Chapter Nineteen

She knew that Severus had been right.

That the concept of predictions, divination and fortune telling was ridiculous and that it was foolish of her to dwell on what had been said to her the night before. And yet, she spent a sleepless night doing just that; attempting to connect the dots and imagine, herself, what the prophet had meant. Only reminding herself of all she and Harry had already been through; of all the pain they were already suffering.

Wasn't it about time for things to get better?

The prophet had hinted at secrets and lies, loss and unwanted truths and, as if that wasn't bad enough, then went on to state that such things were the least of her concerns; that there was something bigger and darker on the horizon.

Severus had remained concerned for her for a while, attempting to encourage her to dismiss the incident as nonsense and she had half-heartedly agreed with his assertions, though hadn't been able to shake the feeling of dread that had been planted within her following the meeting. So she had went home with the intention of speaking about it with Sirius and Remus, only to find that Remus had already left and Sirius was already in bed.

Her own sleep was broken and, when she heard Sirius stir and emerge from his room, she rose and began to prepare for the day ahead.

"Good morning."

Sirius glanced at her strangely, before he gave her a nod; "You're up early."

"Didn't sleep very well."

"Bad night?"

"Something like that. Why didn't Remus stay?"

She noticed Sirius tense; his jaw moved and clenched; "Because he didn't need to. Why would he stay?"

Surprised at the terse response, she walked by him to pour herself some coffee; "Well, I imagine you didn't get home until late. And we have the spare room."

"The spare room," Sirius repeated.

Lily frowned at his words, uncertain as to his unusual behaviour. Had he and Remus gotten into yet another argument the night before? Not unlikely. She remembered that he had been at the Ministry prior to returning home.

"How did it go with the Ministry? Any information about Peter?"

Sirius' expression darkened; "No. Nothing. Not even a trace. They weren't even interested in anything I had to say about him; just shoved some forms in my face to register as an Animagus."

"Oh."

"Fuck this," he snapped, slamming his cup down on the table, making her jump in surprise; "Is there something you want to tell me?" he demanded.

"What?"

"Oh, don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about."

Lily took a step back from him, the hostility with which he was regarding her unfamiliar and almost frightening; "Sirius, I honestly have no idea –"

He threw a hand up in the air, before he looked at her with disgust; "Remus. I'm talking about Remus; you and Remus!" He turned his back to her, shaking his head; "Fuck! I don't even want to –"

Realisation washed over her quickly; though she was baffled as to why Remus had told him and even more bewildered by his over the top reaction to it. It was just a kiss, after all.

He turned around, looking at her expectantly, obviously wanting a response; "Well?"

She felt herself grow irritated at the self-righteousness of his expression; "I don't see how it's any of your business, Sirius."

"Oh, well; thanks, Lily. I really appreciate that."

"Well, it has nothing to do with you –"

"Anything that affects Harry has something to do with me! I can't believe you would do this!"

"Sirius," she snapped; "Don't you think you're overreacting?"

"No! No, I don't. I mean, seriously, Lily, how did you expect me to react? This is just...Merlin...this is...it's disgusting!"

"I think that's a bit strong –"

"No, Lily. I mean...This is one of James' best friends! I mean – it's like sleeping with his brother or something! Heck, it's like you sleeping with your brother!"

"Sleeping – what are you talking about?" She rounded on him; "We haven't slept together!"

"Maybe not yet, but it's bound to happen sooner or la–" he turned away with the same, irritatingly, disgusted expression and she found herself confused and angry at the accusatory tone he had adopted while speaking to her.

"What are you talking about, Sirius? I have absolutely no intention of ever sleeping with Remus."

Sirius was regarding her with the same bewilderment in his expression that she was feeling. After a moment he frowned; "What? You're...what?"

"Sirius, what the Hell are you going on about?"

"You tell me." He seemed uncertain now, as he began to noticeably calm down, and she began wondering where the lines of communication had faltered and what had been said to cause such a passionate response from him.

"Did Remus say something to you?"

He shook his head; "No. Harry told me –"

"Harry!"

The dread she had already been feeling from the previous night intensified and she quickly went on; "What does Harry know about it? What did he say?"

"He said that you and 'Uncle Remus' were kissing."

"Wha- no! I mean, yes...there was a kiss, but –" she reached a hand up to rub her temples, "What else did he say?"

"That's all. Though he seemed pleased; already imagining the four of us all living here like one big happy family," he said, disdain dripping with each word; "Just what did you think you were doing, Lily? You can't go about just kissing Remus –"

"I didn't!"

