Chapter Four

"Do you love my mum?"

"What?" Remus blurted out, half said in laughter, half gasped in astonishment.

"Do you love my mum?" the little boy repeated, looking up at him innocently, the lower half of his face covered in the ice cream he was eating.

Remus chuckled, shaking his head, and handed the boy a handkerchief.

"No, I don't. Not the way you mean, anyway," he stated with amusement, wondering what on earth had possessed the boy to ask him such a question; "Why are you asking me that? Your Uncle Sirius put you up to it?"

"No," Harry frowned, his face the picture of seriousness, as he wiped his it clean, "I wanted you to marry her."

"What?"

This time Remus did laugh, however quickly corrected himself when he noticed Harry scowl at him, not happy that he was being laughed at.

Remus rubbed a hand over his mouth, smothering a smile, before he attempted to speak reasonably with him.

"Why would you want me to marry your mum, Harry?"

Remus led Harry over to the nearest bench with a hand on his back and the two of them sat down, Harry immediately turning to him with a face so serious that Remus felt his love for the boy swell in his stomach.

When Harry said nothing, just sat there, looking at him with a look of bewilderment Remus smiled warmly at him in encouragement.

"Harry?" he coaxed.

Harry sighed, dramatically, before he began.

"See, I tried to see if Uncle Sirius loved her first - not because I love him more than you!" he added, quickly, looking sheepish, "I just thought, well – since they live together, it would be easier if they just got married. Because then nothing would really change," he spoke very quickly, the way he always did when he was getting nervous.

Remus' brow furrowed slightly but he nodded, encouragingly; "That's very true...go on."

"Well, Uncle Sirius said he didn't love her that way either," Harry said, his tone and expression clearly showing his disappointment, before he went on, almost whining as he did so, "He just started talking about James – I mean, my dad – again."

Remus frowned at the obvious lack of affection the boy spoke about his father with, before pinching the boy's chin, wiggling it gently, inducing a smile.

"Harry, the reason Uncle Sirius started talking about your dad is because your mum is already married. To your dad."

Harry shook his head, stubbornly.

"No. That's not why, I didn't even get the chance to ask him to marry her."

Remus held back another smile, forcing himself to take the boy's concerns seriously.

Though, considering his rising concern, that wasn't particularly difficult.

"Harry, why would you want your mother to marry one of us?" he asked, "You don't seem to have a preference – does that mean you're worried about your mum?"

Harry shrugged, "Sort of."

"Sort of?" Remus said gently, before he nudged the boy's arm, "You can tell me, you know."

"But...but I don't want you to tell Mum," Harry said looking up at him, searchingly, "Ron said she'd get really angry and if she gets angry with me she might stay away from home even longer."

Remus swallowed, this not being the first time Harry had mentioned Lily's frequent absence from the house.

"Okay," he nodded, willing to keep the information from her if it meant that he could find out what was wrong; "So. Tell me."

Harry swung his legs back at forward underneath the bench, slowly, watching them with a look of complete uncertainty before he finally started to explain.

"I...I don't want Mum to take me away from you and Uncle Sirius."

Remus was completely baffled by the statement; "Why do you think she would do that?"

"Because Ron said that it's not normal that Mum and Uncle Sirius live together without being married. He said it's like he's my dad. But because he's not really my dad – and if Mum doesn't love and want to marry him – that soon she'll take me away and live just me and her," he shook his head, disapprovingly, "I don't want that."

"Harry, I'm sure that's not something you have to worry about," Remus said, reassuringly, "Your Mum knows how much you love Uncle Sirius."

"I...I asked Uncle Sirius about it. I told him that I love him more than..." Harry paused, looking a bit guilty and frightened of what he was about to say; "I told him that he was like my dad, and that I love him more than him – my real dad, I mean," he looked up at Remus, his eyes full of tears as he did so.

His voice trembled when he went on, "Ron said I shouldn't tell anyone but you promised you won't tell, right?"

