Hello everyone,

I thought I give you a quick update. I think we are about halfway through the story now. I have 30 chapters planned out, I might need a few more or less, depending on how it goes.

Chapter 18 has a little bit of everything. It is one of my favourite chapters so far and I hope you like it too :)

Enjoy reading and let me know what you think xxx

Song Recommendation

ZOMBIE – THE CRANBERRIES - ACOUSTIC VERSION

Hermione spent nearly all off her first few days off with her parents. She joined her mother doing the yoga class, and they had breakfast in her parent's garden afterwards. George and Jane had already been to France in June, and the Nancy's were going to visit them at the end of August. On Thursday evening she told her mother that she wouldn't be coming the next morning, because she was going to meet Severus.

"Severus? Is that his name?", Jane asked curiously, and Hermione just nodded. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know, not much."

Hermione shrugged her shoulders innocently. "He's bought a house now. I'll have a look at it and he'll probably need some advice, he's bought it from a muggle couple."

"Oh, nice", her dad chipped in. "Where's he bought it?" He was always interested in the property marked.

"I don't know, we haven't talked much recently."

"I thought the Weasley's live in a magic house. Why did he not get one of those?", he asked.

"The muggle market is bigger, I suppose. And you can easily apply some magic to a non-magic house."

She loved her parents, but at the moment they were too curious for Hermione's taste.

"I'll come around again next week to drop off Crooks", she said and got up to leave. "Oh, and thanks again for making the hut for George, Daddy." She gave her dad a kiss on the cheek.

George Granger had built a hide-out for George the Mighty in the Granger's garden, and the owl had already spent the last few days in there.

Hermione took the train home and as she entered her house, she found a letter addressed to her.

I will be coming around ten tomorrow. I wanted to get something in London and was hoping you'd join me.

Let me know if this doesn't suit.

Severus

Her spirits lifted immediately, and she raced up the staircase to get rid of her excess energy.

The next morning, she gout early and went downstairs to set up some coffee before going back up to have a shower. For some inexplicable reason she took a long time to get ready. No, in was a very explicable reason. She wanted to look nice, smell nice and feel nice.

She looked after her hair, using her usual grapefruit and mint shampoo, she put on a face mask and once she was out of the shower, she even painted her toenails. It felt good and she did it for herself. At Hogwarts, there was never an opportunity to put much effort into her appearance. She wore her hair in a bun, and Crookshanks was the only living creature that would ever see her toenails.

She decided to wear a flowy, flowery skirt and a simple tank top. Fishing her sandals out of her wardrobe, she went back downstairs to have her breakfast.

She opened all the windows to let fresh air in and from where she stood in her living room, she could see Severus appear in the street. She waited for him to come upstairs before she chastised him.

"You should really use the apparition spot in the park I showed you." She pointed her finger into his chest. "I saw you appear in the middle of the street!"

"Good morning to you too", he sneered.

"Severus!"

"Alright, I will."

She smiled triumphantly and beckoned him into the kitchen.

"Help yourself to some coffee. What do you need to get?"

"I want to get some seeds and plant younglings in the Apothecary in Diagon Alley", he replied pouring himself some coffee.

Hermione was a bit surprised. She hadn't expected him to want to go to Diagon Alley.

"Oh, alright."

"You don't need to come if you don't want to", he said coolly.

She looked at him and noticed his tense shoulders and how he avoided her eyes. He was nervous, or uncomfortable.

"Of course, I want to come. Drink up and let's go."

She sat down and put her sandals on. She was glad he had asked her to accompany him. It made her happy, to know that she could provide him with comfort when he was nervous about something.

"Ready?"

He nodded and they left the house together. They took the train into London and he asked her about her last two weeks. She told him about the good exam results her students had achieved and about the meeting when Minerva had announced his re-appointment.

"They were shocked, but nobody argued against you", she said happily.

"That is because they wouldn't question Minerva, and if not that, they're afraid of me."

