Chapter Twenty Eight

Dumbledore never ceased to amaze him with his audacity.

To leave two unaccompanied children in his chambers, his private chambers, under the assumption that he 'would not mind'. How could he not mind such a thing? Even if he did not keep many of his own belongings within his Hogwarts chambers, he still used the rooms on occasion. They were still his. And the idea that two rowdy children were now in them, unsupervised, potentially destroying anything that he had misfortunately left there on his last stay was horrifying.

He strode down the corridors of the dungeons, his robes billowing, while Lily struggled to keep up the pace behind him, and students on patrol stepped aside with wide eyes; clearly surprised to see the professor within the school after hours.

He burst open the door to his chambers and found himself irritated that the old man had not thought it necessary to re-ward the room following his departure.

He glanced around the room, as Lily hurried in behind him, also scanning the room; "Harry?"

Severus frowned, before he glanced in the direction of his own bedroom. He frowned; surely not? He strode over the door, not quite closed, and pushed it open.

Sure enough; there they were.

Malachi lay curled up on his bed, still in his day clothes, sleeping soundly as he wrapped one arm around the pillow beneath his head. Next to him was a boy he had never met but whose identity he knew well enough; Harry Potter.

Even in sleep, Severus could see the resemblance to James Potter. Same messy hair; same nose; same chin; same cheekbone definition, even at six years old.

He felt Lily step in beside him; heard an exhale of relief at the sight of her son, safe and sound, before her.

Severus made to step towards the boys, fully intended to grab them and remove them from his room at once, when he felt Lily's hand on his arm, stilling him. He glanced at her and she lifted a finger to her lips, telling him to keep quiet. And then she took his hand again, as she had already done that night; and he suddenly wondered when they had become so comfortable with one another that such touches had become common.

They had touched frequently that day, he realised.

And then he realised, with some alarm, that Lily Potter was in his bedroom.

Granted, there were two young boys on the bed and he very rarely spent the evenings there; however, the fact remained; this was his bedroom. A room he could use as he pleased. And it was no secret what bedrooms often were used for; and suddenly some very inappropriate thoughts were passing through his mind.

The thoughts were fleeting as, when Lily had taken his hand, she had begun drawing him from the room. But they still left him feeling uncomfortable, embarrassed and hot all over; and he knew that he was beginning to redden by the time they were back in the living area.

"The children cannot be comfortable; they are still in their day clothing and are sleeping above the covers," Severus stated the obvious, avoiding her eyes as he made his way towards the counters of his open plan kitchen area.

"Maybe let them rest a while," Lily suggested, before she added with a glance at the door; "Harry has a lot of work to do tomorrow."

Severus grinned at the implication of the punishment she had lined up for him; and then realised with some exasperation that he would have to think up a punishment for the other boy.

"Perhaps a little while. I do not often stay here and, as you see, there is no other rooms for guests."

"Oh!" Lily looked embarrassed, "No...I didn't mean we would stay all night..." Now she looked red as well and he wondered if she was being plagued by the same thoughts he was having just moments ago.

Something about this situation, about having Lily here, in his living quarters, seemed entirely inappropriate. He almost felt like he was being teased.

He wondered if that had been Dumbledore's intention.

"Can I get you something to drink?" he asked, taking two mugs from the cupboard.

"Um, tea would be fine," she accepted, still standing in the middle of the room; "Milk, two sugars."

"I remember." Severus glanced at the chair and the couch, both of which within a foot of her. He smirked; "You can sit."

She gave him an uncomfortable looking smile, before she shrugged out of her cloak and sat down on the couch. She pulled off her gloves and then tugged the scarf from her neck, placing them neatly over the arm rest, as he went about preparing their drinks.

He hesitated when he reached her, holding them; he handed the mug with her drink to her, as he quickly attempted to decide whether or not to sit down beside her or take a seat in the armchair nearby. Judging by his previous thoughts, as well as the obvious tension that seemed to have arisen out of nowhere upon finding themselves in his rooms, the most logical decision would be to put some distance between them and sit down in the chair.