"You didn't? You just said you did!"

"Look, Sirius, just leave it; it's sorted."

"No; tell me what happened."

"Why? I just told you I've handled it. I need to speak to Harry –"

"Just tell me," he snapped, grabbing her arm as she attempted to walk by him. Lily snatched her arm back, glaring at him furiously. He immediately looked apologetic; "I'm sorry; did I hurt you?"

"No," she sighed; "It was just a misunderstanding, that's all."

"But you kissed? You said you didn't; did you mean he kissed you? Did he force –"

"No! No, of course not! It was just a misunderstanding, Sirius, that's all. He got the wrong idea –"

"So it was him!"

Sirius sounded almost triumphant as he declared it and she shot him a cautionary look.

"Just stay out of it, Sirius."

"What? And let him think he can go around doing stuff like that? He's got no right –"

"No right? Sirius, will you please just calm down! This isn't a big deal –"

"It is a big deal! It's a huge deal! He fancies you!"

"Oh, don't be ridiculous! We were just talking and got a bit carried away, that's all."

"What were you talking about?"

"You, actually; it was all very romantic."

"Me?" Sirius blinked, looking startled; "What about me?"

"One guess."

Before he could respond they heard the sound of the floorboards above creaking, indicating that Harry had awoken, and both of them glanced up at the roof for a moment before meeting one another's eyes again. Sirius released a breath, the reminder of Harry's presence a calming influence on them both and shrugged;

"Sorry. I didn't mean to get on at you. I just thought –"

"Just forget it, Sirius. Like I said, let's not makes this into a huge thing. Please. Let's just forget about it."

She made her way from the room, intending to set things straight with Harry, her concerns regarding the fortune teller from the previous evening suddenly seeming even more ridiculous as she was reminded of the constant difficulties she was having trying to be a mother.

"Do you understand?"

Harry bit his lip as his mother continued to explain that what he had seen between her and his Uncle Remus was simply a mistake; and that it in no way meant that he would soon be living with them or that he and his mum were going to become a couple.

"So...you don't want him?"

It was his mum who didn't want his Uncle Remus, not the other way around. His Uncle Remus loved her, wanted her; maybe he would have even married her. But she wouldn't let him.

"No, Harry. Not that way; your Uncle Remus is a very dear friend. That's all."

"But...maybe –"

"That's all, Sweetheart," his mum said again, before infuriatingly adding, "I love your father."

Harry let out an exasperated breath and glared at her; "That's just silly, Mum. Uncle Remus is here, he isn't. You're just making yourself sad all the time." It was like she was doing it on purpose.

His mum reached over, brushing the hair back from his forehead; "I'm not sad all the time, Harry."

"Yes you are. When you think about him, you are."

"I'm not sad, Harry. I just miss him. It's okay to miss people that are gone."

"See, you just said it! He's gone! He's not coming back."

"Harry, even if that is true, it doesn't change the way I feel about your Uncle Remus," his mother asserted and he looked away, fighting tears; "Sweetheart, it doesn't work the way you want it to; people don't simply choose who they love. It just happens."

"Uncle Remus wants you."

"No, Harry, he doesn't."

Harry huffed and climbed from his bed, walking over to the corner where his broom was propped up; "Uncle Sirius said he would take me flying." He had been excited the night before; he hadn't been allowed to fly since his accident.

"Yes, he did. He's waiting downstairs."

Harry lifted his broom without answering.

"Be careful when you're flying, okay?"

"I will."

Harry went to walk by her however was stopped by her hand on his arm; "I'm sorry, Sweetheart."

"It's okay," he lied.

It wasn't okay.

"It involves someone entering the mind in order to find a memory that the holder may have forgotten or that may, in some way, have been damaged; and then extracting it so that it may be studied."

"And would it be possible to tamper with these memories in order to make the holder believe in events which did not actually occur?"

"While in the mind? No. It isn't even possible to make the memory holder aware of the memory, if they had forgotten it. That's part of what our new Project is attempting to do; restore the memories of the holder, as well as deal with any neurological -" Regulus regarded Albus Dumbledore suspiciously; "Why all the interest in Project Orion?"

"I believe that it will prove to be a highly valuable advantage to the Light."

Regulus' eyes narrowed; "The research done by the Foundation is not meant to be used by either the Light or the Dark sides of the war; it's done for the benefit of those who have suffered memory loss due to the war. It's for individuals; not a cause."

"Nevertheless, it will be incredibly useful when Voldemort returns."

