Hello everyone,

THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH for all your lovely comments and messages.

I am so excited to read all your feedback, so I decided to upload chapter 19!

I had divided opinions on the last chapter, which prompted me to create a small explanation in this chapter. I hope it doesn't seem out of place too much. Let me know what you think!

Also, I really need to catch up with writing... I might need a couple of says or so before I can post again.

Anyway, I hope this chapter is worth the following wait... I can't wait for your feedback!

Enjoy XXX

Song Recommendation

SYMPHONY - ZARA LARSON ACCOUSTIC

Hermione Granger has a date with Severus Snape.

She didn't know why she was thinking this. They had done things together before and he had even stayed overnight in her flat.

But for some reason Hermione romanticised the hours before the coming event.

"It can only be special, if you make it special", she said to Crookshanks.

Severus would be coming in an hour and Hermione was dressing up semi-casual for the concert. A flowy summer dress and a warm cardigan for later that night would do.

But I look nice enough to be a head turner.

After quick consideration she decided to take out her espadrille heels.

Might as well.

She looked in the mirror and was happy with what she saw. For the remaining twenty minutes she was wandering up and down her flat until she felt Severus's presence crossing the magical borders.
She was in her bedroom, so she grabbed her shoes, bag and cardigan and ran downstairs to meet him.

"Hermione?"

"I'm coming!"

She headed to the lower set of stairs and saw him wait on the ground floor. She smiled at him and sat down to put her shoes on.

He looked as stunning as always, she thought.

When did you start thinking he looked stunning?

His ensemble was dark as usual. He wore the green shirt she knew well already and smart trousers. She wondered if she would ever wear his green shirt. Only his green shirt.

She immediately blushed at the thought and lowered her gaze.

"Ready?", she asked and jumped up to cover up her nervousness.

They left the house and decided to take the train and Tube to get into London. Hermione thought she could feel Severus eying her and it made her chuckle. Did he like what he saw?

"What are you laughing about?", he sneered.

"Nothing in particular."

She threw him a sweet smile and hooked her arm into his.

They sat next to one another on the Tube and Hermione couldn't take her eyes of Severus.

"What are you looking at?"

He sounded terribly grumpy and his face was dark.

"You're a dashing fellow", she said, sounding plummy.

"Don't be ridiculous", he snapped quietly.

She sighed.

"Thank you, Hermione. You look pretty yourself tonight", she said imitating his dark growl.

"Pretty is the last thing you should want to be called", he grumbled. "It's the least you can be and nothing you should aspire."

She turned slightly in her seat to face him. His eyes were wandering around the tube carriage.

"I know that", she said. "I aspire to be a lot of things, and I would never limit myself to looks. You should know that about me."

He looked at her for a moment, then his eyes started watching their fellow passengers again.

"I do know that", he said. "They don't."

He nodded towards the people surrounding them.

"All they think is that you're pretty", he sneered venomously.

"How do you know what they…. Sev, you can't just enter people's minds!", she said under her breath and looked at him disapprovingly.

"I don't need to, it's written all over their bawdy, hoggish faces", he snapped and threw a deadly glance towards the pool of people.

Hermione watched Severus cross his arms in front of his chest. His face was expressionless and cold, but she could see it in his eyes. He was sulking.

"Are you jealous?", she asked quietly, but with a smile on her lips.

"Of what?", he asked snorting. "Their artless manners or their disconcerting brain-power?"

She had to supress a smirk. He was actually jealous.

She had a quick look around, then she focused her attention back on him. Plucking up all her courage, she leaned against him and rested her head on his shoulder. It felt amazing, as if she had always been meant to do it.

"Well, luckily enough I didn't think about these hoggish and artless guys when I was getting ready earlier."

She could feel him getting stiff beside her, but after a moment he relaxed and uncrossed his arms. He didn't say anything for a while and she thought she felt him rest his head against hers quickly, before they arrived at their stop.

As they squeezed towards the exit, he said closely behind her: "You do look lovely."

A grin spread all over Hermione's face and she was glad he couldn't see her, because she felt her cheeks blush.

