Hi everyone,

Thanks, thanks, thanks and one hundred more thanks to all of you for reading and your motivating messages!

A few of you might have noticed that this story holds a few little hints about things that are important to me. Chapter 6 mentions reusable cups! Plastic free / plastic reduced living has very high priority for me, and if I can get just one more person to ditch their plastic cup… then I've achieved something!

Quick reminder that I also run a tumblr account where I post edits and aesthetics about this story! Just search for mynameisnicse.

Enough babbling. Enjoy chapter 6!

XXX

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BREATHE - SIA

Hermione wasn't sure at all anymore if she wanted to go to Paris. It was already eight o'clock and she was still in bed.

She usually had no trouble sleeping, at least not anymore. There had been a few years after the war when she had struggled with light insomnia, but she was virtually back to the sleeping habits of her youth. She did like to make sure she had strong wards in place, and she couldn't just fall asleep anywhere anymore, but that wasn't what had been the problem last night.

She felt uneasy. Yesterday had been a surprisingly nice day, until dinner. Snape had been staring holes into her all evening and she just didn't know why. They had held wonderful conversation all afternoon, but the later it got the colder he'd become.

Or had he not? How could anyone know? His face and demeanour gave away nothing. It could mean anything, either he was simply bored or on the verge of killing someone. She didn't want to cause him any more discomfort, but she wasn't sure if that was in fact what was bothering him.

Maybe he gets drained by social interaction.

Hermione's dad was a little bit like this.

Not like Snape, good heavens!

But her dad would sometimes feel mentally exhausted after social engagements and needed some time by himself.

She was interpreting too much into this. Flinging back the thin blanket, she got out of bed and jumped under the shower. She had to be quick now if she didn't want to be late. She washed her hair with muggle shampoo that she had slightly altered with a spell to be more effective, not changing the scent though, because that was what she liked most about it, grapefruit and mint.

She wasn't going to put on full-length wizarding robes in this weather. She put on a nicely fitting, sleeveless dress and draped some smarter looking robes over her arm.

Her hair was still damp, when she grabbed her bag and left the house through the back door. She had created a small spot in the very far corner of the garden, that she could use for apparition and disapparition. Her charm work was refined enough to make sure nobody else would be able to access it. Anyone who wanted to come and visit, could do so via the front door.

She apparated into the town square of Arraxy. Checking the time with a quick tempus charm she noticed she had plenty of time left to get a coffee. She went to the usual bakery and ordered an americano to take away in her reusable cup.

"I'll have a fire tongue pastry too, please."

The girl picked one up and put it in a bag.

"You know what, can you actually make that two pastries? Separate bags, please."

She might as well try and get on Snape's good side this morning. She didn't notice that he stood in the entrance and was watching her.

Hermione charmed the pastries to follow her in mid-air whilst trying to put the lid on her cup. She smiled when she spotted him. He looked rather grumpy, but that didn't come as a surprise to her.

"Hi."

He gave her a short nod and went to order coffee as well, although not to take away.

"I got you a fire tongue pastry, if you want it." She tried not to sound nervous but did a poor job.

He didn't say anything until he had his coffee and turned back to her.

"That wouldn't have been necessary."

She just shrugged her shoulders and followed him to a table. When she sat down and placed one of the pastries in front of him, he threw her a nasty glance, but she skilfully ignored it.

They shared their breakfast in silence and Hermione didn't mind it at all. Despite his moody behaviour, it didn't feel hostile or uncomfortable. She actually enjoyed it, mainly due to the delicious tasting pastry.

He got up and she picked up her bag and robes to follow him outside. Stopping right in front of the door he held an arm out to her.

"Shall we?" No spitefulness, no offence.

Maybe he's just not a morning person. A coffee and pastry are always a good solution.

She smiled at him and quickly slipped into her robes before putting her hand on Snape's arm and being squeezed into side-along apparition with him.

They landed on a busy street and Hermione could immediately tell it was a wizarding area. Snape started stalking ahead and she had difficulty keeping up with him but knew better than to complain about it.

They took a corner and Hermione could see the institute they were going to. It was a typical French neoclassical building. It reminded her a little bit of the muggle École Militaire that she had visited with her parents once, but the Institut de la Maîtrise Magique obviously was simply more magical. It was huge, it seemingly touched the sky and the large pillars in the front looked crooked and as if they would crumble under the weight of the building at any moment.

