Chapter Ten

Sirius was staring into the fire, his expression dark, when Lily finally found herself arriving home that night. It had been a trying day, to say the least, and had been ever since the security breach had been made earlier that week. She wasn't entirely sure of the situation and none of her colleagues had been willing to fill her in, if they had known; all she knew was that security had been tightened and that no one would be admitted into the building without an identification card and a demonstration of their magical signature.

She hadn't seen Sirius or Harry in almost four days, leaving the house early and arriving home after they had gone to bed; so it was with some surprise that she greeted Sirius upon seeing him.

"Sirius!" she almost gasped, jumping slightly at the sight of him. With a wave of her wand the room filled with light, "What are you doing sitting here in the dark?" she glanced at the timepiece, "It's almost one."

"Didn't mean to scare you," he mumbled, not bothering to look at her, taking a drink from a glass. She frowned, immediately recognising it to be firewhisky.

She glanced in the direction of the stairs, "Did Harry go down alright?"

"Always does."

"Right."

She shrugged out of her cloak, hanging it over the peg by the door, and began removing her boots. As the silence stretched, she glanced over at him with some concern, noting that he still remained staring into the fireplace and hadn't moved since she had come in. Was something troubling him? It certainly wasn't like Sirius Black to brood.

She stepped around the couch, "Is something wrong?"

He was silent and for a moment she wasn't sure if he had heard. Before she could repeat a variation of the same question, he spoke up, "Do you ever think how it all happened? What happened to James?"

Lily hesitated a moment, wondering if he really needed an answer to the question. Of all of them, she was the one who most obviously thought about James; and she often felt the brunt of their disapproval over her constant dwelling over what had happened. Deciding that the question was obviously rhetorical, she instead walked around and sat down next to him.

"Did something happen? Did...did you go and see James?"

"I see him all the time."

Lily sighed, "Sirius, look at me." He glanced at her briefly, before averting his eyes again almost childishly, and she released a small, low chuckle, "Come on, just tell me. What's the matter?"

He turned to look at her and she was startled to see a sort of desperation in his eyes that she rarely seen; that she hadn't seen since years before when they had learned that they were being hunted. But it was a flash and it was gone before he spoke, with an intensity in his voice that was also strange to hear, "Lily, before you went under the Fidelius, did you believe that Remus was the spy?"

Lily drew in a slow breath, before she shrugged, "You know I did."

"But before I said anything. Did you believe it before the things I was saying? Or was it just because of me?"

"Did something happen with Remus?"

"Just answer me, Lil'," he said, that desperate look in his eyes again, "Would you have thought it was Remus if I hadn't said anything?"

"I..." Lily hesitated, not really sure. It had been so long ago; she hadn't thought much about the events leading up to what had happened; only what the consequences had been; "I don't know."

"James never believed it, you remember? It was me who convinced him. I never even thought it could be..." he broke off, taking a long drink and emptying his glass, "It was me, right? I mean, I know how close you and Remus were back then. You –"

"Sirius, what's the point of this?" Lily shook her head, "It's easy to look back and wish we did things differently. It doesn't change anything. Why dwell on it?"

"Because it's my fault!"

"Since when?" she frowned, shaking her head, "Since when have you thought that? I don't blame you for any of it –"

"I know you don't," he said, quietly, looking at his hands.

She looked over him a moment but it didn't take long for her to realise what had inspired the conversation; what had gotten him brooding over the past; "What did Remus say to you?"

Sirius gave a humourless laugh and shrugged, "Nothing that wasn't true, I suppose."

"Well obviously that's not true, is it? Otherwise you wouldn't be sitting here thinking these ridiculous thoughts."

"Ridiculous thoughts," Sirius repeated, quietly, "Well you always did think I was an idiot –"

Lily lightly slapped him across the back of the head with a smile, "Snap out of it, Black."

"I'm not joking around, Lily," he looked at her with an intensity that made her uneasy and she averted her eyes. She sighed and looked back at him, before reaching for his hand;

"What did he say to you?"

