Chapter Six: The Hiding Place

{Raph}

"Raph?"

The small, quiet voice stirs me from my sleep. I roll over with a grunt to see my little brother standing in the doorway, silhouetted by the dim hallway light.

"What's wrong?" I mumble, stifling a yawn. "Bad dream?"

The small turtle gives a torpid nod.

"Why don't you go to Leo's room?" I grumble, slightly irritated. He averts his eyes to the floor and shifts his weight from one foot to another.

"He moves too much in his sleep."

I stare at him for a moment, debating in my mind before I finally give in. I sigh and scoot over in the bed.

"Come here," I whisper. He walks stiffly from the door to my bedside and crawls onto the mattress, curling up next to me. I watch him get comfortable and refrain from saying anything mean about how he's too old for this.

"Thanks, Raphie."

"Yeah, whatever," I yawn. "And don't call me that. We're not five anymore."

He chuckles to himself and snuggles deeper in the pillows. My eyes narrow, but I pull the blanket over the both of us without another word.

"'Night, Raph," he says drowsily. I grunt in response.

"Yeah…'night."

He falls asleep in mere minutes, snoring softly beside me while I lay awake, listening. My eyes begin to close when the sound of his breath suddenly stops, and another sound takes its place. I pause and hold my breath as my senses heighten instinctively.

"Mikey?" I whisper. He doesn't answer, and the strange sound suddenly intensifies. I move to sit up when it hits me.

Cold. Ice cold, crashing waves. The salty mass slams into me, washing all the familiar things away, and I gasp for breath, flailing desperately against the rising waters.

"Mikey!" I shout, choking and sputtering. I thrash and kick to stay afloat, but it's like the waves are draining the strength from my limbs, and I start to sink.

Water rushes into my lungs. I cough as it fills my chest and wrenches me down.

No! No, please—

"Mikey!" I gargle up as much fluid as I can and push myself to the brink of my limits. I have to find him, I have to find him—

But the waters are dark and endless. The crushing, frothing surf pounds into me, knocking me back further and further, no matter how far I force myself to swim. I'm taken under again and again, swirling in the deep, icy black of the sea. I don't know which way is up or down. There's no light, no surface—just suffocation and fear.

My lungs take in more water than air—

No!

I feel like I'm dying—

But I can't. I can't! I have to get to Mikey—

Another wave pulls me down. Relentless, unforgiving. No way out, there's no way out—

I try to swim upwards. Clawing at the thick waters, my precious oxygen seeps out through my muffled screams. I can see him, he's just up ahead—

But he's not moving.

I have to reach him—

And he's not breathing.

Please, let me reach him—

And I think he's dead.

NO!

A torrent comes down at me, dragging me beneath the foaming swells, and I can't breathe—

I can't think—

I can't do anything!

He's dead—my brother is dead—

And it's all my fault.

"Ah!" My body jerks forth in my bed and I sit up, gasping for breath. I frantically search my side for my little brother, but all I find is an empty space and wrinkled sheets. Sweating, shaking, trembling, I tumble off the edge of the mattress and hit the cold ground.

Cold. The water was so cold.

His body was so cold.

I groan in pain and fear, clutching my head and burying my face between my knees and my chest as I lie curled up on the floor. I can't breathe—I can't…I can't breathe—

The noise that escapes me, I have no word for. It's strangled and sharp, but deep with agony and fright, like an animal caught in the jaws of a steel trap. The cry quickly melts and drips down into muffled sobs that rack my entire body. I blink back the tears, fighting them, but the sensation overcomes me because all I can think of is the way he looked in the water. And it's my fault—it's all my fault!

I grit my teeth and clench my body against the emotions that overwhelm me. I try to control my ragged, shallow breaths and focus on reality.

