Chapter Twenty One

What would it take to finally break Regulus Black?

That was the question on Severus' mind as he entered the doors of the Foundation.

He imagined those attempting to destroy him will be reflecting on the very same issue, if they happen to see the man in question.

Of course, Regulus was already broken. Severus knew that.

Whether or not Regulus knew that he knew was another matter and he found himself wondering if he ought to have confronted the situation more directly following Evelyn's murder.

Instead, Severus had made himself available but kept his distance; and Regulus appeared to appreciate that distance, spending his time either at St Mungo's with his son or locked up in his bedroom in their home. The silence charm cast over the room making it very evident that he wished for privacy as he mourned his loss.

Severus understood.

If the situation was reversed, he would also wish to be alone as he grieved. And, for that reason, he had simply left him to it.

That, and the fact, that Severus Snape was most definitely not the type of man who would sit someone down and demand that they pour out their innermost thoughts and feelings to him. As far as he was concerned, that was Narcissa or Andromeda's job.

However, while all this was going on, Severus was under the certain impression that Regulus was grieving, mourning, dealing with what had happened. That he was allowing himself to wallow in self-hatred, self-pity, regret, grief, and whatever else was necessary as part of the process.

Therefore, when Regulus had breezed into the room on the Monday morning, dressed smartly, looking fresh, that typical Regulus Black smile on his face; to say that Severus was surprised was an understatement.

Furthermore, his friend has presented him with a pile of documents that he had obviously spent many hours on producing; the business projections and objectives of the Foundation for the year, as well as plans for potential projects, planned Board meetings, Learning Centre trips, among other things that Severus had not yet got around to studying.

In was the typical Regulus Black way of coping; burying his head in the sand and plastering a big smile on his face.

Though the smile didn't meet his eyes that morning and Severus found himself unsure over how to broach the situation, remembering how the conversation had went that morning;

"I…Are you planning on returning to the Foundation today?" Severus was staring at his friend in complete, undisguised bafflement, as Regulus began gathering up his briefcase, piling in parchments.

"Of course. We've lost over a week of productivity; I can't just sit around here, can I?"

"Well…it is hardly…don't you think…" Severus was at a loss.

"I have completed most of the Commencement Year paperwork," Regulus stated, as he handed the documents to him; "If you have time?"

"Yes, of course…" Severus took the documents, slowly, glancing down and fingering through them in astonishment at the number of sheets. He cleared his throat; "Have you had any word on Malachi's release from St Mungo's? You know you still have not prepared a room for him."

"The Healers are still unsure if it is safe for him to leave. They want to observe him in case any complications arise."

That was another thing that was confusing to Severus.

Malachi had been in St Mungo's for sixteen days; eleven of which were after he had regained consciousness and he was certain that if any complications were going to arise, they would have seen signs of that already.

After Regulus had told Malachi about his mother's death, the boy hadn't spoken for three days. The Healers had thought that that was a complication of the treatments that he had received; perhaps that was why they wished to keep him so long.

But anyone could see that the boy was attempting to stomach the news that his mother was dead, gone.

And that he, like Regulus, wanted time to process that. Now that Severus thought more about it, he realised that Malachi's way of dealing with the event was rather similar to his father's; he didn't want to talk about it, didn't want to acknowledge it and instead focused on other things that were completely unrelated. At least, that's how it went after the first day of tears and questions and the following three days of silence.

That could be a problem.

Though he, himself, was hardly the sort of man to break down and weep over every misfortune sent his way, Severus knew that at least an acknowledgement and, eventually, acceptance of what had happened was essential in maintaining one's sanity.

And if Regulus and Malachi continued to remain in denial, refusing to grieve or deal with their loss, it could lead to greater issues in future.

Though, for completely selfish reasons, Severus did find that there were benefits to himself due to their reserve. There was little awkwardness; there was no breaking of household items; no spontaneous bursts of emotion.

While Severus was certain he would be completely useless if he were ever to find himself in a position where he had to be 'the shoulder' to Regulus' tears, while offering meaningless promises of a bright future, it was not necessary for him to dwell on such a thing as he had not been put in the situation where he was reminded how incredibly incompetent he was when it came to dealing with other people's emotions.

A familiar figure caught his attention and he turned slightly, though he didn't stop his own footsteps, glancing in her direction.

Lily.

He fought the urge to turn and go after her, to greet her for the first time since the holidays. He hadn't seen her again since their brief encounter on Christmas Day and the small gesture of comfort she had offered had left him wishing, for the remaining duration of their time apart, that he had a right to contact her outside of work.

But the thought was silly and he had pushed it to the back of his mind; he had no reason to contact her, after all, what with operations being suspended, and the last thing he wanted was to come across Sirius Black. Times were trying enough without dealing with that imbecile.

