Chapter Thirty One

To Hogwarts Class of 1978, James Potter and Sirius Black were invincible.

Those who admired would watch in awe, while those who despised them would watch with envy, as they dipped in and out of trouble, carried out prank after prank, broke every rule handed out to them; done all of this, escaping them all unscathed and without consequence.

They were true marauders; completely indestructible.

What would they think of them now?

James Potter had lain in the same hospital bed, the same room, for over five years; would likely never leave it. Not as long as he lived.

And now Sirius Black lay in the same hospital, his condition critical; the Healers telling them that he may not wake up. The same thing they had been told in 1981 when James had been in a similar condition.

Remus shifted in his chair, his heart heavy, his chest tight as he watched the shallow, barely noticeable, rise and fall of Sirius' chest as he breathed. The swelling and bruising that had covered his face were beginning to subside and disappear; the salve beginning to work. His leg was raised, bandaged in muggle contraptions; the compound fracture untreated for too long to be healed fully by magic.

"Remus."

He jerked, startled, as Lily's hand touched his shoulder. She gave him an apologetic smile, holding out a paper cup of tea to him. He took it, casting her an appreciative glance, before taking a sip.

Lily sat in the vacant chair next to him, the one closest to Sirius, reached over and took the unconscious man's hand, giving it a squeeze; then a hopeful glance at his face, as if waiting for a reaction. Before she turned disappointed eyes in Remus' direction; "Any change?"

She couldn't have been gone more than ten minutes but Remus humoured her, not mentioning it, and shook his head; "Just the same."

"The Healers said the blood replenishment potion is working the way they hoped," Lily stated, then with forced optimism added; "They think it might encourage him to wake up."

Remus didn't respond.

"They...they said he might be able to hear us; that talking to him might help," Lily went on, tentatively; then glanced in Sirius' direction, going silent, as if she unsure of what she ought to say.

Remus scanned Sirius' still form, knowing exactly how she felt. What could he possibly say to him? And, if Sirius could hear them, would he even want to hear his voice? What he even want to know that he was there?

Nothing good had come of their confrontation several months before. A conversation he had always wanted to have, an issue he had always wanted to address; but he had felt no relief, no lifting of the burden he had carried. Instead, it had only strained their relationship further; their friendship, strained and frayed to the point that only a thread held them together. That being Lily and Harry.

Had breaking point come when he had kissed Lily? Had that been it for Sirius?

More than once Remus had felt as if he'd reached his breaking point with him; more than once he had felt as if their friendship was gone; lost. Over.

But now, sitting in this place, faced with the sight of his old friend so weakened; faced with the very real possibility that he may never wake up; that he may actually die, he realised that it wasn't true.

It wasn't over.

He still cared. He still loved him.

Was this really happening all over again? The same as it had happened with James? Was he going to lose him, and then spend the rest of his life living with regret, wishing he had done things differently, wishing he had just explained what was happening with him. Wishing he had just said what the problem was, instead of burying it deep inside.

But, instead, he had shut Sirius out. Just like he had shut him, and James and Lily, out six years ago, when the war was becoming too much.

Hiding his feelings away. Creating resentment; distrust.

"Remus?"

He glanced at Lily at her soft tone. She let go of Sirius' hand, reaching over to rub Remus' arm, comfortingly; "Are you okay?" she asked gently.

He drew in a breath. And, because he never seemed to learn, he forced a smile and nodded.

He was just fine.

"God, Lily, that sounds awful," Julia breathed, as Lily finished relating the details of Sirius' injuries. Three broken ribs; a compound fracture in his leg; a serious head injury; and internal bleeding; "Do you know what happened? Was he able to tell you?"

Lily shook her head; "He was pretty out of it when I found him. By the time Remus and I got him to St Mungo's he was unconscious; he hasn't woken up since."

"Was Harry with you?" Julia asked, frowning in concern.

Lily shook her head; "No. I asked Molly and Arthur if they could take him for the night; he's still with them now." She glanced at the timepiece on the mantle; they would be bringing him back any minute.

"So, he doesn't know?"

