Chapter Seven: Chances, Complications, and Matters of the Heart:

{Raph}

The lair is so quiet, it's making my stomach hurt. I can't remember the last morning I spent sitting alone on the couch, or the last morning I made breakfast in an empty kitchen. There was no Mikey up to make his freakish breakfast combinations, no Leo to yell at him for making a mess, and no Donnie to tell him that whatever he picked to eat really wasn't natural.

I sigh and stare down at my soggy cereal with no appetite, and my thoughts wander into the mush until the sound of Leo's door opening catches my attention.

I glance over the back of the couch to see him trudging past the living room towards the kitchen, rubbing his tired eyes and yawning heavily.

"And where were you all night?" I ask with an edge to my voice. He doesn't bother to look at me.

"Out," he answers simply.

I scoff. "Obviously."

We don't say anything else. I sit on the couch and listen to the sound of him rummaging through the dishes and cabinets as I stare at the blank TV screen. I thought about turning it on a few times, but I know all Mikey's favorite cartoons are going to be playing, and the lair will feel fifty times more empty if I start watching them and the little guy isn't here to bounce up and down on the couch and knock over my cereal in his excitement.

I sigh and lean my face on the back of my hand. I gotta stop thinking like this…

Leo steps into the living room with his usual weird breakfast of rice and toast, and I swallow my usual rude commentary about how gross that is. He sits down on the opposite end of the couch, and I can tell from the dazed and cloudy look in his eyes that something happened.

"So what's up with you?" I ask.

He shrugs. "Just tired…" He gives a small, sad sort of laugh. "I was hoping to wake up this morning and realize that the past two days were just some stupid dream." He sighs and mixes his rice around idly. "Guess that didn't work."

I look down at my hands as the cold recollections of the nightmare washes back over me.

"Yeah," I whisper. "Didn't work for me, either."

Silence drifts over the living room and we both sit there and stare numbly at our food. I doubt he's any hungrier than I am.

"Oh, hey," I start. "Donnie said he had to talk to you about something."

He looks up at me curiously. "About what?"

I shrug and make a face. "How am I supposed to know? But he was up all night making a bunch of noise and scribbling all over his lab. Whatever the brainiac's planning, I want no part in it."

Leo arches a brow. "Wait, why were you in the lab all night?"

Man, I wish he wasn't so good at connecting the dots. "I-I was just there to make sure Mikey was okay, you know?"

A slow, knowing smile spreads over his face and he stares at me, amused.

"What?" I ask, irritated.

He smirks and pushes off the couch. "You just didn't want to sleep by yourself, huh?"

"Shut up," I snap. "You weren't even here."

He leaves his food on the table and walks past me, giving me a noogie on the way. I flinch away from him, baring my teeth and swatting his hand away. He laughs and pulls back.

"I'm just messing with you. Geez," he says, stopping outside of the lab. "Besides," he makes a demeaning face and ties it all up with a smug grin, "It's cute."

Heat rushes up my face and my jaw clenches. "Oh, you did not just say that."

His brow knits and he looks up, feigning introspection. "Um…I think I just did."

I sit up and my body tenses defensively, my hands balling into fists at my sides. "Do I need to beat you to a pulp again?"

But his smile only widens and he shrugs.

"I'd expect nothing less from you, Raphie." And with that, he slips out from the room and into the lab, shutting the door behind him and leaving me with the lasting image of his stupid grin. I snarl after him and direct my anger to the couch cushion, punching it as hard as I can.

"Oh, I'm gonna pound your face in during training."

~T~

{Donnie}

I'm torn from my intellectual trance at the sound of the door opening. I don't even have to look to know that it's Leo, finally waking up after a long night out doing things he probably shouldn't be doing.

"'Morning, Donnie," he calls as he walks over to my desk. "Raph said you wanted to see me?"

I finish glancing over an equation before acknowledging him. "Yeah."

His eyes run across the scattered papers and schematics. "Is it about Mikey?"

"No, he's fine. Vitals are stable, body temperature's normal, no signs of infection. I did have to give him a tetanus shot for the wound on his shoulder. That blade was rusty; better safe than sorry."

He nods, looking back at our little brother, still sleeping soundly beneath the heat lamp.

"But I could use some help changing the bandages," I offer. I set down my pen and wash off my hands, gesturing for him to do the same. The sound of running water fills the lab and I snatch the rolls of gauze from the shelf.

"Just hold him steady, like last time," I instruct.