"Why? Are you planning on tampering with his mind?" he enquired, sardonically, earning a disapproving look from the old man.

"Nothing so ambitious, my boy. I had simply hoped that you would see to it that Severus is involved with that project."

Regulus blinked; "Severus was involved with that project for over a year."

"Yes, I am aware. However, I have now learned that he is now heading another project within your organisation."

"Yes, Project Dorado. It's far more advanced, expanding on what has been discovered during Project Orion; it's more challenging for him –"

"I should like him returned to Project Orion."

Regulus glared at him; "And under what grounds am I to transfer him? He is not just some insignificant hand for me to move around as I please; Dorado was his initiative. What if he refuses?"

"Why would he refuse?"

"Like I said, Dorado was his proposal after what he had learned in Orion. Any challenges involved with Orion have ended, it's almost complete, and he is now heading the Medicinal aspect of another project. It would be unwise to pull him from it now and a complete waste of his talents."

"I must insist, Regulus."

Regulus frowned, regarding Dumbledore curiously for a moment, before he asked; "Does this have something to do with Lily Potter?"

Only a slight jerk of the old man's head indicated any surprise at the statement; "Lily Potter? How would this affect her?"

Regulus glanced away from him, completely aware that the old man had just as well an idea of Severus' affection for Mrs Potter, though felt it would be a betrayal to speak the words out loud to someone as well aware of the depths of his friend's attachment to her.

"I assure you, Regulus, the personal lives of Severus, and of yourself, are of no concern to me. This has nothing at all to do with Lily Potter."

"Good. Because it would be pointless. They barely work together as it is; their specialities are completely different."

"That may be so; but as I said, that is of no concern to me. I still wish for Severus to be returned to Project Orion."

"I'll consider it," Regulus reluctantly stated; "I assume you're not going to tell me your reasons for wanting this?"

"I cannot. Though you may learn yourself in time."

"Your faith in me is overwhelming."

"Patience, Regulus. Soon you and I will continue with our own scheme and I would not want you distracted by Severus' task."

"And will this be a dangerous task?" Regulus eyed him, the answer to the question almost certainly a deal breaker regarding whether or not he would do as the old man was asking.

"Not at all, my boy. Certainly less so than your own."

Regulus nodded his head slightly.

"I would appreciate it if you would keep this conversation between us."

Regulus looked at him sharply; "And how am I supposed to do that? What reason am I supposed to give for returning him to an almost complete project?"

"Hmm," Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling as he spoke; "From the information I was able to gather from your earlier enquiry regarding Mrs Potter; I suppose a conflict of interest may suffice as a suitable reason."

"What you did was bang out of order, Remus!"

Harry had barely left the room when Sirius had rounded on him with insults that were obviously coming from more than just anger at what had transpired between himself and Lily.

"It's none of your business, Sirius; it's between me and Lily."

"Like you're going anywhere near Lily after this."

"And who are you to make threats like that?" Remus snapped, looking at him angrily; "She's James' wife, not yours."

"Rich, coming from you, Remus!" Sirius' eyes were flashing furiously; "Listen to what you just said; that's James' wife! What if she had kissed you back, huh? How far would you have gone? Would James have even come to mind?"

"You're the one who's always harping at her to move on and get over James –"

"Yes, to move on; start living. Not move on to you, James' friend. For Merlin's sake, Remus! Is this what you've always been thinking? Have you just been waiting for your chance to weasel in –"

"Oh fuck you, Sirius! You know that's not how it is!"

"No, Remus, actually I don't. I don't know you at all anymore; I couldn't believe my ears when Harry was telling me this – and did you even stop to think about how this would affect Harry?"

"Don't bring Harry into this. And no, I didn't. It wasn't a conscious decision; it just happened!"

"Well maybe you should learn to exercise some self control and not react based on whatever your dick is telling you to do."

Remus lifted a hand, shaking his head, the argument made so unfounded that he almost couldn't respond; "Like you've never thought about it Sirius!"

Sirius shook his head, looking mind-blown by the accusation; "Are you kidding me? No I haven't ever thought about it! I haven't, and wouldn't, ever consider it!"

"Seriously? You wouldn't?"

"I've been living alone with Lily for over five years; if I wanted to, I would have. And I haven't; and I wouldn't," he flared up, becoming more angry; "And don't turn this around on me! You're the one that kissed her!"

"It was just a kiss, Sirius," Remus sighed. He didn't have the energy for this; for yet another fight with Sirius. He could never win in those arguments. Add to that the embarrassment he was already feeling over what he had done; he was certain the whole argument was a pointless waste of time.

