Hi all,

Thanks for reading this far. I've had very few views and no comments so far though, so I'm doubting whether to keep posting this. I have two more chapters written, and I'm still writing just for me. These chapters have been a little boring and setting things up, the drama and angst starts later, as I'm sure you know from the pilot.

Please comment if you want more, as I'm legit at the point of deleting the whole thing and saving it just for me.

love Panda.

Chapter 4

At 7 on the dot, Dean walked into the bar where he was meeting Sam. He scanned round, and spotted his brother's mop of hair inches above the rest of the crowd. The youngest Winchester had always gotten away with growing his hair a little longer, but now it reached just past his ears. Their dad would probably make some comment about it being a hippy hairstyle, then Sam would sulk for a bit. He'd seen a similar argument when the kid was 13.

The same guy and girl from earlier were there stood around a high table, plus a tall blonde girl, and a short ginger guy who was completely dwarfed by Sam's huge stature. Dean checked his watch to see if he was late; he knew Sam had said 7pm. It made sense that Sam would want to pre-warn his buddies though, lay the ground work for whatever the story was behind why the brothers weren't close. The blonde girl was leaning into Sam, not seductively, more like they were connected by an invisible string. He assumed this must be the girlfriend. She was gorgeous! The type of woman you saw on the cover of health food magazines, all white teeth, glossy hair and long muscles. Dean silently applauded his brother for landing such a catch.

He made his way over to the table, and squeezed himself into the circle in between his brother and the ginger kid.

"Hey, I'm not late, am I?,"Dean signed and spoke over the music, unsure of the crowd he was addressing, and what their hearing abilities were.

"Everyone, this is my brother, Dean, D-E-A-N," Sam signed with one hand, the other occupied by a drink. His smile had shifted as soon as Dean appeared to one that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Hi Dean, I'm Jessica," the blonde girl introduced herself first, thrusting out a hand for him to shake. "I've heard so much about you from Sam."

She spoke and signed, but the music in the bar was so loud, Dean could barely hear her. He could tell she spoke very clearly though, and didn't catch any accent. The music volume was so high, he could feel the bass pumping through his body. He figured that was the whole point, considering this was a campus bar, and most if not all of the patrons were deaf to varying degrees.

"Only nice things I hope,"Dean flashed her a charming smile, but he secretly was hoping Sam had only divulged the more positive things to his friends.

Sam quirked an eyebrow and looked down into his beer to hide his sarcastic demeanour.

"I'm B-R-A-D-Y… Brady,"the short ginger kid finger spelled his name, followed by his sign name. He signed fluidly, but spoke too.

"Sam's roommate?"Dean quizzed Brady, curiosity peaking.

"Yep, poor Sam, right? Having to see this gorgeous face every day,"he said with a wry smile, and everyone laughed in a relaxed fashion.

"Delusion is a serious disorder, maybe I could study you for psych class," the other girl at the table, a brunette with wide blue eyes joked in signs so rapid Dean only got half of it. She didn't speak while she signed, but Dean just laughed along when the others did as if he got the joke.

"I'm Maddie by the way... M-A-D-D-I-E," she introduced herself, signing a bit slower this time.

Dean was drawn in by her blue eyes, and charming smile, not to mention her amazing figure. It didn't help that she was not-so-discreetly checking him out too. He was mildly aware that hooking up with one of Sam's circle of friends on the first time they've met up in two years might not be the best way to smooth things over. The question was, would that stop him from doing it anyway?

"Sam, my boy, your drink runs empty! And Dean, you have nothing yet. We cannot have this!"Brady said suddenly, breaking Dean's reverie. "I'll away to the bar, and return shortly with refreshments!"And off he went.

Dean watched as Sam took the distraction to plant a small kiss on Jessica's temple, and she smiled up at him. Something unsaid passed between them, and an expression of content that Dean had never seen on his brother passed across his face.

"So Jessica. How long have you two been an item?"

"9 months,"she replied without hesitation. "Would have been even longer if this one had had the balls to ask me out sooner." A wicked glint twinkled in her eyes.

"I was shy," Sam pouted. "And a huge nerd. I got there in the end though."

Dean gathered this was a 'bit' of theirs from the way everyone else round the table shook their heads and smiled.

