Hello my lovelies!
Here is my next update, finally! I believe it is the longest chapter I have posted so far with just over 7,100 words! I hope it will be alright to read in one go!
I am so sorry for taking so long. I have worked through some of my notes and settled on a slightly new theme. We are finally at Hogwarts, and the mood is getting more academic, and less cottage vibes :D
I had some new ideas that I need to incorporate throughout the next chapters, and I think one could nearly say that we are heading into part two of the story! Let's see where it takes us and how long it'll turn out to be!
Thank you for your continuous support and lovely feedback. As always, let me know what you think of this chapter in the comments!
Lots of love and enjoy reading xxx
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DREAMS - THE CRANBERRIES
"I can't believe you didn't come more often this summer", Jane Granger ranted whilst chopping up a cucumber.
"I have been here every week", Hermione replied, keeping her eyes on the lettuce she was washing in the sink.
"That is at least more often than you've been visiting us." Ginny, who was snacking on some tomatoes she had chopped up, looked at Hermione sternly.
The Grangers decided to have a small barbecue before Hermione had to leave for Hogwarts the next day and they had invited Ginny around too. The three women were preparing salads, whilst Hermione's dad looked after the grill.
"You have no right to complain", Jane said jokingly to Ginny. "You didn't come for our yoga classes either."
She waved her knife at the redheaded witch. "I'll get you sooner or later."
"Well, I've had better things to do than yoga classes", Hermione chuckled with a coquette smile on her face. "I dare say I've probably been more active than ever."
"Hermione!", her mother chastised, but the look on her face was giving away how curious she was in reality.
Hermione winked at Ginny, who had finally been fully informed about Severus on the condition that she wouldn't say a word to anybody.
"Don't you wink at me", Ginny exclaimed. "I don't want to know about Snape's love life."
She made a disgusted face.
"But you like to know about mine", Hermione giggled.
For some reason Hermione had just known that Ginny would be ok with the fact the she and Severus were a thing, but she did understand that some details freaked Ginny out a bit.
Nevertheless, it felt good to have a friend to talk to, and Hermione was sure that neither Harry nor Ron would have been as accepting as Ginny.
Ginny had been rather speechless and taken aback at first, but she had quickly understood why and how Severus and Hermione got on so well. Naturally, they were not talking about Hermione's sex life as much as they would have done had it been somebody else, she'd been dating, but Hermione was positive that Ginny would want to know sooner or later.
However, she could already imagine the drama and arguments she'd have with Harry and Ron about how she could possibly date Severus Snape, the bat from the dungeons, the greasy git that had made their schooldays a horror.
Despite her previous wish to share the relationship with her friends, she had come to agree with Severus. It was better and safer for everyone, that they kept it down for now. Severus could settle into his new life in England without any additional headlines or arguments with Harry, Ron, the Weasleys in general, Minerva… well, many people. It made Hermione sad to realise that possibly everyone would give her reasons why she shouldn't be with him.
Therefore, it only made sense to keep it between them for now. They could grow into their life at Hogwarts and explore their relationship in peace without all of wizarding Britain gawping at them. Once they had established their new life together and Severus wasn't on the front page of the prophet anymore, they could see how things were going and start to be more public with one another. At least outside of Hogwarts.
"And I'm telling you, I've never had it any better", Hermione said to her friend and a love-drunken smile appeared on her face, as she thought of their passionate nights… and afternoons… and mornings.
Ginny laughed.
"Ok, I'll just imagine some handsome French guy with you, and I might be able to survive."
"Gin!", Hermione sighed. "No French guy could ever live up to Severus. It's everything about him that makes it so… erotic."
Her mother and Ginny howled in unison.
"Please!", Jane exclaimed. "As you mother I really don't want to know!"
"I wasn't going to say anything!"
They all stood next to one another chopping their vegetables and hiding their grins.
"So, he is erotic then, is he?", her mother said coyly after a moment and they all broke into barking laughter.
"How is Hogwarts going to work out with you two?", Ginny asked.
Hermione shrugged her shoulders.
"Well, like I've told you. We're keeping it down for now, for obvious reasons. I am not sure what the school's policy on staff relationships is."
