioned only for Eggman to narrow his eyes at him.

Sonic rose a brow when his blue replica glanced at him. The hero then smirked. Metal wanted to make this a competition? Game on. "Yeah Eggy, did it smell in the barn you were raised in? Explains your stench now." Sonic scrunched his nose and waved his hand in front of it.

Eggman didn't say a word. He hopped up and stomped into the kitchen, planning on searching for medicine on his own.

"It's in the cabinet over the stove!" Tails called after him.

Sonic leaned back on the sofa and smirked arrogantly. "That's one-oh Metal." The robot clenched his fists. "But I'll let you have a chance to win with a little game. The one who gets to Eggman the most by the end of this episode wins. Deal?"

Metal pointedly turned away from him. "You will lose horribly, copy."

"We'll see about that!"

Knuckles rolled his eyes. "Here we go."

"I wish I had some popcorn…" Tails said, both for the show and the brewing competition.

"I wish I had earmuffs." Shadow grumbled lowly.

Amy raised a hand and volunteered. "I can keep track of the points!"

Metal declined that offer immediately. "No. If you are charge of the point system, the chance of him winning is a hundred percent."

The pinkette puffed out her cheeks. "I'm fair!" Until Sonic started to lose, that is.

"False." Metal required someone impartial. "Ultimate Lifeform, you are the scorekeeper."

Shadow glared. "No." He was here to watch the damn show: no more, no less.

Sonic pulled out his puppy-dog eyes, which had no effect on the striped one whatsoever. "Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pleeeeaaaaaaaaa-"

"FINE DAMMIT!" Shadow shouted in rage. "Just shut the hell up!"

The innocent look morphed into a victorious one. "Mission accomplished," Sonic quipped.

Shadow took deep breaths to he wouldn't attempt to detach Faker's head like he did Metal's. He was sure the thing wouldn't appreciate it.

When Eggman returned to the living room, he saw Sonic and Metal focus on him and mental red flags instantly went up. He had heard Shadow's yell, but he didn't know what was going on. It was no doubt going to dance on his last nerve, though.

He just had a gut feeling, especially since Sonic's smile was way too wide.

"How dare you?" Eggman growled, glaring down at his visitor. "Listen, pompous little pipsqueak, I'll crush you like a bug!"

The assistant wasn't fazed. "Not if you want your lair in our magazine."

"He's had to have dealt with worse people than Eggman," Knuckles uttered, "Because that guy doesn't care at all."

Metal folded his arms across his chest. "It is not like it is difficult to be more evil than the doctor." He paused, then, "Both of them."

Eggman opened his mouth to angrily respond to that jab, but Sonic spoke up before he got the chance. "It's not hard at all! The salesmen knocking at people's doors at seven in the morning definitely has Egghead beat."

When the human's eye violently twitched, Sonic subtly looked over at Shadow, who looked highly agitated cat – his fingers digging into the arm of the couch like it was a scratching post.

Eh. He was most likely doing his job.

The human gasped, anger morphing into concern. "You can't do this to me!"

"Modern Lair brings our readers a contemporary upbeat take on evil," the rodent explained. "Your idea of evil is totally retro…without the irony." He crossed his arms as Eggman slumped. "Your lasers are a ridiculous shade of blue, and would you please turn that Bunsen burner 90 degrees before I get sick." He pointed at the offending lab tool.

Tails cocked his head. "I didn't realize that the positioning of scientific lab equipment was so important…"

"It shouldn't be though, right?" Amy tapped her chin. "Not every bad guy is an evil scientist!"

"Really?" Knuckles drawled. "Name one."

She gestured to the robot. "Metal Sonic's one!"

"He made by an evil scientist."

"Chaos!"

"Released by an evil scientist."

"Uh…Dark Gaia?"

"Same as above."

Amy wracked her brain. "The Deadly Six!"

"Were pissed off because of an evil scientist."

Eggman huffed and grumbled to himself along the lines of 'Stupid traitorous pieces of-'

Amy blinked before her jades landed on the Ultimate Lifeform. "What about Shadow? He was bad once!"

"Made by a relative of an evil scientist." Knuckles ignored Shadow's growl. "See?"

Amy finally gave up. "Yeah yeah…I get it…"

"Give me a chance!" Eggman begged. "I'll spruce up the place!"

Sonic snorted. "So if I criticize your place Eggster, would you beg like that?"