He's not dead. He's okay—he's alive. My little brother is alive…

It takes an eternity. Between the hiccups and the violent shivers, I manage to regain some composure and pull myself off the ground. I lean back on the bedside table and close my eyes, breathing in and out, slow and steady. We're all okay…and we'll always be okay…

I continue to take deep breaths and focus on calming thoughts as the reality of the nightmare slowly recedes and leaves me feeling drained and spent. But I don't care; I'm awake and my family is fine. That's all the matters to me, anyway.

A small noise from the corner of my room alerts me. I look up with wide eyes that rest on Spike's glass terrarium, and I sigh in relief.

"Sorry," I whisper with a faint smile. "Didn't mean to wake you, bud." The turtle blinks at me in the darkness, but it's one of the few times the little guy can't fix me. I get up on sore, stiff legs and tap the glass of his cage affectionately before slipping out the door.

…

"Thanks for letting me crash here, Don," I say as I stretch out on the couch I've moved into the lab. He nods, semi-distracted by his work.

"Yeah, yeah, no problem. Just—"

"Just keep it down, I know," I grumble. "Geez, what're you all high-strung for anyway?"

He takes a moment to answer. I can see his eyes skimming feverishly over a bunch of nonsense equations written on the dozens of papers littering his desk. He frowns, tapping the side of his mouth with his pencil and shaking his head.

"No…that won't work…" He flips his blackboard over and starts drawing across the whole thing. The scraping of the chalk makes my teeth grind together. My eyes narrow as he continues to mumble under his breath.

"Maybe… Right? No, that's all wrong…"

I lie there, clenching my fists around the blanket and trying to hold my tongue, but he's not making it any easier with his constant technobabble. I try closing my eyes, but the sound of the chalk is driving me nuts.

"No, mutagen doesn't work that way on a subatomic level—I'd have to reverse the polarity of the entire mechanism to get that sort of outcome…"

I sit up with a groan. "What are you doing, man? It's like, three in the morning."

He doesn't even bother to look at me. "Look, Raph, either you sleep in here or you leave. I'm busy, alright?"

I raise my brow at his domineering tone. I would say something right back, but then he'll make me sleep in my own room, and I really don't want that. So I sigh, shoving all the crude remarks down my throat and tugging my blanket over me.

"Fine, fine, whatever." I curl into the soft cushions, my eyes resting on Mikey's sleeping form. I don't know how well I'll be able to sleep, but I know I'm better off in here, where I can see my little brother. The last thing I need is to wake up from the nightmares alone.

I close my eyes after a moment of watching Mikey's chest softly rise and fall, and in the dim light of the laboratory, I calm my senses and listen to Donnie mutter under his breath as he scribbles down line after line of schematics. I have no idea what he's working on, or why he's so stressed out, but I guess he's always like that. Always doing something, fiddling around with his machines and accidentally blowing stuff up. If anyone needs to learn to meditate, it's Donnie.

Speaking of which…

"Hey, Donnie," I mumble, opening my eyes slightly. "Have you seen Leo?"

"Not since earlier," he says distractedly. "But I wouldn't worry about it. You know how he gets."

I frown. "Yeah… I guess." I huff out a breath and roll over into the back of the couch. So I storm off when I'm upset and everyone thinks I have anger issues, but Leo takes off all the time and no one says anything? How is that fair? I should've hit him harder when I cornered him earlier. I can't believe he'd just run off while Mikey's still out cold. What if he woke up?

"So much for being our big brother," I grumble to myself.

~T~

{Leo}

"Do you trust me, Leo?" A hint of a smile, a flash in her eyes. Triumph. Defeat. Fear. Certainty. She seems so sure, and yet, so tentative. Her signals are mixed and blended into a jumble that I can't sort out, and all my defenses are swept out from beneath me.

She vanishes in the black, leaving me standing in the alleyway alone. I glance back behind me, my breath catching in my throat as I fight the rising fear.

Come on, Leo, get it together!

I clench my jaw and push away the swarming thoughts. Do I trust her? I don't know… I really, honestly don't know.

My fingers tighten along the hilt of my swords and I grit my teeth, biting back at the doubt. I do trust her. I have to trust her. She needs to understand the way I feel about her; the light I have placed her in.