Hermione was a little bit worried about that. She had no clue how Minerva would react if she would find out, and it could potentially be difficult to hide their relationship at Hogwarts. She wanted to see him and be with him, share her chambers with him and discuss their work in his Potions lab. For now, she was telling herself that there wouldn't be a problem, that officially they were friends and colleagues. Staff members could work together at any time, it had always been like that, and Hermione would take advantage of that custom.
"Oh, goodness. I can tell you already, that we're going to see nothing of her this year", Jane said to Ginny. "They'll be hiding in his little cottage every weekend when they're off duty."
"Don't worry, mum", Hermione said casually. "He doesn't have a washing machine. I'll still bring my linens."
After dinner, Hermione left her keys with her parents. The Nancys would come at the end of August to see the Grangers for a week and they could stay at her house. She had already sent most of her things to Hogwarts and would go back to Severus's place tonight before they would leave together in the morning.
Hermione and Ginny apparated to Grimmauld Place together. She wanted to pick up a few books from the old Black Library and take them to Hogwarts for some research. They had kept most of the ancient tomes, and had stored them in the attic because Harry and Ginny knew Hermione would use them from time to time.
The babies were already in bed and Harry just quickly greeted her, before she and Ginny went upstairs to get the books.
"Do you want to keep it a secret forever?", Ginny asked her, whilst they were still in the room under the roof.
Hermione sighed.
"No."
Ginny raised her eyebrows questioningly.
"I don't want to expose him to all the drama that would come with an official relationship just yet. Neither do I want it, for that matter. He needs to settle down and you know… We've not been… like this for very long, Gin", Hermione explained. "Who knows if it even works out."
"You've been seeing him for one and a half years now, Mione."
"Not like this, though. He is… well, it is very strange with him."
Ginny rolled her eyes.
"What did you expect? It's Snape."
Hemione chuckled and shook her head.
"No, Gin. That's not what I mean."
"Well, go on then. What's the problem?"
"There is no problem."
Hermione examined the books on her arm and sighed. She looked back at Ginny and sat down on a little foot stool. Her best friend joined her sitting in front of her on the floor.
"He is the loveliest person, Gin. He is attentive and passionate and tender. But he is also very sensitive. He constantly doubts himself."
"Well, I don't want to imply anything, but I can't imagine he had a lot of girlfriends in the past…"
"No, Gin. Well, yes, that as well. But he doesn't doubt his abilities as a lover or partner. He doubts his own self-worth. I look at him and I see it in his eyes far more often than I would want to."
Hermione lowered her gaze sadly.
"And that is not even the thing that worries me most."
Ginny took her hand and rubbed it softly.
"What's that then?"
"I sometimes think, he is… I don't know how to say it without doing him wrong", Hermione sighed. "I sometimes wonder, if he is more damaged than he realises himself. There seems to be a part of him, that is completely shut off, so shut off that not even he himself remembers it is there. He seems to hide away memories, things he can't cope with."
Ginny shook her head in a lack of understanding.
"He had to do horrible, horrible things during the war, Ginny. Worse than Harry or anybody knows…", Hermione whispered. "I know next to nothing about them. The things we thought we knew… they're nothing compared to what was really going on on the other side. He never talks of it, he only ever mentioned it once or twice and he immediately tries to dismiss it. I haven't even got a glimpse of what he has been through. I can only guess it from this pain in him that I seem to have a presentiment about. I wonder if he uses his occlumency to hide it all behind massive walls, I know there are terrible things inside his mind, but he never talks about it. I think he doesn't even actively think about it. I can just feel it, I know there are… terrible, terrible memories."
"How do you… I mean, what makes you believe this?", Ginny asked.
Hermione sighed quietly and shut her eyes.
"Please promise me, you will never tell anyone about this."
Ginny nodded. "You know I would never do that."
"He has told me once about what he had to do for Voldemort. But…" Hermione swallowed hard she could feel tears welling up in her eyes. It made her extremely emotional to think about Severus's experience of the war.