And he didn't particularly want to see her son either.

It appeared that said son was with her now; and seemed to be particularly petulant as Lily guided him down the corridor.

He had known, of course, about Harry Potter.

Had known about him for years.

He couldn't really see him, just the back of his head; but it was enough to make the fact that Lily was married, that she actually had a child, all real to him.

He watched as she stopped and knelt down in front of the boy.

She smiled, deep love clear in her eyes, at her son, brushed the hair off his face, said something to him.

She frowned, obviously not pleased with what he had said, and stroke the side of his hair.

The boy shook his head. Lily sighed and pulled him in for a hug, which the boy appeared to return grudgingly; and then she stood, taking his hand again, and headed further down the hallway, disappearing out of sight.

It was a side of her he had never seen. A side of her he had never, would never, know.

She was a mother.

"Mum, I don't want to!"

But, unfortunately, Sirius had made this decision for her when he had disappeared just over a week ago.

There was no way that Harry could remain at muggle Primary School if Sirius wasn't there to collect him once school ended; and Remus, as much as he wanted to help, couldn't be there for them with the consistency that they needed.

So Lily had taken Dumbledore's suggestion from the previous month and enrolled Harry at the Learning Centre for Wizarding Children at the Foundation; there were waiting lists, but employees of the organisation were guaranteed a place for their children if they so wished, so they had agreed to take him immediately upon enquiry.

"Sweetheart, you'll love it here," Lily attempted to convince Harry, as she led him towards the Phoenix Wing where the centre was located; "You'll get to make lots of new friends; friends who know all about magic, so it doesn't have to be a secret."

Harry perked up a little at that, though she had already used the same argument with him before, when she had first explained the change; "But, what about my muggle friends?"

"You can still see them; just not at school, that's all."

"Ron doesn't go here."

"No. No, he doesn't; but there are other children. Harry, really, you will enjoy it; you get to learn all about magic and things about witches and wizards -"

"No maths?" Harry's eyes widened, excitedly, at the prospect.

Lily gave him a grin; "I'm afraid English and mathematics is something you'll still be learning."

Harry pouted slightly, continuing to follow; "What about Uncle Sirius, Mum? What if he waits for me at my old school?"

"He won't."

"How do you know? He's been away a long time; he'll be back soon, won't he? He might think he has to pick me up."

"If he does, then your old teachers will explain to him that you have changed school. There's no need to worry."

"But I miss him; how long is his trip again? You said he wouldn't be away long."

Lily winced, remembering the lie she had told her son.

That Sirius had to go away for a little while to help his family; that he would be back soon. Harry hadn't taken the news well; but he took it better than he would have if she had told him that his Uncle Sirius had simply ran off, with no plan, very little explanation, with the very likely intention of murdering Peter Pettigrew and ending up in Azkaban, leaving on a hastily scribbled note explaining his actions:

Lily,

I have to do this. I can't just sit around while Peter runs free. Don't worry about me. I'll check in when I can. Give Harry a kiss for me.

I'm sorry.

Love, Sirius

Lily had burned the letter instantly; it was silly, really. Harry wouldn't be able to read the whole letter; but he would be able to pick out some words; words like 'Sirius' and 'sorry' and those two words would have his imagination running wild.

So she had destroyed it, not wanting to cause him more distress, explaining the situation only to Remus.

It was an unusual feeling; to be both furious at and terrified for someone.

It wasn't something she had felt often; it wasn't something she had felt in a long time. Not since she was at Hogwarts, when she had told her best friend to walk away.

And so Severus came to mind again, as he kept doing recently.

Most likely due to the absence of his company; it took her a couple of days after Christmas to realise that she missed him.

Missed their conversations; their dinners; the way he'd roll his eyes at the silly things she'd say; the way his presence made her forget the troubles that were going on at home.

Severus didn't care, in some cases didn't even know, that Sirius and Remus' friendship was on the brink of collapse; that her son was growing increasing disenchanted by his father; that Harry was confused about their living situation; that her husband would probably never wake up; that Peter Pettigrew had escaped from Azkaban; that Sirius had up and left in the middle of the night.

All these things, things that haunted both her waking and sleeping hours, were something that Severus had absolutely no knowledge or care about. So he never spoke about them.

Never questioned her about them.

Never reminded her about them.

Instead, when she was with him it was a small reminder of the girl she was once; a sense of the person she could have been, if fate had dealt her a better hand.

Her time with him was her escape from the cruel realities of this world.

"Hi."

Severus couldn't help the small smile he gave as Lily took a seat across from him at their regular table, too pleased to finally see her again; "Lily."