"There's no such thing as 'just a kiss'. It meant something."

"Yeah, okay, it did. But not what you think it means."

"Well then what? Tell me?"

A few years ago he might have. He may have spilled it all out and told his old friend exactly why he had done it; that he was lonely and that what Lily had said to him had meant so much to him, more than it should have. That it made him feel for the first time in a long time as if he was worth something. That life wasn't so hopeless, so pointless. That there was someone who cared if he wasn't around. That he had made some sort of difference to someone. That he wasn't alone. And he had wanted that feeling to last; he had been trying to hold onto it; had wanted to be closer to her, so that he wouldn't lose it.

It was gratitude and desperation and hope.

But he couldn't say that to Sirius now.

The idea of exposing himself so to him was unthinkable now.

Remus looked at him, regretfully, the damage to their relationship never more clear.

"I can't."

Sirius held his look for a moment. After a moment his eyes softened and he was looking at him with the same sadness that Remus felt, as if he, too, was just realising what they had become; both of them finally, really seeing what had happened to them.

What Peter Pettigrew had done to them.

"Dumbledore has asked me to transfer you back to Project Orion."

Severus looked at Regulus sharply over the parchments he was holding. Regulus raised his eyebrows, indicating that he had no idea the reason behind the request, as Severus rolled up the article he had been reading; "Did he give any indication as to the reasons for this?"

"Only that it will be useful when the Dark Lord returns."

Severus thought about that for a moment.

"I told him that I'd think about it. If you don't want to transfer, it's no problem. I'll just insist that you have to oversee Dorado."

Severus rolled his eyes; "You and I both know that Dumbledore would not be defied so easily. There is obviously a good reason behind him asking this. Why did he go to you? Why not ask for an audience with me to make the request?"

"He didn't want you to know about it."

Severus wasn't surprised by the statement; "Then why are you telling me?"

Regulus shrugged.

Severus held back a smile though he was pleased that Regulus obviously valued his friendship with him, over his loyalty towards Dumbledore. It wasn't surprising or even the first time that it had been demonstrated; but it was a welcome reminder that Regulus did care about things other than repentance and that their relationship went above that, one of the very few of his that did.

"Very well. Did you make him aware of the fact that Orion will be completed within the next half year? Probably sooner, now that I am to return."

Regulus chuckled, shaking his head at the arrogance of his statement; "Yes. I told him. He is aware of your brilliance, no need to worry about that."

Severus smirked.

"If anything, he is probably pleased that it is almost complete. I got the impression he will attempt to interfere with Dorado; he showed an interest in the ability to manipulate memories."

"Manipulating memories is not the goal of the project."

"I made him aware of that. But the fact that it was possible was of interest."

Not entirely comfortable with the associations of such an interest, Severus went on; "But for now he is interested in Orion?"

"Yes. I shall put you back on it and have Mortimer Littlewood take over your role. It should be an effortless switch."

"Heart will be pleased."

Regulus rolled his eyes; "I have heard. Nevertheless, I have more confidence in him than in Quinton Gold of taking over your responsibilities."

"Perhaps it would be better to have Waller take over my responsibilities; he has been working on Dorado the past few months and is aware of what has been done so far. Littlewood can step into his role."

"Hmm," Regulus looked thoughtful, obviously not all that confident in Alaric Waller's abilities either; "Well, if you think he is capable; perhaps you can have a word with Waller. I'll wait until January to transfer you; give you some time to tie up anything you need to do. Don't get too comfortable; you'll be going straight back once Orion is done with."

"Glad to hear it."

An owl suddenly began tapping at the window, garnering their interest. Severus stood, making his way over, and retrieving the letter the bird was delivering. A note for Regulus, redirected from the Foundation. He eyed it suspiciously, waving his wand over it checking for anything unusual, as he walked over to hand the correspondence to his friend;

"It has been redirected from Aurelius."

Regulus took it from him curiously, unfolding it carefully. Severus stood over him, watching him with undisguised interest. In a second, Regulus' face had paled and he shot to his feet.

"Regulus," Severus grabbed his arm, startled by the frantic look in his eyes; "Regulus, what –"

Regulus slammed the note he had been reading against Severus' chest, which he quickly grabbed before Regulus stumbled to the fireplace, threw in some floo powder and cried out Evelyn's address, before disappearing through.

With growing panic, Severus quickly looked down at the note:

Black,

Your kind sent my family to their graves. Now yours have joined them and you will finally know the pain that I have suffered. May they burn in hell.