Thanks for reading and please do review.

Once it was decided that they were going to let Alex live Olivia had stood up and walked back into the cave. 'I'm going to untie her' she'd said and no one, not even Elliot had complained. Munch went about the business of preparing their evening meal and Finn went over to help him, not because of any desire to cut carrots but because he wanted something to take his mind off his thoughts. Amanda had walked over to the willow at the end of the ravine. The only tree that had managed to grow amid the stone it had thrust its roots into the river; just before the water disappeared into the rock face. Leaning her back against the gnarled trunk Amanda could see the whole gorge, saw as Casey rose about fifteen minutes after her and started walking her way. She'd hoped that Casey hadn't recognised her- she did look different now- but it seemed that her hopes were in vain.

She didn't acknowledge her as Casey sat down, cross-legged in front of her. She started throwing small stones in the water, watching as the river swept them away, rolling their cold smooth surfaces over her fingers.

'They don't know?'

Amanda didn't want to answer, wanted her silence to be enough but seeing that Casey wasn't going to go away, her face etched with determination, she kept her voice emotionless and her answers short. 'No.'

'They never asked?'

'Not for details.'

Casey opened her mouth to reply but Amanda cut her short as Olivia and tall blond emerged from behind the waterfall.

'That's her then.'

Casey turned and looked over her shoulder. 'She's thinner than I expected,' she said, a look of disgust on her face.

'Still looks kind of regal though. Even with her hair messed up.'

'Like she's got a stick up her ass you mean.'

'You still angry at what she did to you.'

'This isn't about me!' Casey said turning back to face her.

'It's always about us. We're all narcissists at heart. It doesn't matter where the anger comes from Casey it's still yours.'

'Forgive and forget then.' Casey said sarcastically.

'No one has the right to put themselves above others.'

'I held a mother in my arms as she wept because she didn't have enough money to feed her children. That woman there,' Casey turned back and stared towards Alex, 'had taken it all.'

'You can't put her father's taxes on her Casey, that's not fair.'

Casey only paused, made no move to agree or disagree. Part of her knew that Alex was more complicated than simply evil but most of her, the loudest part of her, could still feel that mother shaking her in arms.

The two of them sat silently for a time, watching as Alex and Olivia sat down round the fire, but they made no immediate move to join them.

'Do you think Olivia wants her?' Casey said suddenly, breaking the silence.

'What?'

'Do you think Olivia wants her?'

'Like sexually?'

'Yeah like sexually. Don't tell me you didn't know.' Casey was frowning again but this time at the ground, drawing small lines in the dirt with her little finger.

'About liv? Yeah I knew. It's not a big deal, nobody's bothered about it.'

Casey remained silent

'Are you?'

'She's my friend, I love her.' Casey still didn't look up.

'But….'

'But nothing. She's my friend and I love her. I shouldn't have brought this up.'

'Then why did you?'

Casey let a breath from her nose before saying quietly, 'I don't want her to get hurt. Whatever she's going to say to God is her business and as long as she hides it well enough it doesn't matter; God tells us to love everyone. But why the fuck does she want to keep her alive.'

'She told us, remember, second chances and judgement and-'

'Yes,' Casey interrupted tersely, 'that's what she told us, and I'm sure some of it's even true but Liv's not soft. She'd harder than you Amanda, she wouldn't have hesitated to kill Alex. There must be part of her that wants to save her, to have her even, and it's that part I'm worried about.'

The next few days had to have been the longest Alex had ever lived. Olivia had told her the other's names but not much else about them and it was strange to sit as an outsider in their camp. Munch was the self-proclaimed cook, not because he was especially good but because apparently everyone else was especially bad, and he happily fed Alex an assortments of stews and dishes he had made. Finn took Casey back to her village on the second day and Alex felt a stab of guilt when she thought of the burned house she had left behind. The red head had alternated between throwing her filthy looks and refusing to look at her all. At one point Alex thought about apologising for kidnapping her but then part of her would argue that Casey had been asking for it, harbouring criminals as she was. Her mind seemed to constantly swing back and forth between guilt and emptiness. One moment she wished that Elliot would kill her- as he so obviously wanted to do- yet the next her mind was clear and she was once again the emotionless statue she had learnt to be. It was easier, she had found, to not think about what she was doing. To not think about her life in the castle or about the fear she saw on people's faces whenever she arrived. Some days she could take pleasure in it, the power it made her feel but most of the time she forced herself to feel empty. To be ice even when fires were burning.

This was why she decided she couldn't speak. Olivia tried every day to get her to tell her about her childhood; about what she feeling; about what she wanted to do but Alex never answered. She'd spent most of her life mute, not allowed to speak but now that she finally could she found that she had nothing to say. She knew her upbringing had been different but she didn't know how. The isolation and gender lie were of course unusual but Olivia knew all about that already so what was the point in repeating it? She didn't know how anyone else was brought up so couldn't pinpoint what parts of her own life were strange. Part of her didn't want to know just how rare her life was, didn't want to discover just how different she was. Combined with her constantly changing thoughts Alex just ignored Olivia's questions. She didn't want to answer them; know how to answer; or had any consistent answers, so she just sat and watched and remained silent.