"Sure thing." I start unrolling the bandages and Leo lifts Mikey's hand and frowns. "Why is he wet?"

"To keep him hydrated. Now, keep the fingers separated. The skin's still fragile—we can't risk anything sticking."

He does as I say and we both fall silent as I carefully unravel the old dressings. Leo's face scrunches up and he averts his eyes at the sight of the burned flesh.

"Is it supposed to smell like that?" he asks, blocking his nasal passages with his soft palate.

"I told you it'd get worse before it got better," I mumble. "We're lucky it isn't as bad as it could've been." I toss the dirty bandages in the waste bin and grab the small vile from beneath the counter.

"What's that?" Leo inquires.

I chew on my lip and swirl the glowing green mixture around in the glass bottle. "Something I've been testing."

His eyes narrow and he looks down at Mikey defensively. "What is it?"

"Well, mutagen, essentially. But I've conducted several experiments on it and cell growth in the past few weeks to see if its properties could attribute to stimulating cell turnover and the natural healing processes within our bodies. I've combined it with a few vitamins and minerals found to aid in epidermal recovery and some basic antibiotics to prevent infection."

He blinks at me, and I sigh.

"It's medicine, Leo."

"Oh. Got it." He watches as I swirl it around a few more times and drip the solution onto an antiseptic pad. "And it'll make his burns heal faster?"

"That's the plan. It worked under the microscope, at least. In any case, I've kept the mutagen levels low with this batch, seeing as how it's relatively unpredictable. We'll have to watch it, and if it works, we can steadily increase the percentage of mutagen to at most twenty percent. I've found anything above that to be unstable."

He nods. "How'd you come up with that?"

I shrug and begin to dab the burns on Mikey's hand with the solution. "Well, I noticed how remarkable it was that mutagen could both combine and dramatically shift something's biological state. Whatever's in it has the capability to merge two separate beings into one with little to no complication. For the body to adjust to something so drastic in such little time is quite amazing, so I figured there might be other biological uses for it."

Leo shakes his head and smiles. "I don't know what we'd do without you, bro."

I grin at the compliment. "Nothing good, I can tell you that."

He laughs. "Well, I hope it works. I'm going to go insane if Mikey's out much longer." He glances back at the door and a sad look comes over him. "What happened with Raph last night?"

I frown at the recollection. "I'm not sure… I heard him scream a few hours after he went to bed; I assumed he had a nightmare, because he came walking in and asked if he could sleep here instead. Of course, I let him, but I was up all night, so I doubt he got much sleep."

Leo's eyes darken and he sighs. "Well…at least he came to one of us. It's nice to see that he isn't as hard as he pretends to be."

I nod and continue to sponge down the burns with the solution as the unspoken swirls through my mind.

"…Where were you last night?" I ask tentatively.

He doesn't say anything, but that's an answer all on its own.

"Leo," I start gently. "I know you have feelings for her, and trust me, I get it. But it just seems like you spend so much time with her and I'm not sure if you should—"

"She's different," he whispers. "It's all she knows, Donnie—just like this is all we know. She's the same as me."

I stop what I'm doing and stare at him. He won't meet my gaze, but he knows I'm looking.

"I really hope you don't think that," I mutter. His eyes harden.

"Why is everyone so against her? You guys don't even know her!"

"What, and you do?" I question. "She's lied to you before, Leo—what makes you think all this isn't just some ploy to get us all killed?"

"Because she trusts me," he answers, like he couldn't be more sure of anything in his life. "And I trust her, too."

My mouth hangs open in silent response, but I hold back all my words. I can see it on his face; nothing will convince him otherwise. I let out a breath and get back to distributing the medicine along Mikey's burns.

"I hope you're right, Leo," I whisper. "For your sake. I just don't want to see you get hurt."

"I won't," he mutters. He looks up at me and gives a warm smile. "Don't worry."

I return it with a sad one of my own and get back to work. "Yeah…sure."

We say nothing else the entire time. A good two hours pass of unwrapping bandages, carefully applying the medicine, letting the wounds dry, and rewrapping. It's painstaking and slow and the faint tension between Leo and I does nothing to help, but we finally get it all done, and both of our shoulders slump in relief.

"So," he says after a moment, leaning against the counter. "What did you want? Unless you just needed me to help with the dressings."

I mule it over, but I must take a second too long, because he gets that knowing look on his face.

"What is it, Donnie?" he presses.

