Jason Lee Scott walked around Angel Grove High School. Memories of this place, which had long remained dormant, came flooding back to him. Jason was in his mid-forties now, and it was the first time he had returned to the school since his graduation 25 years ago. He strolled through the hallways as students were walking to different rooms in between class periods. The current students were born long after he had graduated. Judging by the teachers he saw in the various classrooms, he figured he was probably older than a fair number of them as well. And this was the thought that really scared him. He did not see any familiar faces among the teachers. The interior of the high school looked almost completely different than it had in the 90's; it must have been renovated at some point. Even the exterior of the building looked different because of additional wings added to the school. In fact, pretty much the only thing that remained from his time there was the school's main façade. As he stood on the sidewalk, he remembered the various spots on the lawn where he and the rangers had eaten during lunch hour. These were fond memories that he cherished. He treasured all the memories he shared with one ranger in particular: Trini.
He could hardly believe that it had been almost 20 years since she died in the accident. He had been in love with Trini for a long time. He could not even remember when his feelings took shape; but by the time they left for Switzerland together, he realized how deeply he loved her. He wanted her badly. He wanted to confess his feelings for her, but he never found the right time, and he never considered that time itself might be in limited supply. Even as she was leaving with friends to return home and visit her parents, who on that weekend wanted to introduce her to sons of their family friends in hopes that a marriage partner might be found among them, Jason was confident that he still had time to win her over. Looking back, he thought he had been incredibly stupid to take that time for granted. To make matters worse, Jason thought that if he had confessed his feelings earlier, and she accepted him, then she might never have gone on that trip and might still be alive today. Thoughts like these tormented him. He wished so desperately that he could be with her, and he would give anything to be able to go back and tell her how he felt.
Some years after the accident, Jason married Emily. But even before the ceremony, the golden days of their relationship were already behind them. He was not even quite sure why he married her; it just seemed like the right thing to do at the time. They eventually drifted apart and lived rather separate lives. One day, a job opportunity in Switzerland arose, and Jason wanted to go. Emily wanted to stay in California for her career. Neither was willing to compromise, so they decided to do the marriage long-distance for a couple of years. Had the marriage otherwise been strong, it might have survived this period of separation. This was not the case for Jason and Emily. While in Switzerland, their communication had been infrequent and sporadic. Jason thought about Emily occasionally, but he thought about Trini constantly. By the time Jason returned to California, Emily had taken another lover. Jason thought to himself that he should have been angry about it, and that he should have felt humiliated. But if he were being honest with himself, he did not even care. The divorce followed soon afterwards. The whole divorce process did not elicit much emotion from Jason; he just felt like he was going through the motions. Mentally, he was checked out; all he could think about was how Trini looked the last time he saw her. He thought about her smile as her brown eyes reflected the rays of the setting sun, that setting sun which also made her highlights glow red. That mental image of the last time he saw her was burned into his memory. She was an angel, Jason thought to himself, she was perfect in every way. Jason thought he would give anything to go back in time to that very moment, stop her from going, and tell her how much her loved her. When she died, he felt like a piece of him died as well. Time did not heal these wounds. In fact, it made them worse. Following his divorce from Emily, Jason found that he did not have much keeping him in California and soon returned to Switzerland.
Jason picked up some takeout and returned to the Airbnb after his trip down memory lane at Angel Grove High School. He was only in California for days visiting friends and family. After that, he would fly back to the land of tasty chocolate and beautiful mountain scenery. California reminded Jason of Trini, as did Switzerland. Places Jason ventured to long after she had died still reminded him or her. He traveled to some of the far corners of the Earth: Patagonia, Kamchatka, Baffin Island, Svalbard, etc. He was not sure if he traveled there to escape from his past in that maybe by going to someplace he had never been before, he himself could feel renewed as if he were a different person…as if Jason Lee Scott's troubles and his thoughts of Trini could be left behind. But when he was exploring someplace new, his thoughts drifted back to Trini because he wished he could share the beauty of this new place with her. He imagined her standing there next to him as they were both captivated by the natural beauty before them. Then the pain of loss and feelings of regret would flood his thoughts. And the moment would be ruined. During such moments, if no one else were around, he would often break down. Jason reflected on these things as he ate dinner. Afterwards, he took a shower and lied down. He drifted into a restless sleep.