"I don't agree", she said grinning. "But that doesn't matter. You're coming to Hogwarts, that's all that matters. I am not going to argue with you about the details. At least not now, I'll keep that for a day when I am moody, so I can have a proper go at you."

She smiled cheekily and continued telling him about the few days with her parents.

"So, you haven't looked at your research a single time?", he asked.

Her eyes widened. She hadn't, and she had also not thought about it at all.

"No…"

"I haven't either. Looks like we need to dedicate some time to catch up on it."

They arrived at Charing Cross road and headed towards the Leaky Cauldron. Hermione noticed that Severus was extremely quiet, his hands were folded behind his back and he looked utterly terrifying. She hooked her arm into his.

"They probably won't even recognise you without your frock on, and all that hair on your face and head", she said lightly.

He just huffed quietly.

He wore his dark green shirt again. Hermione could feel his warm skin through the fabric, and it made her blush. She looked at his exposed forearm and noticed that the Dark Mark was missing but recognised the shimmering of a glamour charm he must have used to cover it up. She decided not to mention is, as he was tense enough as it was at the moment.

They entered the Leaky Cauldron and made it to the back without anybody paying attention them.

"I told you", she said and grinned up to him as he tapped the brick wall. "You'll have to shave that thing off your face if you want anybody to recognise you."

"Another good reason to keep it", he grumbled.

"I like it", she murmured but wasn't sure if he had heard it over the sound of brick stones moving.

Diagon Alley wasn't usually busy during the first week of the holidays, but Hermione could feel some people were eyeing them. They walked down the road and she soon realised that she had been too enthusiastic about his anonymity. The Daily Prophet had an old photo of Severus on its front page.

She saw and felt Severus's mood darken and wanted to squeeze his hand, but she knew better.

However, with him looking so unlike himself, the few people that were around didn't actually dare to say anything and simply eyed them curiously.

"Why do you need plant younglings. Is there a garden with your new place?", she tried to engage him.

"Yes."

His short answer told her he didn't want to speak so she resolved to quietly accompany him, which she didn't mind.

They went to Gringotts first, and none of the goblins cared very much about Severus. They asked him for his keys and came back with the amount of Galleons he had asked for. When they entered the apothecary, things got a bit more complicated.

They wandered through the shelves and he collected a few things, when one of Hermione's students, a boy from Slytherin, walked up to her and greeted her.

"Hello Mr Finley, good to see you", she said, noticing Severus disappearing between shelves behind her.

"Professor Granger, may I ask a question?", the young boy said, and she inclined her head, indicating that she was listening.

"That man you're with today, is it true he will be teaching at Hogwarts from next year?"

"Who has been saying so, Mr Finley?"

"No one in particular, ma'am. Me and some friends noticed him when we stayed at Hogwarts over the Easter break. Some students have been talking about it and it's said that he will be teaching Potions again. Then I saw the Daily Prophet earlier and thought it looked much like him."

Hermione had to think a moment about what to answer, but to her complete astonishment Severus came back and talked to her. She wondered if he tried to stop the conversation from going any further.

"Hermione, would you help me out over here with some of the seeds?"

"Sure, give me one minute", she said.

"Excuse me, Sir!", the young Mr Finley said to Severus and Hermione prayed for the boy. He obviously hadn't heard enough about the new teacher.

"Yes?", Severus drawled in his most Professor-Snape-like tone and Hermione instinctively ducked her head. She thought he looked more terrorizing than ever, but the boy bravely continued to speak.

"I have just asked Professor Granger about you, but maybe I can just ask you directly instead."

Severus cocked an eyebrow, so high it might as well have vanished in his hairline.

"Will you be teaching Potions at Hogwarts from next year?", the boy asked confidently.

"That is correct", Severus replied coolly, and Hermione's mouth nearly fell open.

"I am looking forward to it, Potions is my best subject."

"Your name?", Severus asked.

"Andrew Finley."

"Your house?"

"Slytherin, sir."