Lily shook her head, lifted her cup to her lips; "No. I'm not sure what to tell him. Whether or not to wait until we know what's happening."

Julia only nodded, not offering any opinion on the matter. She rarely did when it came to her son, or her family; that was behaviour exhibited only by Remus and Sirius.

"So...not a great end to the night then?" Julia raised an eyebrow.

Lily glanced at her quickly at the change of tone. Julia grinned slightly and Lily was suddenly reminded of the disastrous evening she had spent with Rodger Wyatt just prior to discovering Sirius. An evening orchestrated and arranged by the woman across from her; she shot Julia a glare, earning an amused chuckle from her.

"I ran into him in Hogsmeade last night; nine thirty, wasn't it?" Julia grinned, before rolling her eyes; "Really, Lily; don't you remember what I said about the times a-changing?"

Lily only stared back at her, not at all amused by the situation; his obnoxiousness was just too insulting and that, coupled with Sirius' injuries, made it difficult to find any humour whatsoever about the whole incident.

"Was it really that bad?" Julia went on, her tone becoming more serious; "Did he try something?"

Lily shook her head; "No. He didn't get the chance. Though he was becoming a little persistent when we got to the house; trying to invite himself in."

Julia frowned; "Really? I hope you told him where to stick it."

"Didn't have to."

Julia shook her head, her expression slightly stunned; "Really? I didn't think he was all that bad. What was the actual date like? Was he interesting?"

"Julia," Lily suddenly chuckled, shaking her head; "Honestly, I don't know what you were thinking. How well do you know him? How well do you know me? Surely you didn't think I'd actually be attracted to him?"

"Well...you know, he's cute," Julia shrugged, unconcernedly, "And he's pretty charming in a cocky sort of way," she glanced at him; "A bit arrogant, I guess; but, well, from what I've heard you husband was the cocky, arrogant type as well."

"Oh my God, Julia; that man is nothing like James!" Lily burst out, appalled at the comparison; "You really think I would have married someone who acted like that?"

"I dunno," Julia shrugged, grinning again; "It's not like I've had many opportunities to observe your choices of mates, is it?"

Lily shot her an agitated look; "Trust me; there won't be many opportunities for that in the near future, either."

"Oh come on, Lily!" Julia laughed; "You can't swear of dating all together because of one bad experience."

"Maybe I'm just not ready for it yet."

"I think five and a half years is more than enough time to prepare."

Lily shot her a look.

"What do you mean 'you didn't have to'; what made him leave?" She went on, referring to the earlier statement.

Lily shrugged; "Well, I told him that Harry was inside. And Severus told him to listen."

"Severus?" Julia repeated, eyes widening with keen interest; "Severus Snape was there?"

Lily hesitated, immediately regretting the off-handed statement she had just made. She lifted her cup, stating with as disinterested a tone as she could muster; "He was just passing by."

"Passing by?" Julia reiterated, with a slight grin; "He just happened to be 'passing by' your house at nine thirty at night where absolutely nothing is; just a school and a muggle Church?"

"Perhaps he is religious," Lily deadpanned.

Julia smirked; "Or perhaps he heard about the date and hoped to get a glimpse of him."

"Hardly."

"Denial?" Julia raised an eyebrow; "You don't think he would be interested?"

"What?" Lily frowned.

"Well, you and he get along, don't you?" Julia stated the most obvious thing in the world, before going on; "Perhaps an evening with Severus would be more to your liking."

Lily gaped at her a moment, wondering if she had understood the implication correctly.

Julia grinned.

Lily pursed her lips together, frowningly; "Don't start. I already told you; he and I are just friends."

"Oh come on," Julia rolled her eyes; "You must think he's attractive; how can you not? That mind; that body –"

"Julia!" Lily interrupted her, glaringly; "Perhaps it is you who is interested."

"I hold my hands up to that," Julia lifted her hands to illustrate; "But I don't think the sentiment would be returned," she grinned, lowering her hands and leaning forward on her elbows with a twinkle in her eye as she regarded her; "Ithink his attentions are preoccupied elsewhere."

Lily held her look, mortified to find herself blushing, while a slight smile tugged at her lips.