"Doesn't matter," he muttered, looking away. She rolled her eyes, shaking his hand in hers, impatiently. He sighed, "It was really bad, Lil'."

Lily waited patiently for him to continue and he looked over at her; "I try not to think about it. About the fact that I was the one that told you and James to use Peter as your secret keeper. I mean, Merlin, Lily – what if You-Know-Who had come after Harry? You'd all be dead!"

"But he didn't," Lily turned to face him more fully, "Sirius, what good does it do to imagine how things might have been; especially the bad things?"

"Except something bad did happen; we lost James."

"That was Peter. That's it; end of. I don't blame you. James wouldn't blame you –"

"Remus does."

Lily hesitated a moment, surprised at the declaration; "He said that?"

"Yes."

She shook her head, "He's just angry. At all of us. We didn't trust him."

"We should have."

"Should have; would have; could have. See where I'm going?"

"He blames me, Lily. Me. And, you know what, he's not unjustified thinking that –"

"He's just angry, Sirius."

"That doesn't change the fact that he's right."

"Sirius, listen to me," she spoke firmly, as if she would to a child, "It wasn't your fault. James and I, we made that choice right along with you. And yes, we were wrong; all of us were wrong. And the only person blameless in that choice was Remus. But even that doesn't mean he gets to sit back and judge us for what happened to James."

"Moony always was a self-righteous little prick," Sirius stated, with a tone so withering that her eyes widened in surprise.

"Sirius, perhaps you should speak with him again."

Sirius shook his head, not looking at her, with an expression that reminded her of the boy she had known at Hogwarts. Stubborn, with an unwavering ability to hold a grudge.

"It could have been so much worse, Lily."

Lily sighed, almost rolling her eyes at yet another would-have-been statement, "But it wasn't. And it wouldn't have been your fault."

Sirius looked thoughtful for a moment, before he glanced at her. He leaned over, giving her a light kiss on the cheek, "Going to bed. Night, Lil'." He stood, without waiting for a response, and strode from the room, not looking at all like he was ready to sleep.

Lily remained on the couch, watching after him as he made his way up the stairs and out of sight, her concern only growing more with each step he took. She knew Sirius Black pretty well by now. And she knew that once he got an idea into his head, nothing would be able to shake it out of him.

XXX

"Can I help?"

Severus sighed, attempting to reign in his impatience, and glanced at the young boy who was staring up at him, eyes wide and eager. How had he gotten himself into this? Where was Regulus?

Malachi Black was one of the few children Severus could actually stand. He was quiet. He liked that. And he was always willing to be of assistance. He supposed that was something he should be pleased with as well; however there were very few things that a child could help with when it came to potion making.

He glanced at the timepiece on the wall; he had sent an owl to Regulus almost an hour ago, when Evelyn had shown up on the doorstep declaring that Regulus had promised to take him that afternoon. Neither of the two of them were surprised that Regulus had forgotten. Or perhaps simply decided not to show up, Severus had mused silently.

"Cut up these. Thinly," Severus did two example cuts and handed the dandelion roots and a knife to the boy, "Do not cut yourself."

Malachi nodded, obediently, and took the items from him, quickly setting to work.

"Miss Quinn has been teaching me about plant roots," he stated, looking at him for approval before continuing, "Mummy grows them, you know."

"Yes, I know," Severus glanced over at him, softening his tone somewhat when he reminded himself that this was his Godson, not one of his idiotic students, "Your mother provide me with those."

"Dad wants her to come and work with you and him."

"Yes. Your mother is an excellent herbologist."

"She grows plants; is that what a her-herbologist," he stumbled slightly over the word, "does?"

"Not exactly," Severus shook his head, though didn't elaborate further. He needed to concentrate.

That thought had barely left his mind when he heard the door to his house open and the sound of running feet coming towards the room. He frowned, very aware of them to be the sound of a child, and was only mildly surprised when Draco Malfoy appeared at the door.

