Inhuman

by Silvermoontwentyseven

Donnie and Leo made a terrible mistake. Blinded by their want to become human, Donnie creates a mutagen that makes them just that. But it isn't what the boys expected, and their selfish decision tears a hole through their family. The consequences will leave them to question all they've ever known. After all, what does it truly mean to be human? (2015 TMNT 1st Place for Best AU)

13. Stalemate: Part Two

Chapter Eleven:

Stalemate

{Casey}

"Casey! Dude, check this out!"

Rolling my eyes, I slump against the wall and turn my attention yet again to whatever Mikey's up to. He steps past the chrome arch of the hallway and into the small section where the antigravitons are still active, and immediately begins to float and squeal like a little girl, grabbing his toes just to spin aimlessly in a little ball.

"You did the same thing a half hour ago," I mutter, tapping my heel on the wall behind me.

"Yeah, but I bet it still looks cool!" He laughs and swims around some more as I watch idly from my post. Stifling a yawn, I frown. We got here forever ago, and after Donnie figured out he could use the communication orb to control a lot of the ship, he used some weird shield tech that sucks the water out from the inside and holds the rest of it back on the outside using a type of gravitational pull system…or something like that. I don't know—the dude starts talking science and my brain checks out.

Anyway, Mikey and I have been posted here to "guard" the place we ported the sub while the others went to go retrieve whatever Donnie's looking for. I swear that brainiac planned this, because he got that stupid smug look on his face as he walked away with April by his side. My fists clench.

"Dude, no offense, but why did I get stuck here on 'guard duty' with you?"

"'Cause Donnie said so," he pipes brightly.

"No," I huff. "Donnie asked who wanted to stay, and you volunteered us."

"Oh, right." He does another aerial flip and giggles like a child. "Well consider yourself lucky, bro! 'Cause I bet we're having a way better time than the others. All they get to do is patrol and snoop around and explore and stuff."

"All of which sounds a thousand times better than this," I grumble. I've been dying to take a look around this place, because it's freaking cool. There are spaces where the gravity works and spaces where it doesn't—hence Mikey's little play spot over there. I'm just itching to find out what's in all of these rooms. The Kraang probably had laboratories full of wicked experiments, or a weapons storage unit, and no doubt a ton of control rooms that would be fun to mess around with. Knowing the possibilities that are just waiting in front of me, I can't exactly handle having to stay put.

Mikey gives an exaggerated groan and waves me over. "Come on, Casey! Where else are you gonna find antigravitons? It's like the Matrix!"

"First off, you don't even know what that is. Second, we've already messed around with the faulty gravity. Yeah, it was awesome, but that was also almost three hours ago." I cross my arms and purse my lips. "I'm bored, Mikey."

"Pfft, you're no fun," he retorts. "Besides, I'm not leaving until I get sick enough to puke, 'cause I wanna know which way it goes when the gravity's turned off."

"I don't know," I murmur. "Maybe up?"

He laughs at that and continues to play around in the small space. My nostrils flare and I roll my head back against the wall. Yeah, I'm pretty sure Donnie planned this. He told all of us that there wasn't a single threat in this entire ship, but what does he do? He gets Mikey to drag me into guarding the spot where we docked the submarine 'just in case' something bad happened.

"Mikey, can't we just go look around for a little bit?" I plead. "It's not like they're gonna know. I've gotta do something before my brain implodes from sheer boredom."

"Donnie said to stay here," he answers firmly. "So…we should probably stay here."

I groan and throw my arms up over my head dramatically. "Since when do you listen to anybody, dude? Come on!"

He doesn't even hesitate to deny my offer once again with the quick shake of his head. "Sorry, bro. Can't do it."

My eyes narrow. Mikey's the first to disobey orders and the first to wander off—especially when it comes to foreign territory, like sunken alien ships.

No, something's definitely up.

I shrug casually, bent on having some sort of fun on this so-called mission.

"Alright, fine," I say loudly. "You can stay here and play guard dog, and I'll go check this place out."

I turn on my heels and start walking away. For a moment there's only silence behind me, but I smirk confidently when I hear the thump of him stepping back into gravity.

"Good!" I call, not bothering to look back. "You've come to your senses and decided to have some fun."

But he doesn't come running up beside me like I expect. Instead, I only hear his voice.

"You know I weigh like three times as much as you do, right?" he asks. I frown, shoving my hands in my pockets and whirling around.

