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Alex laughed as she watched Olivia strain and struggle against the line, a trout fighting hard at the other end.

'I don't know why you're laughing,' Olivia said over her shoulder as the trout invariably won the battle and she pulled her line back in, 'if I don't catch anything its turnip mash again for dinner.'

Alex smiled and shook her head at Olivia's antics. For all the woman had claimed to be the best at living off the land she really couldn't get the hang of fishing. It was an unseasonably warm day with very little breeze and Alex lay back against the bank, grass ticking her neck, and luxuriated in the heat. They had followed the stream that morning till it widened into the river and Olivia had waded out straight away to begin trying to catch their supper.

Since their conversation a few weeks ago life had become easier for the both of them. They felt no need to hide their attraction even if they didn't act on it beyond shy careful kisses always initiated by Alex and Olivia had moved from the space by the table to sleep beside her on the pallet.

Olivia's presence didn't exactly stop the nightmares but it did help. In the pitch black there was no need for pride, no need to try and pretend that things were okay. When she woke up, drenched in sweat and shaking, sometimes from things she couldn't even remember Olivia would wake with her and pull her into her arms. She would rock her till they both drifted back to sleep or until the weak light of dawn filtered into the house. Though Alex could see that there were dark circles under Olivia's eyes the older woman never complained; never made Alex feel bad for needing comfort or pressured her to talk. The night that Alex finally did speak, she did so because the weight of her silence was too much, the pain of it was too much to bear by herself. She spoke not to make Olivia happy but because in that moment it was as if there was no other choice.

'He was only a boy.'

Olivia was happy for the dark and for the fact that Alex's face was pressed into her shoulder for the small words that broke the silence shocked her. She had been hoping that one day Alex would talk to her, would ease the burden on her shoulders but it had been so long now she had almost given up hope of the possibility. 'Who was sweetheart?' she said not changing their position and matching Alex's whisper.

It was silent for so long that she thought Alex must have lost her nerves and her shoulder grew wet from tears but just as she was about to speak again Alex spoke up; 'the first person I killed.' She said in a small voice, muffled in Olivia's neck.

'Why are you thinking about him?' she answered carefully trying not to push Alex too hard.

'My father was….my father was there and I was screaming. I don't know why, I never screamed after the first time.' Olivia felt her breath catch in her throat. She hadn't been able to get Alex to even admit outright that anything had happened so to find out that it was more than once was heart-breaking. However she couldn't think about it too much for as if the dam had been broken Alex was talking steadily and she had to concentrate to catch every word.

'Suddenly there was this boy and I was screaming at him to help me, to do something. I thought I knew him but I just couldn't remember where and I kept screaming cause it really hurt and I couldn't understand why he was just standing there, smiling!' she had gotten more animated as she spoke and Olivia was now having to make sense of words distorted by sobs. She rubbed her hand along her back trying to offer what comfort she could while not interrupting.

'Then it was over and I was just lying there waiting, I don't know what for and suddenly he was on top of me and I didn't understand; I was confused. I was fighting him and I could feel him…. I know it was a dream but I swear I could feel him and I asked him why he was doing this and he opened his mouth but it was just full of blood and it was dripping onto my face and I couldn't move and I was screaming and I got blood in my eyes and my mouth and….'

'Shhhhhhh stop, it's okay, it's okay…' as she had spoken Alex had gotten louder and louder till she had wrenched herself out of Olivia's arms and was trying to wipe away the imaginary blood from her face. Olivia was quick to catch her arms and pull her back into her embrace as the tears took over and Alex found herself crying so hard her whole body shook.

It took a long time but the tears finally stopped and Olivia was quick to speak, hoping to take advantage of Alex's talkative mood. 'What happened with the boy Lex?'

Alex looked up into Olivia's face and seeing only love and concern decided that perhaps now was the time to speak. She felt better after having cried, like she had been cleansed and through the window she could see the first rays of dawn upon the horizon. She lifted herself and leant back against the wall, Olivia quick to mirror her, and sighed before starting the story.