Draco smiled brightly at the other boy in the room, "Hi Malachi!"

"Hi Draco," Malachi smiled back, shyly, before he proceeded to cut up the roots he had been given. Draco confidently walked over, standing beside the younger boy, looking up at Severus as if he expected him to provide him was a knife and some ingredients to cut up.

Severus rolled his eyes, suddenly feeling incredibly irritated; what was this? When had his home become the local haunt for the children of his friends?

"Lucius?" he called out, his tone snappier than he had planned; but he supposed it worked.

A moment later, Lucius strode unabashedly into the room, "Severus, I have been meaning to speak with you," he stated, without so much as a courtesy apology for imposing on his free time. He eyed Malachi for a moment, before continuing, "Where is Regulus?"

"Do you think his child would be here, if I knew?"

Lucius grinned with obvious amusement, before speaking directly to his son, "Draco; take Mr Black and show him your new book."

Draco nodded, before looking at Malachi expectantly and walking from the room. Malachi glanced curiously at Severus, only following the other boy at his nod. Lucius flicked his wand, almost clipping the boy's heels as he closed the door behind him.

"Why is Draco with you?"

"He insisted he come along. His mother is currently occupied with preparations for the Yuletide Gala," he ended on a derisive note, before continuing more seriously, "Are you expecting Regulus shortly?"

"He shouldn't be long," Severus stated, as he continued to manoeuvre around his cauldron.

"Then I shan't be long," Lucius carried on, brusquely, "I have looked into your concerns regarding the Dark Lord."

Severus looked up sharply.

"As far as my sources are aware, there has been no definite change in his circumstances," he went on, "There is nothing to concern ourselves with, as yet."

"Are you certain?" Severus looked at him, carefully, "I have heard differently."

"I suppose it is possible that my sources have given me false information," Lucius stated, though Severus felt himself becoming more reassured by his friend's confidence, beginning to relax somewhat, "It is much more likely you have heard wrongly, Severus. Has your mark returned?"

Severus hand went unconsciously to his arm as he frowned, "No."

"Nor has mine," Lucius stated, "When it returns; then, we will have reason to worry."

"You expected it to return?"

"No. You do."

Severus averted his eyes. Yes, he did. But Lucius was not aware of what Regulus had discovered and what they both now knew. Perhaps if he told him, he may be more thorough in his investigation of the Dark Lord's return? Severus glanced at him, considering it for a moment, and then dismissed it. Dumbledore, and Regulus too, probably, would be furious if he revealed the secret.

"How is Regulus?"

"Fine."

"I heard about the attempt on his life."

"It won't happen again," Severus stated with certainty, feeling himself become angry as he was reminded of the events that had taken place earlier that week. He had been unable to fully investigate the wine that had been sent, due to time restrictions on the Dorado project and a more intensive week at Hogwarts. And, as far as he knew, Andromeda had been unable to successfully determine any possible culprits, instead opting to heighten security measures at the Foundation.

"I doubt that."

"Do you know something about it?" Severus asked, sharply.

"Of course not. However it would be foolish to assume he will not be targeted again. This was a very precise attempt; meant only for him."

"We all have enemies."

"Very true, Severus," Lucius nodded, before flicking his wand and opening the door to the living room, where the boys were sitting on the floor with a book between them, "Draco, prepare your things. We're leaving."

Lucius turned his attention back to Severus, his voice low, "I did discover something during my investigation that may be of interest to you."

Severus raised an eyebrow, questioningly.

"Peter Pettigrew escaped from Azkaban this morning."

Severus' brow lowered at the statement; he felt his stomach clench as he was reminded of the traitorous little rat whose betrayal would have cost Lily's life, had the Dark Lord gone after them.

"How is that possible?" Severus almost spat, receiving a curious raise of the eyebrow from his friend. Severus quickly composed himself, saying, "No one has ever managed to escape. Surely he would have been stopped by the dementors."