Remus made to reassure him, but Harry went on regardless of the answer, clearly eager to say what he had to say.

"I don't think I love my dad at all!" Harry blurted out, before he sniffed and leaned into Remus; little muffled sobs beginning as his tears began to fall.

Remus held Harry to him, stunned at the declaration.

He waited a few moments, gently rubbing his back as he cuddled into him until he suddenly stopped, pulled himself back and swiped his arm across his face quickly. He looked hastily around the park, red with embarrassment.

"Is that what's upsetting you, Harry?"

Harry drew in a trembling breath, clearly embarrassed and trying to control himself.

"Mum's always away," he stated, bluntly; "She isn't ever home with us."

Remus hesitated, unsure how to respond. Harry looked up at him.

"Ron says that it's dad's fault," he went on, "He said if she had a husband, she wouldn't be out all the time."

Remus was completely staggered by the turn of the conversation.

He wondered what to address? His issues with James? Or his issues with Lily?

"If Dad wasn't away, Mum would be home," Harry said, with certainty, "But he's not, so I don't get to see her. I hate him."

"Harry," Remus said, gently; "It's because of work that your mum's not home."

Harry shook his head, refusing to believe it.

"Your Mum has to work hard so she can look after you. It's not your Dad's fault."

Remus felt himself becoming angry. Sirius had often mentioned how Lily's absence had started to affect Harry, in his attempts to entreat Remus to intervene – for Lily was, generally, more willing to listen to him that she was to Sirius – but he was certain that Sirius, like himself, hadn't realised the extent to which it was troubling him.

Harry frowned, staring at the grass beneath his feet, appearing to be thinking over what he had said. After a few moments he drew in a trembling breath before he said, hopefully.

"Maybe if you and Mum get married, you'll start to love her. Like those arranged marriages people do."

Remus looked at Harry, bewildered by his logic.

"Harry, why do you want your mum to get married?"

Harry sighed, as if it was obvious, but appeared to decide to humour him; "Well, if she has a husband, then she will love him enough to stay at home more. And then I'll get to see her."

Remus stared at Harry with unhidden concern before he reached over and drew him into a hug.

Harry hugged him back tightly, while the words rankled in his mind.

Did that mean Harry was questioning how much Lily loved him? Was he saying that he didn't think she loved him enough to stay at home for him?

Remus drew in a deep breath, before he drew back from the hug.

Harry looked up at him hopefully and completely trustingly, as if he had all the answers to his problems.

Remus smiled down at him, his tone apologetic; "Harry, I...I don't think that would work," Remus felt his stomach drop along with the boy's hopeful expression and carried on, attempting to offer him what comfort he can.

"But Harry, you need to remember that your mum loves you very much, even if she works very hard," Harry lowered his eyes; "And your Dad loves you. And so do I and Uncle Sirius."

Harry kept his eyes down, his voice a whisper; "I love you too, Uncle Remus."

Remus smiled, "I know you do," he used a finger to tilt his chin up, so he was looking at him again.

"And don't you ever worry about your mum taking you away. Your mum won't do that. And I'm not going anywhere – I'll always be here for you. And so will Uncle Sirius," he leaned forward, "You believe me?"

Harry held his look for a moment before he gave him a small smile and nodded; "Uh huh."

Remus gave his shoulder a squeeze.

"If you keep getting upset about this, you tell me okay? Or if you don't want to tell me, then tell your Uncle Sirius."

Harry shied away at that, shaking his head firmly, "No. He would get really angry and then him and Mum would fight again."

Very true, Remus thought to himself.

Though it wasn't like he could keep what had transpired from Sirius. Someone in that house had to know what was going on, to keep an eye on Harry and put a stop to these thoughts.

"You won't tell Mum what I said about my dad, will you?"

Harry's eyes were full of worry, as if he already regretted confessing. Remus swallowed and then smiled, shaking his head.

"No. I won't, don't worry."

Harry relaxed considerably before he smiled at him; a weight, apparently, lifted swiftly from his shoulders and promptly plummeted upon his uncle's.