"Of course not, you imbecile!" Eggman's cheeks flushed red in anger.

"If you desire for the doctor to plead," Metal began. "Simply threaten to scissor off his facial hair. I have witnessed the unnecessary care he gives it."

Eggman growled deep in his throat – hoping that the medicine would kick in quick – while Tails and Amy giggled, picturing the man grooming his only plume of hair.

Sonic jabbed a finger over at them. "Don't laugh at Metal! That wasn't funny!" The pair stopped, but their expressions were still filled with mirth. "Mine was funny, right Shads?"

Said hedgehog didn't answer him, too busy wondering that if he had went down the evil path way back when, would he still be here right now?

If not, this alone would've been enough incentive to commit mass murder.

The assistance tapped his chin in thought. "I'll give you a week." He strolled toward the exit of the base.

Eggman scratched the top of his head. "I'm gonna need help…from someone with a real feel for color and shape."

The screen panned to Cubot, who was interacting with a cube with multiple holes for shapes and who was currently trying to fit a square into a 'X' hole.

Tails resisted the urge to facepalm. "Were they really that stupid?"

"Yes." Eggman deadpanned. "And that is why I scrapped them."

"It should not be surprising, given their creator."

Currently, Eggman was brainstorming ways he could get Shadow to dismember that robot, and Sonic was panicking because man, Metal was ready on the drop of a dime.

"Definitely gonna have to out-source this one…" The doctor mumbled before an idea came to him. "I know!"

The scene changed to somewhere outside now. Amy was standing with a clipboard and pencil in hand.

"Oh no…" Amy knew what was coming. Her other self was about to be taken away from the other Sonic! No! She should fight to stay by his side. And plus, being with Eggman was just plain gross.

The doctor ran his hand down his face. "Of course he would resort to her…" Why was he trying so hard for something so unimportant?

Amy rounded on him, her gaze ablaze. "And what's wrong with her?! She should be respected for her talents, which are way better than yours!"

Sonic blinked. He hadn't realized that she had been playing too.

Eggman's eye twitch became more prominent.

The speedster beside him smirked. "What? No comeback, Eggy? I'm surprised, because you usually never stop yappin' that trap of yours!"

Knuckles gave him a side-glance. "Sonic, you are literally the last person who could say that."

Metal generated a scoff. "That was horrendous, copy. I believe that deserves a point deduction."

"You deserve a point deduction!" Sonic argued without thinking, and he soon regretted it because wow…he was never this bad.

Eggman wasn't even going to ask. He didn't care that much to intervene and made his day infinitely worse.

She checked off on the paper as she talked. "My summer themed cushions with floral upholstery that compliments each guests' natural coloring are ready, the ice sculpture has melted just enough to hide the carving marks…" Said sculpture was sparkling in the sun on a decorated table.

"And I dug a trench around the picnic table and filled it with broken glass," Sticks said while holding a shovel, satisfied with her work.

"Does she want cuts? Because that's how you get cuts." Tails worried about the badger's common sense. Who was she protecting the table from? Themselves? Heck, she had yelled at her shadow before, so he shouldn't expect anything less from her at this point.

Amy blinked. "I…might've used rose petals, but we'll go with it." She glanced over to the side and shouted. "Sonic! How are you doing on those fruit drinks?"

There was a pile of untouched fruit on a rock with flies circling it, and Sonic was snoring on a beach chair.

Amy deeply frowned. Boyfriends were supposed to help their girlfriends with juicing various fruits! Why didn't he understand that? Men these days!

Amy sighed. "Why am I not surprised?" She then shifted her attention to something else. "Tails! Where's the soothing music?"

"Right here!" The fox was sitting on the porch of Sonic's shack with a music control panel in front of him. "But I thought it would be better if I gave it a little boost." He flipped a switch on the panel, and loud music blasted out of the speakers, annoying everyone. A large leaf loosened from a nearby tree and landed on Amy's head.

"Whoa…" Sonic whistled lowly. "We need a speaker like that here, Tails!"

The kit only sighed. "If you like all of our windows blown out, then sure…"

Annoyance was radiating off the pinkette in waves as she threw the leaf away. "Knuckles? Are my grilled pheasants ready?"

Knuckles faced her with a frown. "Not now, Amy. I'm busy." He held up a hand to reveal that he was using one of the raw pheasants as a puppet. The echidna changed his voice as if the plucked bird was talking. "Oh please don't cook me, Knuckles." The red anthro lowered his voice as he showed that his other hand was covered with raw fowl as well. "Today turned out a lot different than I expected."