Snape had stopped to wait for her, and she was preparing herself for a snide remark from him, but it didn't come. He just looked down at her coolly from where he was standing and she hurried to catch up with him, her calf-length light robes fluttering around her legs.

"Would you mind…", she uttered breathlessly. "Would you mind waiting a short moment."

He stopped dead as if by command and she nearly ran into him. Quickly composing herself, she looked for a scrunchie in her bag and tied up her hair, her neck was starting to get sweaty.

"Thanks."

Snape walked slower once they entered the building and she managed to keep up with him. She inevitably felt like a little girl next to him, not only because he had been her professor in the past, but also because he simply had this authoritative aura about him that she secretly admired.

In reality she didn't look any less professional than him as they walked side by side.

Snape quickly introduced her to a lady, and she was given a stamp. It shimmered golden on the back of her hand and she chuckled. He gave her a stern look.

"It reminds me of the stamps you get when you go clubbing." She looked at her hand and laughed again.

"Clubbing?", he spat, each syllable dripping with moral condemnation. "I should have asked about your leisure-time activities before considering you eligible to accompany me."

"It's not as if I am knocking myself out every weekend", she answered defiantly.

He let out a snort and stopped in front of a large double winged door.

"I have things to do now. You can either come in here with me and pretend to not know me", he gestured toward the door, "or you can go to a talk of your choice."

"The wolfsbane presentation starts in an hour, correct?", she asked, and he nodded in response. She threw a quick glance at the door.

"It's a small gathering of potions masters and healers. They usually meet before the talks start", he explained.

"If you don't mind, I would like to join that gathering."

"Is there any point in trying to convince you otherwise?" He pinched the bridge of his nose.

"No", she said happily and walked towards the door. Just before opening it, she turned back to him. "And for the record: I will not pretend to not know you."

He looked as if in agony, and because she entered the room quickly to avoid his potential wrath, she never saw the tiny smile that sneaked its way onto his face.

Guillaume greeted her cheerfully and there was luckily no need for her to stay with Snape any longer. She wasn't sure if she could have coped with his mood for another minute.

She couldn't see the hostile glance Snape gave Guillaume, as she was ushered into the room, away from him.

Guillaume introduced her to a number of people, and she listened to some quite interesting conversations. She didn't contribute very much, as she was neither a specialist in potions nor healing, but she followed everything that was discussed as she had extended knowledge in both. She made some mental notes on things that sounded particularly interesting and she caught herself a couple of times wishing Snape was around so she could ask his opinion on some things, that she didn't naturally agree with.

In one of those instances, she actually looked around and caught his eye. He looked more like her former professor than ever in his black frockcoat and she wondered if he even owned anything else. He was standing with a group of witches and wizards and he had clearly been in deep conversation before he noticed her looking at him. His gaze was expressionless, but she smiled at him.

Let him be grumpy, but he can know that I am actually enjoying this.

When Guillaume and Snape started their presentation, it was fascinating at the very least. The two of them emanated so much combined knowledge it was hard not to be in awe. They talked for at least two hours and Hermione clung onto every word. She had missed it, the magic, the subjects, the theories. Magic was what defined her, it was an essential part of her being, and her mind was getting head over heels into the matter.

She had never actually tried to brew the wolfbane potion, but she was familiar with the theory. The things that Snape had come up with over the last ten years were absolutely incredible. She just couldn't believe that one man could be capable of such unsurpassable brilliance. That combined with an equally skilled mind from another field was nearly overpowering her. There was no word, that could describe Hermione's admiration for Snape's capability at that moment.

When they finished, there were plenty of questions. Some very good ones, some not so intelligent ones. She thought she would have enough opportunity to ask her questions over a nice dinner and decided to leave the room to catch some air before she'd make her way to the Charms presentation. However, before she could leave, she heard Snape call after her.

"Miss Granger!"

She turned towards him and greeted him with a smile.

"Where are you going?", he snarled.

"I shall be getting some food and then attend the talk in the auditorium on the fourth floor."

"That doesn't start for another two hours."

"Like I said, I will get lunch -"

"I didn't invite you, so you could be strutting around Paris and eat croissants all day", he snapped.

"Excuse me?" She couldn't believe what she had heard.

He looked at her coldly and she took a step towards him, being properly angry now.

"I can be strutting around Paris as much as I please and I can have every last croissant in this city, if I wish to do so. I can do whatever I like, and the fact that you so graciously invited me will not stop me."