He sat down next to her on the couch.

She rolled her eyes; "What a day." She sounded more relaxed, more like herself now that she knew her son was safe.

"Indeed," he agreed. He vowed that Regulus would pay for this when he returned.

Lily was glancing around the room. There was very little in it. A small bookcase not quite full; a desk with piles of parchments upon it; assignments of his students that he had to mark. There was very little to indicate the rooms belonged to him; no pictures or decor of any kind.

"Do you have any classes tomorrow?"

Severus nodded; "I do; I teach classes every morning, as well as Tuesday afternoons. Other than that, I am usually at the Foundation."

"Busy," Lily said with a raised eyebrow.

"Dumbledore and Regulus are very accommodating with my schedule; though a lot of the professors here were not keen to have their own class timetables swapped around at first, in order to accommodate having potions taught only in the mornings."

"But Dumbledore was determined to have you?" Lily asked with a smile.

Severus nodded; once again he was reminded that she had no idea the reasons behind his 'decision' to go into teaching.

"How are you finding having Malachi?" Lily asked, glancing in the direction of his bedroom.

"It was of no particular inconvenience," Severus stated, before adding; "Until today, of course."

"Is Regulus Black away on business?"

Severus paused, glancing at the roof with a frown; "Yes...some...something like that." What was Dumbledore doing here? Had he sent Regulus off on this dangerous mission alone?

The thought angered him.

"You said he's been struggling with looking after Malachi," Lily went on, oblivious to his darkening thoughts; "That must be difficult for you; I imagine you've had to take on some parental duties of your own."

Severus glanced at her, tilting his head with a slight smirk; "Believe me, that is not the case. I have made it very clear to Regulus that all parental duties for the boy fall upon him, including discipline. Unfortunately, I will have to step in in this case."

She smiled slightly; "Will you be attending the fundraiser this weekend?"

Severus almost groaned at the reminder of the Phoenix Centre's Valentine's Day Play; "Unfortunately I have no choice."

Lily giggled; "Well, it'll be nice to be there to cheer on your godson, don't you think?" she teased.

"I assure you, there will be no 'cheering'," he looked at her out the corner of his eyes, seeing her wide smile, and he was pleased to see how quickly she had gone from being the concerned, worrying mother from earlier to the woman he recognised.

"It'll get easier," Lily stated, looking down at the liquid in her cup.

Severus turned his head to look at her; "What will?"

"Parenting," she elaborated, looking at him; "I mean, I'm obviously still waiting on that," she chuckled as she said it, but he could tell she didn't find it all that amusing; "But I've heard, and I've seen, that it gets easier. Regulus just needs some time."

Severus held her look, before giving a slow nod. He glanced in the direction of the fire, as Lily leaned back on the couch, relaxing a bit more fully.

"Unfortunately, there are other issues which make parenting a little more difficult."

He felt the couch move, indicating that Lily had looked at him at that. But she didn't question what he meant; and he realised she wasn't sure if she could. He drew in a breath and also leaned back, though he didn't look at her.

"I'm sure you know about Regulus' past."

He risked a glance at her. She held his look for a moment before she nodded; "Yes. The trial was reported on quite extensively."

"Yes."

"They weren't able to prove anything. Witnesses were asked to come forward but none did so."

Severus nodded, looking down, "Yes. In the end the case was dismissed due to a lack of evidence. However, as you are probably aware, some did not take kindly to him being exonerated. It was such a person who killed Malachi's mother."

Lily nodded, looking sympathetic; "That's awful, Severus."

Severus glanced at her; "What these people don't realise is that such acts are not necessary. Regulus punishes himself enough by himself for what he did."

Lily never responded; he glanced at her, noticing her looking thoughtful as she fiddled with the sleeve of her top.

"Guilt is with him every day; remorse, regret. So much he can barely live with himself. Of course he conceals it; Regulus always conceals his deepest feelings from others. He is always so keen to please; and always keen to keep up appearances at the detriment of himself."

