Tenten wins her 10th game about 20 minutes after joining Batsuma and Tsunade.
"Let's have one more game," Tsunade suggests. "Then go out for drinks."
"I'm too young to drink sake," says Tenten.
"Nonsense!" says Batsuma. "I started drinking at the age of 10, and I'm fine."
"You're dead, Grandfather Batsuma," says Tenten, shuffling the cards.
Batsuma scowls. "Just deal the cards."
Tenten deals. Batsuma stares at his cards in disbelief. A royal flush. How?!
Batsuma can see the expressions on Tsunade's and Tenten's faces. They look as shocked as he feels. "Shall we show our cards?" Batsuma asks, wondering what the heck kinda hand Tenten has.
"Yeah," says Tsunade.
"Royal Flush," says Batsuma, showing his cards both doubtfully and triumphantly.
"HOW?!" says Tsunade, showing her cards. "I also have a Royal Flush!"
"How DO you two keep getting identical hands?" mutters Tenten. "I have this. Pair, I guess." Tenten has a three, a pair of twos, a five and a seven.
"Okay, what bad thing is about to happen?" demandsTsunade. "What happened in the last two minutes that made us win?"
"I promise it wasn't me," says Tenten.
"YES! FINALLY!" Tobirama's shout carries through the walls easily. A moment later, he bursts into the room and says, "Father, get over here. I think I've solved this jutsu. I need to test it."
At any other time, Batsuma would pay no attention to this statement. After all, he has lost count of the number of times Tobirama has tested a counter seal on him. But this time. This time. Batsuma and Tsunade just won the poker game. That can only mean one thing: whatever seal Tobirama is about to test on Batsuma is the real deal.
"What makes you think this one is going to work?" demands Batsuma, assessing the room to locate the most likely escape route.
"It worked on the special test paper I made," says Tobirama. "Now hold still." Tobirama advances on Batsuma.
"Not yet," says Batsuma. "I need to say goodbye to everyone. I have a feeling this one will work."
"It might not," says Tobirama. "I still have my doubts about this one. Just get over here."
Batsuma jumps out of the window and runs for it. Where did Tenzou take the kids again? Kakashi went to train with his team or something, but saying goodbye to Tenzou, Aki and Minoru is far more important, especially since they never got to say goodbye to Hashirama.
Batsuma speeds through the village, casting around with his sensory chakra, searching for Tenzou and the kids. Tobirama follows close on his heels, and Tenten and Tsunade follow Tobirama, trying to slow him down. After a few minutes, Batsuma locates Tenzou's chakra signature. He runs across the rooftops, rushing to get to Tenzou before Tobirama catches up.
Tobirama teleports in front of Batsuma, but Tenten erects a barrier of some kind to freeze him in place before Tobirama can slap the seal on Batsuma.
Batsuma runs on. Soon he reaches the house where Tenzou and the kids are visiting. He jumps in the window and says, "Sorry to intrude, but Tobirama is chasing me with the counter seal to this zombie jutsu and I ain't ready to go yet."
"Grandfather?" Tenzou says, shocked. She's sitting at a table with a red-haired woman and an old lady drinking tea while Aki and Minoru play with an Uzumaki girl and a girl with wild black hair. An old man is sitting on the floor with the kids, and a baby is lying nearby in a basket-bed. Batsuma didn't think people still used those.
"Menie-Grandpa, are you going to leave too?" demands Aki.
"Yes," says Batsuma. "And I know the seal will work this time because I was playing poker with Tsunade and Tenten, and Tsunade and I won."
"Oh…" says Tenzou, blinking. "Thanks...thanks for letting us know."
And then Tobirama tackles Batsuma from behind, slaps the seal on him and activates it. "Release!" he says.
A second later, Batsuma is in the afterlife with his wife. "So Hashirama's Granddaughter inherited your boobs and my bad luck at gambling," he tells her.
"You win some, you lose some," she says. "Or in your case, you lose everything."
"Well, I didn't actually expect that to work," admits Tobirama, staring at the pile of ashes and the dead white zetsu clone at his feet.
Then Tsunade hits him from behind, sending him face-first into the pile of ashes. "I just won a poker game, of course it was going to work, you moron!"
Tobirama is glad he sent his father back. Tsunade has been spending entirely too much time around the man.
Tenzou shoots branches out of her hand and wraps them around Tobirama. "I'm gonna kill you so hard you come back to life and die again!" she growls, letting off a scary aura that transforms her face into the stuff of nightmares. "How could you just send him away like that?!"
Tobirama has many regrets that he took to his grave. He really didn't need to add another. "I'm sorry," says Tobirama. But he's only sorry because he really didn't need another person mad at him.