Honestly, Knuckles had forgotten how idiotic his twin was because of all that was going on. The echidna groaned and pitied those raw hunks of meet. "How many times had he been dropped on his head…?"

"Too many." Sonic chuckled before adding. "But didn't we decide that it was steroids turning his brain into mush?"

"The steroids had to have some help."

Amy was obviously upset as she turned to the badger. "Sticks, I don't know why I go out of my way to make things nice for these guys."

"Yeah…they all are kinda acting like jerks, except for my double." Tails concluded. "He just uh…miscalculated."

"You…deserve better." The girls turned toward the new voice, who belonged to Eggman. He was standing on the porch. "I mean, this table!" He pointed to the wooden furniture. "It should be hanging in a museum!"

"That is a ridiculous statement." There were so many flaws in this that it was uncanny, Metal thought. "Tables do not hang in museums. That would be a safety hazard."

"Since when did you care about safety hazards?" Eggman questioned dubiously.

"Gotta agree with him there, Metal!" Sonic piped up. "You as a whole are a safety hazard."

Metal didn't miss a beat. "Your foolishness is a safety hazard."

Sonic gaped, clearly offended, and Knuckles coughed. "He's not wrong."

Sticks gasped in alarm before snatching an oyster shell of the table and breaking it on the ground, holding the jagged end as a weapon. "That villain! Just give me the signal Amy, and I'll clam him!" As she said this, Knuckles, Sonic, and Tails ran to the badger's side, ready to fight as well.

Eggman held his hands up. "Don't let the fact that I constantly try to destroy you lead you to believe that I am here to destroy you. I just want to hire Amy to redo my lair."

"Say no!" Amy pleaded after throwing a pouting Sonic a sympathetic look. "He's evil and he smells! Don't go!"

All of the gang except for Amy laugh. Instead, the pinkette looked flattered.

Annnndddd there went common sense. Straight out of the window. Amy slumped in her seat, disappointed in her double.

Sonic scoffed. "Come on, Amy. You're not buying this."

Amy rounded on him, angry. "Is it so hard to believe Eggman might actually respect my talents?"

"It's actually harder to believe that you think he does…" The pinkette muttered.

"Well yeah." Sonic thought about what he said and tried to mend it. "Wait, that came out wrong."

"Nope, it's too late." Sonic commented, that wound caused by Metal painstakingly healing. "Good job other me! You really deserve an award for that!"

"'Best at…being a terrible boyfriend'?"

Sonic winced before shaking his head at Amy. "More like… 'Best at pushing a completely platonic friend into the arms of a mad scientist.'"

Amy stared blankly at him before smiling at Eggman. "I accept."

Her friends gaped at her in shock.

"Don't go with Eggbreath!" Sonic attempted to convince her as she made her way toward the human.

"You can't trust him!" Tails added. "He's evil!"

"He needs to yell that louder because the other Amy obviously can't hear him." Knuckles groused, wondering why that pinkette hadn't learned from previous experiences. The other Eggman – and their own, to some degree – was inept, sure, but he was still bad.

Amy peered over her shoulder and retorted, "I can take care of myself."

"If there is trouble, the doctor would be easy to defeat. He always is."

"You're just as easy to defeat as I am, Metal!" Eggman snarled, wishing that duct tape would work on that damned machine.

Sonic scratched his nose, taking his chance. "So you're sayin' that you're easy to take down? I'm glad that you finally accept it!"

Eggman held his head in his hands. This was his life now. Surrounded by endless ridiculing. He wouldn't wish this on his worst enemy…or wait, yes he would mainly because that rodent was the source of his torment.

"Splendid!" Eggman cheered as she stood in front of him. "My lair awaits. After you!" He gestured in the direction of his base.

Knuckles held up one of his meat puppets again. He lowered his voice once more. "Don't look at me, I didn't use her lovingly prepared meal as a puppet."

Knuckles was just going to ignore that to keep his sanity. "So they are just going to let her go? Just like that?"

"We would've at least…I dunno…held her back or something!" Tails suggested.

Amy messed with a loose string on her pajamas. "You guys wouldn't have to do anything because I wouldn't go! I mean, I like decorating as much as the next girl, but not enough to risk life and love!"

Sonic felt like sliding onto the floor in exasperation again. "Ames, can't you stop with-"

"Nope!"