Lily glanced at him with so much compassion that it made him hate himself, and the truth he was going to have to confess to her; "It seems like you know him really well. He's lucky to have you; if others refuse to see what he's going through."

Severus paused; "Well...very few have experienced what he has," he stated, looking back in front of him, at the fireplace; "Defectors were often dealt with swiftly; few survived. And any Death Eaters that escaped Azkaban...most are just grateful to not have had to serve their time, while some may not feel that what they did was wrong," Severus glanced down, going on; "Therefore it is difficult for people to understand what he is going through; how he feels regarding what happened during the war."

A silence fell over them. It was heavy. A tense, long silence.

After a moment, he felt the motion of her turning her head to look at him; "Do you?"

Severus swallowed. This was it. He could tell her now; if he didn't, he never would.

He forced himself to turn his head to look at her; the sight of those green eyes gazing into his took any words he had been ready to say from him and he could only stare back.

She drew in a breath, before she repeated her question; "Do you understand what he's going through?"

Severus held her look a moment longer, before he moved his head in a slight nod; "Yes."

Lily held his look for a moment; and in that moment he saw a number of emotions pass over her expression; sadness, disgust, disappointment, regret.

And then she looked away. The two of them stayed very still for another moment. Both of them seeming at a loss as to what to say.

Finally, she drew in a trembling breath, lifted her mug to her lips and drained the liquid that was left. She stood, walked by him, placed the mug in the sink and then walked towards the door of his bedroom. He remained seated, watching her as she moved around the room; no words coming to him. Any explanations or excuses he may have offered had died at the look she had given him.

She walked into the bedroom. Heard her voice soft; heard the ensuing murmuring of voices. And then Lily was coming out of the room, her arm around her son. She walked up to the couch as he stood, not meeting his eyes as she lifted her cloak and winter warms from the arm rest, quickly pulling them on.

Severus glanced in the direction of the little boy still standing at the bedroom door. Her son was leaning again the door pane, still looking half asleep; but he was peering at Severus with keen interest.

He looked back at Lily, as she pulled her second glove on.

He took a quick step towards her, a sudden desperation washing over him; "Lily."

She met his eyes immediately; and he was silenced by the look she gave him. The brightness was gone; she looked disappointed, and sad, and tired; as if his confession had sucked away all her energy and happiness.

But she spoke and he was grateful just to hear her voice, wondering if it was the last time he would; "Goodnight, Severus."

And then she turned, held out an arm to her son, and the boy went to her eagerly, though he still kept his eyes on the stranger before him. Lily wrapped a protective arm around him and pulled open the door to the room and left without another word or glance.

Severus kept his eyes on the door for a while after she left; his heart heavy; his stomach twisting sickeningly, as he replayed what had just happened over and over in his mind. Her silence, her disappointment; it was almost worse than what he had expected.

He had expected accusations, raised voices, perhaps even tears.

He had not expected what she had given him. And why had the silence felt so much worse? Why had the looks she had given him cut so deeply?

And then he realised there was an expression he hadn't seen when he had told her. And it was that which was affecting him more than any argument or accusation from her ever could.

When he had revealed he was once a Death Eater; she hadn't looked the slightest bit surprised.

Severus was in a foul mood the following day; and it didn't help that Malachi had awoken with a cough and a fever the following morning. The last thing he needed right now was to play nursemaid to a child; his bedside manner, questionable at all times, was particularly lacking that morning.

"Drink this," Severus thrust the phial of potion at the boy, who was lying weakly in his bed, back in his own room at their home in Newton's.

Malachi took it, eying the phial suspiciously, but seemed to sense his Godfather's mood and cautiously put it to his lips, taking a drink from it. He began coughing immediately, dropping the phial to the floor with a smash.

"Be careful, boy!" Severus snapped.

Malachi looked at him tearfully, as he quickly gasped in some air as his coughing subsided; "I...I'm sorry. It..." he began coughing again, but continued to try and force the words out; "It...wa...was...a...acci..."