"What?"

His expression is flat, which is a tad bit unsettling. "I'm saying if you try to walk off by yourself, I can just sit on you or something."

My brow furrows. "Are you...threatening me?"

A smirk breaks his features and he whips out his nun chucks. "Maybe. What're you gonna do about it?"

I can't tell if he's joking or actually preparing to stop me if I try to leave. All I can do is just step back and blink dumbly.

"Tch," I scoff. "You're not gonna do anything."

"Oh yeah?" He twirls his chains around in the air, holding that obnoxiously cocky grin. "Wanna bet?"

Well, it's not exploring…but it'll do.

A grin tugs my lips. I slap my mask down over my face and pull my hockey stick from the bag slung across my back.

"Bring it."

~T~

{Donnie}

"Hey Donnie," Raph growls. "You think you got enough of this stuff yet?"

I keep a firm hold on the tube I've imbedded into the Technodrome's central energy system. The mutagen continues to slowly drain from the enormous glass container built from the floor to the ceiling, and Raph and April are busy filling up the canisters I brought with us.

"It's not even empty yet," I mutter. "And I told you, we have to get as much as we possibly can. With the Kraang defeated, this is our only chance to study the mutagen and explore the benefits it can give us. Like Mikey's medicine."

I'm still surprised how well that worked. I mean, sure, it went through a lot of testing, but Mikey's one lucky turtle. I've tried the serum on my own cuts and bruises, but it doesn't seem to work as well. I'll probably have to make batches specified for each of our individual genetic makeup to maximize cell regeneration. Yeah…I'm gonna have some late nights in the lab again.

"Okay, yeah, I get that you need this stuff," he continues. "But this…this is a lot. Like, a lot, a lot."

"Well considering the Kraang are gone, it's not like you'll get any more of it," April replies.

"Exactly," I comment. "Thank you. Now let's keep filling up canisters. I'll start loading the ones we've already finished into the crates I brought."

"Good," Raph grumbles. "Then we can get the heck out of here and do something that's actually fun."

I roll my eyes at my brother's constant complaints and get started on placing the containers into the crates. I don't know why Raph is so upset—I'm having a good time. It's nice and quiet down here, which gives April and I some room to talk. Truth be told, it'd be twelve times better if I had made Raph stay with Mikey and Casey, but that'd look too suspicious, so I'll settle for what I've got.

"So will all of this be used to make the medicine?" April asks. My back is to her as I organize the mutagen in the boxes, and a slight frown tugs at my lips.

"Well, that and testing. Plus retromutagen. We still don't know how many other mutants are out there, and I've no doubt we'll run across some more of the Kraang's experiments. It's best to be prepared."

She hums in agreement, but I can sense that something's…off. It's almost like she's suspicious of my motives with the mutagen supply, which wouldn't be misplaced, but I still don't like knowing that she doesn't trust me. And it definitely doesn't help that she's got those psychic powers. I know they're not well-tuned and they don't exactly make her a mind-reader, but I feel like it's an unfair advantage, and not to mention a chip in my privacy.

My frown deepens and I shake off the thought. It doesn't matter. With all of the mutagen and equipment we're getting now, I can get started on my little…side project. Everything will be better soon…

"Donnie," Raph whines. "This is taking forever. Can't you make this thing drain faster or something?"

I scoff. "And risk a spill? Raph, this is a dangerous substance, you know. If we tamper with the settings or try to speed up the transfer, we could put a strain on the system—which, if I must remind you, has been partially damaged from the explosion and all this time in the salt water. Besides, mutagen has mucilaginous properties, so it's—"

"Alright, alright, I get it!" he snaps. "We can't make it go faster. Geez, Donnie, you gotta learn how to summarize."

My brow furrows and I glance over my shoulder in confusion. "But that was my summary."

April giggles and a blush creeps over my cheeks. I inhale sharply and work faster on stacking canisters. It's a good thing they're both behind me, because if Raph saw me blushing, I'd sure get an earful and this whole night would be ruined.

"It's fine, Donnie," April says politely. "We'll take as much time as you need to get everything done."

I smile just before realizing she can't see my face.

"Of course we will," Raph grumbles. "Man, I should've just stayed back at the sub with Mikey and Casey. I bet they're having a way better time than we are."

~T~

{Mikey}

"Mikey! Mikey, get off me!"

