Ignis Dracorex: so we are now at 300 chapters….. This was not supposed to happen.
Cyrro: sorry! I got carried away!
Ignis Dracorex: to be fair I'm also at fault for it becoming this big
Cyrro: *fake crying* I couldn't resist adding all the fluff. Why did you encourage me?
Ignis Dracorex: Because of Fluff and Chaos
Forty Six.
"I hope this works," Kakashi whispers to Tobirama as they peek around the doorframe at Batsuma. Batsuma is cheerfully brushing Aki's hair while Minoru sits on his lap chewing a carrot.
"It better," whispers Tobirama. "Father is getting entirely too content. We need to upset him, and this is guaranteed to upset him. And I should know - I still get irritable when I think of Aki and that Uchiha brat being so close."
"I get triggered too," whispers Kakashi. "But that's because I'm her dad, and she's too young for a boyfriend."
"Don't say that cursed word!" hisses Tobirama. "It's bad enough he's an Uchiha, without that!"
"Your father looks about ready to be at peace," hisses Kakashi. "And you still haven't finished that jutsu. We need it to be as bad as possible!"
"What are we whispering about?" asks Tenzou, poking her head out of the wall. "Obito's family will be here any minute, and you're just standing around whispering. I swear, if it's more important than helping me clean up the messes you made-"
"Sorry," laughs Kakashi nervously. "We'll help you right away."
Sekitei holds Menma carefully and listens to the grown ups discuss how Yatsude's chakra chains training is getting on. Apparently, it's going well.
Burifu, who is sitting on the couch beside Sekitei, whispers, "Yatsude is getting really strong. You better train hard ta catch up, eh."
"I do train," whispers Sekitei, not wanting to wake the sleeping baby in her arms. "I've tried and tried to awaken chakra chains, but I haven't yet."
"Oh it's easy," whispers Burifu. "I can tell by ya chakra you have the ability. If you want, I could yeet ya off a cliff or out of a tall tree. Then you'll awaken 'em for sure, eh."
"Or I'll break my arm," whispers Seikitei, considering whether or not the risks outweigh the benefits. "I'll think about it."
"You do that," whispers Burifu. Then she turns her attention to the adults. "Can we take Menma outside, eh?"
"Gramps and Uncle Minato are outside," says Sekitei, as an incentive for the adults to agree.
"Alright, but be careful with him," says Kushina. "And stay close to Minato and Tajima, okay?"
"Okay!" agrees Burifu, and leaps to her feet.
Sekitei rises somewhat more carefully and follows Burifu outside, with Menma securely in her arms. Once they get outside, Burifu places a finger on her lips and motions to Sekitei to go quietly. They creep around the side of the house, away from Minato and Tajima. Sazanka is with them - they are helping him train his chakra.
"I do not feel it is necessary for him to stay in the Academy if he does not want to be a shinobi," Tajima is saying to Minato. "As soon as we know whether or not he can use medical ninjutsu, he should train exclusively with the medical professionals at the hospital."
"I like that plan, Gramps!" says Sazanka. "But I want to be able to play with the kids at school."
"The Academy teaches more than just ninja skills nowadays," says Minato. "And Iruka told me they have a medical ninjutsu class. That'll be why Madara wants to keep him at the Academy until graduation, and then send him to the hospital for training. That way he learns to fight enough for self defense, he gets to play and be a kid, and he can study medical ninjutsu alongside other kids his age."
Sekitei giggles and whispers to Burifu, "Uncle Madara keeps trying to tell gramps that, but gramps thinks Sazanka should train as hard as possible as much as possible because so few people want to be medics."
"Ah," says Tajima, understanding. "That makes a lot of sense. The world is so different now, compared to how it was when I was alive."
Burifu and Sekitei grin at each other.
"He'll listen to Uncle Minato because Uncle Minato isn't his son, eh," Giggles Burifu. "This way."
Sekitei follows Burifu until they are on the opposite side of the house to Minato, Tajima and Sazanka. They stop under the tree outside Naruto's bedroom window, where the Sparky Family lives. The Sparkies are all in their tree. Mr. Sparky is teaching the baby sparkies to sing.
"Gimmie Menma," says Burifu, holding her arms out.
"Okay," Sekitei hands over Menma, who stays happily sleeping.
Burifu grins her crazy grin, and climbs one-armed up the Sparkies' tree with Menma held fast in the other arm.