Hermione saw a cold pain appearing in Severus's eyes, but it didn't show on his face. His face was a mask, and only Hermione knew that it was covering up intense feelings.

"Year?"

"Fifth year from September, Sir."

"I'm looking forward to teaching you, Mr Finley."

"Thank you, Sir." The boy smiled and looked at Hermione. "See you in September, Professor."

She smiled at the boy and he left. They heard him pay at the till and leave the shop.

Hermione looked at Severus whose face had gone to stone.

"What is it?", she asked quietly trying to catch his eye.

"Do you know the boys background?", he replied, not looking at her.

"He lives with his grandparents, I believe", she said confused.

"Let's go", he grumbled and went to the till with his things.

The cashier seemed extremely puzzled and couldn't stop looking at Severus and then at Hermione and back to Severus again, but he didn't say a word.

They left the shop and without prior warning Severus took her hand and disapparated.

To her surprise they landed on her street.

"I think you shouldn't come with me today. I'll write to you."

She immediately grabbed his hand and she could feel a slight pull, indicating she had literally just stopped him from apparating.

"Talk to me", she said softly. She knew something was wrong. "Come in and talk to me, and then we can decide whether I'll come with you or not."

"I can't, Hermione…"

He sounded tormented and it hurt her heart.

"You don't have to, if you don't want to."

She tightened her grip around his hand when she noticed he tried to leave.

"But please come inside with me, I've been waiting to see you for so long", she said quietly looking at him.

It seemed to work, she could immediately see his eyes softening, but they weren't happy. She could see pain, a lot of pain.

"Please, come."

She pulled him by the hand he followed without saying anything. They went inside and she sent him to the living room, setting up some tea in the kitchen to give him a moment alone. When she joined him, the sight of him caused her heart to cry out in agony.

He sat on the sofa, his head buried in both hands, looking utterly defeated. She had never seen him like this.

She put the cups onto the coffee table and sat down next to him.

"I don't think I can do it", he whispered, and she felt tears welling up in her eyes at the tone.

She had never heard him like that. Without thinking she leaned against him and wanted to wrap her arms around him, but he jumped up.

"Don't!", he barked at her and she instinctively lifted her hands in submission.

"I'm sorry, I won't…"

"You have no idea what I can do to you", he spat, and Hermione was overthrown with the sudden reaction.

"Don't start this again, Sev", she pleaded and when she saw him straighten his back, she added: "And don't run now. I will lock you in again."

She looked at him softly but was resolute.

"Hermione…"

She fixed her gaze on him and waited until he had sat down again. He raised his head and looked at her sadly.

"I don't think I can teach at Hogwarts."

She didn't reply. She knew, either he had a sensible reason that she could not argue with, or he was insecure and hurt for some reason, which meant he just needed to talk it all out, before she could reason with him.

"I killed the boy's mother", he suddenly said without any expression and Hermione stared at him in shock, which was the wrong thing to do. He immediately tensed up and got up again.

"I shouldn't be here", he sputtered.

She was quicker than him and took two quick steps to position herself in front of the door so he couldn't leave.

"Yes, you should be here. I want you to be here."

"I can't Hermione, I…" He looked at her in pain. "I don't deserve this", he wailed in agony.

Hermione didn't know what to do. He was in pain, emotional and psychological pain, but he didn't want her to touch him. She wanted to comfort him, but she just did not know what to do.

"Talk."

"You don't want to know…"

"Don't tell me, what I want and don't want. Talk."

"I killed her", he spat.

"How?"

His nostrils flared. "Don't make me tell you."

"How did you kill her?", she asked again calmly.

He walked up to her, dangerously slowly, and bent over her.

"I tortured her with the Cruciatus curse. She was begging for death for at least the last three hours of it", he spat at her. "She was pulling her hair, so I made her cut of her own fingers, one after the other, and eat them. When she had lost too much blood to continue the game, I slit her throat and left her to bleed out. In front of her husband's eyes."