"There is so much more. He must have suffered years and years, doing what he was forced to do. He has these habits, or you might even call them ticks…", Hermione said and took a deep breath, wiping her tears away. "It's nothing very obvious. He rubs his forearm subconsciously; he cannot close room doors... sometimes it's just hunches I get. I feel something so deeply sad and destroyed in him, and he has somehow learnt to hide it so well, well enough that he himself can't access it anymore. It feels like there is a cold stone in his heart, placed there and groomed by people who have used and shamelessly exploited him. It might sound silly, but it is as if something in him is crying out for me, telling me to see how hurt he is because he can't realise it himself. And he is clingy, Gin."
Hermione sighed.
"It's not bad, not at all, but I can tell. He has been so starved of love and care and attentiveness, that he is desperate for it. As weird as it sounds, but I think he cannot stand to be alone. But at the same time, he thinks he is not worthy of anything or anyone, because he has done all these dreadful things in his life. He is anxious when I am not around, I can feel it when I return to him. I wonder if he uses the time to think about all the bad things from his past, and he can only stop thinking about them when I am with him. He beats himself up over the past, Gin. He cannot forgive himself."
"Does he not realise that his work was essential for the formation of the world we live in now?", Ginny asked.
"I have told him that over and over again, and I think he can understand it. But I wonder if…", Hermione took a deep shaky breath again.
"I wonder if they have destroyed him so much, Ginny, so much that he can't ever see himself in a good light again. And I think he only barely starts living now. I am so happy, when he lives, Gin. All Severus did was to exist. I see him now, blooming, growing to love life more every day. I live to empower him, I can only be happy, when I see him happy. But he thinks so lowly of himself and there is an endless amount of pain in him. It hurts me. It hurts so much."
Ginny had lowered her head whilst listening to her friends and she stroke Hermione's hands softly.
"What if that is part of what attracts you to him?", she said carefully.
"What do you mean?"
"Like you just said, you live to empower him", Ginny explained. "Personally, I am not sure how healthy it is, to say you live to do something for someone, but I know you. You've always cared more about others than about yourself. It's what defines you. Don't shake your head, it's true."
Hermione felt uncomfortable, hearing how Ginny described her so fundamentally.
"You care for him, and he responds to it", the redheaded witch continued. "Everyone would say, he is an unsolvable riddle, but you try anyway, just like you have always done. I never thought I'd say this, but maybe Snape compliments you on a very natural basis. Maybe he does do you good. You clearly do him good."
Hermione thought about this for a while. It made sense, but it still didn't make her happy.
"Why does it hurt so much then, that he can't love himself?", she asked sadly.
"Because you don't just care for him, but also about him. You only need to be careful, that it doesn't become toxic", Ginny said softly. "To me it looks a little bit as if the two of you are co-dependent. He reminds me of Harry."
Hermione furrowed her eyebrows.
"Really?"
"Yes", Ginny nodded. "You know Harry's tempers. He still has them, although not as extremely anymore, as you know yourself. Still, he sometimes cannot control his emotions and I am the only one that can calm him down. And to be honest, it feels good. It feels very good to be needed. I often wonder how healthy that is, but why should you leave someone alone with their problems? Why should Harry have to deal with his temper alone, when it does do me no harm to be there for him. Why should Snape deal with his anxiety alone, when you can help him?"
"I don't know if he would ever let me help him", Hermione said.
"He does already", Ginny ensured her. "It might not be obvious but think about it. I suspect he only needs more time to tackle his bigger burdens."
Ginny got up and shrunk Hermione's books.
"The Snape you tell me about is nothing like I remember him, and nothing like the man Harry told me about. He seems to be comfortable around you and if I am not completely clueless, I'd say he trusts you. Use that golden patience of yours and give him some time. There are things I found out about Harry only after years. He's been so abused during his childhood, and he hasn't even been aware of it himself. I imagine it might be similar with Snape. Be there for him, and you'll see it'll work out. But don't beat yourself up over it. If he doesn't want to share something, that is fine too. They have their reasons. And sometimes the things, they don't tell you, are the things that they convey to you in another way."
Ginny handed Hermione her miniature books and they left the attic.
"I am so glad you're my best friend, Gin."