"Apparently not. It is not common knowledge yet, but the Ministry will not be able to conceal it for ong," Lucius regarded him curiously for a moment before he smiled, "Do with that information what you will," he said, with an obvious ribbing at his work for Dumbledore, and motioned with a nod at his son to leave.

XXX

Burning hatred was building up inside her.

Her knuckles were almost white as she clutched the Daily Prophet in her hand, her eyes almost frozen on the headline:

Escape From Azkaban
Peter Pettigrew At Large

It had taken several days after Peter's betrayal for the gravity of what he had done to sink in. That he had betrayed them and then, just as unforgivably, had attempted to frame Sirius for what had happened. Prior to that, all she had been able to think of was James and his recovery.

But now, now, she knew exactly what he had done. And there was no one, other than You-Know-Who himself, that she despised more in the world. He was the one who had turned them against Remus; he was the one who then turned them over to be massacred. And even now, they were still trying to put back together the ruins of the betrayal.

Peter Pettigrew had destroyed them; had blown them apart.

Lily glanced over at Sirius with concern. He had been quiet even since their conversation the day before, and even Harry had mentioned to her that his Uncle Sirius had seemed upset when he had taken him to the park that day. And then mentioned that he had been upset since he had had a fight with his Uncle Remus earlier that week.

Lily had had to shake herself at the information, surprised that she had managed to miss out on an event big enough that her own son had seemed troubled by it, and decided that she would go and speak to Remus about it today.

Today was her complete break from the project, having managed to do all the reading in advance so that she could spend most of the day with Harry; as such, she had overslept, only to be woken when Sirius had burst into the room, clutching the offensive newspaper, his face a picture of complete rage.

Since then, however, he had settled into a picture of quiet, simmering fury, which she found much more disconcerting than the raging, blindly furious man from earlier that day. She hadn't bothered attempting to calm him down; being too concerned with the article to pay much attention to his reaction.

"They'll find him. He can't hide," Remus said in an enviably calm voice, having appeared at the house not long after she had read the article. Sirius had greeted him coldly, but allowed him entrance all the same, as Harry had eagerly greeted him.

"Who?" Harry asked, innocently, but they took no notice of the boy's question.

"We should look for him."

Lily looked at Sirius, sharply, "No."

"He belongs in Azkaban"

"And you'll just quietly hand him back over to the aurors, will you?"

"Shut up, Remus."

"I'd really rather we not involve ourselves in this," Lily glanced meaningfully in Harry's direction, "We don't want him to retaliate."

"That's brave," Sirius looked at her, witheringly.

"I mean it, Sirius," she snapped, "Look what happened the last time you went after him."

"I was just fine."

"And the muggles?" she raised an eyebrow, "The only reason he left you alive was because he hoped to frame you; he could have killed you –"

Sirius scoffed, "Sure he could have."

Harry was suddenly tugging at Sirius sleeve, his eyes full of concern, "Does someone want to hurt you?"

Sirius smiled reassuringly, ruffled his hair and pulled him into a one-armed hug, "No, Harry. I'll be fine. We'll all be fine."

"I don't want you to go to heaven."

"Don't worry, I won't," Sirius kept his arm around him, meeting Lily's eyes. He looked apologetic for a moment when their eyes met and an understanding seemed to pass between them. He would leave it alone. At least for now.

But Lily's didn't miss the dark look in his eyes when he looked away from her, back at the moving photograph of Peter on the front of the newspaper.

And, not for the first time in recent weeks, she saw the flashes of Sirius Black, Marauder. The boy she had known at Hogwarts. And she knew well enough that that boy would never let Peter get away with what he had done to them. That he was lurking there, right below the surface; and that he could only be suppressed so far.

Lily swallowed, completely aware of the fact that their relatively peaceful life could very easily be blown apart once again. That it was very likely to happen. And there was nothing she could do to stop it.