"How was…" Lily stopped, thinking better of it; "Um…how are you?"

"I am well, thank you. How was your Christmas?" he asked the question she had been beginning to ask.

"Oh. It was…okay. It was alright, I suppose."

"Just alright? I was under the impression you had a son which, for parents, often makes the day more enjoyable." He remembered seeing Harry Potter with her earlier that day; "Have you enrolled your son in the Learning Centre?"

Lily looked surprised at the question, this being the first time he had ever broached the subject of her home life, and he wondered if he had been presumptuous by asking. Before either could say anything, a waitress arrived to take their orders, and by the time they had given them he assumed that he would not receive an answer to the question at all; and vowed to ensure he thought more carefully about the appropriateness of his questions in the future.

"Yes. Dumbledore suggested -"

"Dumbledore?" Severus interrupted; it was rude, but he was so surprised by the mention of the name that he blurted it out without thinking. He cleared his throat; "I apologise."

Lily raised an eyebrow, curiously; "Yes, Dumbledore. Well, he suggested it may be better for Harry to interact more with wizarding children; begin to develop his knowledge with magic."

"Did he give a reason as to why?" Severus asked, attempting to make himself sound nonchalant, though he was curious as to Dumbledore's interference.

"Only what I just said," Lily shrugged, and then went on; "I wasn't sure about it at first; Harry isn't too keen, but…" she glanced at him; "Well, Sirius disappeared over a week ago. I'm not sure if you heard about Peter Pettigrew?"

"Yes, I did hear."

"Sirius is determined to find him and return him to Azkaban."

Somehow Severus doubted that Sirius Black would have the restraint to simply catch the rat and peacefully bring him back. More likely his body parts would be quartered and hung on display for all to see; this is what happens when you cross James Potter and Sirius Black.

But he doubted that Lily would take the suggestion well, and he really wasn't interested in getting into a long, drawn out conversation about Black, so kept silent.

When he made no response, she went on; "So there wasn't really much choice. The Learning Centre keeps the children all day, after classes are complete, and with Sirius gone it's better for Harry to be closer to me, rather than hiring a stranger to take care of him-"

"What about the wolf?"

Lily looked at him sharply, obviously disapproving of the nickname; "For obvious reasons, Remus isn't always available."

"Excuse me?"

The two of them glanced up at the intruder; Andromeda Tonks. They exchanged greetings, while she kept anxious eyes on him; "Severus, can I had a word?"

"Yes, of course," he said as he stood, he gave Lily an apologetic glance, before following Andromeda to a table at the further side of the room, away from the prying ears of the others in the room; "Is something wrong?"

"Well," she raised an eyebrow; "The information speaks for itself, I'm afraid. I suppose you know who this is about?"

Until she asked, he hadn't had any idea why she had sought his company; now, however he was quite certain; "Your cousin, I suppose? What has he done?"

"Hmm," Andromeda rolled her eyes; "I did try to speak to him myself; but I think you're the only one who can really get through to him –"

"If this is about his faux-buoyant attitude –"

"It's not - though I suppose that's something to be concerned with as well – it's about Malachi."

Black or blue?

Why black or blue? Why not something brighter; why not orange or green? Yellow or pink?

Green, perhaps, would be best of them. The others may be a bit of a push for the class uniforms. Though the Slytherin connections may be a bit much.

"Regulus!"

He jumped, glancing at Severus, who had been standing on the other side of the desk for the past twenty minutes; the perfect picture of concern, agitation, apprehension and disappointment. He had disappointed him.

"Just stay out of it, Severus. Andie's already been on at me about it."

"Your cousin is under the correct opinion that her advice had little effect." He went on but Regulus didn't hear him, glancing down at the parchment he had been writing on.

Three potential trips; Edinburgh; London; Hogsmeade. Perhaps they should start looking overseas?

What would the children enjoy best?

"Regulus, are you listening to me?"

"Severus, I'm really busy –"

"Do not think you can dissuade me with your excuses, Regulus; what is the meaning of this? The Healers were willing to release Malachi three days ago, why are you keeping him in St Mungo's?"

Regulus felt his hands shaking and quickly sat on them, as he would do when he was a child to prevent himself from grabbing something he was interested in.

Severus shook his head, pressing his palms on the desk, leaning towards him; "Regulus? Explain it to me. I am not here to judge."

Regulus avoided his eyes, glancing across the room and catching sight of a little ornamental snitch that was sitting on one of the bookcases. Evelyn had given that to him.

He looked away from it; eyes landing on the calendar on the wall. Eyes going to the 23rd. Twenty three.

Twenty three.

Evelyn was twenty three.

Just twenty three.