Jason awoke to the sound of his alarm clock going off. It was not the alarm on his smartphone, but it sounded like his old alarm clock from high school. When he opened his eyes, he was in his old room at his parents' house. Then he heard his father's voice coming from downstairs, "Jason, if you don't hurry, you're gonna be late for school!"
Still a little confused, Jason pulled the covers off and decided to get dressed. In typical fashion, he wore clothes accentuating the color red. He picked up his backpack and went downstairs. There was a spot for him at the table next to where his father was sitting. Breakfast had already been served. He sat down. His father held up the newspaper as he read it preventing Jason from seeing him. Jason glanced up and saw the date: September 27th 1994.
Thank God that was only a bad dream! he thought to himself.
As Jason ate his toast, he took in his surroundings and reassured himself that he was really still in high school and his imaginings of his future life had been nothing more than a very vivid and dark dream. A sense of relief washed over Jason. After finishing his breakfast, he picked up his backpack and said goodbye to his father. His father did not reply.
Come to think of it, he did not flip the newspaper page the entire time I was at the table, Jason thought to himself, that must be an engrossing article!
Jason walked to Angel Grove High School. When he got there, he met up with the others: Zack, Trini, Billy, Kimberly, and Tommy.
"It's so great to see you guys!" Jason exclaimed loudly when he saw them. They were a little surprised by his enthusiasm.
"It's good to see you too, Jase," Kimberly said with a smile.
"Yeah, it's good to see you buddy," Tommy said as he greeted Jason with a high five.
"What's goin' on? You're actin' like you haven't seen us in a while," Zack said.
"Yeah, well…it feels that way," Jason replied.
"C'mon guys, we're gonna be late to class!" Billy remarked.
With that, they all headed to class.
"Jase, is everything okay?" Trini asked him.
Jason looked at her. For a second, he could not get any words out. He was captivated by the woman standing before. He just kept staring at her. After the pause became uncomfortably awkward, Trini's eyes went wide, and she moved her head to the side.
"Earth to Jason, are you okay?" Trini asked.
"Never better," was all he could manage to come up with. Then he smiled at her.
"C'mon, let's go!" Jason said.
"Okay," Trini said.
Classes that day passed by at an agonizingly slow pace. Jason was not paying attention to anything the teachers were saying. He was constantly sneaking glances at Trini.
After that horrible dream, I can't believe she's right here, Jason thought to himself.
I have to tell her how I feel after school today, I can't wait any longer.
After school, the teens went to the Youth Center. They had milkshakes together. Kimberly, Zack, and Billy, went to practice gymnastics, dance, and martial arts, respectively. Trini was about to leave to practice martial arts as well, but Jason stopped her.
"Trini, you got a second?" Jason asked.
"Sure, Jase. What's up?" Trini asked smiling back at him.
"There's somethin' I wanna tell you," Jason replied with a smile.
Trini smiled back at him, "you've been actin' kinda strange today. Did somethin' happen?"
Jason shook his head slowly as if to say no. "Well actually, I had a really bad dream last night. It made me realize a few things," Jason paused and looked into her eyes.
"What kind of dream?" Trini asked.
Jason looked down at the table. His eyes darted around.
"I dreamt that I was a lot older," Jason looked back into her eyes, "and that I had lost those that I loved the most."
Trini's smile faded, and it was replaced by the most forlorn expression that Jason had ever seen on her face.
"What's wrong?" Jason asked her.
"Jason," Trini placed her hand on top of his, "that wasn't a dream. That's reality."
"What?" Jason asked in confusion.
"This," Trini continued, "This is the dream."
Still confused, Jason frowned at her contemplating her words. Then, the realization dawned on him, and a feeling of horror washed over him as he understood what she was telling him.
"I'm dead, Jason," Trini said.
"No…no….no, that can't be true," Jason said as he shook his head in denial.
"It is true," Trini said, "What was it you wanted to tell me?"
Jason sighed as he quietly accepted this for what it was.
"I wanted to tell you how much I loved you. Since the day you died," Jason paused as his voice started to crack due to the raw emotion, "there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you. I wish I had told you sooner. Everywhere I go, I imagine you're there with me. I miss you so much."
Trini's sad expression remained unchanged. She glanced down at the table, and then back up to him.
"What about your feelings?" Jason asked nervously.
Trini looked a little surprised at this question.
