Madara takes Tobirama and their respective fathers into another room to talk in peace. That room happens to be his bedroom, which is currently a mess of children's pyjamas, dog fur and storybooks. "Sorry about the mess," he tells Tobirama. "I don't seem to have much personal space anymore."
"I'm not bothered," says Tobirama, winking slyly and jerking his head in the direction of his fuming father. "But he is."
"This is disgraceful!" says Tajima, frowning. "Looking after children is women's work. You should be ashamed, Madara."
"On the contrary," says Madara, remembering what Hashirama said before he went back to being dead. "I've never been happier. I'm even teaching at the Academy."
"They are letting YOU teach CHILDREN?!" demands Batsuma. "Whose idea was that? Honestly!"
"That's not important," says Madara. "We need to discuss why we reanimated you this time."
"As you can see," says Tobirama, sitting down on Madara's bed and pulling one of Sasuke's old dolls out from under his backside. "We are not drunk out of our minds this time. Someone reanimated me and I need to find a way to end the jutsu from the outside before I can leave this world forever. In order to develop such a jutsu, I need subjects to experiment on. All the other reanimations who I planned to experiment on all managed to dispel the jutsu themselves accidentally - except Mito, who went off to visit her old village."
"Mito? I saw Mito with Hashirama just before you summoned me here," says Batsuma. "She was telling him something about how she broke a jutsu by being too shocked to function."
"Good grief," mutters Tobirama. "Even dead Uzumakis are mad."
"While Tobirama is working on his jutsu," says Madara. "We will need to keep the two of you separate as much as possible to avoid a fight breaking out. Father, you will stay with me and help me watch all the kids I look after and teach. Batsuma, you will go with Tobirama and replace Hashirama as Aki's undead babysitter. Any questions."
"Madara, you are not in a class," says Tobirama. "You do not need to demand questions."
"Hmph," grunts Madara. Oops. He let out his inner teacher for a second. Damn Iruka. Damn him to Joe.
"Why do I need to be a babysitter?" demands Batsuma.
"Because Hashirama is gone and someone needs to spoil that girl rotten now that Hashirama isn't around to do it," says Tobirama. "He lets her get away with murder, I swear."
"He should not spoil the girl and let her mother deal with the after effects!" snaps Batsuma, crossing his arms. "I will have to take that child in hand."
Tobirama and Madara exchange an amused glance. "It is far more likely she will take you in hand," says Madara. "Now get your Senju arses out of my house."
"Aki is a Hatake," points out Tobirama, standing. He picks up Joe's headdress from the place he was sitting. "Is this Joe's?"
"Yes, Ajisai stole it when he came to check on them," says Madara. "He's letting her keep it for now."
"I see," says Tobirama, dropping the headdress back on the bed. "We'll be getting out of your hair now."
They head back to the living/dining room where Sekitei is still on the shelf with her dolly, the twins are still wrestling on the couch, Tachibana is trying to get Ajisai to ride Lucy, and Aki is pretending to make Tachi's boat drop bombs on the dinosaur army.
"Aki, say goodbye - we're leaving now," says Tobirama. "Your Undead Great Grandpa is here now that your undead Grandpa is gone."
Aki shoves Tachi's boat into Madara's hands and leaps into the air, landing squarely on Batsuma. Then she climbs over his shoulders and attaches herself to his back. "Let's go!" she hollers in her inside yell. "You need to meet my baby brother!"
"Keep your voice down inside!" snaps Batsuma, obviously trying to be strict.
"This is my inside yell!" yells Aki, cheerfully. "Bye, guys! I will come again another day! Let's go Uncle Tobirama!"
"Bye Aki!" says Sekitei.
Lucy barks, Tachibana waves, Ajisai throws another block at Aki and the twins pause in their tussle long enough to stick their tongues out.
Tobirama herds Batsuma out before Aki can respond in kind. Madara waits until he hears the door close behind them before he says, "Kids, this is my father, Tajima. He is staying with us for a while. Be nice."
The twins roll off the couch and run up to Tajima, big grins on their faces.
"I'm Yatsude," says the correct twin, hugging Tajima's legs. "How come your hair looks like a shaved duck?"
"I'm Sazanka," says the other twin, attaching himself to the other side of Tajima's legs. "We used to be joined together until Lady Tsunade separated us. She's got soft boobies."
"Gramps, are you a shinobi?" asks Tachibana. "Can you show me some cool moves?"
"Goo," says Ajisai, crawling up to Tajima and tugging on his pants. Tajima looks down at her. Ajisai waves her arms at him, gurgling baby noises.
"You'd better pick her up," says Madara, heading over to the shelf to lift Sekitei down so she can join the fun.
Tobirama arrives home roughly an hour after he first left that morning. It is now half past seven - nearing the time Tenzou should be leaving for her first ANBU mission since having Minoru. Therefore, it is no surprise to him that when he walks in the door the first thing he sees is Minoru running butt-naked down the hall with Tenzou chasing him, nappy in hand, dressed in full ANBU gear - minus the mask. Minoru is screaming with laughter, his fat baby legs somehow managing to outrun his ANBU mother.
"What is this?" demands Batsuma, and is promptly trapped in a wooden cage.
"Who the hell are you, and what are you doing in my house?" Tenzou demands.
"Relax, Tenzou," says Tabirama, grinning. "This is my father. Hashirama got to hold Ajisai and he was so damned happy he went back to the afterlife. I reanimated my father to replace him in watching the kids and being my test subject."
"I see," says Tenzou, releasing the cage jutsu. She tosses Minoru's nappy at Batsuma. "Put this on Minoru. I need to go before my team starts thinking I'm pulling a Kakashi." She sinks down into the woodwork and is gone.
Batsuma stares at the nappy in horror.
"That was Tenzou," Tobirama tells his father. "Hashirama's biologically engineered daughter. She was altered into a half-clone of him by a mad scientist."
"The resemblance is uncanny," says Batsuma, through gritted teeth.
Iruka takes a deep breath and opens the door to the Academy indoor training hall. The principal told him Madara is teaching the class in there. Iruka hopes to catch a glimpse of what Madara is like as a teacher, so he did not warn anyone of his return to the Leaf.
Music blasts out of the training hall. Frowning, Iruka surveys the hall. Madara is leading the class in a dance lesson. But not just any dancing. No, not just any old dance.
Break dancing.
Iruka sighs. Of course Madara break dances. Iruka should've realized, based on Madara's taijutsu movements.
"Ah, Iruka, you're back," says Madara, without breaking his rhythm.
"Iruka sensei!" the class shouts, running over to crowd around Iruka.
Madara turns off the music and crosses his arms. "So I hear your girlfriend had twins," he says.
"She did," says Iruka, grinning. "A boy and a girl. There has never been a pair of twins in my clan."
"I think your clan wants to be restored," says Madara, raising an eyebrow.
"Most likely," says Iruka, nervously laughing and scratching the back of his head. "How long have you been teaching the class breakdancing?"
"Since you left," says Madara. "Their taijutsu is improving."
"Can you dance, Iruka sensei?" asks Konohamaru.
"Iruka sensei can dance the Macarena!" says Burifu, grinning.
"And all ballroom dancing, including the tango," adds Iruka.
"Well, you'll have to teach them some of those dances," says Madara. "It'll be good for them to learn different styles."
"Yay more dancing!" the class cheers.