They arrived at the Royal Albert Hall and quite a few people were there already.

"Oh dear", Hermione sighed. "I had nearly forgotten the joy of queuing for the proms. I hope you don't mind being on your feet all evening?"

With the cheaper tickets they had to stand in the middle of the ground floor, rather than take seats in the stalls or boxes.

"I come here for the music and I am used to standing long periods of time", Severus said.

"I suppose you could stand through four of these concerts when brewing some potions", Hermione said. She took out a bottle of water and had a sip, then she handed it to Severus.

"I am looking forward to this", she added. "I have never been to a Mahler Symphony."

"You either love it, or you hate it. I would recommend the former", Severus said casually and handed her the bottle back.

"How did you get into this kind of music?", Hermione asked.

"Lucius Malfoy", he replied.

Hermione raised her eyebrows and looked at him sceptically.

"I would sometimes be invited to Malfoy Manor. Unnecessary gatherings of pretentious pure-blood witches and wizards", he said, fixing his gaze on the queue on front of them.

"I remember a Wagner opera being played in the background one evening and I asked Lucius about it. He would never admit it, but he had a liking for Muggle classical music."

"Were you friends with them?", Hermione asked.

"No."

"Why were you helping Draco then with… well, you know… why were you helping him?"

There was no accusation in her tone, only curiosity.

"For Narcissa's sake", Severus replied.

Hermione was surprised that he sounded so relaxed. He didn't seem to mind talking about the topic. She did however suddenly realise, that he had nonverbally put the Muffilato spell around them.

"She is a decent and just person, the only one in between a bunch of racist lunatics. She often talked to me. She knew that I…", he took a slow breath, clearly thinking about how to phrase it. "She knew that I was capable of doing certain things…" Murder for example. "… I told you before, that I had to prove my loyalty to the Dark Lord on several occasions. He didn't care about the murder in itself. He wasn't a blood thirsty master, but he liked emotional manipulation. He played mind games and making me commit gruesome murder in front of everyone… he knew me well enough to know what it did. And it made him think that I was committed."

He paused for a moment. Hermione noticed a glint in his eye, that betrayed his bewilderment. She herself couldn't quite understand how he had suddenly started talking about what he had done for Voldemort, but it seemed as if this was something that had been on his mind for a long time. She wondered if their argument from yesterday had something to do with it.

"I have never willingly been gruesome and in Narcissa's eyes, that made me the perfect chaperone for Draco", he finally came back to the topic. "Lucius would have never been able to fulfil the deed for his son. But she knew I'd do it without fuss. That was all she wanted."

Hermione looked at him sorrowfully. So, he had not only been used my two megalomaniacs, but also by the people around him who had thought him useful. Even someone as Narcissa.

"She would never say it out loud, but she hated all of them. Her devotion and love for her husband were her downfall", Severus concluded.

Hermione knew that Narcissa had done all she did to make sure her family would survive, and she couldn't blame her. But hearing now that even she had used Severus… used him to commit murder, because he allegedly could simply do it….

Hermione clenched her jaw to supress her anger. Why had everyone used him for their own enjoyment or ease of mind? Why had no one ever thought about him?

She looked at him sadly, trying to convey her thoughts. To her complete astonishment, he lifted his hand and straightened the creases on her forehead with his finger. She looked at him befuddled and he immediately pulled his hand back. She wanted to kick herself for her damned facial expressions.

"Don't think about it now", he said soberly. "Or ever, for that matter. I shouldn't even have started the topic."

"No", she said quickly. "I mean… I don't mind. I like to hear about…" She didn't know what to say without sounding utterly stupid. "I mean… it's important for me to know about your past. I…"

Hermione sighed. She felt like an idiot not finding the right words. He gave her a smile and she immediately got weak knees.

"It's fine. Let's not talk about it."

She knew he was right, there was no point in dwelling on things that had long passed.

They were let into the concert hall shortly after and got a spot in the centre of the arena.

"The Malfoys are doing fairly well now", she said. She thought that maybe Severus might want to know.

He looked at her surprised.