He gave her a repulsed look. "Well, as you have been doing whatever you liked since putting foot in this building, I shall not be stopping you now."

She was absolutely outraged now.

"You didn't leave me with much choice, did you? Reminding me constantly about how you don't want to be bothered with my presence, snapping at me at every given opportunity and leaving me with a bunch of strangers upon arrival."

"I don't think Guillaume would be so pleased to hear you consider him a stranger. And I also wasn't aware that you needed babysitting, Professor Granger", he drawled. "Shall I be taking you for lunch now, too?"

She threw her hands up defensively and turned to leave the room, but he was quicker than her and stepped into her way.

"Not so quick", he sneered. "I shall insist on your company now. Miss Know-it-all doesn't seem to be able to find her way around alone, being left with a bunch of strangers."

He was making a scene and some people threw her suspicious glances.

His gleeful smirk provoked her, and her blood was boiling. Why was he making her so angry? She was fuming and she could tell he liked it. Why did he like tantalising people so much?

"You are a sadist and you disgust me", she spat at him. Then she pushed past him and left him behind.

She stepped into the busy street trying to calm down. What an absolute prat. She was raging and walked aimlessly down the street trying to compose herself.

Don't let this idiot destroy your trip. You wanted to come here and you're better than him. Just ignore it. You're in wizarding Paris!

She swallowed the anger down, and soon enough she enjoyed herself wandering the streets of the Parisian wizarding quarter. She found a nice café, pulled a book out of her bag and ordered lunch. It was nearly two o'clock when she checked the time after a while. She wanted to see the presentation but didn't want to encounter Snape again.

You are going to go back there now and listen to the Charms talk! Where is your Gryffindor pride?

Right. She got up and made her way back. When she finally found the auditorium on the fourth floor, nearly every seat was taken. It was an amphitheatre arrangement and she sat down only a few rows away from the entrance at the top of the room.

It was a boring talk. It wasn't stupid or uninformed, but it wasn't very advanced either. For some reason people only wanted to improve a translation charm in a way that it would cover more languages, rather than actually working on achieving full fluency. She decided to leave after forty minutes. When she had half gotten up to leave, she spotted Snape standing at the back of the room close to the exit. She immediately fell back into her seat.

For Merlin's sake, this can't be true.

Now that she was aware of him being here, she could also feel that he was watching her. What's his damn problem?

After a few minutes she thought she couldn't feel his eyes on her anymore and turned around carefully to check. He wasn't there anymore. She got up quickly and left the room silently, just to be surprised by Snape standing in the corridor.

"I thought you wouldn't enjoy it." He spoke calmly and nodded towards the closed door behind her.

"And I thought I told you to leave me alone", she snapped and walked past him.

"Actually, you did not. You said I disgust you", he stated matter-of-factly.

"Well, a brain of your calibre should be able to put one and one together." She stalked down the corridor without so much as looking at him. She felt that her comment was rather daring. She was nervously anticipating him lashing out at her, but it didn't concern her as much as it would have usually done. She had enough of him and didn't care very much about his moods anymore.

"There is a talk on Arithmancy on the second floor at three o'clock. I have been to one of the speaker's talks before. He is decent."

She didn't pay him any attention and bit her tongue. He followed her quietly. When they left the building, she turned towards him and said brusquely: "Don't you have anywhere more important to be?"

"Where are you going?", he asked in return and she could see a glint of something in his eyes. Was it anger? Panic? Trying to exercise power?

"I don't know how this is any of your business, but if you really need to know: I am going home."

He sported an entirely blank expression now. "Do you want to go to any of the talks tomorrow?"

"I wanted to, initially. I was in fact looking forward to it. But I will not spend my entire holiday being bullied and flouted by you. If that means I won't be attending the rest of the symposium, so be it. I could not care less. Goodbye."

She walked down the steps and got herself ready to disapparate.

"Don't go."

Something in his tone made her stop. He sounded sincere, for once. And genuinely worried. She turned around and looked at him. His face expressed nothing of the tone he had spoken in.

"What is your problem?", she asked him, and she wanted an answer. He said nothing, so she repeated: "What is your problem?"

He displayed no emotion whatsoever, but Hermione thought there was something in his eyes. She didn't know what it was.