Knowing that he was out with Karai all night doesn't make the decision any easier. I thought I knew what would be best, but seeing how committed he is to being as close to her as he can, I'm no longer sure I should even include him. But I'm not doing this alone, and no one else will volunteer.

"I, um…" I sigh, defeated under his sharp gaze. "I figured out a way for us to change. I-I mean, it's not a completely sound notion, but it's better than a theory."

He stares at me. "So it is possible?"

I nod slowly, uncertainly. "It could take a while to refine the mutagen, and we'd need to find more samples, but yeah…it's possible."

He lets out a deep breath and rubs his forehead. "How long?"

I pause. "A month. Maybe more."

The door swings open and both of us jump.

"What're you two doing?" Raph asks irritably as he storms into the lab. "You've been in here for hours!"

I look at Leo, and he looks back at me, and we both nod. Raph doesn't need to know. No one needs to know.

"Just cleaning Mikey's wounds, Raph," I answer nonchalantly.

He glares at the two of us, his green eyes sharp and piercing and full of suspicion. "Why did you need to see Leo?"

I shrug. "To help with the bandaging. I can't do it by myself."

He almost looks hurt. "I could've helped. I was right outside—Leo wasn't even home till a few hours ago—"

"Well, yeah," I say, trying to hold my composure. "But I assumed you were tired. It's not that big of a deal, Raph."

But I can see it in his eyes: it is a big deal. He wants to be able to help and he doesn't believe that that's the only reason I called to see Leo. His narrowed gaze flickers between our older brother and I and he scowls.

"Whatever. Master Splinter wants us all in the dojo for training, so hurry up and finish whatever you guys were doing and get your shells out there."

And with that, he turns and leaves, slamming the door for good measure. I tilt my head back and sigh.

"He's so dramatic."

Leo shrugs. "He's just upset… But we're gonna have to watch these conversations. If Raph finds out what we're trying to do, we're going to have a lot more to worry about."

I nod and my shoulders slump. "Yeah, but he's going to find out eventually. I mean, I don't think we can go prancing around the lair as humans without someone noticing."

Leo stifles a laugh. "Prancing? So you're telling me the first thing you're gonna do as a human is prance?"

I grin and stand straighter, slapping a solemn expression onto my face. "Why yes, Leo—I certainly can't think of anything better to do with my time."

He's really trying hard not to laugh now. "And you expect me to join you, I suppose."

I nod hastily. "We can go skipping through the daisy patch, holding hands and singing of our newfound freedom—"

"Donnie!" he exclaims, breaking into laughter. "Dude, we've got training and I'm not going to be able to focus!"

I chuckle and extend my hand. "Well come on then, Leo! We can practice on our way to the dojo!"

He swats my arm away and shakes his head as he tries to contain his amusement. "Seriously, man, if Splinter reads my mind during meditation and sees that I'm thinking about you and me holding hands and skipping through daisy patches as humans, you're gonna get it."

I make a confused face. "Well what else are you supposed to think about during meditation?"

"Come on, you dolt," he says, giggling. "The world's gonna end if we're later than Raph to training."

I smile with a laugh and follow him out of the lab, glancing back once more at Mikey before dimming the lights and shutting the door behind us.

~T~

{Karai}

"Hi-yah!"

My sword comes crashing down on the wooden post and sends a thud that vibrates through my bones. I rip it from the wood, splintering the column, and stab it through another and another, hitting each and every pole with fury and rage and deadly accuracy.

Forget last night.

My brain doesn't register the pain of exerting so much effort; I keep going, lashing out with a cry surging up my raw throat.

It meant nothing.

Again, the blade sticks, and again, the shockwave tears through my body. I wrench the sword out and flip backwards, twirling the blade across my hand and charging the dummy hanging from the rafters. My vision is blackened by my emotions, and I lose myself. I slash and slice until chunks of leather are torn from its armor, until the sweat drenches my body and my blood roars in my ears.

Forget about him.

I scream and hack away, burying my weapon into the swinging dummy's neck so deep, I can't pull it out.

Just forget all of it.

I gasp for breath and tug uselessly, angrily, but my hands slip from the hilt and I fall back with a grunt. Panting, sweating, aching from head to toe, I sit there and tremble under the confusion and rage and exhaustion.

It takes a moment to realize something hot and wet is streaming down my face. I sniff and wipe my cheeks with the back of my hand, smearing my face paint with sweat and tears and grime. My armor sticks to me, sickly and tight, and I feel like I'm burning up beneath the weight on my chest.