"Draco told me, and Andromeda mentioned it too", she said. "At first, Lucius Malfoy was imprisoned in Azkaban and Narcissa was put under house arrest."

Severus nodded in understanding.

"Mr Malfoy was released prematurely based good conduct and the fact that he did not share the pro pure-blood beliefs", Hermione said.

"What utter nonsense", Severus barked so loud that some of the people around them looked at him. "He is the paragon of the Dark Lords regime."

Hermione furrowed her brows.

"I believe you, but he seemed to be genuine. Everybody deserves another chance, even Malfoy."

Severus just snorted and focused his terrifying glance on a man that wanted to stand in front of Hermione. The poor fellow moved away immediately.

"He did agree with Draco to sell Malfoy Manor", she continued. "They were given a small house by the ministry where they could keep an eye on them. Draco said they still had most of their fortune, but simply wanted to get rid of the past."

Severus frowned at her, and she just shrugged her shoulders.

"The Malfoys are not a prominent family anymore. Draco has carried a lot of the burden and I think his parents appreciate it. Andromeda sees Narcissa occasionally, and she speaks very highly of her."

"It's Lucius whom I mistrust."

"I try to believe that everyone can change onto the right path", she said sincerely.

"That is very good, but thoughtless of you", he replied.

More people came into the arena and space became limited around them. Severus placed his arm around Hermione's shoulders and looked around, making sure she had enough room to move.

She enjoyed the physical touch and wasn't hiding it. She stood close to him and let him subconsciously mark his territory. She wanted everyone to know that she was here with him, and more importantly, she wanted himto know that she was here with him.

They soon talked about other things, as the arena filled around them.

"I need to get some cauldrons for the potions lab", Severus said, and Hermione knew he was asking her indirectly to come to Diagon Alley with him.

"Flourish and Blotts stock a new collection on Charms in three volumes. I wanted to have a look at it. I planned to go next Saturday if you want to go together", she said.

"That sounds agreeable", he replied. "Who are the Charms books by?"

"Rob Dooby. An American Charms Master. I have read articles by him before, he's quite good."

Hermione put her bag on the floor, tucking it between her feet.

"I am looking for a new collection that I could use for teaching. The ones we currently have are good, but I always find I have to change a lot of things."

"Why don't you write your own?", Severus said and crossed his arms behind his back turning to face the stage.

She laughed, but then she saw that he was serious.

"Don't be ridiculous."

"You've mastered your subject, you're meticulous and you know exactly how to teach charms successfully. You're a researcher. I think you'd be better off writing your own series of books than trying to find something suitable."

She didn't reply to that, because the orchestra started tuning their instruments. However, he had set a spark in her mind.

Severus faced the stage and Hermione was a bit jealous that he was tall enough to see over the top of people's heads. When the conductor walked onto the stage, he put his arm around her again to move her.

"Come over here", he said and positioned her right in front of him.

She could see better from there and was very aware of his presence behind her. She could feel his radiance and heat and wished for nothing more than to touch him. A while later she got completely soaked into the music however, and she really enjoyed it.

The immense density of the sound set something on fire inside of her that she had never felt burning before. She lost herself, it was as if the music were architectural structures around her. She was walking through this vast cathedral, and as she entered the building, she really began to understand the beauty of this composition.

They stood close together and Hermione leaned back against Severus, closing her eyes and enjoying the sounds around her. His heartbeat seemed louder than any of the percussion in the orchestra; his fingers hesitantly but softly touching her arm were more intense than the bowing of the strings; his chin resting on top of her head a while later, was not restricting her but rather giving her the feeling of heaven opening up above, and with the final resolution of the music, she felt as if she had seen a glimpse of eternity that night.

The audience broke into thunderous applause around them. Hermione opened her eyes and joined in. A broad smile adorned her face and she turned around to look at Severus.

She met his dark eyes, and out of nowhere and without knowing how it happened, he placed his hands around her face and kissed her.

His soft lips were resting on hers for only a second, and before she noticed it had happened, he pulled back and dropped his hands.

The people around them were still clapping and cheering, but she couldn't hear any of it. She looked at him, her mouth still in a surprised oh-shape and her hands still frozen in the movement of a clap. He looked shocked himself, his dark eyes portraying a multitude of emotions and thoughts.