"I tell you what my problem is", she said calmly, turning around to fully face him. "That, exactly that is my problem." She pointed at his face. "I never know what is coming next. That gaze you have…", she tilted her head slightly, "… is it anger? Is it scorn? Will you taunt or harass me? Will you shout at me or maybe for a change just tease me or even be civil towards me? You are like a feather in the wind and I can only guess where you will be headed next."

There was a long silence between them, and they stared at one another, whilst normal Paris wizarding life took place around them.

"I just didn't expect you", he finally said.

"That would have been an excuse in February. And whilst I understand your precarious situation, I want to remind you that you invited me to be here today, and the whole week." She could be tough if she felt treated unjustly.

He had the audacity to lower his head and something in this gesture made her soften up a bit.

"I'll be getting a coffee now", she said soberly.

She turned around and walked away, although not too quickly, indicating he could come along of he wanted to. He did and walked next to her in silence, but with his head held high.

They sat down outside in front of the same little café that Hermione had her lunch at. She had calmed down a bit, although she still thought he did not deserve it, and she started speaking to him softly.

"Listen", she searched for his eyes, but he was watching the bypassing people with a pretentious look on his face.

"I don't know what is on your mind, but I tell you once more: I am not going to tell anyone about your existence here, as long as you don't explicitly ask me to do so. I am not here to hunt you down or make your life any harder. I don't want to cause you any distress or problems."

"I know", he finally replied. They sat in silence for a while drinking their coffees.

"You don't need to tell me what is on your mind", she started again, "but if you would like me to leave just tell me. I don't want to cause you any more pain."

"You aren't."

Hermione didn't answer but watched him for a long while. They finished their coffees and sat in peaceful silence, each thinking their own thoughts. It was Snape who spoke first.

"Have you been to the famous Paris bookstore?"

She shook her head and looked at him questioningly. He got up and tilted his head indicating they'd go. She jumped onto her feet and smiled excitedly at him.

He couldn't remember a single time in the past twenty years that he had felt so happy to see somebody smile.

They spent the next couple of days similarly, but in a much more cordial manner, and Hermione really enjoyed it.

Initially she only wanted to go to three charms talks. The first one she went to was about shield charms and Snape had claimed he would see a talk on Polyjuice potion. In reality she had spotted him at the back of the auditorium, but he wasn't aware that she had, and she didn't mention it when they sat in the café. The same day after lunch she went to see a renowned wizard in the field of memory charms, Bernard Bibblibus, and it was in fact an extremely informative and thought-provoking presentation. She noticed Snape again standing close to the side entrance, and this time she didn't hide that she had spotted him, and he quickly caught her eye. After the presentation was over, she hurried to catch up with him.

They went to get drinks and sat down on a table in the foyer on the ground floor. He was interested in her opinion and asked her about the memory charms she had worked on during her masters.

"I obliviated my parents before our seventh year", she explained to him. "I made their recovery my master project. Luckily it worked out really well and they recovered quickly. Filius liked the charm I used to change their memories. I made sure it wasn't traceable, but because I knew it was there it was easier for me to reverse it. I knew already what I was looking for."

She looked thoughtfully at Snape, not really paying much attention to him, but to focus her mind.

"I don't think I agree with this common perception, that a memory restoration charm has to be swift and quick, like Bibblibus promoted it in his research."

"Why don't you agree?", he asked her, genuinely interested.

"I could have done it swiftly and quickly with my parents. But I decided, a gradual recovery of memory loss is preferable."

She sat up straight and began speaking in a lecture-like voice.

"I started by retrieving smaller memories at first, to see whether I would be successful. I was, but I also realised that it had a somewhat unsettling effect on my parent's emotional state. I think they realised that they had been missing something. I did it all step by step, by the time I restored my mother's memory of having a child, she fell into slight depression. She explained that whilst her memory was modified, she was aware of something but did not know what it was. When the memory came back, she realised that she had known all along that she was missing a child. She explained it had to do with her body, how it had changed after birth. She felt incredibly angry and depressed that she hadn't worked it out earlier, by herself."

"But that is the whole point of a memory charm, she wasn't supposed to work it out."

"Yes, I know that, and you know that." Hermione lifted her finger to underline her words. "But the affected person doesn't. They feel guilty, they feel like they have betrayed their own memory."

She looked at him sadly now.

"I was the one that betrayed them. Whilst their memory was gone, I could cope. I knew I had done it to keep them safe. But seeing how they struggled, how they saw themselves as the guilty ones, although I have been the one causing them all that pain…"

"Don't be ridiculous", he snapped at her and had a very stern look on his face.