The speedster inwardly sighed.

The human and pink hedgehog were strolling down a hallway with Orbot and Cubot trailing them. "So, where do you wanna start?" Amy asked.

"You have total creative freedom. Make this lair so fantastic that they'll want to put it on the cover! Then I'll say…'no'." Eggman laughed evilly.

Amy tilted her head. "Why?"

The doctor petted his mustache. "Sorry. Old habits are hard to break."

"So that's why you lose all the time!" Sonic snapped his fingers at the man that was trying so hard to block him out, but the rodent was too loud. "I have a habit of winning, and you have a habit of losing!"

"And he has a habit of building inadequate machines," Metal said.

Sonic focused on him. "And he has a habit of revealing his plans!"

The robot retorted, "And he as a habit of creating terrible schemes."

Eggman glanced back and forth between them. The two were insulting him, sure, but it seemed like they were indirectly attacking each other. Somehow.

The duo went kept going until it was clear that they were running out of ideas.

Sonic was yelling at this point. "And he has a habit of never taking showers!"

Metal's voice was at the same volume. "And he has a habit of annoyingly laughing all the time!"

"And he has a habit of…of…" Sonic dug deep within his mind. "Of always bein' flubby!" He gestured to the suddenly self-conscious doctor. "Just look at 'im!"

The bot searched his database for anything he could use. "And he has a habit of-"

"And I will have the habit of shoving a particular robot's arm so far down a particular Faker's throat that he will be shitting fingers."

With that threat – no, promise – from Shadow, Sonic and Metal glared at each other before ending their verbal spat.

Another montage began. Amy placed a blue pillow in the center of a couch; however, Eggman came over after she left and moved it slightly to the right.

Then, Orbot and Cubot were painting a wall blue while Eggman and Amy observed.

The doctor hummed. "It's great, but…hm… I'm not sure about the color." He put his hands on his hips. "It just doesn't say 'contemporary upbeat take on evil.'"

Amy, picking up a bucket of paint, read the label. "The color is called 'contemporary upbeat take on evil…blue.'"

Tails, both highly amused because of his brother's game and highly nervous because he kept forgetting that Shadow was a near psychopath, fought to disregard that negative feeling. "I still don't understand why she's working for him."

"Eggman's doing it to get on a magazine cover right?" Amy was attempting to find the positive in this terrible situation. "She could possibly become famous because of her work!"

"Or infamous because she's helping out a guy that terrorizes people on a daily basis." Knuckles pointed out.

"Yeah…or that."

Later, the female hedgie walked past that same couch from before. She noticed that the pillow had been moved, so she returned it to its proper place and left.

Eggman entered a large room and his eyes widened at the sight of the red plaid curtains. "Too much plaid?"

Orbot and Cubot were wrapped in the red stuff. The former agreed. "Maybe a little."

Elsewhere, Amy was taking down a picture of Eggman in a cape only to replace it with a photo of unicorns.

The human approached her from behind and frowned in confusion.

"Okay that's a little weird, even for her." Sonic furrowed his brow. "And Egghead's just gonna leave that there?"

"He's probably so shocked that he doesn't know what to do." Tails provided.

Then, Amy was sprinkling rose petals all over the floor with an unsure Eggman watching on. After finishing, she pressed a button on the wall that activated a laser show.

Eggman's tone was dubious. "Uh…the rose petals and laser light show add a certain regal flair, but…do we really need that?" He pointed over to Orbot and Cubot, who had angel wings and were being spun in the air by a rotating sphere attached to the ceiling.

"I've never felt so free!" Cubot shouted.

"She can put together light shows? Not gonna lie, that's pretty awesome," Sonic said and immediately regretted because Amy instantly focused on him.

"So laser light shows are the way to your heart?" She guessed, and before Sonic could say absolutely not, she grabbed a surprised Tails' shoulders. "Tails! Teach me tech stuff!"

"Uh…"

"Promise me that you'll do it after we're freed!"

"I promise!" Tails squeaked just to escape the girl's overbearing presence. When Amy smugly leaned away, he locked gazes with Sonic, who mouthed 'I'm so sorry'.

Sometimes, Tails would just love the ability to disappear.

Eggman passed that couch with the pillow again and noticed that the blue cushion had been moved. Instead of fixing it, he shot it with a laser. The pillow was now burnt to a crisp.

Knuckles' lips twitched upwards. "That's one way to do it."