"No!" I shout, grabbing his leg and holding him down. "We're supposed to stay here, and I'm not letting you go until you swear not to wander off!"

"Well that would be lying," he growls. I frown and pull on his leg a little more, drawing a frustrated grunt from him. He tears the mask of his face and huffs at me, nostrils flaring.

"Mikey, let me up, or so help me, I will—"

I lean my weight further onto his back and he gasps. "You'll what?" I challenge.

He spits a strand of hair from his mouth and glares up at me. His scowl slowly dissolves into a devious and knowing smile. "I'll tell Raph where your candy stash is."

My breath hitches. "You wouldn't."

"Try me."

We stare each other down for a good minute before I frown and climb off of his back. "There," I mutter, crossing my arms. "I let you up, you big baby."

He takes a gulp of air and rolls over on his stomach, wincing.

"You eat too much," he wheezes. "Like, way too much."

"Hmph." I shove my nun chucks back into their holsters. "…You're not gonna tell Raph though, right?"

He rolls his eyes and shakes his head. Slapping his mask back on, he drags himself to his feel and gives his baseball bat a twirl.

"Hey," I snap. "Just 'cause I let you up doesn't mean you get to wander off!"

He turns on his heels and his eyes narrow in the holes of his mask. "Dude, what crawled up your shell and died?"

My expression flattens. "I just don't think it's a good idea."

He watches me for an uncomfortably long moment…and then he whips around and takes off running.

"Hey!" I shout. "Casey! Casey, get back here!"

Donnie's gonna kill me—

"Casey!" I chase after him, but man, the guy is fast. He veers around a corridor, skidding on the gleaming floor, and vanishes down another hallway. Swinging my kasurigama in quick circles, I follow after him. If I could just get close enough, I could snag him with my chains, but I have a feeling it's not gonna be that easy.

I scream after him, sliding across the damp floor and flailing around like an idiot.

"Casey! I'm serious, dude, we're gonna get into—whoa! "

The gravity disappears the second I step beneath one of the archways. My breath catches in my throat as my body is lifted and held in the air.

I hear Casey laughing at me from up ahead. My eyes follow the sound and I see him using the metal beams lining the ceiling as leverage to hoist himself across the antigraviton-zone. He swings his lower torso and hauls over and out of the zone, hitting the ground with a flawless tumble and popping back to his feet.

"When did you get so slow, Mikey?" he taunts. I growl and wave my arms uselessly while he laughs and takes off further down the hallway.

"I'm so gonna get you after this," I mutter. I kick and swim up to the ceiling to follow his method, and while I guide myself through the antigravity, I can hear the echo of his footsteps fading. Frowning, I pick up the pace and swing back into gravity, landing with a grunt.

My feet pound under me. I skid through another turn before realizing that I'll never catch him like this. My heels dig into the floor as I stop in the center of the hallway.

"Gotta activate my ninja skills," I whisper to myself. My second eyelids slip down and I go for the wall, leaping and kicking off of it to reach the ceiling. I stifle a grunt, hoisting myself onto the beams and letting out a quiet breath.

Casey Jones, meet ninja stealth-mode.

~T~

{Casey}

Breathing hard from all the running—and two more hallways of antigravitons—my pace slows to a cautious walk. I glance around for any sign of Mikey, but I don't see or hear him. Maybe I lost him a few rooms back…

I sigh, tugging my mask over my head to wipe the sweat gathering on my face. In the process of trying to lose Mikey, I think I've pretty much lost myself. I have absolutely no idea where I am now.

My nostrils flare and my shoulders slump in exhaustion and frustration. Tonight was supposed to be fun, and I was supposed to spend it with April and the guys. But no, I ended up wasting the whole mission with the orange-banded dork.

I kick at the air and growl a few unpleasant phrases. I mean, seriously, when are we ever going to get to do something like this again? It's an entire alien base stuck under the ocean and completely abandoned. It's not like there's a surplus of these things.

Stupid. That's what this whole night's been. Just stupid.

I come to an aimless halt in the middle of whatever hallway I've found myself in, and my fists bunch at my sides. There's nothing here for me to punch or smash—absolutely nothing to take my pent-up rage out on.

After a moment of standing there steaming, I huff out a breath and decide to try and find my way back. If I end up getting lost and the guys have to come looking for me, I'll never hear the end of it, and I'm certainly not looking for another reason to hate tonight.