'I was fifteen and it was only maybe the third time I'd ever been out of the castle. Father had sent me and some men to collect rent from a village nearby. Everything was going fine until we got to the last house and the woman couldn't pay. She had more children than I could count and apparently their father had died the month before and that was why she was short.

I didn't know what to do, father had told me to get the money whatever the cost but if she didn't have it she didn't have it. I motioned for the sergeant to search the house and that was when the boy came and stood in the doorway. He was maybe thirteen and he wouldn't let the soldier's past, so I motioned for them to move him; I just wanted him to move you know. He came running out wielding a kitchen knife straight for me. I didn't mean to kill him I just raised my hand out of reflex and he ran onto my sword. He started choking and his mother was screaming and there was blood all over his chin and he took so long to die; I remember being surprised by how long it took.

Everyone just looked at me, in complete shock and if it wasn't for my helmet they would have seen how shocked I was as well. Anyway they searched the house and found some money she had been hiding and I took it back to my father. I remember being so angry. Her son didn't need to die, she had the money; she had no right to hide it!

The next year I went back and umm' Alex felt her throat close and she had to fight tears again, surprised that she had any left, 'she had maybe half the amount of children. I had taken her money for food so when winter came she couldn't feed all of them and the weaker ones died. I collected her rent and I've never seen someone look so angry; if she could have killed me then she would have.

So I mean I killed his family and killed him so it makes sense he would want to hurt me. I deserved it.'

Olivia had kept silent during Alex's story. She had been told about the killing. About how the evil Black Cloak had come and killed a boy in cold blood without batting an eye but to hear Alex tell it she knew she was getting the truth. She hadn't really known what to say in response, how to make her feel better but after her last comment, after saying she deserved it Olivia felt the anger that was always in the bottom of her gut come raging to the surface. She turned her whole body to face Alex and spoke in a voice so sincere and passionate that the blonde couldn't help but be moved by it.

'You did not deserve what happened. I don't care what you did, you did not deserve to be punished. Alex what would have happened if you hadn't come home with the money?'

'I don't know.'

'Did you ever come home empty handed before?'

'Once.' Alex couldn't see where Olivia was going with this. It was one time.

'What happened then?'

'He beat me,' she said lowering her head, 'and told me that we didn't have the money for food because I hadn't gotten it.'

Olivia pushed down her response to Alex's answer and instead focused on the point she was trying to get her to see. 'You had no choice but to collect the rent. You did not kill those children, he did! What happened to the boy, it was an accident; you said it yourself. None of what happened was down to you. You are not to blame for any of it; please Alex believe me in that.'

Alex kept her eyes on her lap and let Olivia's words wash over her. She was in no doubt that the older woman believed what she was saying but whether that made it the truth was a whole other matter. Although the feeling was lessened she couldn't quite shake the guilt she felt and decided that she had had enough of this conversation.

'Sun's up, time for food.' She said with a forced cheerfulness.

Olivia watched as she rolled off the pallet and began pulling on her dress. She felt a flash of disappointment that Alex had obviously decided the conversation was over but knew by now never to push. Groaning in the cold light she pulled on her own clothes and with a small word walked over to the stream to collect their day's water. The dew was cold against her bare feet, the only habit she kept from the forest, and the bucket swung at her side. It was a beautiful morning, and she thought perhaps a day for fishing, but in that moment it felt as if the sun couldn't not reach her, the bird's song could not filter through the leaves. She sat on the bank and finally let herself cry. Let herself feel all the pain she held inside for Alex's sake. Things were getting better she knew that, but when someone has just told you they dreamt of their father's rape it is hard to be optimistic and she prayed that this morning was a sign of better things to come.

Olivia had failed to catch any fish, but even the thought of turnip mash was not enough to dampen Alex's spirits. She had spent the most relaxing day just lying in the grass and after her confession this morning her soul itself had been lightened. She had told Olivia about one of the worst things she had done and the other woman was not only still here but still somehow loved her. It was as if with each confession she was pushing Olivia that little bit further, waiting for her to run. She was constantly being surprised when Olivia didn't.