The introductory presentation had gone on far longer than Lily had expected – with an absolute mountain of background reading she was going to have to get a handle on when she wasn't in the labs – and she had been quickly scribbling down notes throughout the entire meeting.

Her new acquaintance, Chesney, had barely taken any and – on the occasions she was able to actually lift her head from the parchment – she noticed him regarding her curiously as she made hers, before he finally joked that she must have a terrible memory, herself, to not remember most of it from her internship.

Lily had laughed – hoping didn't come across as forced as it felt – and inwardly mused to the fact that – if this was truly internship level notes she was trying to get her head around, she was going to have to ask someone – Hopkins, she supposed – for some material she could read up on at home to get herself up to speed.

Lest she find herself under the ire of the entire team, rather than just Severus'.

As soon as the presentation concluded, a number of house elves had hurried into the room and began placing coffee and tea, trays of cakes, biscuits and sandwiches on the long set table at the side of the room.

"Eat up, drink and be merry, all!" Eugene Hopkins said, as he flicked his wand and cleared up the presentation materials; "Take the time to get to know one another a little better; though I imagine you'll all be sick of the sight of one another by the end of this one."

There were laughs throughout the room – of those who were, evidently, already familiar with the man and the people around them – before they all got to their feet, doing as he suggested, and gathering around the table of refreshments.

Lily's eyes found Severus, then – of their own accord – where he stood with the same witch and wizard whom he'd appeared to be bantering with earlier in the meeting – another woman joining them with a smile – and the four of them spoke amongst themselves, Severus entirely at ease in their company.

"I must say, it'll be good to have you in on this with us, Severus," the older witch said to him, smiling warmly; "It's been far too long since we were placed together."

"Hopkins doesn't want to take any chances –" the wizard to Severus' left piped up with a grin; " – only the best of us on this one, right, Severus? About time you were dusted off and brought back in. All that time wasted at Hogwarts can't be good for the mind."

"On the contrary, the exercise in patience does it well," Severus said, to chuckles from the other three; "Though the challenge in this one just might do it better."

"Not to mention revolutionary if we get it right!" the witch said, smilingly, with obvious enthusiasm for the project, her eyes glancing around the room and, when they did, they caught Lily's eye where she was standing – foolishly – engaging with no one a few feet away.

The witch's eyes lit up, greeting her immediately; "You must be Lily Potter."

Lily noticed Severus' hand, which had been lifting a drink to his lips, freeze.

Lily quickly smiled in return, stepping forward; "Yes. Yes, Lily Potter," she held out a hand which she shook.

"Cornelia Heart. Your mentor, Mrs. Potter, forgive me for not seeking you out sooner," she nodded at the witch and wizard to Severus' left; "This is Alaric Waller and Rowan Ellison – both Healers, like yourself –" Lily nodded at them, the two sharing smiles in turn, before Heart added; " – and Severus Snape, you'll remember from Healer Hopkin's introduction."

Severus glanced at her, politely, completely poker faced as he did so.

She shifted uncomfortably and forced a smile; "Yes, I...I am acquainted with...Professor Snape."

The name sounded strange, foreign on her lips, and Lily noticed Severus' expression twinge, ever so slightly, when she said it – going for formality – but he held her gaze.

Her smile faltered slightly, but she stepped forward, holding her hand out; "It's...it's a pleasure to see you again."

Lily could have sworn Severus' eyes danced with amusement at her over-politeness but he decided to humour her and took her hand.

"Mrs Potter."

The formality of her name sounded even worse coming from his lips, than his had done from hers – despite the fact that he spoke it with that same, familiar emotionless tone he'd always had as a child when he spoke with strangers – and Lily had a strange, sudden rush of discomfort – of guilt and shame – that made her shift where she stood, uncomfortably.

She shook away those feelings away. Why on earth should she be ashamed of her name, after all. She had been Potter for seven years.