"You did. Just about. Then I had to tear you away from your books long enough for an actual date, which wasn't easy," she rolled her eyes jokingly, with a crooked smile.

"Oh yeah, Sammy is a real book worm alright!"Dean quipped.

"Sammy?" Jessica questioned, not recognising the old sign name.

"Old, old nickname. Don't ever use it. I will end you!" Sam threatened, but with a far more humorous expression than when he bitches at Dean for calling him that. "It's Sam now."

He demonstrated the new sign name, which combined S and tall. Pretty obvious if you asked Dean.

Brady returned to the table, juggling five bottles of beer, and one water in his freckled arms. Everyone reached to help him out, with the other guy there taking the water.

"Early rounds at the hospital," he explained when Dean looked at the water with raised brows. "I'm pre-med. My major I mean, not my name. That's James," he babbled awkwardly, extending a hand to Dean. James' skin was the colour of the darkest chocolate, and he made Brady look translucent by comparison. He spoke clearly and signed slower than the others.

"So that's Jessica, Maddie, Brady and James. Nice to meet you. What do you study then, sweetheart?"Dean smiled down at Maddie with the big eyes.

Sam instantly shot him a look that said, "don't you fucking dare!" He'd seen how his brother treated his conquests. He was a love'em and leave'em type, or at least he had been 2 years ago. Sam didn't expect that to have changed though.

"I'm majoring in Art History, but I'm also doing Theatre. My parents wouldn't let me just do acting," she said, rolling her eyes, completely unaware of the exchange between the brothers.

"What do you do, Dean?" Jessica asked. "Sam said you're in private investigation with your dad?"

A P.I? Dean could roll with that image for sure.

"Yeah it's a family business. We track down leads, find missing people. Really we're more like bounty hunters."Dean was putting the moves on, and he wasn't being subtle about it.

"Bounty hunters. Really," Sam signed silently, eyebrows raised as high as they would go.

"Sam had the chance to join our team, but he's more the brains, and I'm the brawn."

Sam then slapped one of his large hands on Dean's shoulder, sending him off-kilter a bit, his knees buckling in surprise.

"I've some brawn of my own, thank you," Sam signed one-handed, and everyone laughed.

"Ok, H! What they been feeding you down here anyway? You've grown like a foot since I saw you!"Dean brushed off his not-so-little brother's hand off his shoulder with mock force.

"Real food, Dean. Not the crap you and dad eat on the road," he replied.

"Is your dad tall too?" Maddie asked, looking up at Dean, who at 6'1" was no shrimp himself.

"He is, but I'm the only one this damn good looking in the Winchester clan," Dean winked, unleashing the full, cocky charm on the poor, helpless Maddie. He could have sworn he actually saw her swoon at that point.

"I disagree entirely," Jess quipped back, winking at Sam, which made him blush a bright pink, even under the dimmed bar lights.

The group chatted for another hour or so, mostly filling Dean in on school life, with everyone boasting on Sam's behalf about how intensely smart he was, which wasn't news to Dean. The kid had always been the clever one, even from a young age, and had put both their Dad and Dean to shame with his book-smarts. Dean also regaled them with tales from the road, all slightly edited, of course. Monsters became nefarious husbands, or probation skip-outs, slayings were rewritten as imprisonments or divorce. Sam was silent the whole time, only chipping in once or twice when Dean had forgotten a sign here and there. Maddie, Brady and James were lapping up the stories, hanging on Dean's every word. Jessica however just watched Sam, eyes filled with curiosity and concern due to how quiet he was being. He had glanced down at her a few times, offering reassuring smiles, but she'd told him with her eyes that that was bullshit, but he could tell her later what was wrong. They could have conversations like this so easily, it was almost like they had grown to know what the other was thinking with the smallest micro-expression. It had been that way practically since they first met.

Several other friends stopped by their table to say hi, signing greetings and conversations so fast Dean gave up trying to understand. Sam stopped introducing his brother after a while, which irked Dean more than he cared to admit. As time wore on, people started leaving one by one. It was Wednesday after all, and they still had two days left of classes before the weekend. Soon it was just Dean, Sam and Jess left, and an atmosphere had quickly descended. Sam was trying to avoid Dean's line of sight by becoming suddenly engrossed in the last quarter of a football game showing behind the bar, but Dean had seen this trick many times before, and smacked a fist on the table, startling Sam's attention back to him.