I'm an idiot. Such an idiot. I shouldn't have faltered before him, shouldn't have given in—I should've just left when I had the chance! I opened up to him and that was the stupidest thing I've ever done. He saw me…and now he's just going to look at me and see that stupid, broken little girl. Weak, weak, weak!

I scream in frustration and punch the floor mat. Again and again and again, until my knuckles bruise and the skin breaks and the blood seeps out in little red beads that smear across my hands.

Why am I so stupid? How could I have fallen for that?!

I grit my teeth and bite down another cry. Father might hear me, and I can't ever let him know. If he sees me like this, he'll break me. He's already been snapping at my heels for not killing Leo and his brothers when I had the chance. I can't lie much longer. He's watching my every move and if he sees me with Leo, I'm dead. Dead, dead, dead.

I clench my fists until my nails dig into my palms and hang my head low, letting the drops of sweat trail down my face and drip from my chin.

I screwed up last night showing Leo—I'm already dead.

Because now he knows that everything he's been saying all along is true.

I'm not what I pretend to be.

No…I'm so much worse.

~T~

{Leo}

"How's this for cute?" Raph sneers, slamming my head into the ground. My vision flickers and the room spins. I groan, dizzy and aching and totally regretting my choice of words this morning.

My shoulder feels like it's been yanked out from its socket and I've already got welts all across my body where he's driven the hilt of his sais into me. Master Splinter usually says something when Raph gets like this during training, but today, he just stands there and observes the fallout between his sons.

I force a laugh between clenched teeth. "As sensitive as ever, huh Raph?"

He snarls at that and punches my deltoid with his knuckles, bruising the muscle and deep tissues. I hiss and jerk out from underneath him, clocking him in the jaw with the palm of my hand. I twist in the air and plant a nasty kick into the center of his plastron and send him tumbling backwards. He hits the ground with a loud thud, but he's up on his feet in seconds, seething. His eyes flash and he twirls his weapons through his fingers.

I bite down the pain and focus, holding my katanas steady as I circle my vengeful brother. He watches me with those intense green eyes of his, smirking as his gaze flickers between me and Sensei, who has done nothing to stop Raph's rather vicious attacks. I don't know if this is my continued punishment for what happened with Mikey or if Splinter just thinks I need to get pushed around, but whatever it is, I'm getting really tired of it and—

I blink at the sudden conclusion. Boy, am I stupid.

I stop where I am and take a deep breath, closing my eyes and concentrating. Control. That's what this is about. I'm letting my brother push me around again, and Sensei expects me to take control and stop it.

My eyes snap open and my features twist into a devious grin; a gesture that actually makes Raph pause for a second in hesitation. But that moment of imbalance is all I need, and I charge my brother with a war cry. Our bodies collide, slamming into the ground, and our limbs become a flurry of movement as we try to best one another. He stabs upwards with his weapons, but I block it, slicing my katana across his blades and flinging the pronged daggers out of his grip. They spin through the air and lodge themselves in the tree to our left, and Raph snarls at me. It's a notable quality that he becomes the most dangerous when backed into a corner-though I don't know whether it's a good thing or a compromising one. Raph doesn't know what defeat is—he won't allow himself to back down or give in until someone else makes him. And even then, he won't admit that he's lost.

He punches at my already-injured shoulder, and a sharp sting runs down my body. I clench my muscles against it and snatch his forearm before he can hit me again. I twist it back while simultaneously sliding my foot under his leg, and with a well-timed jerk, I jump up and flip his entire body over. He growls, pinned on his stomach, and tries to wriggle out of my grip, but we both know this hold and how it's almost impossible to break.

Almost.

He moves so fast, I don't catch it, and he arches his back enough to slip his knee between the both of us and connect it with my jaw. I bite my tongue and yelp as the taste of blood rushing over my senses. He wrenches free from the hold and spins on his head, kicking me in the throat and knocking me back. I stumble, choking on the sudden pain, and he takes that moment to tackle me to the floor and raise a hidden knife over my head-

"Yame!" Sensei shouts. Raph's arm freezes an inch above my face. The small blade twinkles in the faint rays of sunlight that stream through the grate above the tree and I lay still, holding my breath in anticipation.

"Raphael, release your brother."

Raph hesitates, glaring daggers at me with that cruel, thin smile of his. He kicks me in the side as he gets up, leaving me a sore, flustered mess. I groan and pull myself to my knees before Sensei, scowling quickly at Raph as he kneels beside me with a smug look on his face.