Lily had looked away from him when he said it but looked back now, quickly noticing that Severus was regarding her curiously though he quickly snapped out of it when her eyes met his once more.

Severus cleared his throat, apparently the silence making him feel awkward enough to attempt to strike a conversation; "Congratulations...on completing your Apprenticeship."

She was a bit taken aback but smiled.

"Thank you. Professor."

"Severus," Cornelia Heart addressed him, drawing his eyes away from her, "I was under the impression that Mortimer would be working with us on this project?"

"Unfortunately, he could not be spared from Project Orion," Severus stated, suddenly appearing more comfortable. She noticed him glance at her briefly out the corner of his eye before he looked down into the liquid in his cup.

"That's a shame," she said, looking disappointed, "He's had a lot of experience in neurological damage."

"No doubt," Waller said quietly, with a small grin. She noticed Severus smile slightly, while Ellis chuckled. Heart shook her head, looking at them disapprovingly.

"You are all terrible. I think Mortimer is a lovely wizard."

"Don't doubt that either," Waller grinned further, looking at Severus knowingly. Lily noticed Severus hide a smile behind his cup, as Heart glowered and cursed at Waller.

"Ah, I see we're all getting along just fine, here," Hopkins appeared, almost making Lily jump out of her skin.

He smiled kindly at her, holding out his hand, "Pleased to meet you at last, Mrs Potter."

She noticed Severus make a sharp movement at her side but, by the time she had turned, he had reverted to his normal stoic stance.

"Well, I suppose we'll call this meeting to an end," Hopkins said more loudly, addressing the room, "And I'll see you all bright and early Monday morning. Please make sure you all have the necessary articles; they're at the front of the room if anyone didn't get them earlier."

The group began to disperse.

Lily found her eyes following Severus once again, as he strode confidently from the room, and she drew in a breath, attempting to still the unexpected wavering feeling in her stomach as she watched him leave; finding herself strangely unsatisfied by their exchange and wishing she had said more.

But what would she say, really?

At that moment Hopkins walked by her.

Lily quickly stepped forward; "Excuse me, Healer Hopkins."

He turned to her, smiling brightly, "Mrs Potter, can I help you?"

His smile was so genuine she couldn't help smiling brightly in response.

"Yes, I hope so. I was just wondering if you could advise me of any background textbooks that would be of use. I'd like to...freshen up my knowledge on the subject matter."

She noticed Hopkins smile falter slightly but only for a moment, before he nodded; "Why, yes of course –" he began scribbling onto a piece of parchment; " – I understand there are some things you will need to get acquainted with, having come straight from your apprenticeship."

She felt suddenly sheepish, before nodding and saying quickly.

"I'd also like to thank you for selecting me for the Fellowship. I am very grateful for the opportunity. I know there must have been...more experienced candidates."

She noticed Hopkins smile again, though he didn't look up from what he was writing.

"While that may be the case, I have been assured that you are an excellent candidate yourself."

He put a full stop at the end of the last word with a bit more flare than necessary and held it out to her; "These should be all you require, initially. They are difficult to get your hands on, granted, but I do believe Severus has copies of each of them. You are acquainted with Professor Snape, I believe?"

Lily looked at him, a bit startled at the question, but nodded; "Yes."

"Well take this on over to him, he'll sort it out for you," he looked over his shoulder, out the door; "His office is down this corridor, first left and the third door on the right. I'm not sure if that's where he went – he rarely stays long – so you'd best go there directly."

She nodded; "Of course."

He tipped his head at her, before he began to leave; "Until next week, Mrs. Potter."

Lily gathered up her things, stashing away the articles she had been given, and clutched the parchment Hopkins had given her as she made her way from the room and followed the directions he had given before she could allow nerves to stop her. She paused at the door, which was closed, eyeing sign upon it:

Professor Severus Snape
Deputy Head of Research

Lily couldn't hear any sounds that indicated he was inside.

She swallowed, drew in a deep breath and knocked firmly on the door. At that moment, she heard a chair scratch across the floor on the other side of the door:

"Enter."