Turning on my heels, I slouch in defeat and start walking back the way I came, but I don't get more than five steps before something drops from the ceiling and lands on me.

"Gah!" My breath is torn from my lungs as I hit the floor on my stomach, and my head spins from the sudden assault.

"Gotcha!" Mikey's gloating voice grates on my ears.

"Mikey!" I shout incredulously. "You just about gave me a heart attack!"

"Totally caught you off guard, right?" he laughs, obviously proud of himself. "You didn't even see me coming, bro!" He keeps me pinned while I struggle to crawl away, and I suddenly feel a few quick tugs at my back as he snatches all of my bats and hockey sticks from me.

"Mikey, seriously, I am not in the mood for this," I snap.

"Shoulda thought 'bout that before you ran off, dude."

I let out an aggravated groan and pound my fist on the floor, but there's little I can do at this point. He's way too heavy for me to fight, and I'm irritated to the point where giving up seems like a better option than being sat on for the next hour.

Heaving out a sigh of defeat, I slump underneath him, propping my head up with my arm in a bored manner.

"Okay, okay," I grumble. "You win. I'll stay at the stupid post."

He hesitates and leans over me. "Really?"

I puff a piece of hair from my face. "Really."

There's a moment of silence before he cautiously steps off of my back. I grunt and push myself from the floor, wincing.

"Thanks for the bruised ribs," I hiss, standing to my feet. He smiles back sheepishly.

"Uh, yeah…sorry."

I merely glare at him and stoop down to gather my weapons. Tucking them back into my bag, I walk off towards where I had come in, leaving him standing behind me with a worried look on his face.

"Hey, wait up!" he calls a moment later. His footsteps echo behind me, but I just keep walking, my eyes glued straight ahead as my mind struggles to simmer down.

"Casey?" he asks, concern dripping from his voice. He hops beside me, walking backwards at my pace while he searches my expression.

"Are you mad at me?"

I don't say anything. Part of it's because I want to block him out, and the other part's just because I might say something really mean if I open my mouth.

"Casey," he whines as he jogs to keep up with my quickened pace. "Casey, I'm sorry, man. I just don't want to get in trouble on our first mission without Leo."

Still, I stay silent. He nags me the entire way back, pulling on my arm and apologizing. Mikey hates being ignored. It's basically like stabbing him in the back. And I'm not trying to hurt him or anything…well, that's a lie, but I just really don't like him at the moment.

We're almost at the post when he jumps in front of me, blocking my path with big, watery eyes.

"I'm sorry, okay?" he says loudly. "I shouldn't have sat on you or fought with you. I wanted to go off and explore too, but I already promised Donnie that I'd keep you here so he could be with April and I really wasn't thinking clearly and I was a total jerk and I'm sorry, just please, stop ignoring me and—"

"Wait," I interject. "This is all because of Donnie?"

He stops and slaps his hands over his mouth with widening eyes, making it pretty clear that he wasn't supposed to tell me. My shoulders snap back and my eyes narrow as the frustration hits its peak.

"He ruined my whole night just to keep me away from April?" My fists clench at my sides. "That's stupid. He's stupid! I mean, honestly Donnie!"

"Don't tell him," Mikey whimpers. "Please don't tell him. He'll kill me—"

"I'm gonna kill you!" I bite. "Seriously, Mikey! We could've been having fun and hanging out! Why'd you let that idiot talk you into something so dumb?"

He averts his gaze to the floor in shame, crossing his arms behind his back and tracing his foot along the floor. "I…I just wanted to help him out," he whispers.

I groan and roll my eyes, lifting my fingers to rub my temples. "You know what, whatever. Let's just get back to the stupid sub so I can go home already."

A guilt-stricken look hangs on his features as he hugs his arms around himself, staring down at his feet. He's about to say something—no doubt apologize for the hundredth time—when Raph's voice draws me up from my vexation.

"There you two are," he calls from behind. I turn on my heels to see him standing at the end of the hallway with his hands hooked expectantly on his hips.

"You guys were supposed to wait by the sub. Donnie's gonna give you an earful and…" He trails off, his bright gaze flickering between us as his brow tugs up into an arch. "What's up with you two?"

I pass a sharp glare over my shoulder and Mikey quickly looks away.

"Nothing," I bite, walking briskly past Raph. "Let's just get going."