"So, all this talking and I've still not heard how you two crazy kids met," he said with a fourth beer drawl.

Sam and Jess exchanged glances, and he extended a palm upwards, inviting her to tell the story.

"Well... it was my first week on campus, and I was looking for the library," she began, "I'm walking, totally lost by this point, and I see Sam, so I stop him to ask for directions..."

"You left out the part where it was 7am, and everyone else was still sleeping," Sam interjected.

"I'm a morning person, what can I say," she shrugged. "You were also going to the library at 7am, what's your excuse?"

"I wasn't going to the library," Sam signed with a sheepish grin.

"What?! You said… all this time I didn't know this?!" Jess gaped at him, but with a smile in her eyes.

"Sorry," Sam admitted, sheepishly. "I didn't know how to say no to a pretty girl, so I just..." he trailed off.

"Oh my god, I can't believe I didn't know this!"

Jess punched him playfully in the arm, and Sam ducked his head, chuckling his deep laugh, that Dean hadn't heard for a very long time. It warmed his heart seeing this display of affection, but regret prickled under his skin that he'd not been there to witness any of this story first hand. He imagined how he would have ribbed Sam about pulling the moves to get a girl's number, how he would have tried to encourage his younger sibling to ask her out, and picked out an outfit for him or supplied him with condoms for the date. He hid a sad smile as he drained his last beer, while Jess continued the story.

"Anyway... he tells me he's going to the library too, a lie apparently, so I could just walk with him. We get to the library, I say thank you to the kind stranger, and I'm about to ask his name, but he just nods and disappears. I assumed I just scared him off with all my inane chatter on the way..."

"You technically did," Sam joked, which earned him another mock punch in the arm.

"A month later, I'm getting homesick, so I decide to throw a small party..."

"Not small," Sam signed shaking his head with a smirk.

"A moderate sized party," Jess corrected herself, "and I invite people from my classes, including Brady who was here earlier. He asks if he can bring his roommate, some shy guy who's not made many friends yet..."

"Ah, I see where this is going," it was Dean's turn to interject here.

"YES! So in walks Brady with my handsome knight in shining armour, and introduces us. Sam is of course looking for the nearest corner to hide in, but I insist on saying thank you for rescuing me, so I dragged him off to get him a drink. Brady doesn't follow us, so Sam is stuck with me."

"I guarantee he did that on purpose," Dean said with a sly grin. "It's what I would have done."

Sam pondered this for a second, as if the thought had never occurred to him before. He had just assumed Brady got lost in the crowd. What a shit, he thought with an internal grin.

"How long were we stood there for while I babbled at you? 10 minutes?" Jess turned to Sam.

Sam bobbed a fist in confirmation, covering his eyes with the other hand in an over the top display of embarrassment.

"I thought 'this guy absolutely hates me! He's barely said two words to me.' But then just as I was losing hope, he tells me he's sorry for being so quiet, that he wasn't used being around so many other Deaf people yet. So instantly we had something in common."

"What's that?" Dean asked.

"Oh well… I was mainstream schooled, like Sam. I'm hard of hearing, not deaf… not yet anyway. All my family are hearing, friends too. But I'm gradually losing all of my hearing so I decided I'd better jump into the Deaf community now rather than later."

Jess spoke about this so nonchalantly, as if she was talking about a book plot, not something so personal. Dean was unnerved to be faced with someone so well adjusted.

"Anyway, I got dragged away by someone then, and didn't see Sam again that night. But now I'd gotten a response from him, that was it! I made it my business to be friends."

"She hunted me down," Sam added, melodramatically.

"Yup, I did! I started chatting to Brady more in class, then we started hanging out, and sometimes Sam was there. I kept pushing and prodding, and slowly he came out of his shell."

Dean could picture it all now; this confident, beautiful woman coaxing his brother into a friendship so brilliantly, there was no way he could have ever resisted.

"So you were friends for what... over a year before Sam finally asked you out?" Dean questioned, doing the maths in his head. "Come on, Sammy, I thought I taught you better than that."