Julia laughed, shaking her head; "You're pleased."

"What?" Lily blurted out, reddening further.

Julia's laughter increased; "You're smiling; you're pleased by the suggestion. You want him to want you."

"Oh hush, Julia!" Lily snapped, wondering if her face was now changing from red to purple, she felt so hot and embarrassed; "I want no such thing. I've never even considered it."

"But you're considering it now I bet," Julia teased with a manic grin.

"No," Lily denied the statement, ignoring the flashes of images of such an event, a date with Severus, that were passing through her mind; "No, I'm not. And neither is he."

"How do you know?" Julia persisted; "Have the two of you ever addressed it?"

"Addressed it?" Lily repeated.

"Yes; addressed the whole sexual implications of your relationship."

"There are no sexual implications."

"There are always sexual implications in male/female relationships," Julia stated, in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Not true," Lily rebuffed her; "I've been friends with Sirius and Remus for years."

"Yes," Julia nodded, adding with a smirk; "And Remus kissed you a few months ago."

Lily scowled at the reminder, which only added further support for Julia's statement.

"Besides, I've seen the way he looks at you," Julia went on.

Lily frowned; "Who? Remus?"

Julia rolled her eyes; "Severus. Obviously."

Lily shook her head; "Don't be ridiculous, Jules."

"You're the one that's being ridiculous here; pretending not to notice," Julia stated, eying her; "Either that, or you really haven't noticed, in which case you're completely blind."

"Okay, stop; Severus isn't interested in me that way at all," Lily refuted the statement, beginning to feel flustered.

"Oh please; everyone has noticed," Julia grinned; "You should've heard the things people were saying at the Gala over Christmas."

Lily's brow furrowed; "You never said anything about that at the time."

Julia shrugged, lifting a piece of shortbread from her plate; "I didn't think you'd want to hear it back then."

"What makes you think I'd want to hear it now?"

"Because you're stepping back out into the big bad world of dating," Julia winked; "So there's no reason for you to deny it now; all the sexual tension."

Lily released an exasperated breath; "There's no sexual tension, Julia. Severus and I are just friends."

"For the love of God, will you please stop saying that?" Julia laughed.

"I won't stop saying it because it's true and it appears that there's no other way of making you believe that; so, repetition it is."

Julia rolled her eyes; "Go ahead; bury your head it the sand. It's all gonna come back and bite you on the ass sooner or later."

Lily opened her mouth to speak but before she could respond the floo flared up in the other room and she heard her son's voice calling out to her.

Sending Julia a silencing look, she stood and made her way to greet her son, as she quickly attempted to decide whether or not to reveal Sirius' condition to him.

Sirius had been taken into St Mungo's eight days ago.

He hadn't regained consciousness since.

That's the news that Andromeda had given Regulus that morning.

The same he had been given every day since his brother's condition had been revealed to him the previous weekend.

Regulus hadn't spoken with his brother, really spoken with him, since they were children. Not since he was fourteen years old, the day Sirius had walked out on them. The day he moved in with that bastard, James Potter.

The day he blew their family apart.

Regulus had seen him at Hogwarts. How he had always been so keen to prank and prey on anyone who happened to be in Slytherin house. Any house, anyone really. Pureblood. Muggleborn. Half-blood. So long as they were weaker, lower, someone he could exert some sort of power over; no one was safe from the hexes of Sirius Black and his band of merry idiots.

Sirius had hated his parents but, more than that, he hated being told what to do, how to act. What was appropriate behaviour and, as such, he always rebelled.

Since they were boy, his brother had always done the opposite of what they had been told. As if life were a game.

Regulus had always assumed that was the reason for his behaviour.

The way he would sneer down his nose at anyone who dared to aspire to be in the Slytherin house. Anyone who dared to question the Statute of Secrecy.

Simple rebellion against his parents' wishes.

Nothing at all to do with a strong moral objection to what was going on. He was never all that empathetic when they were children and Regulus never assumed his stance was political. Politics were dull, dull, dull, Sirius had insisted, sniggering at all the books and news articles Regulus would devour, eagerly seeking any opportunity that would see a change in the world.