"Save your apologies!" says Tsunade, hitting Tobirama so hard his reanimated body breaks apart into ash.
As he is reforming, Tobirama takes the opportunity to get the hell out of the Uzumaki place. After all, his legs still run just fine with the ashes of his top half trailing along behind trying to reattach themselves.
After running for a while, Tobirama decides to test his seal on Tajima. The sooner it's confirmed as the solution, the better. He changes direction and walks through the village to Madara's house. His top half has finished reforming now, so he doesn't get any more strange looks.
Madara and his gaggle of brats (minus Sekitei) are home, along with Tajima. Tajima is sitting on the roof looking sour. "I wouldn't go in there, Batsuma-spawn," he says when he sees Tobirama. "Sasuke brought the brats a kitten. Apparently her cat had kittens, and no one wanted the runt, so now it's a 'gift for Madara sensei's fosterlings'. Bloody princess."
"Wonderful," says Tobirama, crossing his arms. "Are you ready to return to the afterlife?"
"I've been ready since I got here," says Tajima. "Every day I learn something that makes me unreasonably angry. At least if I'm dead I won't be forced to change Ajisai's nappies simply because I can't smell it."
"You are dead," points out Tobirama.
"Then get your Senju backside up here and send me back to the afterlife, Batsuma-Spawn!" snaps Tajima.
"No," says Tobirama. "I need to know if someone other than the person who cast the reanimation jutsu can use the seal I developed to end it. Where is Madara?"
"You know exactly where he is," says Tajima. "Don't pretend you aren't a sensory type, Batsuma-Spawn."
"Don't pretend you don't know my name, Madara's Dad," says Tobirma, and jumps in Madara's kitchen window.
"What are you doing here?" demands Madara, who has a fluffy grey tabby kitten sitting on his head chewing his hair and purring.
Sasuke and the fosterlings are falling about laughing.
"I have developed a seal that worked on my father," says Tobirama. "Now I need to test it on yours, but I need someone other than me to do it."
"Sasuke can do it," says Madara.
"Me?" Sasuke stops giggling and straightens up. "Do your own dirty work!"
"I need to be sure anyone can use this seal, not just the one who cast the reanimation in the first place," says Tobirma. "Madara volunteered you to assist me, now go and fetch Tajima, Princess."
"My name is Sasuke!" snaps Sasuke, climbing out the window. A moment later, they hear Sasuke yell, "HEY ZOMBIE! Get your ass down here so I can do fuuinjutsu on you!"
"She is a very angry girl," remarks Tobirama.
"Being angry is the only way she can overcome her shyness at the moment," says Madara. "It's both sad and funny."
"Shove it, brat," snaps Tajima. "Go learn how to cook."
"Shut up! Uncle Madara sensei is teaching me!"
"Shouldn't your mother be teaching you?"
"Just shut up and let me do fuuinjutsu on you!"
"Sasuke sucks at cooking," explains Madara. "My father loves to tease her about it because it gets her so worked up."
Tobirama sighs and climbs out of the window. He is going to have to take matters into his own hands.
Madara hands the kitten to Tachibana and says, "We are going to test a jutsu that might send my father back to the afterlife. Do you all want to say goodbye?"
While Madara gives his fosterlings a lesson in climbing out of windows, Tobirama teaches Sasuke the Anti-Reanimation Seal. By the time all five Uzumaki brats have climbed out of the window with the dog, the cat and much giggling, everything is ready to send Tajima back to the afterlife.
Sasuke takes a deep breath, paints the Anti-Reanimation Seal on Tajima's chest and activates the seal. "Release!'
There is a flash of light, and Tajima is gone.
"Bye-bye," says Sazanka, waving sadly..
Tobirama and Madara's eyes lock. A challenge passes between them. Madara leaps at Tobirama and punches him in the jaw, sending him toppling backwards.
"What…!" says Sasuke, nervously.
"If anyone asks," says Madara. "That was a very short sparring match."
Tobirama picks himself up, grinning. "Shall we go another round?"
"It would be my pleasure," says Madara, and the two proceed to beat the ever-loving crap out of each other.
It was an absolute nightmare pretending to be friends to piss off their fathers.
And then, quite suddenly, everyone, the cat and the dog turn orange.
"Right, I'm out," says Tobirama. "Madara, send me back to the afterlife, now."
"With pleasure," says Madara, painting the Anti-reanimation Seal on a sealing tag and slapping it on Tobirma's face. "Don't resist, I need to get Sekitei before the Hokage finds the Prankster Gang. Release!"
And then Tobirama is back in the afterlife, where his father is waiting with a truly impressive glare on his face.