They hugged one another for a long moment, before Hermione left Grimmauld Place and apparated to North Yorkshire.
The next morning, she was woken by Severus kissing her shoulder from behind her. She moaned and turned around to him, feeling his morning erection on her thigh.
"I don't want this summer to be over", she murmured into his chest and wrapped her arms around him. "Why don't we just stay here for the rest of our lives?"
He kissed the tip of her nose and her forehead.
"Because you wouldn't last another week. You've been itching to get back to school", he chuckled against her head.
"I know", Hermione moaned and turned onto her back, staring at the ceiling.
"What are you worrying about?", he asked softly, running his finger through her hair and watching her.
"This."
She turned her face towards him, looking sad.
"I like being with you so much. Discussing things with you, watching you brew potions or arguing with you over the last chapter you read", she said. "I enjoy cooking with you, I like how you make me coffee in the morning. It's like heaven on earth. I don't want to miss it ever again. I don't want to wake up without you by my side. I don't want you to be in the dungeons and I am on the third floor."
He kissed her slowly and lovingly onto her mouth and played with her hair.
"It will be fine", he said. "You will be in your usual routine again, and you will drown in work. You might be happy about not having to see me all the time."
"Severus stop it", she said fiercely and stopped his hands in their movement. "I always want to see you."
He sighed and kissed her again.
"I am just saying that you will have all your friends to talk to as well, and you will be busy, and you might just fall into your bed at night and sleep."
"But I want to fall into bed at night and sleep next to you", she replied. "Even if we're both exhausted and tired and moody, I still want to be with you."
She turned onto her side and propped her head up on her arm.
"People always think I have my life all sorted and organised, but in reality, it is such a mess. Things change all the time and you know that yourself. Just think about everything that changed within the last year."
She caressed his cheek with her hand.
"And you… suddenly you have been there in my life, and you have been with me since. You and you amazing mind; challenging me, understanding me, being kind and caring towards me."
"I feel like I have done none of these things", he said, lowering his head.
"If I tell you, that you did, you can't decide that you didn't."
She tried to catch his eyes, softly lifting his head with her fingers.
"I have always lived a happy and slightly crazy life. First, I encounter magic, then all the insane stuff during my teens. And believe me, the ten years after that have not been boring either. I have family and friends that I love, I try to live all my dreams and enjoy life to the fullest. Always. People have made me happy before, but now…"
She paused for a moment to take in his face.
"Now I feel it even more, because it all comes from you. I need you to be with me, I need to make sure you are as happy as I am. Once were at Hogwarts… I cannot possibly accept that I might not be able to touch you for days, that I might not be able to talk privately to you, that I might not…-"
He interrupted her, by kissing her passionately. She sighed into their kiss, and he pulled her on top of him.
"There will be a way", he said, softly touching her face with his fingertips. "I know where you are and you know where I am, and we'll be discreet. I just don't want you to get into trouble because of it. If they decide to dismiss me, let them do so. But you… You love your job. I know you do. I don't want you to lose it."
"We'll be discreet", she reassured him. "And I won't get into trouble. Nobody will find out, and if they do… well let them find out."
Then she smiled cheekily at him.
"They're not going to sack you, because there is no one who could replace you. And they can't sack me then either. Same dos for all."
"Hermione…" He looked at her hopelessly.
"Don't worry, Sev", she said and kissed him. "And now sleep with me, who knows when I will have the pleasure again."
She didn't give him any chance to argue, because she lowered herself onto him in one swift movement and they loved each other passionately, with the early morning sun watching over them, illuminating their naked skins.
A couple of hours later they walked up the hill to the apparition point. They looked down at the cottage and Hermione wrapped her arm around Severus's body.
"I can't wait to come back", she said.
"Me neither", he said thoughtfully. "I never liked my old house."
Hermione bent down to pick up Crookshanks and then eyed Severus. The way he looked at his house, how relaxed he was and how warm his eyes were. He was so attractive. The pale skin and the dark hair were in such harmony with his strong facial features. His cheeks were sharp, his jaw angular and his long Roman nose perfectly underlined the interesting and charismatic face. He wore his teaching robes, but with his tied-up hair and the beard, that he didn't want to get rid of, he looked nothing like the Professor Snape she remembered. And yet, he looked exactly the same, she simply saw him through new eyes.