~T~

{Leo}

"Why aren't they back yet?" I growl. "They said dawn. Dawn was over an hour ago. What could they possibly be doing? And why couldn't Donnie figure something out with communication so I'd know what was going on? Why don't any of them think ahead for once? I mean, honestly, this isn't some kind of joke—"

"Leonardo," Splinter interrupts. I stop my ranting and lay back against the cold table with a sigh. "You must be calm, my son," he continues. "Worry will not bring your brothers back any sooner."

"I know," I mutter. "Sorry, Sensei. I'm just…out of sorts."

He watches me with a steady gaze, and his features soften. "I know this is difficult for you, but I have faith in your brothers. You have all grown in both skill and maturity since you first went up to the surface."

I laugh. "Skill, yes. But maturity…that I'm not so sure about."

He smiles at me and nods. "Yes, well, you four have your moments."

My throat works as I fight to stem the rising flow of fear and anxiety. I know there's nothing I can do, and that's what bothers me the most. At least when I'm with them, I'm able to do something when a mission takes a turn. But I'm not with them. I'm here, stuck lying on a table with half my body bandaged and secured. I can't do anything or go anywhere—I'm just useless.

Master Splinter seems to sense my thoughts of helplessness and self-pity, because he places a reassuring hand on my shoulder and meets my gaze with deep eyes of wisdom and empathy.

"There are going to be moments like these," he says softly, "where you feel useless because the world seems beyond your control. You must learn to root yourself spiritually, and find peace in your own mind."

"You've been teaching me that I mustn't lose control, Sensei." I avert my gaze to the hands I've draped over my shelled stomach, mentally noting every bruise, welt, and cut. The memories come washing over me like icy water, chilling my bones as the recollections of pain and confusion tumble through my head. "But I've already lost it. I lost it when Mikey wandered off and we found him half-dead; I lost it when Karai turned on me and I fell from that building; and I lost it the moment my brothers stepped into that sub." A shaky breath is pushed from my lungs. "How am I supposed to find peace when everything around me is spiraling out of control?"

His ears droop softly and his chest sinks with a sigh. "You are only ever in control of yourself, Leonardo. I spoke with you on this before, remember?"

"Yeah," I recount. "And you said I lost control of my brothers."

"No, I said you lost control of yourself." His tone is reprimanding, demanding my attention. "That is why your brothers disobeyed you. They saw you falter in your judgment and ability to lead; they took control only after you lost your own."

Confusion and shame draw my eyes downward, but his hand moves from my shoulder to my chin.

"Look at me, my son."

Swallowing, I meet his fatherly gaze to find only empathy and encouragement.

"Focus on your own actions. Only you can control yourself, your thoughts, your spirit. I know it may be difficult for you to understand now, but in this life you will come to see that everything is always beyond our personal control."

A sting runs through my nose as the weight of it all settles on my shoulders, but I don't get a chance to say anything else before I hear the turnstiles clicking at the entryway.

"They're back!" I sit up eagerly, but Splinter coaxes me back down.

"Do not further irritate your wounds, my son," he says firmly. I refrain from frowning and turn my face towards the door as the sound of my brothers draws closer. Mikey appears in the doorway first, holding it open for Donnie and the others, but my youngest brother's expression sets off all kinds of alarms in my head. He looks upset, and Mikey looking upset is never a good thing.

Raph, April, and Casey file in after, all carrying crates of glowing mutagen. I feel myself shrinking against the table at the sight of the chemical, remembering Donnie's "theory". But I can't think of that now—there's too many other things clouding my brain.

"My sons," Splinter greets warmly. "We are glad to see you have returned safely. How was your mission?"

"Dull, uneventful, other synonyms for boring," Casey mumbles. "It was kind of a bust."

"A bust?" Donnie snaps incredulously as he sets down a heavy box of filled mutagen canisters. "How could you call scoring crates of mutagen and alien tech a bust?"

"'Cause nothing happened!" he shouts, waving his arms in emphasis. "We didn't even get shot at, man!"

"You've got your priorities all screwed up, Case," Raph mutters.

He huffs out a breath and scowls. "Well maybe I'd feel different if I didn't spend the entire night with Dr. Dorkenstein over here."

I expect Mikey to say something back, but my little brother just looks away with a shame-written face.

"I take it Donatello's theory of the ship being abandoned was correct?" Splinter inquires.

"Yeah," Donnie answers while he organizes his loot. "Everything went pretty smooth. In and out, like I said."