They were walking back to the house after their unsuccessful trip and Alex was trying not to laugh the whole way. After failing again to reel in the trout Olivia had for some reason tried running after it in a fit on frustration that ended in her falling face first into the water. The now sodden and dripping woman was sulking at her side.

'You'll do better next time Liv.' Alex said in an attempt at comfort. Olivia only grunted in response. Entering the house Alex was quick to start on the fire, turning round to ask Olivia if she wanted to eat now or later. The sight that met her eyes drove all thought of food from her head.

Olivia had pulled the dress over her head and was standing there, bathed only in the light of the setting sun. Though they had stopped tiptoeing around each other they still retained some modesty and Alex felt her mouth grow dry at the expanse of bronze skin in front of her. Suddenly the nightmare of the night before seemed eons ago and the desire to reach out and touch and kiss the body in front of her became overwhelming. She knew that Olivia would never start anything, wouldn't want to scare her so if she wanted this to happen, she would have to act herself.

Pushing down her nerves she moved closer to Olivia who jumped slightly at the hand on her shoulder. She turned to ask what the problem was but seeing the expression on Alex's face the words died in her mouth. Alex watched as the older woman's eyes changed from the warm brown she loved so much to a darkness that reflected the flames as her desire quickly caught up to hers.

She took her hand and without a word moved over to the pallet, pulling the makeshift curtain across as she went. They lay on their sides facing each other, not moving just staring at each other's faces, trying to memorise every line. Alex slowly brought her hand up and with just the tips of fingers traced Olivia's jaw lightly, then barely even touching, over her lips. To Olivia the slight touch felt like a shock, a burning trail branded into her skin. Her eyes closed of their own accord and when she felt Alex's nails over her lips she couldn't help but open her mouth. She kept her eyes closed so as to not break whatever spell they seemed to under, praying that Alex would kiss her.

She couldn't help but moan when she felt lips pressed against hers and she had to use every last bit of the mental thought she had left to not react against them. She let Alex take the lead as she always did, surprised when she felt the tip of tongue tease her lower lip.

'Liv, please kiss me.'

She opened her eyes at the sound of Alex's plea. Up close she always marvelled at how much blue there was hiding in the grey of Alex's eyes but this time the irises were almost lost in how large the pupils were. She didn't want to scare Alex, didn't want to pressure her into doing anything but perhaps, she thought, she was holding back too much. If it was what Alex wanted then she was happy to oblige.

Moving forward slightly she pressed the length of their bodies together, feeling the coarse material of Alex's dress against her skin, never taking her eyes of Alex's, and slowly brought her lips down to meet hers. It started slow, their lips moving in sync, fitting perfectly together but the heat only grew. Alex brought one hand to Olivia's hip and pulled their bodies even closer as their tongues explored each other's mouths, fighting to gain the upper hand. She wrapped her hand in Olivia's hair, the brown locks smooth and soft.

The kiss in the forest had been quick and passionate, their kisses this past month had been slow and careful and Alex didn't realise just what she was missing out on. It felt as if her whole body was on fire, that she was connected to Olivia not only through their mouths but their whole bodies. She heard Olivia moan into her mouth as their hardened nipples brushed together and she had to stop kissing her lips and move to trailing kisses down her jaw just to get her breath back. She didn't know how far she wanted this to go, how far she could go, but what she did know was that she didn't want it to stop. She rolled Olivia onto her back and any complaints from Olivia were long. Alex raised herself onto her elbows, her tongue once again in Olivia's mouth and quickly straddled the older woman's hips. She kissed down Olivia's jaw and along her collar bone and neck, pausing at particular spots whenever she felt Olivia moan and arch against her. Her right hand was still wrapped around Olivia's hair but her left moved to cup her breast, the dusky nipple the hardest she'd ever felt it.

Olivia for her part was trying to remain as passive as she could. She wanted nothing more than to use her hands on Alex's hips to flip them over and spend all night working over the blonde's body till she couldn't remember her own name; but knew that she couldn't. She had to let Alex take control, had to let her dictate the pace. However, she couldn't help but arch her back when she felt wet lips trail down her chest and fingers pulling gently at her nipples that were almost painful they were so hard. She had never cum form someone simple touching her chest before but from the ache and pulse between her legs and the tightness that was building in her stomach she knew she was close.