"I can't remember the last time you wore that frock", she said and smiled at him. "It's oddly attractive."
"Believe it or not, but I thought the same about your teaching robes when I first saw you in them."
"Really?"
Hermione frowned at him and the corner of his mouth twitched slightly.
"Yes, and it's even more attractive now that I know what lies underneath."
She fondled Crookshanks behind his ears and smiled at him.
"Then promise me you'll take them off me tonight."
He looked at her with hot eyes but didn't say anymore, and they apparated to Hogwarts.
Hermione immediately dropped her furry companion, because he always got rather angry when they apparated.
Severus appeared out of thin air right next to her and she instantly felt how he tensed up. She reached for his hand and they entered through the gates together. It felt like the start of something new.
"Isn't it beautiful?", she said looking up at the castle.
He didn't reply, but she hadn't expected an answer. She slightly squeezed his hand before she let go of him and they walked up the path. As they got closer to Hagrid's hut, she could feel the air around him freeze.
He was extremely nervous, she could tell, although he didn't show it. It was as if his feelings were radiating at a frequency that only she noticed.
They went further along the path that passed Hagrid's hut and Hermione could make out Hagrid's, Hestia's and Arimanius's voices. She also could guess that Penelope Clearwater, Septima Vector and Filius were around. It seemed like a little pre-staff-meeting meeting.
She wanted him to feel safe, so she reached carefully for his hand once more, before they would be in sight of the others. He had them crossed behind his back, and she noticed that he was rubbing his forearm discreetly. He didn't return her gesture, but as she stroke his fingers softly, she thought he relaxed a tiny bit. He also stopped rubbing himself and folded his hands.
They walked up the path and were now in the other staff members' view.
"Mione!", Hagrid's rumbling voice called her.
"Hello Hagrid", she replied and made her way towards the gamekeeper's hut.
When she realised that Severus wasn't following her, she turned around to him and beckoned him to join her. His face was unreadable, but she smiled at him. She wouldn't let him stand alone, even if nobody was to know about their connection, everyone could most certainly know that they were friends.
"Professur Snape", Hagrid greeted Severus. "Glad ta see ya."
Severus inclined his head.
"Good to see you too, Hagrid."
Hermione was happy that Hagrid was genuine towards Severus, because she quickly realised that the rest of the group was rather quiet.
"How was your summer, Hermione?", Hestia asked, completely ignoring Severus.
"It was incredibly lovely", she replied overly enthusiastic. "How was yours?"
They all had some small talk, but it was an undeniably tense situation. She talked to Filius for a while about the new trilogy on Charms she had bought, and she realised that nobody did as much as look at Severus.
"Shall we head up to the castle?", she said and smiled openly at him.
He nodded once, his face expressionless and his back rigid.
"Ey, Mione", Hagrid said to her and took a step closer to them. "Do come down fa some drinks soon, will ya?"
"Absolutely", she replied smiling at Hagrid.
"And you, too, Sir", the half giant said to Severus. "Have a lot o' catchin' up ta to. I heard ya've been to the French Alps."
Severus nodded once more and Hermione was thrilled to see, how Severus unfolded his arms.
"They've some funny creatures livin' over ther', I tell ya, Mione. I bet Professur Snape knows a lo' about 'em."
Hermione smiled at Severus and then at Hagrid.
"Well, I can't wait to hear all about it."
None of the others said a word. They looked like statues, eying Severus warily, but Hermione didn't mind and they both left to walk up to the castle. She was so happy about Hagrid being civil with Severus, that nothing could have dulled her mood.
"You remember when I told you, that you are the kindest person I know?", Severus said once they had nearly reached the castle. "I think I have to take that back."
Hermione smiled at him, knowing that it was not an insult at all. Hagrid was the most genuine and kind person in the whole universe.
"I gladly give way to Hagrid", she laughed.
They entered the courtyard and Hermione pointed out the windows of the west-wing that were her chambers. As they crossed the yard and walked towards the main door, she could feel Severus tensing up again. He needed to know that he was not alone. She was there for him and she would fight the whole world twice to defend him.