"Is something going on between you two?" Sensei asks sharply, clearly unamused by our antics during training.

"No," we both answer. I refrain from allowing my bewilderment reach my expression. I was sure Raph was going to say something about me being out all night—anything to get back at me for this morning and, well, everything else. Besides, he seems angrier than he should for a simple joke. This has to go deeper than that.

But I don't say anything more, and neither does he. Sensei's gaze bears down on us for another moment before he sighs and straightens himself.

"You may go, then." He turns from us and stops. "Donatello?"

We look back to see our brother slumped against the wall, sleeping soundly and drooling. Sensei shakes his head and exhales heavily.

"Oh!" Raph shouts eagerly. "Can I wake him up?"

I snap. "Absolutely not—" But Raph claps a hand over my face and shouts from the top of his lungs.

"HEY DONNIE, APRIL'S HERE!"

Donnie jolts awake and scrambles to his feet.

"April! April, hey! Hi!" He poses coolly against the wall, like he wasn't just snoring and drooling in his sleep. And it takes him a hilariously long moment to figure out that she's not here.

Raph's cracking up beside me, and I'm having trouble hiding my grin. Donnie glares at the both of us and his shoulders slump.

"Not cool, guys."

"Aha, b-but it was s-so f-funny!" Raph laughs, losing his breath. "Y-you always fall for that!"

Donnie's face has melted into a look of irritation and embarrassment, and he sighs. "Sorry, Master Splinter. I had a long night…"

"That does not excuse your lack of participation during training, my son," Splinter says firmly. "This has happened far too many times—you must make rest a priority. A ninja cannot be fully alert and aware of his surroundings so long as exhaustion clouds his mind."

Donnie slumps further and nods obediently. "Hai, Sensei."

"Now go and get some sleep, Donatello. I understand our current situation has not made rest easy for you," he says, glancing at me. My heart sinks and I avert my eyes. "But I will not be so forgiving next time."

"Hai, Sensei."

And with that, Master Splinter leaves, vanishing into his room and leaving the three of us with our heads bowed in the dojo.

"It was Raph's idea," I say quietly. Donnie shoots me a look.

"You were laughing."

I rub the back of my neck and laugh nervously. "Well, I mean…it was pretty funny."

Raph sneers. "Chill out, Genius. We're just having some fun."

He scowls at the both of us. "'Fun' at the expense of someone else's emotional state isn't fun, Raph. It's just mean."

"Well, yeah," he says simply. "That's what makes it the best kind of fun."

Donnie groans and stomps out of the room. "Whatever. I'll be in the kitchen."

Raph snickers to himself as Donnie leaves, and I shake my head, feeling bad.

"I don't know, Raph," I start. "Maybe you should take it down a notch. You know how he feels about April."

Raph stares at me, incredulous. "Oh, come on! So I can't have any fun now, just because all of you have feelings?"

I shrug. "No, but he's stressed out right now—"

"We're all stressed out," he growls. "I'm just trying to lighten the mood; it's not my fault he can't handle it."

"You mean like how you 'handle' everything?" I retort. "I made a joke this morning and you pounded my face into the floor!"

He scoffs, crossing his arms. "I would've done that anyway."

I glare at him and exhale, throwing my arms in the air in exasperation. "You know what, whatever. It doesn't matter. Sensei doesn't need to catch us fighting and I'm way too tired for this." I pick my katanas up from the floor, sheathe them, and make my way out of the dojo with Raph at my heels.

"Where're you going?" he asks nosily.

"To bed," I grumble. "I think you knocked my shell loose."

He laughs. "Oh, good. I was worried for a second that I didn't do the job right."

I stop and make a face at him before continuing down the hallway. I almost expect him to badger me all the way to my room, but when I glance behind me, I see him heading for the lab—probably to go see Mikey. I let out a breath and shut my bedroom door and collapse onto my bed. I throw my pillow over my face and groan. I'm going to be sore as heck when I wake up.

I start to doze off, lost in the exhaustion of my body and mind and the images of Karai flashing behind my eyes, when a loud clang jerks me from my bed. The sound of the lab doors being shoved open echoes throughout the lair.

"Guys!" Raph yells. "Donnie, Leo!"

He slams through my door, panting, his eyes wide. "Leo, it's Mikey!"

"What?" I jump off the mattress, the worst flooding through my mind. "What's wrong?"

"He's waking up!"