'Alex, ahhhh fuck….. Al' Alex smiled when she heard the moans that were coming from Olivia, sometimes words sometimes just garbled sounds as she squirmed beneath her. She had moved from her neck and was now placing light kisses on the tops of her breasts. She wanted Liv to feel good, she wanted to be good. She had heard all the crude talk of the soldiers growing up, of the serving girls and knew that some people were better at this than others and felt herself becoming flustered at the thought. She didn't know what was good, what people did, let alone what two women did.

'Alex.' Olivia had felt the blonde pause above her and was worried that they had gone too far, gotten too caught up in the moment.

Alex wanted to take on of the nipples under her palm in her mouth but didn't know if that was a good thing to do. She remembered how he had done the same to her, sucked and bitten at her chest till she bled and how horrible it felt and was suddenly second guessing herself. She didn't want to hurt Olivia, she…

'Alex,' Olivia said a little more sharply, her senses slowly coming back to her, the thudding between her legs growing fainter, 'Alex talk to me sweetheart.' Alex didn't answer just suddenly tried to pull away and get up but Olivia was having none of it. 'No!' she pulled Alex back down against her. 'Don't run, talk to me, the worst thing you can do right now is run.' She waited holding the stiff and unresponsive blonde against her chest, trying to think of what she might have done to have caused it. It was only when she felt the warmth of tears against her breast that Alex began talking.

'I wanted to do it right.' She said so quietly that Liv had to strain to hear, 'I wanted you to feel good, but I didn't know what to do. I remembered what he did and I didn't like it, I didn't want to hurt you, I….'

'Shhhhh,' Olivia said lighting rocking the body in her arms realising the flash back that must have happened, 'Alex with me you can't ever do it wrong, so don't worry about that and sweetheart I was feeling good, I promise I was feeling really good.'

'And now I've ruined it.'

'No! It was amazing, you're amazing, you could never ruin anything.' She paused wondering if she could get Alex to talk a little more but not wanting to upset her further. 'What did he do that you didn't like?' she asked gently.

Alex was silent for so long that Olivia thought she wasn't going to answer but then she heard a small voice 'he errm, he would use his mouth to suck at me then bite my… my nipples when they got hard. He kept saying it must feel so good, that all women like that but I didn't like it…. I didn't.'

Olivia hugged her closer, 'oh sweetheart. I'm sorry.'

'Was he lying?'

Olivia had sworn to herself that she was always going to be honest with her, 'It does feel good,' she said, 'to use your mouth, but not like he did, never that hard, never till it hurts.'

'You like it then?' Alex said raising her head and staring down into Olivia's face, tear tracks wet against her cheeks; she felt as if all she did was cry.

'Yeah I do.' Olivia said nodding. Alex lay her head back down and they just held each other in comfortable silence for a time, before Olivia posed an idea that had been running round her head for a while. 'Alex, you said you don't know what feels good… and I'm not saying that's a bad thing but… maybe it would be good for you to see what to do; so that way you won't have to think in the moment and bad memories might not come up.' She held her breath waiting for the answer.

'What do you mean see what to do?'

'Well, maybe sometime soon, and you know you can trust me, I can show you. You don't have to do anything just let me love you, let me make you feel good every way I know how and afterwards you can do what you feel comfortable with to me.'

Alex thought about what Liv was proposing. The idea of giving up control like that, letting someone, even if it was Liv, have complete access to her body…. It was too much. She wouldn't to do it, she'd freak out like now and embarrass them both again. 'I….'

'You don't have to answer now; don't say no now,' Liv said before Alex could answer, 'just think about it and know that the idea is out there.'

Alex nodded against Liv's chest and soon after she undressed for bed and they curled up against each other. Alex couldn't stop thinking about what Liv wanted to do. She thought about being naked under the brunet, about her hands moving all over her body, down her breasts, between her legs and felt the tell-tale heat settle low in her stomach. Perhaps the idea wasn't as bad as she first thought.