For the better, Regulus had always assumed, though, obviously, he was to be the ultimate fool in that endeavour when the reality of his own choices hit.

Sirius couldn't care less about it all. Making a difference. All he ever wanted what a quick thrill. A chance to buck back at anyone who told him he was doing something wrong.

But now, over a decade later, Regulus had no idea what his brother's motivations had been.

And for those ten years he hadn't cared.

All he cared about was one simple fact. His brother had destroyed their family.

His brother had walked out on them – him – and for that, he could never be forgiven.

Family came first, always.

Sirius had shamed his father and broken his mother's heart and all the pressures and expectations that had been divided between them then fell solely upon Regulus shoulders as he struggled to deal with the aftermath of his brother's betrayal.

It had been so easy to forgive Andie for it. He had been so young when she did it to his aunt and uncle that it hadn't affected him. Not really. Though he still remembered the day as if it was yesterday.

But with Sirius it had been different.

He had known how it was in that house; Grimmauld Place. Regulus almost shuddered at the memories of it.

Sirius had known what it was like to live there with them, to live under the overwhelming pressure and prejudice of their parents.

Sirius had escaped.

He had abandoned him, without ever looking back.

It was a childish thought, of course, and it was incredibly foolish to assume that his brother could have prevented what had happened to him during the war.

But, at the very least, Regulus couldn't help but resent it.

He couldn't help hating the fact that his brother had got out. Had told his parents to stuff it. Had been strong enough to turn away, to go it alone, to not give damn what anyone else – not even Orion and Walburga Black – thought of him.

Regulus could never do that.

It had mattered to him, all of it. Their family. Their values. Their politics. And his parents, he wanted them to be proud, to be happy, to tell him he was doing right and that the things he did, his contributions to the world actually mattered.

He wanted to make a difference.

And, in the end, where had that got him?

So disgusted with himself and all he had done in his quest for greatness that he could barely even look into the mirror at his own reflection.

He hated Sirius for walking out on him.

But, yet, here he was.

In St Mungo's at his brother's bedside at two in the morning, when he was sure that no other would come across him.

He felt almost ashamed. Embarrassed to be there. A hypocrite, even.

Sirius had attempted to reach out to him a number of times, ever since the war had ended. Since they had both emerged relatively, physically unscathed.

Each time his olive branches had been rejected.

Regulus hadn't been interested; he didn't want to hear from him. He didn't want to know.

"You're an idiot, Sirius."

The words escaped his lips before he could really comprehend what he was saying. But he supposed what he said was true. At least, it was a true enough reflection of his sentiments for his brother.

Sirius remained still; eyes closed. Not refuting the argument. Regulus would never had gotten so far before, in the past, when they had been brothers. At least, not before getting a whack in the jaw.

"You're such an idiot," he repeated, his tone full of disbelief.

Again, there was no response. No movement.

"What were you thinking?" Regulus hissed at his still form, a strange tight, sickening feeling welling up in his stomach; "Going after Pettigrew. Trying to be a hero? Judge, jury and executioner, more likely."

He eyed his brother, shook his head at the sight of his injuries.

He didn't look as bad as Andie had made him out to be, though that was over a week ago and any bruising and scarring had been dealt with by now.

"Look at yourself," Regulus whispered, shaking his head; "Thinking you're invincible. Didn't learn anything from Potter, did you?"

There was a small puff of breath from Sirius' lips.

Regulus raised his eyes to them with a frown; lifted his eyes further and found himself staring into the cool, grey eyes of his brother.

Regulus started, jerking backwards slightly, because he hadn't looked into his brother's eyes in years and he was suddenly having flashes of better times; times when he was young and carefree.

When he was still innocent and pure and untouched.

He stumbled away as Sirius frowned, following him with his eyes.

Regulus turned, hurrying away with the grace of an elephant, knocking over a tray of paperwork and medical accessories as he dashed from the room.

"I'm really gonna see him?" Harry was looking at her with wide, eager eyes.

Lily stroked his hair; she was reluctant to agree with the request. It had been ten days since Sirius had been taken into St Mungo's and, still, there had been no change in his condition. He was yet to waken and the Healers were still unsure as to the extent of his injuries.