"Shh," Severus shushed him, placing a gentle hand on the boy's shoulder and holding a glass of water to him; "An accident, I understand."

Malachi took the glass and quickly gulped down the soothing liquid; before he took some deep breaths in an attempt to regain control of his breathing.

Severus pressed a hand to the boy's forehead; "Your fever is subsiding. It will not be long until the potions begin to take effect."

Malachi pulled his covers up higher, watching Severus curiously as he gathered up the supplies; "Severus?" he said, his voice raspy.

Severus looked at him.

"I'm..." he coughed, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean t...to make you mad yesterday."

Severus glowered, reminded of the previous day's escapades; "What you did was incredibly foolish, Malachi. Such things are not tolerated within this household; we shall discuss your punishment once you recover."

Malachi coughed again; "Is...is me being sick not enough punishment?"

Severus looked sharply at the boy, finding himself amused at boy's unusual audacity. He smirked; "Nice try."

Malachi's eyes flicked over his a moment, as if he wasn't quite sure if his godfather was truly amused, before he smiled and shrugged, before he coughed again.

Severus shook his head, pressing his hand back against the boy's forehead; "Your fever is almost gone. I shall give you another potion for your cough."

"They taste so horrible," Malachi stated and Severus glanced back at him, the comment a further indication that the boy was beginning to feel more comfortable expressing himself to him.

"I apologise. It is not safe to add any other ingredients to make them more appealing," Severus stated. At Malachi's dejected look, he summoned a jar of honey from the kitchen; "I suppose you can drink the potion and then have a small teaspoon of honey afterwards to ward off the after taste."

Malachi's eyes brightened at the suggestion and he nodded; "Okay."

Severus raised an eyebrow, though couldn't help a slight smile, despite his foul mood, at the boy's keen response. He uncorked the phial and handed it to the boy. Malachi drank it quickly, with a theatrical look of distaste, and then eagerly pounced towards the spoon of honey that Severus held towards his lips.

"Well well, what have we here?"

Severus turned to find Regulus strolling into the room. He looked both filthy and tired; but he had a wide smile on his face as he greeted them. It quickly fell away when he caught sight of Malachi; a look of concern replacing it; "What's up?"

"I'm sick," Malachi stated, before coughing again, though a little less violently than before.

Regulus pressed a hand to his forehead, looking at Severus with concern; "How long has he been ill?"

"He woke up like this," Severus stated, his tone clipped. It may not have been right for him to take out his irritation on a sick child; but Regulus was deserving of at least half the blame for his current mood; "He decided to traipse 100 miles across Britain yesterday in search of your imbecilic brother."

Regulus looked sharply at his son; "Wha...is this true?"

Malachi sunk deeper beneath the covers, looking guilty.

"Malachi...why?" Regulus shook his head; "You don't even know Sirius." He sat down on the bed next to him.

"Harry wanted to find him," Malachi said, weakly, by means of explanation.

"Ah yes," Severus piped in, "He was accompanied by Harry Potter. It took myself and his mother almost six hours to locate them."

"Where did you find them?" Regulus asked him, brushing the hair back from his son's forehead affectionately.

"Hogwarts."

"Hogwarts?" Regulus turned to look at Severus sharply, before he looked back at his son, addressing him; "How did you get all the way to Hogwarts?"

Malachi shrugged; "A bus." He coughed again; this time much more improved than before.

"A bus? There are no buses that go to Hogwarts," Regulus stated, looking at him closely; "Tell me the truth, Malachi. Did someone take you?"

Malachi frowned, looking confused, and shook his head; "No. We did get the bus. And then we walked. And then we got the train. And then we walked. And then some big giant man found us."

Regulus glanced at Severus; Severus nodded; "Hagrid. They were in the Forbidden Forest."

"The For...Malachi!" Regulus burst out, turning his full attention back to his son; "Do you realise how dangerous this was?"