And so, stomping out the flames of alarm spurring across my entire being, I sheathe my weapons and follow her into the darkness.

It's cold and dark and it stinks, but not as much as it did outside. I can't see anything, so I keep my hand along the wall and listen to her footsteps for direction. The tunnel is narrow, and I almost trip over myself when the ground suddenly drops into a set of stairs.

"Watch your step," she says, purposefully too late.

I bite down a snarky retort, but the sarcasm still manages to wriggle in there. "Thanks."

We keep going. For how long, I can't say. It may be mere seconds, maybe a few minutes, but the black manages to get blacker and the deep becomes deeper, until the stairs end and the floor extends into the darkness. My eyes have adjusted, but not by much. I stay beside the staircase when I realize Karai's not there anymore. I tense, instinctively holding my breath in anticipation, but I don't reach for my swords, despite my itching fingers. I have to trust her completely…

Something clicks and a light suddenly switches on above. I wince and blink away at the pain as my eyes react to the shift. I have to squint, but I let my gaze sweep the room and take in as much detail as I can.

The floor is bare, cold concrete. An old lamp gently sways from the ceiling, along with makeshift mobiles fashioned from twine and shards of stained glass. A faint draft from whatever's around the room rustles the decorations, and the glass softly clinks together, almost like wind chimes. Stacks of worn boxes and clutter mark the back corners, and a dark, wooden bookcase lines the wall to my left. A messy scatter of a few different knives and a sword fill the top two shelves, and the rest are covered in random oddities, picture frames, a small book, and sparse white candles. There's a couch to my right; a light, blue gray color with a torn cushion and mismatched throw pillows—how she got that down here, I have no clue.

I absorb my surroundings with a newfound interest as I begin to understand what this place is.

It's hers.

"Why'd you bring me down here?" I ask after a moment of dazed and profound realization.

She keeps her back to me and looks up to watch the little pieces of glass sway and chime.

"I don't know," she whispers. "I figured the whole rooftop and alley thing was getting old."

I study her. Her stance, her composure, the way her eyes are locked onto the glass like it's something beautiful. I've never seen her like this before. She's so…relaxed. Really, truly comfortable, like she knows she's safe here. No tension, no subconscious drift of her hands to her sword, no steel glint in her eyes—she's just…here.

"So this is your place," I say, looking up at the ceiling fixtures curiously. I wonder if she made all of those. "Where you go to be alone."

She nods softly. "Yeah, I guess."

I allow a chuckle. "Man, I just go hide in a sewer tunnel. But this…this is nice." I pause. "Can't say the same for the neighborhood, though."

She laughs. "I don't think I've ever seen you so scared."

My face scrunches up. "I wasn't scared! I was just being…cautious, that's all. Besides, I think I saw a body in one of the gutters…"

"Wouldn't be the first."

The thought makes me cringe. Not just because this whole area's basically a hideout for the lowlifes and scum I deal with so often, but because Karai comes here by herself. Not that I don't think she's capable of protecting herself, but still…it bothers me.

"So…no one knows about this place?" I ask tentatively. "Not even your father?"

"Especially not my father," she bites, her hands curling into fists. She turns to me, that familiar hardness in her eyes. "And you better not tell anyone."

I raise my hands innocently. "I won't—I promise."

Her stare bores into mine like she's testing my words, as if she's still fighting to trust me, even now, after revealing something so private.

"Good," she mutters and turns away.

I move slowly towards the bookcase, briefly glancing at her to see if I'm allowed to look around. She keeps her face from me, so I assume she doesn't care. I stand in front of the piece of furniture and run my gaze over all the objects, but the katana resting on a gleaming stand snatches my attention.

"Wait," I start, getting closer. "Is that the sword of Miyamoto Musashi? The one you wanted me to steal with you?" I carefully pick up the weapon and unsheathe it, and I'm immediately stunned by its brilliance. It gleams and reflects my face in perfect clarity as I stare into it. Curved, sharp, and fine enough to split a single hair… One of the greatest swords made by the greatest swordsman. The blade catches the image of Karai smiling behind me.