He said it as a joke, but whether it was the use of the old nickname again, or he touched a raw nerve somewhere, or maybe Sam finally remembered his animosity to his brother, but the atmosphere round the table suddenly dipped once more.

"Well we can't all be as confident as you, Dean," Sam said sullenly. His face was almost blank and emotionless, but his micro-expression showed that this wasn't meant as a compliment.

"It was well worth the wait though, as we got to know each other really well first," Jess intercepted the tension with expertise. She gazed up at Sam with a look so loving, it melted the animosity right off his face, and he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. Dean grinned, but then a pang of something dark, more bitter hit him, and he had to wash it down with a swig of beer.

"So Dean," Jess turned to him, a serious look on her face. "Sam has already filled me in on your trip. I'm so sorry about your Dad, and I hope you find him soon. I can't imagine how I'd feel if it was my father."

Dean felt his cheeks heat slightly at the uncomfortableness of someone showing him compassion. He never opened up enough or let anyone see anything real, and that was just how he liked it. Emotions were a luxury he wasn't afforded in his line of business, so they had become rather foreign to him. Sam had always been the "feelings" guy, and since he'd left, Dean had become even more closed off. Their Dad had drilled into them that emotions were a hindrance, and could be the difference between life and death in the middle of a fight. John Winchester really wasn't the best role model when it came to the healthy handling of one's mental health.

"Thanks, Jess," Dean replied with a stiff smile. "I'll only keep Sam from you the weekend. I'll have him back in time for Monday."

"Yeah, you'd better," she said with mock sternness, but Dean didn't doubt she wouldn't try and kick his ass should he not follow through on his promise. "I also know you're leaving first thing in the morning, so I'll say goodbye now. We should have dinner when you get back. You can tell me more about Sam when he was a kid."

Jessica kissed Sam goodnight, gave Dean a familial hug that he wasn't expecting, then went off to her own dorm for some sleep. Brady had arranged to crash at another friend's dorm, so Dean could have his bed for the night, which was a better deal than he'd had in a while. It had been bad motels and sleeping in his car for months now, so a soft bed and clean sheets was a dream. Sam didn't have the same enthusiasm about sharing a room with his brother again after so long. The walk back to the dorm was silent between the brothers, save for a couple of other students saying hello to Sam. The paths were so well lit Dean was sure you could probably see them from space. He tried the joke on Sam, but he just shrugged, and said it was for signing, and carried on walking.

Once they got back to the dorm, Sam threw a pair of clean sweatpants at his brother without a word, then disappeared off to the shared bathroom to get ready for bed. Dean shook his head, and started having a small snoop round the room before changing into the pants. Brady had been in and tidied his side of the room, and there were clean sheets on the bed, and towel for Dean to borrow. Sam came back in then, and gave him brief directions to the facilities, then Dean took the towel and went to do all the things he needed to.

When he got back to the room, Sam had his back to him, and was throwing some clothes into a khaki duffel bag, the very same one he used to pack his things when he ran away from Dean and John those two years ago. He turned when he felt footsteps enter the room, then carried on packing. Dean had had enough of the awkward tension, and even though he'd sobered up, he still had enough of the beer buzz to lower his inhibitions enough to have the tough talk. He walked over and flopped on Sam's bed next to the bag of clothes.

"So are you going to be a sulky little bitch all weekend then, or are you actually going to talk to me like a human being?"

Sam blinked back at his brother two or three times, stunned by the forwardness of this. He hadn't missed how blunt Dean could be.

"What do you want me to say, Dean?" he said finally. "This is awkward, you can't pretend that it's not."

"Why should it be awkward? You're my brother, Sammy. No matter what." And Dean truly meant that.

"No matter what? As long as I think like you do, do as you do, want what you want, right?" Sam's eyes were full of sarcasm, and his lips curled into a grim impression of a smile.

"Of course not, why would you think that?" Dean asked sincerely.

"Oh I don't know, not talking for two years because I had the audacity to want to do something else with my life, maybe that," Sam huffed back, fingers starting to smack louder with the force of his signs.

"What's this?" Dean copied the sign for 'audacity' as he didn't recognise that one.

Sam waved a hand as if to say 'forget it', and carried on packing, his jaw a hard line.