Elliot came up to her after about a week had passed as she was sitting against the willow tree. Olivia had gone hunting with Amanda- Alex had never seen anyone skin a rabbit quicker than Amanda could- and it was only her and the three men left at camp. Olivia had seemed nervous to go, and Alex wondered just whose safety she was scared for, hers or the men.

'You'd drown if you fell in there.' Elliot said sitting down beside her. Alex stared at the river, flowing into the dark hole in the rock face. She wasn't sure if Elliot was warning her or threatening.

'It continues on underwater for longer than anyone could hold their breath. We tested it with a stick once.' He threw a stone into the water and they both watched in silence as it was dragged away.

'Look Alex,' Elliot started, finally looking in her eyes, 'so if it were up to me you'd be dead. Fine you're sorry, whatever you've still got to pay. But it's not just up to me and so here you are just sitting.' He grinned but it was more of a grimace and it didn't reach his eyes. 'I just wanted to tell you that this whole silent thing isn't working for you. You're only alive because Olivia thinks you're "damaged" and wants to cure you but if you don't let her, then even she'll be left with no choice.' He slapped her knee with a false cheerfulness and ended with the advice to 'talk or die.'

She'd tried to take Elliot's advice that night. The others had retreated to the cave to sleep but she was still sitting up in front of the fire with Olivia. Sometimes, when all of them were sitting together eating or just talking they had to sit so closely that their legs touched. Alex had jumped the first time she had felt Olivia's warm thigh brushing against hers but she had quickly gotten used to it, come to enjoy the small touch as much as someone starved for contact would. Now it was only the two of them they sat opposite each other with the glowing embers between and Alex found she missed the warmth at her side.

Olivia was talking about her hunt that day. Describing the forest with such reverence that Alex came to understand that she didn't just live there to hide but that she actually loved it. She wanted to say something, anything but she just couldn't. It was as if there was gag in her mouth that prevented her from making even the slightest noise. A barrier in her mind that she just couldn't break through. She watched as the fire danced on Olivia's face, gave her brown eyes even more depth. She opened her mouth trying to get something out, anything but it still wasn't happening and now the air felt like it was choking her. She'd get like this sometimes at the castle. She'd be silent for days around the guards and servants so that when she finally got back to her rooms and her father came to speak to her it was easier not to reply. She could go for months without uttering a word, the pressure slowly mounting inside her chest. Even when she could speak, she couldn't, not till it all came bursting out, as if the barrier in her mind was broken from the sheer amount of sound caught her head. She'd scream into her pillow, into her cloak, anything to mask the sound and wait for the feeling to pass. Afterwards she could speak with ease, till her head filled once again and the process would have to be repeated.

She could feel the weight in her mind now, in her chest and prayed that it wasn't going to happen. Not now. Not in front of them all. She didn't understand, she spoken a week ago yet the scream was bubbling away and the words, actual words, wouldn't come. Her mouth was still open and she heard herself gasping. She was pleading in her head. Not now. Please. Please. Sobbing. God. Say something. Anything. She wanted to thank Olivia for her life. Wanted to scream at her for not letting her die. Wanted to cry. Wanted to stand up and kill them all for making her feel like she was somehow less than them.

She'd finally managed to close her mouth and was gritting her teeth, trying to swallow the noise she wanted to make. If screaming was the only option then she'd rather remain mute. She was concentrating so hard that she didn't realise that Olivia had walked round the fire and was kneeling in front of her. She felt two calloused palms cup her face and jerked away at the contact.

'No sweetheart. It's okay. It's going to be okay.' The fire wasn't hitting Olivia's eyes but to Alex they still seemed so deep. She never knew that brown could be so warm, so comforting. She felt herself emit a high keen from between her teeth, the sound a wounded animal might make and threw her head back to force it back down her throat. She wouldn't do this. Her body wouldn't betray her like this. God Elliot wanted her dead, the others hated her; she would not let them see her weak!

Olivia didn't remove her hands and Alex was bent double as if in pain. She could dimly hear, as if through water, Olivia trying to comfort her. Asking her what was wrong, holding her hands and face. She suddenly tried to get up and away but Olivia used her own momentum against her and pulled her down beside her.

If it were any other time Alex's mind would have been spinning at being held in Olivia's arms, the warmth surrounding her and the smell of the forest, soil and tree sap, but the scream left no room for anything else. She didn't want to let go. She knew that they'd all think it was for some terrible reason, some trauma from her childhood and she didn't want their pity, especially when it wasn't even true. It was only silence that was hurting her and what kind of weak person was she if silence could reduce her to screams.

'I've got you. Don't worry, I've got you,' Olivia was rocking her, holding her against her chest, 'don't worry sweetheart, just let it out.' And suddenly it was too much. The pressure in her chest came bursting out and though she tried to muffle it in Olivia's shirt she was screaming in the night. Loud howls that took all her breath. She wasn't crying, there were never any tears, only screams. She didn't know if the others had come running, guessed that they had, but she felt no one but Olivia. Felt nothing but the arms holding her close and the whispered comforts in her ear.

When it was over neither of them moved. Olivia kept rocking her and Alex felt her lips against her hair, though she wasn't sure Olivia was aware she was doing it. The confusion in her mind wasn't gone. The pain and emptiness was still there but now she could talk, now the words were there. She didn't turn her head, or acknowledge Oliva's arms just whispered a quiet 'thankyou' before giving into her body and drifting slowly to sleep.