Hermione felt sick. She knew Severus had to do things beyond her imagination, but this was something that she couldn't ignore. However, if she gave in to her initial urge, he'd run. One part of her was so shocked at the gruesome revelation that all she wanted to do was cry out in horror, but the other part still wanted Severus to calm down, it wanted to show that she had his back, no matter what. She had to use all the self-control she could bring up to keep standing straight and talk calmly. She would not lose her mind now. From the look in his eyes, she could tell that he hurt a million times more than her, and she would first make sure that he was alright. Once that was settled she could think about the rest.

"Why did you do it?"

"Her husband disobeyed the Dark Lord's orders."

She knew what this meant, but she wanted him to say it, so she repeated: "Why did you do it?"

He looked her in the eyes, then he looked away.

"Answer me."

"To punish her husband."

"No, Severus", she said fiercely. "Why did you torture and kill her?"

She could see him looking into the distance.

"Because the Dark Lord told me to do so."

She didn't say anything and let him think for a moment.

"That doesn't change the fact that I committed gruesome murder", he barked. "And it wasn't the only time I did so."

"What would have happened if you hadn't done what Voldemort ordered you to do?"

"He would have killed me. Which would have been better."

"Who would have won the war, had you been killed that night?"

All of a sudden, he smashed his fist against the wall next to her.

"Don't play with me!"

"I am not playing", she said sternly. "You are being unjust to yourself, Severus."

"If I were just to myself, I'd have committed suicide thirty years ago", he spat.

"Stop it", she yelled at him. "Stop! Stop! Stop!"

She punched him in the chest with each word. He didn't expect her outburst and took a step back.

"You can't change the past Severus! And you don't need to!", she shouted. "You did what you had to do. We all did what we had to do."

She walked up to him and didn't notice how he backed off from her still in shock over her temper.

"Yes, you deceived, tortured and murdered people. But had you not done what you did, this world wouldn't be as it is today. You can either dwell on your past and think about all the things you could have done differently, or you can accept that what you did contributed to a world where everyone is safe and free to be themselves."

She was panting and she looked at him desperately.

"Everyone could have always done things differently. We will never know if that would have been for the better or for the worse. But the world as it is now is a wonderful place, for you and for me and for everyone."

She pleaded him to be reasonable with her eyes.

"I cannot ask you to accept and forget about all the horrible things you had to do. I know your soul is hurt, Severus. I know how dark your nights are, I have seen and heard you in your sleep. But I ask you to acknowledge that everything you did helped us form a better world."

He was speechless, and when she walked up to him, he didn't stop her from leaning against him and wrapping her arms around his torso.

"You make it sound like everything I did was a good thing", he whispered into her hair.

"That's because you are a good person", she said quietly.

Hermione enjoyed the embrace. It was intimate and she enjoyed intimacy with him. Not the physical kind, but the emotional one. She realised that he needed it and she wondered if he had ever had it. She wondered, if anyone had ever told him that he wasn't an evil person and that his life mattered.

Unfortunately, the moment was broken by a weird noise coming from Severus's Apothecary parcel and a second later it burst open and hundreds of small orange seeds starting bobbing around the living room.

"I believe they need planting", she laughed and let go of him, drawing out her wand and saying: "Immobilo!" With another flick of her wand the frozen seeds wandered back into the parcel and it wrapped itself up.

"I haven't heard you use a spell in… well, since half-way through your sixth year", he remarked, and she smiled at him.

"I believe in saying the incantations every now and then, to keep their sound fresh in the mind. It makes wandless and non-verbal magic much easier."

"Every now and then being once a year?", he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Or every other year", she replied nonchalantly.

Simply to show off, she clicked her fingers and their teacups made their way into the kitchen. She picked up his parcel and turned towards him.

"Can I have my surprise now?"

He laughed quietly, lowering his eyes, and she adored it.

They apparated from Hermione's spot in the park and landed on a grassy lane in a field. It was a hilly region and Hermione looked around to orientate herself.