"I told you I'd get that sword with or without your help," she quips. "Isn't it beautiful?"

I hesitate, torn. Obviously, I knew she would steal it no matter what I said, but I had wanted to believe I had convinced her otherwise… But I guess I can't be surprised. She does what she wants. It's all she knows.

"So it went from sitting on some lazy rich guy's shelf to yours," I say lowly. I can tell from the quick flash in her eyes that the remark hits her, but she hides her reaction from the rest of her body and shrugs carelessly.

"I've used it a number of times."

I arch a brow. "I doubt that."

Her eyes narrow and she crosses her arms defiantly. I conceal a knowing grin and slip the blade back into its sheath and place it on the stand when I notice something. I reach for the small picture frame and stare down at the torn picture of a beautiful, young woman.

"What's this?" I ask. Her hesitation is permeable, and she rubs her arm and looks at the ground.

"…My mother," she whispers. My eyes widen a little, and I glance from her to the photograph, comparing the features. The resemblance is definitely there, though beneath all Karai's face paint, it's hard to tell.

I study the woman's face. "Where is she?"

Her anger ignites instantly and I realize I've stepped out of my bounds.

"She's dead," Karai snaps. "Now put that back—I never said you could touch anything and—"

"Hey, hey," I interrupt, trying to extinguish the flames as I gently place the frame back on the shelf. "I'm sorry—I didn't mean anything by it…I was just curious." Her eyes are still blazing, but she stares at me for a moment and it begins to fade away.

"I'm sorry," I say again, softer. But she knows this time I'm not just apologizing for touching her keepsake. Her shoulders slump and she looks down at her hands.

"How long have you been hiding out here?" I ask, eager to change the subject.

She shrugs half-heartedly. "A few years. I found it awhile back tracking some punks who tried to steal from my father. It was abandoned, and no one seemed to notice it. So I made it mine."

I nod and let my eyes sweep the room once more. "And why exactly am I here again?"

"I'm not sure." She falters in her response and averts her eyes to the ground. "I mean, you trusted me…so I thought I'd return the favor."

I watch her as the heat rushes up my face. She trusts me. She trusts me with something so personal, she's never shown a soul. But she's shown me. She let me in.

The realization is dizzying and I fight to hold my composure.

She let me in. This crazy, impossible woman who hides behind a thousand masks and a million walls has just given me a foothold into her life. A solid, tangible piece of her that no one else has or ever will see—something real, something human.

Karai let me in.

~T~

{Karai}

He's standing there staring at me with an idiotic look on his face like he's in some other world.

"If you keep looking at me like that, I'm going to smack you," I threaten. He shakes his head and smiles sheepishly.

"Sorry, sorry. I just, um… I didn't expect that."

"Expect what?" I ask with an edge to my voice.

He stumbles over his words in a way that's quite amusing. "For you to trust me, of all people." He laughs in a sort of sad way and shifts his weight uncomfortably. "And I'm not even human."

I see it in his eyes, then. A deep, aching sadness, so lonely, so insecure. So out of place. And the words come out before I can even stop them.

"You're the only human I know, Leonardo."

His gaze snaps up to lock onto mine, and we stand there, staring at one another. Blue eyes, pure and true and whole and bright, hold brown eyes of pain and fear and lies and filth. The good and the wicked, the loyal and the liar. The truth of what I've just said shocks me, and the air is so thick it sticks to my skin.

I've known it since I met him. I've known it since he denied my offer to steal, since he looked me in the eyes and said I wasn't as bad as I pretended to be, since he took my hand and told me I didn't have to be this way. He never slips up and never gives in to the dark, flawed nature of creation. In this world of cruelty and selfishness, he stands alone, fighting, burning, shining. And here I am, a liar, a cheater, a murderer—conformed and twisted under the weight of the world. My hands are stained as red as could be, and yet, he stands right beside me, refusing to budge no matter what I throw at him. He's more human than I could ever be.