She wanted to say something, but she simply didn't have the words.
"You know they'll come around, right? Our colleagues."
He snorted and looked at her coolly.
"They've never liked me."
"That's not true. Septima has told me about you working together and Hagrid was positi…-" She couldn't finish her sentence because he interrupted her brutally.
"Just… let it be", he snapped.
She looked at him sadly, but he didn't look back at her.
"Well, the staff meets at four o'clock and dinner is at six. I suggest we unpack and then I would rather like it, if you picked me up and showed me your rooms, like you promised", she said happily. She knew he was only vicious because he was uneasy.
"That sounds agreeable", he replied. "I'll be with you in an hour."
When Severus picked her up at said time, he was even more tense. As they walked down the corridors, she saw how his gaze was fixed on his path, he didn't look at the castle walls, he didn't look out the window or let his eyes wander in any other way. He was rubbing his thumb on his forearm behind his back.
Whenever she came back to Hogwarts, she couldn't get enough of it. She felt like in paradise, she enjoyed the views and her surroundings. There was only one time in her life, when she had behaved the way Severus did now, and that was shortly after the war, when terrible memories had still clung to the surrounding walls, torturing her relentlessly.
"Hogwarts is the most peaceful and wonderful place now", she said quietly. "I believe that the past terrors in these walls, old and new ones, help give it this peace, paradoxically."
She looked at him carefully as they waited for one of the staircases to turn towards them. His face was expressionless, and she felt the urge to hold his hand, but knew better than to give in to her desire.
"The castle stands strong, despite all the terrible things that have taken place here", she continued, looking at the moving staircases. "It didn't need to recover, because it has never been destroyed. The walls might have been torn down and the roofs burnt. But the castle remained. And it is protecting its inhabitants as it has done for over a thousand years, never accepting anyone that means harm, and giving a safe home to all of us."
He was the reason to their success and Hogwarts had known it. As the staircase moved into place before them, she felt a wave of magical integrity that she couldn't explain.
"You belong here, Sev. I know it."
He looked at her, his arms folded behind his back and his shoulders rigid.
"I believe you", he said calmly. "But that doesn't erase the memories."
He sounded final, but Hermione would not accept it.
"For every bad memory, there are one hundred good memories edged into these walls", she said as they walked down the staircase onto the ground floor side by side.
"Not for me", he said coolly.
"You can make some good memories now to balance out the bad ones."
"It would take two eternities of good memories to make up for it", he snorted.
They walked down the familiar way into the dungeons. It was colder down here, just as Hermione remembered. It wasn't dark in the dungeons, but the only light came from the torches on the wall, bathing the corridor in a flickering, greenish, dim light. She had never liked it during her schooldays, but for some reason she found it oddly calming now.
"Sev…"
He didn't say anything or look at her, but she knew he was listening. Her heart started fluttering, and in that moment, she realised that his happiness and joy was all that mattered to her, he was all she wanted and needed. She didn't care about his past or what he had done, nor what the future might hold for them.
With a mind like his by her side, how could the future be anything else than golden? With a heart like his, how could she care about his dark secrets? He had the power to move her, to inspire her, and to encourage her to be the best version of herself. What did she care about his insecurities or doubts? She would cherish them, her soul would caress his with patience and tenderness, until it would glow with his inherent beauty again.
"I love you."
It was quiet. They didn't say anything, and they didn't think anything. A calmness spread between them, that silenced their surroundings. Peace filled the spatial gap between them and wrapped then in its safe arms.
There was nothing dramatic or overly romantic about the situation, she had simply felt the need to say it. He turned to look at her, and his eyes were as soft and deep as she would always remember them. But she could also see the ever-present fear lurking in their depths. She would find it and love it, just as she loved everything about him.
"I love you, too", he said, warm and quiet.
Hermione smiled at him and his eyes smiled, too.
She took his hand and he quickly flinched, looking around.
Hermione raised her hand to turn his face back to look at her. They were alone down here and they both knew it. She pulled his head down for a kiss.