Metal agreed. "That is the most sensible thing that doctor has done yet." He glanced at Eggman, who braced for whatever was coming. "When will you have that breakthrough?"

The human didn't bother to reply, just stressfully rubbing his forehead.

Sonic narrowed his eyes at the robot before smirking. "As soon as he gets a gym membership, am I right?"

Eggman had never wanted a shirt more in his entire life.

The robots – still clad in angel wings – were spreading rose petals around when the doorbell rang.

Eggman perked up. "It's him!"

The front doors opened to reveal the assistant from before, expression unreadable.

"Hello!" The doctor greeted enthusiastically. "What a surprise!" He then slumped in disappointment when the rodent strolled by without saying anything.

The trio were now looking up at the laser show with Orbot and Cubot spinning around. The assistant seemed perplexed for a moment before walking off.

Amy didn't blame him. The robots were probably a bit too much.

In the room with the plaid curtains, the magazine worker glanced around before focusing on the picture of the colorful unicorns.

Eggman, downtrodden, whispered down to Amy, "He hates it. I knew those unicorns were too much!" He straightened up and raised his voice. "I can explain! The one to blame-"

The assistant turned around. "I love it."

"He can't be serious." Knuckles deadpanned.

"Y'know, with how this show's gone…" Sonic flipped a hand. "I'm not even surprised."

"Huh." Tails played with a confetti ball. "He doesn't seem like a unicorn type of guy, but okay."

The human slid in front of Amy, gesturing to himself. "Is me! Yes, I really outdid myself, didn't I?"

"What?" the pinkette unhappily yelled. "It was my design!"

"Under my supervision," Eggman snapped back.

Amy batted back with, "And my execution!"

He got in her face. "With my direction!"

"This is when things start going downhill…" Tails trailed off, not wanting that Amy – no matter how uh…interesting she was – to get hurt.

"I just have one note," the capped rodent interjected.

Orbot dropped down from the ceiling on a string. "A forty-hour work week for the cherubs?"

Eggman promptly grabbed the bot and used the string attaching him to the ceiling to fling Orbot away.

The assistant went on like that didn't happen. "Danger up the entryway a little, and who knows? You might make the cover." He aimed for the exit. "I'll be back tomorrow with the photographer."

Amy tapped her chin in thought. "Does he want to get hurt when he comes back? Because that's basically what he's asking for."

After he left, Eggman exclaimed, "Did you hear that? The cover!"

Amy was done with all of this. "Great. Have fun supervising yourself! I'm out of here!" She took a few steps away, but Eggman pressed a button on a remote, dropping a cage around her. She gasped before glaring at him. "Really?"

"What? Did she really expect just to walk out of there?" If Eggman had been in that universe, Eggmanland would've been built ten times over. "He's a fool, but he's still a villain."

"What did you expect? I'm a supervillain!" Eggman maliciously smirked.

"You and your double are becoming more alike as time goes on, doctor." Metal observed, and Sonic angrily mumbled to himself. He had been a split second too slow.

Eggman decided that he was just going to stop talking. Even his words were working against him at this point.

"Now, once you're finished dangering up the entryway to my lab, you might want to put in an evil screening room." Amy's eyes widened. "Cheer up! At least I appreciate you, unlike your so-called friends!"

Tails pursed his lips. "Enslavement and appreciation don't mean the same thing…"

"I don't think he cares." Knuckles drawled out.

The scene changed, and now it was nighttime. The rest of the gang were sitting at a table on the beach, which was holding a horribly burnt pheasant.

Sonic couldn't be mad. "That's…an accurate representation." He didn't know the first thing about cooking anything other than chili dogs, Tails hadn't touched anything that big and fancy yet, he doubted Knuckles had even used a stove, and Sticks…he was sure that she would be fine with eating the thing raw.

"Ugh…" Knuckles sighed. "Burned food just doesn't taste the same without Amy."

Tails gave him a side glance. "Knuckles, you're eating a napkin."

The echidna looked down at the rolled up napkin in his grip, which had the top half bitten off. "Yeah, I knew that." He took another bite out of it.

Knuckles drummed his fingers on his leg. "How in the hell has he survived for this long?"

No one answered, because they had no clue.

"Knuckles is right," Sonic admitted.

"What?!" Tails questioned incredulously.

"Not about the napkin eating!" He clarified. "About Amy. We need to make sure she's okay."