But he had began responding to touch the previous day; had began squeezing items placed into his hands. Had even followed instructions; been told to squeeze once, twice, three times and each time doing exactly as they had said.

The Healers had stated that neurological damage was unlikely, considering the improvement.

And so Lily had thought it was time for her to reveal the truth to Harry.

If Sirius was responding to instructions that it was quite certain that he could hear; could understand what was going on around him. And perhaps the sound of his godson's voice would help encourage him to waken.

"Yes, Sweetheart," Lily nodded, as she knelt in front of him, outside the door to Sirius' room. The room was private, like James'; something Remus had insisted on, despite the fact that neither of them could really afford such a request.

"Is he in there?" Harry's eyes went keenly to the door behind her.

Lily nodded; "Now, remember what I told you, Harry –"

"I remember," he said, impatiently, attempting to hurry past her.

Lily grasped him by the shoulders, holding him in front of her, determined not to have to deal with a repeat of the incident when Harry had first visited James. This time she had done her best to ensure he was prepared; had explained in detail, nothing left out, the extent of Sirius' injuries. That he was sleeping; that he might be able to hear him so Harry could talk to him.

"Now, remember; even though you're able to speak with your Uncle Sirius he can't answer right now. That's just because he's resting, okay? He needs lots of sleep so he can get better."

Harry nodded, glancing impatiently at the door; "Okay."

"So don't be upset if he doesn't wake up right away," Lily went on; "He just needs a little bit more time."

"I know, Mum," Harry groaned; "Please, I just wanna see him. I don't need to talk."

Lily drew in a breath and then nodded; "Okay." Then released him, stood and flattened down her skirt before putting a protective arm around his shoulders and allowing him to hurriedly lead them into the room.

Harry eagerly pushed the door to the room open, hurrying in. He stopped a moment, taking in the sight of his godfather lying unmoving on the bed.

Lily squeezed his shoulder comfortingly; watched as her son swallowed, his expression anxious as his eyes scanned Sirius' form. After a moment he glanced up at her, looking unsure. She gave him a soft smile; "It's okay, Sweetheart. He's just sleeping."

Harry bit his bottom lip, turning back to look in Sirius' direction. Then, after a second, took a few slow steps towards him, before his pace quickened and he hurried to his godfather's side.

He looked him up and down, thoughtfully for a moment, before he grabbed the edge of the bed and hiked himself up next to Sirius; "Hi Uncle Sirius."

He paused, as if waiting for a reply, then he slid his arms around Sirius' neck, giving him a hug; "I missed you lots." He drew back, looked at Sirius' face, as Lily took a seat in the chair next to the bed; "Mum said you might wake up quicker if I talk to you."

Lily smiled at the innocent statement.

"I came looking for you, y'know," he leaned down, whispering at normal speaking volume in Sirius' ear; "It made Mum really, really mad. She made me do tons of housework for it."

Lily rolled her eyes.

"I got all the way to Hogwarts! Malachi was with me too. You're his uncle too, you know. He really wants to meet you."

Sirius' hand twitched.

"Harry," Lily quickly got his attention. Her son looked at her, as if surprised to find her there. She pointed at the hand, which now lay still at Sirius' side; "Hold his hand; he might give you a squeeze when you're talking."

Harry immediately obeyed the suggestion, taking his godfather's hand in his.

"Uh...I started a new school. It's at the place Mum works. With magic; real magic!" Harry grinned widely; "And we do plays and stuff, just like at my old school. You missed one of them but –" he stopped suddenly, before turning in her direction with a delighted expression; "Mum! I felt it! He squeezed my hand!"

Lily smiled, glancing down; sure enough, Sirius squeezed his hand again.

Harry chuckled, looking at Sirius with a wide smile.

Then he lay down next to him, releasing the hand, and slipped his arm across his godfather's waist; "I love you, Uncle Sirius. I'm really glad you're home."

And Lily smiled, as she watched Sirius' hand twitch at his side once again.

She took it as an unspoken promise that he would soon be back with them.