"Are you asking me if…I…love you?" Trini asked as if she didn't even understand the words coming out of her mouth.
Jason nodded.
"If I were to tell you that I loved you as much as you love me, would that help you to move on with your life? Or would that make things even worse? Would that make you even more stuck in the past?" Trini asked.
"What would help me to move on is the truth. I need to know how you feel," Jason replied.
"The truth?" Trini paused and contemplated the question and her answer before continuing, "the truth is that I had no idea you felt this way. Had I known, it's impossible to say what would have happened. But at this point, none of that matters anyways."
"It matters to me!" Jason snapped back at her, slightly angry at her last comment.
"And that's the problem! You haven't moved on from this. Mentally, you're stuck in this time thinking about this period of your life. Meanwhile, your real life is passing you by. Decades have gone by in the outside world. There are other experiences you could have had…or enjoyed. But those opportunities are gone now because you closed yourself off to them. Still, it's not too late. You have to move on from this," Trini said.
"I can't," Jason said looking down at the table fighting back the tears.
"I care about you enough to try and stop you from living a life of regret, for whatever that's worth," Trini said.
"How do I move on?" Jason asked her teary-eyed.
"That's something you have to figure out on your own. I can't help you with that," Trini replied in a dispassionate tone of voice, "Jason…please try and find a way to forget about me."
"I love you, Trini," Jason closed his eyes as more tears welled up in them.
When he opened them again, the Young Center was empty; Trini and everybody else were gone. Jason sat at the table alone. He closed them again. When he opened his eyes this time, he was in bed having been woken up in the middle of the night by the loud sound of raindrops hitting the windows at his Airbnb. Jason broke down and started crying at the realization that this was his reality, that Trini was still dead, and that this encounter with her was nothing more than a figment of his imagination. He felt so pathetic. Eventually, he cried himself back to sleep.
The next morning, Jason awoke to the sound of rain. It was a dreary day. The sky was covered in dark storm clouds. He looked at his phone. The time was 9 am, and the date was November 28th, 2020. He did not feel especially motivated to even get out of bed. What was the damn point? he thought to himself. His eyes wandered around the room. Most everything in the room (the furniture, the walls, the carpet, etc.) had dark and inconspicuous colors: brown, black, or gray.
Then, something on top of the short bookcase caught Jason's eye. It was a small yellow object. Jason could not make out what it was from the distance. He got out of bed, walked over to the bookcase, and picked up the object. It was a tiger made of bright yellow construction paper. Jason was sure that this was not there the night before. Inspecting it more closely, he surmised that this was supposed to be a saber-toothed tiger.
Maybe the Trini I saw in my dream was not just a figment of my subconscious after all? Maybe on some level her spirit really was here? Jason thought to himself.
"Trini, if you're here…if your spirit is here…I just want you to know how much I love you. Wherever you are, I want you to know that I always will," Jason said aloud in the empty room.
He did nothing but mope around the Airbnb all day. He did not even change out of his pajamas. He turned in early that evening and had a restful sleep recalling no dreams from the night. When he opened his eyes the next day, the rays of the morning sun pierced through the cracks in the blinds. With this light, an unfamiliar feeling burgeoned within him: hope. He could not remember the last time he felt hopeful about the future, but today was different. He decided to try and separate himself from his life up to this point. This life of regret would belong to the old Jason; it was no longer his burden. He felt like a new man, a new Jason. Renewed and refreshed, this new Jason would look forward and try to carve out a new life for himself. He would not do as the old Jason did and constantly look backward wishing he could change the past.
The old Jason is dead now. Maybe he really died almost 20 years ago? I am not sure, Jason thought to himself.
He started packing his stuff; he needed to check out of the Airbnb today. In fact, he would be leaving Angel Grove today. He was about to pack the paper tiger in his suitcase, but then he hesitated.
No, this does not belong to me, Jason thought to himself, this belonged to the old Jason. And I cannot carry around his baggage anymore. It is too heavy. I cannot do it.
As much as it pained him to do so, Jason threw away the paper tiger. It hurt him immensely to discard a tangible piece of Trini, but at the same time it was accompanied by a sense of relief, as if he had let go of a great burden. He checked out of the Airbnb and went to the airport. Although his plane ticket was for Zürich, his final destination was unknown. Jason was not sure where he was going; he would find out when he got there.