She saw confusion, heat, fear and longing all at once. Just as he stiffened his back and was about to turn away, she started to speak.

"Do it again."

It was a whisper, words barely formed by her lips, and she wasn't sure if he had heard it, so she took his hands and lifted them up to her face again. The heat in his eyes took over and he lowered his head once more to kiss her.

This time he placed his mouth very carefully onto hers, timidly increasing the contact. She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch, and he deepened the kiss, softly sucking on her lower lip.

When people started to move around them to leave the building, they broke their kiss.

"We should leave", he said with a husky voice.

The longing and tenderness in his eyes made Hermione's heart miss a beat. She could tell he felt awkward and didn't know what to do, so she took his hand.

They left the concert hall and walked towards the tube station with the mass of people. Severus didn't say a word for the whole time, but she suspected he was thinking. She kept her fingers tightly entwined with his to show him that there was no reason to question what had happened.

She was happy, jubilantly happy, and she wanted him to know, but she also knew he was very quickly overthinking everything. Holding his hand and walking close to him seemed the best way to show him how content she was without overwhelming him.

They got onto the Tube and had to stand. Hermione made sure to stay close to him and the sheer number of passengers made it easy to discreetly press her body against his. Severus didn't look at her when he spoke.

"I should have asked you for your permission. I am sorry."

Hermione was baffled by his comment and didn't know what to reply for a moment. She watched the passengers and only when she felt his eyes on her she turned to face him.

"Maybe you should have", she said smiling. "But I don't mind at all that you didn't."

She lowered her fingers on the handrail that they were holding onto and softly caressed his hand under hers. She saw a smile tucking on the corners of his mouth and he didn't look away. He didn't say much however, and a while later they got off the train and headed towards Hermione's flat.

Hermione got nervous. What was he thinking about? Why did he not speak? She knew he was quiet on the best of days, but now it nearly drove her mad.

When they took the corner onto Hermione's street, she reached for his hand and stopped in her tracks, making him stop with her. She was afraid he wouldn't say a word and leave without giving her the opportunity to tell him how she felt.

He raised his eyebrows.

"I like that", she said and squeezed his fingers between hers. "I've been wondering what it would feel like for quite a while."

He looked at her with furrowed brows and she lifted her hand to soften the crease on his forehead with her index finger, the same way he had done it to her earlier that evening.

"I can't tell you how long I've been thinking about this", she said absentmindedly. "Because I can't remember when I started hoping. It just happened."

She had started to play with his hair and had pushed it behind his ear. He took her hand into his and moved it away from his face, placing a soft kiss on her knuckles. The expression in his eyes said more than a thousand words, but before Hermione could voice the longing inside her, he turned to walk towards her home.

Did he regret the kiss? Did he regret the evening? Would he snap and leave her? Would he leave England?

Calm down, you headless chicken.

Severus still held her hand tightly, which gave Hermione some reassurance. She could feel how tense he was, telling her that he was either in deep thought or restraining himself. She didn't want to push him, but she did not want him to leave either. She wanted to kiss him once more, twice more, again and again. Her lips still burnt from the sensation and her stomach tightened in desire and longing.

They reached Hermione's house and stood in front of the door.

"I really enjoyed tonight", she said looking at him, but he was avoiding her eyes.

She stepped closer to him and took both his hands.

"Sev, look at me."

Their glances met and she raised her own hands and brought them up to his face.

"I would like it if you kissed me again."

She could see something flickering in his eyes. He lowered his head very slowly, constantly checking her face for any clues, but when she simply closed her eyes and pulled his face closer, his lips finally found hers.

His hands wandered down her arms and body to her back and rested on her shoulder blades, pulling her closer to him and she sighed quietly into his touch.

The noise seemed to encourage him or rather break through his barriers, and he deepened the kiss. One of her hands wandered to his shoulder and got a grip on his shirt. She tried to access his mouth by letting her tongue wander over his lips.