She smiled sadly.

"Anyway, I believe that gradual recovery is healthier for the victim's emotional and mental health. They can process it easier."

They sat at the table quietly for a while, until Hermione asked Snape about his thoughts on memory charms, especially on the synergy or the lack thereof with occlumency. He explained in great detail, how occlumency can help guard yourself, preventing that you ever become victim to a memory charm, but also how it can be a curse, because it can be extremely hard, even for an experienced witch or wizard, to restore a memory in an occlumens's mind.

"Shouldn't it be easier? As far as I know, the mind of an occlumens is very well structured. Wouldn't that make it easier to fill gaps and repair damaged memories?", she asked.

"You are right, an occlumens has a very well-structured mind, but that is exactly what makes it so difficult."

She looked at him with furrowed eyebrows.

"Do you have a work room, a study or something similar?", he asked.

She nodded.

"If somebody would pick up a book from your desk, or a sheet of paper, anything with valuable information, something you need to function, something related to your research…", his eyes were piercing her now. "… and weeks later I would come along and hold that piece of information in my hands, would you think me capable of putting it back into your office, right where you need it to be?"

She huffed and leaned back, smiling at him. He copied her and said: "Even if I were to put the paper simply right in front of your nose on the middle of the desk…."

"… It could be a rather overwhelming memory and one cannot possibly know how the person would react or if they would be able to recategorize the memory", she finished the sentence.

They talked a while longer but decided to leave soon.

"What did you think of Bernard Bibblibus in general?", she asked him as they left the building for that day.

"He is very restless for someone who works in a field that requires such magical stability and accuracy."

Hermine thought about this comment for a second and established, that Snape was not actually being rude or disapproving, but in a weird and twisted way complimenting the speaker.

"That is a very good point. I suppose everybody has a different coping mechanism."

He threw her a glance that very much said You're not seriously getting into the psychological concept of coping mechanism now, are you? or something more Snape-ish. She had to stop herself from laughing about the fact that she could literally hear his drawl in her head.

"Well, every academic I know has an outlet. You know, when your mind is racing, and you are thinking about something really hard. Professor Flitwick starts humming, my muggle thesis supervisor had this awful habit of clicking with his biro." She clenched her jaw at the memory. "And Master Bibblibus seems to pace up and down."

"Albus Dumbledore used to pace up and down."

Hermione wasn't sure how to answer to that, and it didn't help that Snape had an icy glint in his eyes.

After that conversation they apparated home separately and met again the following day. Hermione wanted to attend one more presentation by a Hungarian witch who was talking about mood altering charms. Snape didn't join this presentation, but they met for lunch together with Guillaume at the café they have been to before.

"If you are not busy this afternoon, I would recommend you go and see Flora Tremeau at two o'clock. She is a Transfiguration professor at Beauxbatons and has done considerable research on the Homorphus charm", Guillaume said to Hermione.

She looked at Snape, who understood the unsaid question and said: "I have been in touch with her during my research, unfortunately her work is not substantial enough to be applied to potions. It is mainly theoretic."

"Nonetheless, it is remarkable work", Guillaume reinforced his previous statement. He then left them to attend a medicinal talk himself.

"He is right, if you are interested in transfiguration, it might be worth going to", Snape said.

Hermione decided it wouldn't hurt to refresh some transfiguration theory, even though it was at a highly advanced level. She was surprised when Snape entered the lecture theatre with her but couldn't help and be excited about it. She had really enjoyed the discussion with him yesterday, and maybe there was an opportunity to talk again today over a cup of coffee. They sat down next to one another and stayed for the whole talk. Hermione could tell that Snape was watching her from the corner of his eye, but she pretended not to notice.

She payed close attention to Flora Tremeau. At one point she snorted quietly and immediately covered her mouth, when she noticed that it had been audible. She threw an apologetic glance at Snape, but he looked rather amused.

"I believe you can see how none of her research is of much use to our cause?", he said to her when they left the institute.

"I can, yes. However, she did present some very good theories that one can work with." Hermione walked down the steps light-footedly, looking deep in thought.

Snape looked at her.

"A penny for your thoughts, Miss Granger."

She stopped in her tracks and looked at him, assessing the situation. Then she smiled and held out her arm for apparition.

"Call me Hermione and join me for dinner, and I shall elaborate my thought process in great detail."

To her surprise he took her arm and indicated for her to apparate. They disappeared with a quiet pop.