"No, tell me," Dean insisted, pulling the bag Sam was packing away from him. "And maybe turn your voice back on. I'm not used to signing again just yet."

Sam's jaw tightened to granite, and he threw down the T-shirt he'd been folding with force. He felt the indignation bubble up in his chest, and huffed out a short sigh.

"I knew it," his hand jabbed the side of his head with more force than intended. "I knew you'd have more to say about my voice."

"I didn't mean…" Dean began to raise his hands, but Sam wasn't going to let him interrupt.

"As soon as you made that little comment about me forgetting how to speak, I knew that wasn't the end of it. You and Dad always pushed, and pushed me to speak more than I wanted to. Why should that change now, right? God forbid I have my own opinion on something." Sam stood with his hands on his hips, eyebrows furrowed.

"Woah, woah, woah! What the hell are you talking about, Sammy? All Dad and I ever did was help you," Dean was trying not to get angry, but it was just like his little brother to turn their help into some slight against him.

"No, Dad just went with the easiest option for him, so we could stay on the road. So he could stay on 'mission'. He didn't consider my needs or wants for a second." Sam knew this wasn't entirely true, but it wasn't all false either.

"Bullshit, Sammy. Dad spent every spare dollar we had making sure you had the best. Doctors, therapists, hearing aids, speech lessons… you think he didn't care?" Dean fumed. He hated how short-sighted Sammy could be.

"I didn't mean he didn't care…" Sam backtracked the slightest. "But he never, NEVER asked me what I wanted."

"Because you were a kid, you didn't know what was best for you. That's what parents are for," Dean reasoned.

"Parents are meant to guide. Not dictate," Sam countered sarcastically.

"So what, you really think you'd be better off now without the speech therapy? You don't think it's pretty handy that you can ask for directions or order a burger by yourself?"

"Plenty of people here don't speak. They manage pretty damn well," Sam said with a nonchalant shrugged.

"You can't tell me they don't struggle though. Not many people out there know ASL." Dean couldn't imagine a world where someone Deaf wouldn't struggle in the hearing world.

"That's not the point, Dean. The point is, it's their choice. Just as it should have been mine," Sam said exhaustedly.

This was a conversation they should have had years ago, and he felt like he was having to unpack a decade of grievances all at once.

"Ok so what are you saying? You don't want to use your voice any more?" Dean asked, with concern. He'd never admit it, but he would miss hearing his brother's voice if that was the case.

"Honestly, I don't know," Sam said with a sigh, his anger dissipating a bit at a time. "I've only just realised I have a choice, so I'm… figuring it out as I go."

Sam sat down on the edge of his bed, suddenly rather fatigued from the long day, combined with the stress of the surprise visit from his estranged family member.

"But Jess speaks, so does Brady," Dean reasoned.

"I know. They're both hard of hearing. It's different," Sam explained in as few words as possible.

"Do you EVER speak now then?" Dean asked, still hopeful.

He'd stopped speaking himself at some point. His voice alone in the silence of the room felt wrong, so he'd slipped back into communicating solely in sign, like when they were kids.

"Yes. Sometimes. Less and less though. I practice speaking, but I probably have forgotten how to say some things,"he replied matter-of-factly.

"But why, Sammy? I don't get it," Dean admitted.

"I don't expect you to get it, Dean. I've learnt so much more about deaf culture, and my own identity in the past two years than I ever did before. If you'd been here, maybe you'd understand a bit more too."

His eyes filled with sadness, not malice at the last part. Despite the friction, there had been many times over the past two years when Sam had wished his big brother had been there to share in things with him. Maybe if he could just understand him a bit more, Dean would get it, and know why he had to leave.

"Well ok then," Dean admitted defeat.

"Ok?" Sam questioned.

"Ok. It's your choice."

Sam nodded, then they sat in stillness for a few moments.

"Just get used to fingerspelling then, Sammy. Can't help if I'm a little rusty," Dean shrugged and smirked, then got up and shuffled over to his loaned bed for the night. He was at the bed when the floor thumped twice again, and he turned back to Sam.

"It's Sam!" his brother signed emphatically, but with a glint of tired humour.

"Yeah, yeah," Dean said batting at the air as if to say 'whatever'. It would always be little Sammy to him.