Even twice that would be too young to die.

"He is your son, Regulus. That is something you cannot run away from."

Regulus met Severus' eyes at that.

He cleared his throat; "I haven't been able to find a place for him yet."

"A place – What are you talking about?"

"Well, Narcissa can't take him. And –"

"What – Narcissa? Regulus, the boy is obviously going to return to Newton's with us."

Regulus stood, turning his back to him, shaking his head; "No. No…he can't." He caught Severus' incredulous look and went on; "I've been in contact with Evelyn's brother. He said he might be able to –"

"Regulus, have you completely lost your mind? This is not some pet, some object you can just ship off because it is an inconvenience to you."

"I'm aware of that," Regulus snapped, turning around to look at him; "I'm trying to do what's right for him."

"And being raised by Evelyn's brother, one of the men who disowned her simply for becoming pregnant with him, is what you deem to be the correct thing to do for him?"

"What? You think we could do any better? Theodore has kids; he knows how to raise them. What do we know about raising a child?"

"We do not need to know anything," Severus pointed out, clearly not pleased with him dumping any sort of parental responsibility on his shoulders; "This is your son, Regulus. Yours. That means something."

"Yes; it means that as soon as people know, as soon as people find out that I have a son, he's put in danger. Who's to say what happened to Evelyn won't happen to Malachi?"

"That is hardly a concern, considering the person responsible is already aware of Malachi's connection –"

"We don't know that. For all we know, they were just after Evie and Malachi just happened to be there."

"Oh, wake up, Regulus! The boy needs you. He has just lost his mother; the last thing he needs right now is for you to make, yet another, demonstration of your inadequate skills as a father."

Regulus glared at him; "Like you just said, I'm a terrible father. What makes you think I could be good for him?"

"Unfortunately people do not have the luxury of choosing their parents."

"He deserves more –"

"He deserves a father. You may be lacking in paternal skills now, but that is something that can only be changed with practice."

Regulus turned away from him again. He had done it before; he had tried. He couldn't be a father. Malachi deserved better than what he could give him. And there was still someone out there; someone capable of anything. Who wouldn't think twice about hurting Malachi if he knew he was his son.

He almost jumped when Severus appeared at his side. He glanced at him, then away, not meeting his eyes.

"If you walk away now, Regulus; Malachi will never forgive you. Don't make the same mistake with him that you did with Evelyn."

Regulus looked at him sharply; Severus held his eyes.

"After all; with a regrets list as long as yours, who would be crazy enough to add to it?"

Malachi's mum hated winter.

He did now too.

He remembered her once saying that the only good thing about winter was snow and Christmas and that Christmas only happens once and snow melts away so quickly that it isn't worth the three months of freezing cold weather.

She loved the spring.

She used to get excited when the first buds began to appear on the tree outside their house. She would take him down to the meadow to see all the new babies; the fawns; rabbit kits; fox cubs. Then she'd go around picking all the new plants and herbs that had just begun flowering and he would sit and draw or paint if the animals would stay still for it.

Once he had asked her if she could put a spell on them to freeze them in place for him to draw; she refused. That was cruel, she had said.

Now she was in heaven. But he once heard a story about someone who went to heaven; someone who came back to say hello to the people they loved. Maybe his mum would too.

He wondered what he would do this spring. Would his dad even care? Did he even know what he and his mother used to do?

His dad was always so busy. He was always off saving the world; that's what his mum would say. His dad would be a hero one day.

Malachi looked at his father; the hero. He wasn't so happy now. It made him look different. Older. But he supposed he wasn't happy either; and didn't his dad love his mum as well?

Dads love mums usually but his mum and dad were different.

But since he was so sad, he supposed that meant he did; he would never ask if he did. That was rude.

He had to be good. His best behavior. Just like his mum always told him whenever he spent time with his father.

He had cried when his dad told him his mum had died.

It made his dad cry too.

It was scary. His dad wasn't supposed to cry. His dad was brave. He was strong. He helped people.

So now he only cried when he knew his dad wasn't around.

"Does that sound okay, Malachi?"

His father had been telling him that he was going to go home with him and Severus. That he was going to live with them now. Always.

He didn't want to. He wanted to go to his own home. He wanted to go back home with his mum. Maybe if his dad had asked before Christmas, then he would have wanted to. Hadn't he always wanted to before? He had always wanted him and his mum to live with his dad.

"Malachi?"

He looked at his dad. He looked different. If his dad really was out saving people when he wasn't with them before, how come he couldn't save his mum? How come he was out saving the world but he couldn't save her?

But he was too scared to say that. He didn't want his dad to be angry. And he didn't want him to cry.

So Malachi nodded; and his dad smiled instead.