I stare at him as he works, and my eyes narrow slightly. He seems fine, but his voice sounds clipped, like he's holding back anger. My gaze flickers around the room, studying each face. Between him, Mikey, and Casey, I know something happened on that mission.

"You guys did it?" I ask with a mixture of relief and suspicion. "And…nothing went wrong?"

"Yeah," Raph snorts, placing his crate on Donnie's desk. "Turns out you're obnoxious, bossy presence isn't entirely necessary to the operation."

I scowl at him and feel that weight increase on my chest.

"It was just an easy mission, Leo," April adds gently. She shoots a brief glare at Raph before her calm gaze lands on me. She knows how left out I feel right now, but to be honest, her attempt to make me feel better is really just doing the opposite. Not only am I too injured to even get up, but now I'm being emotionally babied. Great.

I resist the urge to roll my eyes and opt for averting my gaze to the ceiling. Splinter stands to his feet, and I listen to the soft thump of his staff as he walks towards the others.

"I see you have found what you were hoping for," he says, no doubt eyeing Donnie's haul. I hope he doesn't get too suspicious of the massive amounts of mutagen my brother has likely brought home.

"Yes, Sensei," Donnie answers. "I have everything I need to start working on some more medicines."

Just hearing him lie makes me want to grimace, but the words leave Donnie's mouth so flawlessly, as if it were the stone-cold truth. I mean, I guess it's half true, but still…

"Well then, I wish you luck on your quest, my son. I would like all of you to get some rest now—we will reschedule training until after you have all gotten some sleep."

I hear Raph sigh in relief. "Good, 'cause I'm beat."

I close my eyes when I hear Sensei excuse himself from the room to go get some rest of his own. After all, he spent the whole night with me to help calm me down and give me some company.

"Hey Donnie," Raph starts a moment after Splinter leaves. "Do you need us to unload all the crap you brought, or can I just go to sleep now?"

"It's fine," Donnie says numbly. "I don't need it right now, and I still have to label and properly store it all anyway. It'd be better if I did it myself."

Raph yawns loudly. "Alright then, I'm gonna go get some shut eye. See you whenever you show up back here, you two."

There's a thick silence that permeates the air when Raph shuts the door behind him. I can sense the tension in the room and wonder what could've happened on a so-called "easy" mission that has them this out of sorts. Either way, Donnie and I are going to have a little chat later.

~T~

{Mikey}

The ride home was awful. Casey shoved past me on the sub to claim his spot next to April and I was forced to sit up front next to Donnie, who gave me continuous stink-eyes while I sunk lower and lower in my seat. To make it all worse, Casey openly flirted with April the entire way back. They both were laughing and being all cutesy, and Donnie was so tense, I seriously thought he was gonna snap the wheel.

On the upside, he managed to get a lot of cool stuff. I'll probably never get to touch it, but I'm hoping his score will soften the blow of everything that happened earlier. If not…I'm probably in some serious trouble.

Raph's already passed out in his room—something I'm looking forward to doing—and Casey, April, and Donnie are out in the living room with me. I'm glad, 'cause Leo was giving me funny looks back in the lab. Must've been using his freaky bro-telepathy on me. Whatever it was, he definitely knows something's up, and I'm in no mood to explain my stupid deal with Donnie to anyone else.

"Mikey."

Donnie's voice snaps my attention back into place and I look up at him, startled. His eyes are narrowed and heated, making it obvious that he's not happy with me.

"It's been a long night," he continues sharply. "You should probably go to bed."

I swallow, my gaze flickering from him to Casey, who isn't giving me a nice look either.

"Uh, yeah," I start awkwardly. I fake a yawn and try my best to act natural. "Sounds like a good idea, D. See you guys later, I guess."

"Goodbye, Mikey." April steps forward and gives me a hug, which I cautiously return at the expense of Donnie's scary dagger-glare.

"Next mission will be more fun," I attempt brightly as I step back. "Promise."

She smiles at me, and I nod at Casey before turning around to head for my room. I shut my door behind me and heave out a sigh. Yeah, that's the last time I ever try to get between those three. I just wonder what kind of awkwardness is about to explode all over our living room.

~T~

{Donnie}

I watch Mikey leave until he disappears into his room. I still have no idea what happened with him and Casey at the Technodrome—all I know is how much Casey was flirting with April on the ride home. And judging by my younger brother's expression the whole way back, I know he messed something up.