She heard him take a sharp breath through his nose, but he didn't pull back. His hand found its way to her neck, burying his fingers in her hair at the bottom of her head. He opened his mouth and started exploring hers with the tip of his tongue.

Hermione thought her heart would burst out of her chest. It was racing, beating like jungle drums. His taste was divine and his touch titillating. He was so soft to her, so careful and tender. She felt like melting into him. She never wanted it to stop, but when she had to pull back to catch some air, he straightened himself and looked down at her.

It had not been a stormy kiss, but she was panting, and her breath was shaky. In the dim light of the streetlamps she could see him breathing heavily too.

"I…", he tried to start, but she put her finger onto his mouth.

"Shh."

He went silent immediately, his dark eyes boring holes into her. She touched his cheek, stroking the skin with her thumb.

"What a lovely date", she said smiling at him, looking from his lips to his eyes. She felt a pleasant fluttering feeling just under her sternum.

He kissed her again, less hesitantly and a tad more forcefully, but still tenderly. Slowly, he steered her against the front door. She surrendered, leaning back against the door and pulling him closer. He held her, one hand around her waist and one hand around her neck. As he pushed himself slightly against her, a stroke of heat filled her stomach.

His tongue entered her mouth and he only stopped to kiss her cheeks or her chin, soon wandering down her neck and placing kisses behind her ear.

She could hear his shaky breath and moaned quietly when he sucked the spot behind her ear. He stopped and took a small step back.

"Don't go…", she breathed, reaching out to him.

"I… I should stop", he croaked, looking at the door behind her.

Hermione nearly wanted to ask him why, but she saw the unspoken hunger and want in his eyes. It sent hot sparks into her groin and she nearly moaned again. She stepped away from the door closer to him.

"I wouldn't mind you not stopping", she said quietly, carefully placing her hand onto his chest.

Severus didn't move, but she saw the heat rising in his eyes. She took his hand into hers and pushed the door open to enter the house, but he was reluctant.

"Hermione…", he sighed and as he turned towards her, he had a strange expression on his face.

She didn't try to push him any further, afraid he might snap, and they could lose this precious moment. She still held his hand and took a step closer to him again, not saying anything but just examining his face.

"Hermione, I… don't want to lose what we have", he said hesitantly.

She suddenly understood and couldn't help but look longingly at him.

"Sev, how often do you think I have been thinking the same during the past months." She closed the gap between them.

"How often do you think I wanted to do this." Burying her fingers in his neck, she pulled him down to place a soft kiss on his lips.

"I thought I was going mad, being in your presence but thinking you might not want me like this", she sighed, their faces still close together. "And I never dared, because I thought it could destroy our…"

"I don't want to lose control over this tonight", he interrupted her quietly, his voice thick with desire.

She could tell that it cost him all his willpower to stop himself, and it drove her mad. She had wanted him. She didn't want him to stop now.

"I wouldn't mind", she breathed against his thumb as he traced her lips with it.

"But I would", he said looking at her. "I don't want you to regret anything."

"How could I possibly regret any of this?", she said sounding nearly desperate.

He lowered his eyes.

"Sev, you know me well enough", she said. "I wouldn't do anything I am not sure about."

"I know, I know", he said softly and caressed her cheek. "But please give me the opportunity to be the gentleman you deserve and not take advantage of your willingness. Not tonight."

"You are the gentleman I deserve."

"No man in this universe would be worthy of you, Hermione."

He pushed some hair out of her face and took her hand into his to kiss it softly.

"I had a wonderful evening with the most inspiring and beautiful woman", he said against her knuckles. "Now let me drop you off at home and wait down here on the pavement until I see your lights switching off, before I disapparate and contemplate what a lucky bastard I am."

She laughed quietly and looked at him. There was no way to change Severus Snape's decision once he had set his mind on something, but she had heard the promise in his words. Not tonight. The echo of a thousand loving nights lay in these words.

"Alright."

"Come and see me tomorrow", he said.

"I'd love that."

"Don't forget to bring your cat."

She chuckled and looked at him tenderly.

"I won't. See you tomorrow."

He gave her a soft, long kiss onto the forehead.

"Goodnight."

She smiled at him and went inside.