He was repeating the same words Severus had already given the boy an earful of earlier; but he supposed a repeat of it would ensure the boy were to never forget it.

"You could have been killed!" Regulus went on; his words were far more frantic and insistent than his had been, a little less thought out; "There are so many animals in there; dangerous animals! Monsters! Werewolves! It's the full moon tonight! The Forbidden Forest, fuck!"

Malachi jerked his head back in shock at his father's swearing.

"Sorry," Regulus waved a hand in apology for his slip, before his tone hardened; "Malachi; you are grounded!"

"I'm sick."

"Yes! Yes; but when you get better you're grounded! And you'll be helping the house elves clean the pots and pans all afternoon. And...and...you'll be cleaning the floors and cutting the grass...and...no! No; you won't be cutting the grass. You don't get to go outside, not at all!"

"What about school?"

"Quiet! And you'll..." Regulus was glancing around the room, as if trying to find an object that would inspire further punishment. His eyes rested on Severus; "And you will help Severus clean up his cauldrons –"

"My cauldrons are clean," Severus interrupted, not at all keen to spend more time with the boy. Right now he wanted to go to his room and lock the door; not see anyone again for another month or so. Today had been the first time he had ever taken a personal day from work; Malachi's illness had actually come at an incredibly convenient time.

Severus gathered his things and left the room, as Regulus continued to rant at his son.

Lily sat at the kitchen table, staring at the full coffee cup in front of her, Severus' revelation weighing heavily on her mind as Harry clattered around behind her, doing their lunch dishes.

She hadn't been able to face him; hadn't known how to react to what he had said. She needed time to think about it; to comprehend what he had told her.

She had always suspected as much, that he had joined Voldemort; after all, she knew about Regulus. And, even at Hogwarts, she had expected that he would join them. That those he had spent his time with would draw him into it.

But to actually have the suspicion confirmed; to hear it from his own lips. It was almost too much. She felt almost betrayed. But what right did she have to feel betrayed? Their friendship had been severed prior to it; it was not a personal attack on her.

Just her kind, her mind seethed.

She swallowed, closing her eyes; how many muggleborns had he killed? How many Order members had he fought against? Her eyes shot open; had he ever fought her? The Death Eaters had worn masks; she would never have known.

She rubbed her eyes with her thumb and forefinger, her stomach churning sickeningly as she thought on it.

She quickly attempted to reassure herself; he had defected. He had realised what he had done was wrong. Had come to fight for their side at some point. After all, Dumbledore would not have hired him to work at the school, otherwise.

She hesitated; did Dumbledore know?

She quickly shook away the thought; of course he knew. The defectors were used as spies, Lily remembered.

"I've finished the dishes," Harry stated, sulkily, standing in front of her.

"Very well. Time to mop the floor."

"Mum!" he groaned.

She shot him a stern glare and he sighed and stomped over to the cupboard where the mop and bucket was kept; "And any more of that attitude and you'll have an extra day of chores to do."

She could see Harry scowling, but he had the good sense to try to keep it concealed, as he dragged the items towards the kitchen sink.

Lily drew in a trembling breath, her mind drifting back to Severus once again.

Her mind was offering her excuses.

He had been honest when she had asked; that meant he must have changed. He wouldn't have confessed if he were still loyal to Voldemort. And the war had ended almost six years ago; that meant what he had done had ended six years ago at least. Most likely longer. Wasn't that a long enough time for the slate to be wiped clean? For it to be understood that he had made a mistake; that he was trying to make up for it.

She realised, suddenly, that this was most likely the reason behind he and Regulus Black creating the Foundation. An attempt to repent for what they had done.

She remembered what Severus had told her about Regulus the previous night; how he could barely live with himself; how the guilt and regret overwhelmed him. Did Severus feel the same? She was sure he must have; he spoke with such compassion, such understanding that she was certain the sentiments were shared.

There were so many questions. So many things his revelation had left her wondering.

But after the answer to the last question she had asked him, she was left wondering if she really wanted the answers.

She was left wondering whether or not she really wanted to know.