I shake my head a little when I realize I'm scowling. Turning back to face April, I offer a smile and fold my arms behind my back.

"So…are you coming over tomorrow?" I ask in a hopeful manner.

"It is tomorrow," she jokes. "But I'll have to think about it. I'm pretty beat from this week…but maybe later tonight I could stop by for a bit."

"Actually, Red," Casey interjects. I resist the urge to glare. "I was hoping you could help me with that Trig assignment. You know, the one you wanted to start early on?"

She blinks at him in surprise. "Really?"

"Really," he laughs. "I've gotta get it done some time."

"Well, yeah, but I just thought you were going to track me down five minutes before class like you usually do and try to copy all of my answers."

"Pfft, it hurts to know you think so little of me, April." He shoves his hands in his pockets and gives her that "Casey" grin. And for a brief moment, his eyes meet mine, glinting with a blend of knowing anger and something smug. "You could come over to my place and we'll work on it together. If you bring some snacks, of course."

My current train of thought snaps at his offer, and my stomach twists into a million tiny knots while I mentally plead for her to decline—

"Sounds good, Jones."

My eyes widen and I can feel my chest constrict.

She said yes. She'd rather be with him than with me.

April stops herself and looks at me, as if she's just now realizing that I'm still here.

"I'll stop by during the week," she says, offering a smile. But not even that can soften the crushing blow of knowing who she'll be with all weekend.

"Yeah," I manage hoarsely. "Next week. Sounds good."

Her smile falters, but I'm already stepping back towards the lab before she can say anything else.
"Thanks for coming and helping me out tonight," I say numbly as I climb the steps. "Just text me when you plan on dropping by."

"…Alright." I grab the handle of the laboratory door, stiff with the effort of holding myself together until I'm alone. I wrench it open and take a step inside when her voice drifts up behind me, timid and coated in a thin layer of concern as she says goodbye.

"See you later, Donnie."

Without another word, I shut the door behind me, and close myself away.

~T~

{Leo}

The sound of the door slamming shut almost makes me jump out of my skin. Grunting, I twist my neck enough to see Donnie slumped with his back against the entrance, staring down at the floor.

My brow knits. "Donnie?"

"Is it alright if I move you?" he asks quietly. I tilt my head in confusion.

"Uh, yeah, I guess… I don't know where, though."

"Your room would be fine," he retorts, pushing off the door to walk towards the sink across from me. He keeps his eyes downcast, and I can tell from the slight waver in his voice that he's really upset.

"Okay." I pause, eying my brother in concern. "Donnie…is everything alright?"

"No," he mutters. He starts to gather some medical supplies and places them neatly in his first aid kit, keeping his back to me. "I just need to be alone right now."

My chest aches at the sight of him. Yeah, something had to have happened on that mission, but I can't bring myself to pry now. Not while he's this fragile.

So I lie there quietly, listening to the sounds of him snapping the locks shut on the kit and refilling bottles. I don't say another word, and neither does he, until he sets his bag on the counter and heads for the door.

"I'll go get someone to help move you."

And then the door shuts, leaving me in the silence. I lay my head back against the table and stare up at the light fixture above me, my eyes trained as it gently sways back and forth. There's too much going on; it's all making my head hurt. Something's up with my brothers, with my friends, and not only am I unable to be there for them physically, but I can't even talk to them about it. Recalling all the conversations Donnie and I have had about trying to turn human, my expression melts into one of worry and fear.

I was excited when he first mentioned his theory, because that's all it was—just a theory. But now…now not only does he have the motivation for it, but he has the materials as well. He found exactly what he needed on that Technodrome, and whatever happened tonight is only going to spur his longing. Donnie's too far gone to pull back out…and I'm here, standing on the edge, looking down into the abyss of possibilities, of the life I could create if I were something different. Something human. And while I'm too afraid to jump after my brother wholeheartedly, I'm too intrigued to step back, to turn around and run. Everything in my head is telling me that it's a bad idea. All of the alarms are ringing, echoing through my skull, crushing my thoughts—but beneath the noise lies a persistent hiss, beckoning me forward. All of my curiosity, all of my pain and heartache—it's like a spike being driven into my spine, urging me to move, to just give in and jump.

What's worse is that deep down, beyond all of the confusion and fear, I know that if Donnie shows up with the solution to change who we are, I'd do it.

