Where in the hells had Leia been all day?
Han Solo had just returned to the Falcon after finishing another fairly tasteless meal in the mess hall. He'd left a little more abruptly than usual when he realized he was not in the mood to engage in the usual banter among Rogue Squadron. It had been several months since he'd started spending his time with these Rebels, and he had grown accustomed to this new idea of having a group of friends he could trust. They were a lot different from the smugglers he usually spent his time with. Maybe it was their youth or their misguided optimism, but most of the time being around those pilots left him feeling a lot better than one deserved considering they were all in the middle of a war. But hey, you had to take the laughs when you could get them or you just might go crazy.
Today had been different. Why was he so annoyed? And again, where in the hells was Leia? She had been at dinner the night before but hadn't mentioned that she was going to be away for any reason. Why didn't she mention anything? It did occur to him that maybe he wasn't in any position to be owed an explanation, but it was bothering him that she hadn't mentioned it. Why was it bothering him this much?
"Hi," he heard a very familiar voice say behind him and he quickly spun on his heels to find her standing in the doorway of the main hold. "I didn't mean to startle you, Chewie let me in."
He felt his body relax immediately, surprised at how much tension he hadn't realized he'd been holding onto. Why was he so tense today?
"No problem, you know you can always come in here."
Tentatively, she took a few steps towards him. "Do you… have any rations I could have?"
"'Course, yeah." He gestured with his hands and she followed him into the galley.
"Just a ration bar or two will be fine," she said from behind him as he reached to sift through his supply.
"Sure you don't need anything else?"
She reached out and took the bar from his outstretched hand. "No, this is all I need. I just got busy working in Rieekan's office all day. They brought breakfast and lunch, but I managed to work straight through dinner."
It surprised him how relieved he felt to learn that she had eaten some real food at some point during the day. "You wanna stay for a bit? I think Chewie missed you today." He smiled at her and she smiled back. Did he actually miss seeing her smile? After one day? What in the hells was happening here?
"No, actually, it's been a pretty long day. I think I'll probably just eat this on the walk back and go to sleep. Thanks, though."
As she turned to leave he felt his stomach sink a little and without really meaning to, he tried to stop her. "Hey, Leia?"
Her head turned and her brown eyes were focused back on him and he had a moment to try and remember what it was he wanted to say. The words that came to him were: I missed you today. But he realized that would sound crazy. One lousy little day? It's not like they hadn't been apart that long before. Not long after they'd met he'd been gone a couple of weeks on a supply run and he didn't remember feeling quite like this.
Then again back then they hadn't gotten quite so much time to talk or get to know each other. He hadn't gotten to see her smile quite so many times. Didn't yet get a chance yet to see her command a whole room full of men who listened to every damn word she had to say.
Realizing she was still waiting for him to continue, he finally said, "Sleep well, huh?"
She gave him a small smile and replied, "Thanks, you too," and then made her way back to the ramp.
He stood there a few more moments feeling almost unable to move. He didn't just miss her. His entire spirit lifted the moment she appeared before him again. There was also the realization that probably a good dozen times throughout the day he had wanted to take a walk and try and figure out where she was, even just to see her for a moment.
His feet gave out from under him and he let his weight fall with a thud down to the bench behind him. Do I…. love her?
There was some sort of ache in the pit of his stomach as he thought those words, and his heart rate started to increase. No, he couldn't love her, right? He had only known her a few months. He didn't look at her like some sort of potential romantic conquest. She had become a good friend but not anyone that could possibly remain in his life.
But if he didn't love her, why did he feel so terrified?
I love her.
He exhaled in a huff, almost laughing at himself. It felt like an odd response but also considering he had never felt quite like this about anyone before it felt like as good of a response as any.
[Ready to shut down for the night?] Chewie's growls completely startled him. Now he knew something was wrong, because Chewie could never sneak up on him.
"Yeah. Right, pal, I'll get on it."
The walls of his own ship seemed to almost be closing in on him as he made his way back to the main hold and thought about how he could possibly sleep when he had just had this major revelation. How was he going to look at her tomorrow? Was this something he could make go away?
What the hells do I do now?