"Wait, Burifu!" says Sekitei, panicking. "What are you doing? You'll drop him!"
"Blegh!" Burifu sticks her tongue out at Sekitei. "I'm just taking him up on the roof, he'll be fine, eh."
"No, Burifu! It's too dangerous!" Sekitei sends out a chakra chain and wraps it around Burifu and Menma. Then she uses it to pull them back to the ground. "Don't take Menma on the roof!"
Burifu grins at Sekitei. "You're welcome, eh."
"I didn't thank you!" snaps Sekitei, retracting her chain. Then it hits her. "Wait...did I just…"
"Yes, and I pushed you to it, eh!" says Burifu, wrapping her arm around Menma and holding him tightly. "I was not about to let Menma get hurt, you know."
Sekitei glares at Burifu. "Idda prefered it if you yeeted me off a cliff after all."
"Hehe," giggles Burifu.
Menma carries on sleeping.
If Batsuma had a living brain it would be hemorrhaging. Aki. Is. Kissing. An. UCHIHA. BOY. Behind. The. Sofa.
And the boy's Uchiha father thinks it's CUTE!
"Aw, Bakakashi, your kid and my kid are in looove," Obito crows, slapping Kakashi's shoulder.
"Bwahahaahaaha!" Rin holds her sides and laughs. "They're practically still toddlers, and they already have a romance going on!"
"I feel like I should be mad, but I just can't be," says Kakashi, crouching down and holding his head in anguish. "They're just kids, so it's innocent...but he's a boy...and she's my daughter!"
"Get. Your. Hands. Off. Her. Uchiha." Tobirama grinds out, pulling the two cuddling five year olds apart.
"Awww," whines Shiroikiba.
"But Uncle Tobirama…!" protests Aki.
"Get out of the furniture!" says Tenzou, pulling Minoru out of a wooden footstool.
"F*** this s***, I'm out," Mutters Batsuma, and leaves. He needs some alcohol. The good stuff.
When he finds a good bar, he slides into an empty seat beside a blond lady with pigtails and massive boobs. Batsuma hasn't seen knockers that big since his wife died.
"Hey, I don't remember you being one of the reanimations from the battle at the Temple of Joe," says the woman, who is already tipsy. "When did you get here?"
"Couple of months ago, I think," says Batsuma. "You lose track of time in this crazy village. Tobirama reanimated me to be his test subject."
"Hmph," snorts the woman, and takes a swig of her bottle.
Batsuma buys his own bottle and starts drinking. Not that he can actually taste it, but he feels better doing what he always does when stressed.
"You must be stressed as f-*burp* to be drinking when you can't even taste the sake or get drunk," comments the woman. "What happened?"
"My kid's sort-of adopted kid has a boyfriend at the age of FIVE. FIVE!" says Batsuma, slamming his fist on the bar. "And he's related to my old worst enemy!"
"WHAT!" Tsunade slams her fist down on the bar. "That's almost as bad as my Grandpa trying to adopt a kid from beyond the grave! He was reanimated too, but he's left now, as far as I know."
"What? He sounds as insane as my eldest son!" says Batsuma. "The audacity of these idiots!" He gulps down a mouthful of sake and glares angrily in sympathetic outrage.
"I know! And they don't keep me updated on what's happening!" the woman complains. "I know they've done things behind my back, but I'm so busy with my patients at the hospital that I only have time to spend my free time drinking and gambling!" She gulps down a mouthful of sake and glares in anger.
Batsuma decides that, whoever this woman is, he likes her. He hopes she's not an Uchiha, but she looks like a Senju, so she's probably not one of THOSE freaks.
"Ah, there you are, father," says Tobirama, walking into the bar.
"EH?!" Batsuma and the woman turn identical angry glares on Tobirama.
"Drat you found me," grumbles Batsuma.
"He's your father?!" snaps the woman. "I swear, Uncle Tobirama, if you weren't dead I would kill you for reanimating my Great Grandfather and NOT TELLING ME FOR MONTHS!" She throws her (mostly) empty sake bottle at Tobirama.
Something clicks in Batsuma's mind. "Are you Hashirama's Granddaughter?" he says. "TOBIRAMA!" he shouts, and throws his bottle of sake at his son. "HOW COULD YOU?! HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME I HAVE A SANE F***ING DESCENDANT!"