I'd jump.

~T~

{Donnie}

"What made you decide to move your brother, my son?"

Sensei's voice barely registers in the back of my clouded mine as I push through the laboratory doors and head for my work space.

"He needs rest." I pretend to be busy with some papers on my desk and take a moment to reach over and adjust my microscope. "I have a lot of work to do with all of the mutagen we found tonight, and I don't want to interfere with his recovery."

"Hmm." Splinter stands behind me, his eyes no doubt studying his flustered son. I felt bad for waking him up to help me move Leo from the lab, but I need time by myself. A lot of time.

"Are you alright, Donatello?"

I turn around, leaning back against the desk and meeting my father's gaze. "Of course, Master Splinter. I just have some things on my mind, that's all." I try to smile and keep my voice light, but I'm probably failing miserably. "I…I've got a lot of materials to sort through, so I guess I'll see you for training this afternoon."

He arches a brow and tilts his head. "You are not going to rest?"

A shrug is all I have to offer. "I need to get this started right away, Sensei. Leo's got a long recovery ahead of him, but if I can figure out a way to speed it up, he can get back on his feet."

His gaze is uncomfortably heavy, and it takes everything I have to keep from crumbling at his feet. He finally breaks the rising tension with a sigh.

"I know you are worried about your brother," he says softly. "But you must take care of yourself as well, Donatello. Your brothers need you to be there for them more than they need any medicine."

My throat works around the words I can't bring myself to say, so I simply nod. "Hai, Sensei… I'll make sure to get some sleep before training."

"Good." He places a hand on my shoulder and leans down a bit. "And if there is ever anything you wish to talk about, know that I will always be here to listen, my son."

The words come out dry and tasteless. "Thank you." I stand there, numb to the core, as he wishes me wholesome sleep and turns to leave. The door swings shut and I remain as stiff as a board for a few more seconds before my seams begin to split.

Jaw clenched, I stumble into my chair, reaching clumsily for the nearest canister of mutagen and some of my syringes. Papers slide beneath my palms, a pen rolls between my calloused fingers, ink bleeding my thoughts across the compressed plant fibers in dark scratches and lines. My mind wanders, tumbling back before slipping down into the darkness I've been holding back all night, and the memories spill forth and drown everything else out.

Tonight was supposed to be perfect. I tried so hard to get the pieces in place, but once again, the board was ripped out from under me, scattering my hopes and stacking the odds against me. No matter what I do, the game keeps changing.

Transferring a small amount of mutagen into a vial, my hands move absently, detached from my mind, from the pain coursing through my system.

Her face flashes between my thoughts. Her smile, her laugh, the way her eyes light up when she's happy—it's like poison and wine. I've fallen so hard for her, and yet I've gotten nowhere. What's worse is that she seems to know how much I like her. I see her when she's around Casey, when she tries not to smile or giggle because I'm there. She doesn't want to hurt me, but she doesn't want to encourage my feelings either, so our relationship just becomes awkward and stiff. Her actions become fueled by pity rather than genuine affection.

I bet she's not that way when she's alone with Casey.

My eyes sting and I shake my head at the thought, trying desperately to shut out the images of them being together, but I can't help to remember how much they were flirting tonight. The way she laughed at his jokes, how she kept brushing her shoulder against him whenever she walked past...

She looked…happy.

And suddenly, my mind is flooded with the most dreadful notion I've ever conceived.

Maybe you should just let her go.

My fist comes down on the table before I know what I'm doing. The vial tips over, spilling on my papers. I'm shaking so bad, I don't even bother cleaning it up. I just sit there and watch the green liquid pool and branch across the pages, seeping into the ink of my equations. I can feel myself breaking up inside, trembling from the realization that I may never get what I want in life.

I can't let her go. I just …can't. She means too much to me. I just want to be with her, to be happy, together. Why is that so much to ask?

Because she's human, and you're not. It's really that simple.

I swallow hard, but there's a lump growing in my throat. My eyes brim with tears and I quickly gather the spilt vial, mopping up the mess with a nearby rag. I shuffle my papers and set them aside, and then I grab my microscope and begin to jot down note after note. My mind is running at a million miles per hour, bent on erasing the emotional pain ripping through my gut with logic and science.

I can do this. I will do this. If my inhumanity is the only thing separating me from the girl of my dreams, then I'll just have to do something about that.