"This way."

Severus pulled her by the hand down the hill but let go of her soon after.

They walked for only a few steps, when she started to make out a small estate at the bottom off the hill, nestled in a small valley. A smile crossed her face. For some reason she hadn't imagined him getting a place like this.

They came closer and she could see that it was one main building, small and quaint, made of stone with green shutters on each window. There was an outhouse and a small annex, and the buildings were surrounded by gardens with trees, and a fence defining the property's borders.

"It looks so lovely", she said and meant it. It looked like a small bit of paradise.

He opened the front gate for her and let her in.

"I am done inside, I wanted to start the garden today", he explained. "If you feel like it."

She walked onto the lawn and turned back to him.

"I would love that."

"I'll show you around inside first."

There was a table and a bench in front of the house and upon entering, there were two rooms on the ground floor. To the left was a small kitchen, dining room and sitting room combination, that seemed a bit crammed, but when Hermione discovered the room to the right, she knew why.

It was larger, and Severus had turned it into a Potions lab.

"It's not ready yet."

"It's amazing", she said walking into the room and looking around.

It was lacking a few things, but Hermione could already imagine what it would be like once it was done. It had a massive worktable in the middle, a smaller one under the window and the walls were lined with shelves, that still needed filling.

They went to explore the rest of the house. There was a toilet under the staircase and upstairs was a large bedroom, a small study and a bathroom.

"I want to plant some rarer shadow plants in the outhouse, and I thought the annex could be used for some more practical research experiments. Do you want to have a look at it?"

"You bet I do!"

They went back outside, and Severus showed Hermione the annex. A bit later they started working in the garden together.

"Alright", Hermione said drawing her wand. "What exactly do you want?"

"I was thinking here…", he gestured in one direction, "… could be our apothecary garden. If we create maybe six lines of plant beds that should be sufficient."

Hermione had noticed how he had described it as their apothecary garden and couldn't stop the butterflies in her stomach. She tried not to interpret too much into it, but it was hard not to let her thoughts wander into certain directions.

"I'd like to keep the fruit trees over there", he said pointing at four trees at the end of the garden. "And I thought it would be nice to grow more things there, maybe a small vegetable garden."

Hermione watched him walk down to the trees and indicating the space and size of the vegetable beds. She was so happy, for him and for herself. Just seeing him here, how motivated he was, how relaxed and calm and happy. He deserved it so much, and she wanted to see him like this for the rest of his life.

"And I think there should be a few normal flowers around as well, to keep the bees away from the potion ingredients."

"Alright then", she said happily. "Let's get started."

They decided to only work on the apothecary garden that day, as they didn't have any vegetable seeds, but Hermione dug up a square patch where the vegetable garden would be in the end. Then they created six long beds where they started to plant the seeds he had bought earlier.

"Why are you wearing a glamour charm over your scars?", Severus asked her, and she looked at him in surprise.

"I saw them the day you experimented with the cauldrons", he explained, not looking at her but focusing on placing the seeds in little holes in the ground.

"I don't know. I just don't like being reminded of it" she said. "I suppose it's the same reason why you cover up your forearm", she added quietly.

"Not quite", he answered.

"I can understand that you don't want anybody to see the mark", she said.

"It's not there anymore."

She raised her eyebrows in question.

"I cut it off", he said quietly, not looking away from his seeds.

"You did what?", she whispered in shock.

"I didn't like being reminded of it", he copied her statement from earlier, trying to sound casual.

Hermione sat back on the ground looking at him in disbelief.

"Merlin, Sev…"

"Don't", he growled. "It wasn't as bad as you think."

"You just cut out a whole chunk of your arm?"

"I just wanted to get rid of it."

She said nothing and just watched him for a while.

"When did you do it?"

"Before I fled to France."

"Did they look after the wound for you?", she asked.

"Yes, but it's full of dark magic. It never healed properly."

"Can I see it?"

"Don't be ridiculous", he snapped.