Her fingers rubbed his neck and Severus relaxed into her touch. She kissed him softly, not demanding anything. She carefully tasted his lips and enjoyed the warmth of his skin against hers. When she pulled back slowly, his eyes were shut and he didn't lift his head immediately, leaving it in the position he had kissed her in.
"Would that count for an eternity of memories?", she asked him, looking at his dark lashes against the pale skin.
He opened his eyes and looked at her tenderly.
"Maybe", he answered, and a smile slowly appeared on his face.
Hermione raised an eyebrow at him.
"Maybe?"
"I think I might need some more of that", he said and kissed her again, smiling against her lips.
Hermione could feel how the heat rose in both of them, as he discovered her mouth, and pulled back slowly, to collect herself.
"I think you need to show me your rooms now before somebody catches us here", she chuckled. "And then we have to attend a staff meeting, my dear colleague."
Severus's rooms were mesmerising. All Hermione had thought about was to enjoy Severus behind closed doors, but as soon as they entered his chambers, these thoughts were pushed aside.
They entered the rooms through his office, which was rather empty and needed stocking with ingredients to be anything like the office he used to have. A narrow dark corridor led to a heavy wooden door, and behind it was a wonderful large room that looked out onto the Black Lake.
"It feels like we're swimming on it", Hermione exclaimed and walked towards the window. The room was clothed in predominately dark colours, but it was welcoming and cosy. The sunlight reflected on the water and through the window, and the light beams connected everything. Every little object and every corner of the room seemed illuminated and linked to one another by rays of sunshine. It was magical, purely magical, showing the onlooker how everything in the world was connected by light.
Hermione glanced around in awe and Severus walked up to her, hugging her from behind.
"It doesn't always look like this, only when the sun stands high during summer", he explained.
His bedroom was a separate chamber. It had no windows at all, but it wasn't gloomy. It had dark stone walls and the low bed was covered in dark green an beige fabrics. There was a warm light coming from an unidentifiable source.
"You have to tell me about this charm", she said turning around to him. "I like the light it produces. You've used it in your house too."
"It's embarrassingly simple", he commented and beckoned her to follow him to the bathroom.
It was small and the walls there were dark too, but Hermione was completely overwhelmed when she entered it. One wall seemed to be of glass, or something less than glass. They were under water and the sun shimmered into the room through the Black Lake. Looking out into the clear water she could see all sorts of plants swaying silently. It was most peaceful.
There was a bathtub that also worked as a shower and a golden framed mirror over the sink, that luckily didn't talk.
"No wonder you didn't want any other rooms", she said to him.
"They're not quite the same as they were", he replied. "Minerva has outdone herself."
Hermione furrowed her brows.
"I don't think the dungeons have been affected by the battle. Your rooms should have still been intact."
"Yes", he returned. "They are the same in their structure."
His face turned expressionless and cold. Hermione knew he was thinking about something.
"In fact, I basically found everything the way I have left it. Just nicer."
She took a step closer to him, reaching for his hand. She didn't say anything and hoped he would continue speaking, which he did.
"The stone floor here", he nodded towards the bathroom floor, "was stained with blood. I sometimes came back bleeding heavily, or was covered in somebody else's blood. Often I would take a bath to ease the pain after suffering the Cruciatus. I never bothered removing the stains."
His gaze was empty, fixed on something far away in his mind. He sighed deeply and walked back into the living room. Hermione followed him, trying to hide the pain in her eyes. She had no idea how little she had known about his past. Why did he have to suffer the Cruciatus? Why had he been injured so badly?
"The chair there", he pointed at a desk between multiple bookshelves. "It is in the exact same position as I left it, but my Death Eater robes were taken off it."
Hermione swallowed hard.
"The parchment I had written on is still there, but it's stacked nicely and the jar with ink has been closed. I left it open, I remember."
She was speechless. It had been more than ten years and yet he seemed to remember every single detail.
"The green cover on the sofa is new. The old one was grey and that was stained, too. And the cushions are new, I never had any."
He smiled slightly.
"She also returned the books I had taken to the headmaster's office", he pointed at a stack of books on the coffee table. "Good for her, that she didn't try and put them back onto the shelves. She knows I am quite pedantic about that."