"Took him long enough!" Sonic huffed. "It's nighttime! She's been there for way too long!"

Tails nodded. "Yeah! We would've gone after her within the first hour!"

Amy smiled broadly. "I'm so lucky to have such great friends!" She chirped before hugging the kid fox tightly. Tails, though flattered, squirmed in her grip to no avail. He just hoped that she didn't kiss him again.

At Eggman's lair, the azure hedgehog knocked on the metal doors and waited. No one came for the longest, so he was going to knock again. However, Eggman appeared before he could.

"Yes?" The scientist questioned with a smug look on his face.

"We came to get Amy. Is she done yet?" Sonic demanded.

"Amy has decided to become my full-time decorator," Eggman said. "I'm afraid that she doesn't want anything to do with her old friends." The door slammed shut in their faces.

"Wow…" Knuckles scratched his head in confusion. "Who'd thought that Amy would abandon us?"

"Can someone give him a muzzle?" Knuckles was tired of hearing his twin's voice. "Please?"

"I don't think she did…" Sonic speculated before grinning. "Come on, we got to find a way into this lair."

"Make a dramatic entry!" Sonic advised, now excited. "Destroy the door!"

Inside of said base, Amy was laying down in her cage, realizing the mess she was in. Then, she smelled something foul.

"Ew." She frowned. "What is that smell?"

The pinkette flinched when a wall near her was destroyed, revealing Sonic – with Amy's hammer – Tails, Knuckles, and Sticks who were all covered in a strange liquid.

"It's us!" Knuckles pumped a fist. "We snuck in through a sewer pipe!"

Sonic winced. "Or…do that." He has done many things, but he tended to avoid wallowing through peoples'…wastes. Which he assumed would be common knowledge, but…guess he was wrong.

Metal cocked his head, noticing his copy's disgust. "Nothing is wrong with making a stealthy entrance. Your way of thinking is flawed."

Sonic barely resisted responding with 'You're flawed', and instead said, "Well Metal, when you gain a sense of smell and gain the ability contract diseases, talk to me later about it, 'kay?"

Amy was standing up now with her arms crossed. She spoke up. "I was wondering how long it would take for you guys to miss me."

Sonic approached her with her weapon of choice. His features were soft. "We may have a hard time saying it, Amy, but…well, you know."

She smiled understandably at him. "Yeah, I know."

"She knows the power of friendship!" Sonic hastily exclaimed. Was that dreaded topic going to be mentioned every freaking episode?

Amy's happy grin was all-knowing. "A special kind of friendship! Come on, Sonic! Look at them!" She gushed. "You can't tell me that we don't look great together!"

"Oh it would be very easy," Sonic muttered to himself, but the pinkette had heard.

"What?" Her tone had gained a bit of an edge to it. "Sonic…Are you saying that I'm ugly?!"

Sonic's stomach dropped. It was only a matter of time before the hammer came out. "No!" He leaned forward and shook his hands frantically. "That's not what I said!"

"Then what did you say?"

The speedster floundered for something, anything. "I said…that…I'd like my eggs over easy!" He forcefully chuckled. "You know…for breakfast tomorrow…?"

Amy stared before doing a 'I'm watching you' motion with her hand.

Tails ran over and pressed a button on the side of the cage, deactivating its laser bars.

"There's no way we're going out the way we came in…" Sonic held out the hammer for Amy to take. "Care to do the honors?" She took it without hesitation and nodded with determination.

Amy went all starry eyed, and Sonic was just glad that she wasn't pulling anymore potentially dangerous stunts.

In another room, Eggman was drinking some tea at his desk. He nearly choked on it when his door was knocked down forcefully.

Team Sonic was standing at the doorway. Amy readied her piko-piko. "Sorry about the door." She didn't look apologetic at all. "Oh, and I quit."

Eggman growled. "No one quits my employ unless I dismantle them first!"

Cubot, laying in pieces on the floor, shouted, "It's true!"

Tails wondered who kept putting those robots back together, because it didn't seem like the other Eggman would go out of his way to constantly do it…like every five minutes.

The doctor summoned his attack robots with a swipe of a finger on his touchscreen desk. A horde of them charged into the room.

Sonic smirked at Amy. "After you."

The pinkette dreamily sighed. "Such chivalry!"

"Chivalry isn't just for couples!" Sonic tried to explain, but Amy completely blocked him out.

