INT. HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
ERIC, 44, sits in a motorized wheelchair, sticking empty Coke
bottles on the branches of a Christmas tree with his wife,
DEBBIE, and their 13-year-old son, DEREK.
DEREK
I suppose you're still not gonna
buy real ornaments.
ERIC
These Coke bottles are family
heirlooms.
The sound of whistling outside catches the attention of Eric
and Debbie.
DEBBIE
Is that Santa whistling outside?
DEREK
No, it isn't. We all know it isn't.
ERIC
Let's go see Santa!
Eric speeds across the room towards a side door, the back of
his wheelchair dragging one end of a large chain behind it.
DEREK
There he goes again.
Eric flings open the door and rushes out, falling off the
sheer cliff immediately on the other side.
ERIC (O.S.)
(screaming)
Oh no, the cliiiff!
The chain jerks taut.
DEBBIE
Your turn, sweetie.
DEREK
Yeah, yeah.
Derek walks over to an industrial winch and hits a button.
The winch retracts the chain, pulling Eric back inside.
ERIC
I really need to build a railing on
that side deck. Also I need to
build a side deck.
DEBBIE
Stupid prefab house.
DEREK
The only reason you put the house
on the cliff is 'cause you wanted
to live close to -
The whistling emanates from somewhere in the house.
ERIC
What is that mysterious whistling?
DEREK
- your dumbass alien friend.
DEBBIE
You think it's an alien?
DEREK
That thing that came from another
planet and has lived on Earth for
32 years and everyone knows about
it? Yeah, I think so.
Eric turns on a flashlight.
ERIC
We need to investigate.
DEREK
No we don-
Eric rides off with Debbie scampering after him.
DEREK
Fine.
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
The three enter to find tracked-in snow in the shape of
familiar three-toed footprints, leading from an open window
at the end of the hallway to one of the doorways. Eric shines
the flashlight on the footprints.
ERIC
See that?
DEREK
It's like one in the afternoon. You
don't need the flashlight.
DEBBIE
It went into your room, Derek!
DEREK
Crap.
INT. DEREK'S ROOM - DAY
Derek walks in to see a ratty, six-foot-tall teddy bear
sitting on his bed.
DEREK
Hi. Please leave.
Eric and Debbie follow behind Derek.
ERIC
See anything?
DEBBIE
Gosh, there's nothing in here but
your favorite teddy bear.
DEREK
Uh, sure, the teddy bear I've never
seen before. Please make it leave.
The bear leaps off the bed and starts break dancing.
ERIC
Hold on, I think that bear is
moving!
DEREK
Oh for god's sake.
Derek approaches the dancing bear and rips its skin off to
reveal a fully grown MAC underneath, wearing a Santa hat.
ERIC
Mac! It's really you!
Mac whistles.
DEBBIE
He must have come to visit us for
Christmas!
Mac picks up a sack and dumps full McDonald's bags all over
the floor.
ERIC
And he brought Big Macs!
DEREK
Yeah, like he does every Friday.
Mac whistles in Derek's face.
DEREK
Please leave.
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
Mac sits on a couch. Eric wheels up holding a smartphone.
ERIC
A lot has changed since you were
last here, Mac. We signed up for
Quibi. Let's see if they have any
Christmas shows.
Eric opens the Quibi app. A message reads "This Service is
Unavailable." Mac touches the phone and it explodes.
INT. DINING ROOM - NIGHT
Eric, Debbie and Derek sit around the dinner table.
ERIC
I think Mac should have the honor
of carving the roast Coke.
Debbie claps giddily. Mac shambles in holding a baking tray
with a smoking, melted two-liter bottle of Coke on it, oozing
brown, bubbling sludge. He drops the tray down on the table.
DEREK
Boy, you know, I'm still full from
that Big Mac. I think I'm good.
EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT
Eric talks to Mac on the sidewalk as Debbie and Derek watch
from the porch.
ERIC
Gee, do ya really gotta go back
home, Mac?
Mac whistles.
ERIC
Okay, but please come back soon.
Mac turns and starts lumbering away from the house. Eric
slowly waves.
ERIC
Goodbye, old friend.
DEREK
He lives across the street! You see
him all the damn time!
DEBBIE
Derek, language.
A bullet zips through the air and slams into Eric's chest. He
jerks back.
ERIC
I'm hit!
Mac spins around, whistling in alarm.
ERIC
Don't worry! I always wear a
bulletproof vest now!
DEREK
(to Debbie)
Looks like another stray bullet got
Dad.
DEBBIE
Not again.
Debbie picks up a jar full of spent bullets and heads off the
porch towards Eric.
CUT TO TEXT:
Someone Please Buy Quibi. We Are Bankrupt.
THE END