"I never thought you would admit to being pedantic", Hermione said laughing softly.
He raised an eyebrow at her.
"I do not consider it a flaw that needs to be concealed."
She could tell he was more relaxed now than he had been earlier and went to wrap her arms around him.
"Nothing about you needs to be concealed", she said, looking up at his face.
"I do not agree."
"We won't argue about that now", she said lightly.
He turned his head and looked towards the bedroom. They could see a part of the bedframe and one bedside table.
"The bed is different, I only had a small single bed. It's bigger now and the mattress is surprisingly comfortable. She has also removed the empty potion vials from the drawers", he said quietly, then he looked across the room again.
"I had expected to find the room in the poor state I left it in, when Minerva told me nobody had been in. And I had expected to feel angry about anybody looking through my things. But I have to admit, I am rather thankful for her efforts. I will have to tell her, unfortunately."
His last words where drenched in fake resentment. To anybody else it would have sounded very typical Professor-Snape, but Hermione had to laugh at it.
"I am sure you will survive", she mocked him.
He chuckled and kissed her on the head. They rested in the position and he breathed in the scent of her hair. Sighing deeply he pulled back only after a few moments.
"My rooms have always been my safe-place", he said quietly. "I have been in pain and devastated in here, but I always knew, once I arrived here, I was safe. I could recover, at least as much as was possible at the time."
He looked down at Hermione.
"It is only half past twelve", he said. "The meeting is at four. I would really like to make more good memories with you in here before the year starts."
Hermione smiled and kissed him and they wandered off into the dark bedroom.
It was soft and slow and they confessed their love to one another many times. The bedlinen under Hermione's skin was warm and Severus lips wandering across her tummy tickled her slightly. His touch sent electric jolts though her body and she sighed deeply at every movement of his hands over her body.
"I am so happy, Severus", she whispered quietly into his ear, as he had worked his way across her breasts onto her neck.
"Good", he breathed into his hear. "I want to make you happy." He kissed the soft skin of her neck. "Every minute of every day. It shall be my greatest ambition for as long as I am alive."
He moved slowly, holding her face between her hands and whispering words of love.
"I adore you, Hermione."
He kissed her and pressed his body against hers. Hermione sank her nails into his shoulders and curved her spine.
"I love everything about you, with everything I am", he murmured, his forehead resting against hers.
He slowed down even more in his movements and Hermione looked at his face. His eyes were of the darkest onyx with pain resting in their depths, but they also were warm, and full of love and unspoken hope.
She suddenly remembered, what she had once said to him that he should not push her away, because she would let him do it again and again until she would break. And she remembered, how her mother had told her to make sure she would not be hurt in this relationship.
But in that very moment, Hermione realised that it was not her who was vulnerable in their relationship. It was him.
He was trembling with love and need for her, he was feeding and thriving on the attention and tenderness she gave him. She knew if she would take it away from him, he'd collapse and his heart and soul would return to the perpetual darkness that lingered in his mind. He breathed the love she gave and he nourished himself on her.
And yet, it didn't weaken her. If anything, with every ounce of herself she gave, it seemed to multiply manifold. For every drop of her he sucked in, she received an ocean full of his love and it made her grow within herself.
"I'm yours", she whispered, kissing the corner of his mouth.
She never wanted him to stop loving her, or her soul would never find peace again. She was his, irreversibly and she would love him as long as time, even after death, if there was in fact anything beyond the veil. If this love were taken from her, she would rage. Death himself would tremble before her at her wrath.
"Forever", she added resolutely, as his gaze bored into hers.
He lowered his head and buried it in her neck. Holding her tight in his arms, he started moving rhythmically, and they resumed consuming one another ardently.
They confessed their love over and over again, and as they came closer to the end they drowned in each other's eyes. Severus whispered her name, and it was heartrending as they both climaxed.
They lay in each other's arms for the rest of the afternoon. Neither of them wanted to leave his chambers, and if they had been able to stop time right then for the rest of eternity, they would have done exactly that.
However, business called and soon they both got ready to find out what this year would hold for them.