Lily hesitated for a moment, her hand on the doorknob – pushing down the rise of unease she felt – and opened the door, heading into the room.

Severus was seated behind a large desk, appearing to be packing a briefcase prior to leaving, and his movements immediately halted when he noticed it was her who had come into the room.

"Mrs Potter."

She smiled, it felt incredibly forced and he didn't return it.

"I...I was hoping to read some background information on the project," she hesitated, while he kept his eyes on her. She looked down at the parchment; "Healer Hopkins said you may be able to...help?" her finally word sounded pathetic and she almost rolled her eyes at how silly she sounded, but forced herself to walk over to the desk and hold the parchment out to him.

"If...if it's not too much trouble, of course," she swallowed, meeting his look for a moment, before averting her eyes awkwardly, "I'd really appreciate it."

Severus was regarding her with the same puzzlement he had greeted her with when she walked through the door.

But, after a moment, he nodded; "Certainly."

Severus stepped out from behind his desk, making his way to one of the bookshelves in the room.

Lily looked around the office, feeling incredibly uncomfortable; "I...like what you've done with the place."

Severus, who was fingering through a few titles on the shelves turned to look at her, and she immediately noticed amusement in his eyes.

"Thank you," he turned back to the books; "Though I can't take credit for the decor. The office came as it is."

"I see."

"How did you find your Apprenticeship at St Mungo's?"

Lily was surprised at his interest.

"I enjoyed it very much."

"Did you find it challenging?"

She frowned.

"Well, yes, of course."

Severus had pulled three books from the shelf and walked by her brusquely to the one behind his desk.

"I hope not too challenging. This project will undoubtedly be far more so than you are accustomed to."

Lily prickled at the statement, "I think I can manage."

"Only time will tell," Severus said, as he pulled another book from the shelf, his tone conveying a distinct lack of confidence in her abilities and Lily fought the urge to retaliate as he turned and walked back over to her.

"Here are the books Hopkins recommended."

"Thank you," she took them, her tone conveying her indignation rather than any gratitude; "I'll get them back to you as soon as possible."

"I am in no hurry to read them."

"Nevertheless, I won't have them long."

"As you wish."

For a moment they just stood there in awkward silence. She was certain he felt as uncomfortable as she.

"Is there anything else I can help you with?" he enquired.

Lily shook her head, "No."

He was regarding her strangely, as if he wondered why she were there at all.

"No this is all –" she quickly stashed the books into her bag, " – thank you," she said again, feeling herself reddening at the repetition, before she turned and left the office hurriedly.

The door closed firmly behind her and she drew in a deep breath.

Well.

At least that first meeting was over with, she thought to herself, giving herself a mental shake and wondering why she still felt hot with embarrassment at the awkwardness of the encounter, as she made her way home.

She did her best not to think about it. The awkwardness of them, particularly in comparison with the obvious ease, despite his distinctive quiet reserve, that Severus had displayed with everyone else – a far cry from the boy she'd known at school – as he had practically oozed self-assurance and confidence, each time Hopkins had called on him for a contribution throughout the meeting.

Lily pushed all thoughts of Severus to the back of her mind as she approached the house, eyes glancing at the timepiece, assuring herself – at only nine o' clock – there was still plenty of time for that story she had promised Harry.

But when she walked into the house, she was surprised to find it completely silent.

Lily frowned – shrugged out of her cloak – however she only had to step a few feet forward before she saw Remus asleep on the coach.

A smile tugged at her lips as she stepped closer and saw Harry curled up next to him, head tucked into his arm, also asleep.

Lily used her wand and lifted the blanket that was folded on the chair and covered them with it, before she just stood there a moment, simply watching her son as he slept peacefully in the arms of his uncle.

She was so glad to have Remus and Sirius there for him.

So glad – that even with the loss of James – her son still had so much love in his life.

Lily made her way towards the stairs, the textbooks Severus had given her clutched in her hands, ready to get back to work.