"I'm serious." She looked at him sternly. "Maybe we can work out something to help it heal."

He frowned at her and wiped the sweat off his forehead.

"It doesn't hurt me", he said and got up. "I'll get us a drink."

He went inside and Hermione continued to put seeds into the soil. She would talk to him again about it, but for now she wanted to enjoy the time with Severus. It was a nice and warm day and she thought it had been stupid of her to dress up, now that she was sitting in the garden, digging in dirt and smearing it all over herself. But it didn't matter much, she enjoyed it and she liked spending her time with him.

She didn't notice that he had come back outside and was watching her from where he stood, leaning against table in front of the house.

"Come!", he called her and poured some water into a glass.

She jumped up and walked over to him, her naked feet enjoying the soft grass. She took a big gulp and smiled at him, sniffed and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Thank you!", she said putting the glass back down.

"Are you hungry?", he asked.

"Yeah, I am actually!"

Hermione hadn't noticed it before, but they had spent a long time digging up the garden and she could really do with some food.

Severus walked back inside and beckoned her to follow him. She stirred around his kitchen for a while and they threw together a cheeseboard with bread. Hermione cut some fruit and Severus made a salad. When they were sitting outside and enjoying their late lunch, Hermione remembered something.

"I've got something for you."

Severus looked at her with furrowed brows, but she ignored it. She knew he was just making a face to cover up what he was actually thinking. Although she would have liked it if he didn't do it, she knew it was a habit that he would probably never stop.

She picked up her bag, pulled out two small pieces of paper and put them on the table in front of him.

"BBC Proms season tickets", she said smiling. "Only for the first half of the season, because we go back to Hogwarts then anyway."

He looked at the tickets, then at her, and then back again.

"They're expensive", he said flatly.

"My parents gave them to me."

"Both?"

"No." She smiled sheepishly. "They gave me one months ago and I went to get another one. You mentioned you've been a regular."

He threw her a short glance.

"That wouldn't have been necessary."

"I know", she replied casually. "But I want to go there with you. We have all summer to kill."

She secretly hoped there'd be different things she could to do with him, but she didn't dare follow that train of thought for now.

"Why don't you take one of your friends?"

"Because I want to go with you, not one of my friends", she said. "If you don't want to come, I'll just sell them."

"No need."

He shook his head and gave her one of those rare smiles. Hermione beamed with joy and helped herself to some melon.

"I have the programme here too. Let's see what's on."

They looked through the booklet together.

"Let's start with this one tomorrow." Severus pointed onto the page.

"A Mahler Symphony? They're incredibly long, aren't they?" Hermione furrowed her eyebrows.

"Of course, they are", he said. "They have to be."

"And why is that? Other symphonies aren't that long", she said.

"Mahler's musical language needs much more room than others. His broad, melodic development and the principle of contrasting sections simply need more time than the exposition of a theme and the condensation of compact motifs."

There he was, Professor Severus Snape, who could have probably lectured on a music degree if he had wanted to, Hermione thought.

She looked at his stern face and had to laugh, which simply provoked Severus to roll his eyes.

"Right, Music Master Snape", she said smiling at him. "Pick me up tomorrow?"

"Four o'clock."

She smiled and got up.

"I should go home and check on Crooks", she said. "I have to drop him off at my parents' house. My flat is not really a place for him."

"You can bring him here if you like", Severus said casually.

If he had told Hermione that she had won a million Galleons, she wouldn't have looked happier.

"Are you sure?"

A big smile appeared on her face and even if he hadn't wanted her to bring the Kneazle, this smile would have convinced him.

He just looked at her with raised eyebrows.

"I wouldn't suggest it if it were a problem, would I?", he said in his usual annoyed tone.

"No, you wouldn't", she said with a tender smile on his face. "Thank you. I think he'll love it here."

Severus accompanied her across the field to the apparition point.

"See you tomorrow."

Hermione wanted to hug him but resorted to showing him her affection with a genuine smile.

"See you tomorrow."