I see then that I've emotionally exposed myself to one of my greatest enemies, and the color washes from my skin in a slow, flushed sense of heat. I swallow and break from the trance.

"It's getting late—or early—whatever. You should get back to your family." I go to turn away from him, to run for cover and hide myself, but his voice stops me.

"Karai."

That's all he says. Just my name. But beneath the single word lies a plethora of emotions and questions and thoughts. I don't know what they are, and I don't think I could bear it if I did. I only know that I have lost my defense against him completely. The person I've built myself up to be and the image I have donned has been stripped from me, and once again, I don't know who I am. But now, he does.

And I've never been so terrified.

~T~

{Leo}

I leave. I don't want to—in fact, I've never been so against something in my entire life—but I do. On numb legs I turn away from her and walk back up the narrow staircase alone. I leave the alleyway behind me and somehow find my way out of the neighborhood. My brain feels like mush and nothing makes any sense. I find the nearest entry into the sewers and wander aimlessly for several eternities, lost and not even concerned.

The whole night plays over and over in my head like a broken record. Her words, her voice, her eyes. Everything I thought I knew about Karai has been washed away in mere seconds, and I've never felt so blissfully confused. I knew there was something beneath all that steel and armor…I just didn't think it'd be so real. And I never thought she would let me see it.

But this only complicates things more. Once again, she's drawn me in; so impossibly close and yet I still can't reach her. This game has become maddening.

My mind is cluttered and cloudy and useless. I know I have to fix this before I return home, but I don't have a lot of time, and I still have no idea what to think or feel or do. Well, obviously, I can't do anything. This is, and always has been, up to her. I just hope she doesn't hide from me now that she's exposed herself.

And as my mind finally drifts back to the thoughts of home, I hope my brothers haven't noticed my absence.

~T~

{Donnie}

The mass of calculations is strewn across the papers and blackboard before me. I've gone over it time and time again, hoping that my tired state hasn't slowed my mind or clouded my perception. I can't say for sure until I've gotten some sleep…but I think I know how to do it. And if it works… Well, I can't even think about that yet.

I sigh in exhaustion and slump into my chair. Raph's snoring faintly from on the couch he pushed in here, and Mikey's still sleeping peacefully. I was worried when I heard Raph wake up screaming, but I'm glad he came in here. As tough and hard as he acts, he really hates being alone. It's nice to see that side every once in a while.

I smile warmly at the sight of the both of them, but it quickly fades as deeper thoughts consume my mind. If I can get this to actually work, if I can turn Leo and me into humans…what will my brothers think? What will Splinter think? I blink at the notion because I have no idea. I didn't realize how incredibly selfish this whole thing was until now. Are Leo and I really so desperate to turn away from everything we've known to chase something that we may never be able to have? What would we do—leave our families behind to pursue a pointless venture? And what if our efforts weren't in vain, and we actually won the hearts of those we chased? Would we become a part of the surface and leave our past life behind, or would the others want to follow, and we'd all become human and leave?

My brain starts to hurt; I'm getting a headache. I exhale heavily and bury my face in my hands. This could be too much—no, it definitely is too much. But still, I can't let it go. I have to try. I have to! I'll just recreate the mutagen that changed us in the first place so that we could go back if we needed. I'm not sure if that'd actually work, but hey, it'd be worth a shot. I know Leo wouldn't commit unless he knew we could go back. He needs a plan A and B and C, along with the rest of the alphabet, to ever even feel secure. As desperate as he is, he'll be the hardest to convince, and I'm sure as heck not doing this alone.

I sigh again and lean back into the chair, deciding I better let the sleep come over me before my thoughts get any crazier. It's slow, but it comes warm and comforting, and I close my eyes and fall beneath the blanket of slumber.

I can figure this all out tomorrow. After all, tomorrow's always better than today.