The pinkette charged forward and took out a Motobug with her hammer. Knuckles then threw a crab robot attacking Tails into a wall. A Bee bot fired at Sonic, but his speed let him dodge all of the lasers. He spin dashed a Motobug trailing Tails, and Amy finished it off with a swing of her trusted weapon.

Sticks destroyed the aforementioned Bee bot with her boomerang as a crab bot creeped up behind a distracted Sonic. Tails ended that robot's artificial life by smashing it with the unicorn painting.

Team Sonic share a victorious look while Eggman and his helper robots attempted to flee.

"Yet another defeat. Which is similar to-"

Eggman groaned. "Metal, can you not talk for five minutes?" That was all he needed. Five minutes of peaceful bliss.

But of course, that was nothing but a fantasy. "I enjoy pointing out your flaws and winning against my annoying copy, so no."

"Winning?" Sonic was appalled that the other would even think that. "You are not winning! I'm winning by a mile!"

"That is what a loser would say."

Sonic opened his mouth, but didn't say anything. This episode should be over soon enough, and then Metal would see who was the superior teaser.

However, they were stopped when the assistant and the photographer – an unimpressed female aardvark – appeared.

Eggman stuttered over his words. "I-I um…you're early!"

"Apparently," the woman replied flatly as she surveyed the scene. She swiftly turned to her speechless assistant and uttered, "You're fired," before leaving."

"Poor guy," Amy uttered, coming out of her romance induced dream state. It wasn't his fault that Eggman had destructive enemies.

Orbot was suddenly next to him, holding out tickets. "Ride the roller coaster. That always cheers me up." The former assistant took the tickets, still in shock about what just happened.

Eggman was pleading with the photographer who wasn't amused at all. "W-Wait, please!" He followed after her as she walked to the exit. "Forget the cover! How about a smaller spread? A couple pages? A page! A snapshot buried behind some cleaning product ads!"

Pathetic, Eggman thought to himself. He wouldn't dare say it out loud, for he could imagine the exact words Metal or Sonic would respond to that with.

Amy and Sonic watched them go before the former said, "Would've been nice to see my designs featured in a magazine." She shifted her attention to the blue hero. "Oh well, maybe some day."

"I don't know about a magazine spread, but I do know a shack you can redecorate." Sonic offered.

"Really?" Amy's mood brightened. "I've been wanting to fix that place up for years! Oh Sonic, it'll be amazing!" She gushed.

"Just a few things." Sonic put a hand on his hip. "My coconut husk collection is off limits – too many memories – and no washing, painting, plastering, or cleaning." He turned to leave, and the rest of his friends did too. "But other than that, you have total creative freedom."

Amy inhaled deeply to squeal, but Sonic held a hand up. "No! Nope! None of that! Keep that to yourself, Ames!" And she did, inwardly dancing about how cute those two on the screen were.

"Disregarding the obvious relationship between my copy's copy and the questionable lady's copy-" Amy growled at Metal. He went on without a care, turning toward a done-with-the-world Shadow. "Ultimate Lifeform, who won the ga-"

"It was a tie." Shadow interrupted him, having not paid attention – intentionally – and wanting to get this over with as quickly as possible.

"A tie?!" Sonic shouted to the striped one's disdain. "It can't be a tie!"

"I refuse to believe that," Metal replied crisply. "I am always superior."

Sonic needed the real results. "Tails! Knuckles! Who do you think won?" Both fox and echidna shrugged, having no idea. What they did know was that it was fun watching them go at it.

Eggman rose a brow. "What in the heck are you talking about, cactus?"

Instead of Sonic, Metal answered, "We were having a competition to see who could insult you the best."

The human's mustache flared. "That's why you two were…!" He rubbed his temples and marched back into the kitchen, muttering darkly to himself.

"It was a tie!" Amy helped out before addressing Metal. "See? I am fair!"

Metal stared blankly at her. "Does not compute."

Sonic puffed out his cheeks and slumped against the couch. At least it wasn't a loss. "Fine, I'll accept that…"

The robot was beginning to twitch. "Impossible. I am better. Does not compute."

The blue blur grinned. "Guess no-"

"Does not compute." His movements were becoming more jerky.

The grin melted away. "Metal, are you-"

"Does not compute."

"Met-"

The bot's head exploded.

Looks like Metal literally can't handle being anything but first. He just needs to keep his head up!

…yeah, I should go.

Reviews and constructive criticism are welcome!