Chapter Thirty-Seven

"I don't know what happened. I was just looking at him and then the ball went poof! And exploded!"

Lily fought a smile at the wide eyed innocence in her son's expression, ignoring Sirius' grin from the corner of the room where he sat reading the Prophet, as Harry attempted to explain why she had been called to come and collect him early from the Centre that day.

"Harry. Things don't just go 'poof'. You had to have been very angry or very upset for that to happen."

Harry shrugged, looking down and shuffling his feet; "I was okay."

Lily frowned, touching a finger to his chin and tilting it upwards, making him look at her. She raised an eyebrow at him, giving him a dramatically wide-eyed look that made him smile and drop his eyes to the ground again; "What happened? Tell me everything."

He shook his head, scrunching up his nose; "It's okay."

"Ah ah."

He met her eyes.

"Tell me."

Harry gave an exaggerated breath; "They called you a mudblood."

Lily hesitated, stunned at the statement, not at all expecting a children's fight to be over something so…political. She cleared her throat and nodded; "I see."

Harry met her eyes, hesitantly, before swallowing and going on; "And…they said other stuff too."

Her eyes softened from the previous playfulness to understanding; "What did they say?"

Harry shrugged; "Um…they said, we were filth. And, uh, I think he called me a half-blood."

Lily nodded slowly, her eyes meeting Sirius', who was now looking over at them with concern. She looked back at her son, who was still shuffling his feet and looking at the floor, and pulled him into a tight hug, before she drew him over to sit on the couch nearby.

"Harry, do you know what it means?"

Harry shook his head, looking up at her with keen interest.

"A mudblood; it's someone whose mum and dad are muggles."

He seemed to think on that for a second before he frowned; "But…what's wrong with that?"

She smiled, shaking her head; "Nothing's wrong with it, Sweetheart. But, for some people, usually those who have mums and dads who were witches and wizards as well, they believe that they're better than people who come from muggle parents."

"But…why? It's just magic, it's the same for everyone, isn't it?"

"Don't try to make sense of it Harry," Sirius spoke up from behind them, drawing both their glances; "Some people are just born stupid." And then he rolled his eyes and made a face, making Harry smile widely and giggle.

"So, Goyle is just stupid?" Harry said, seeming to like the description for him.

"That's right."

"Sirius."

"What? You don't agree?"

Lily shot him a look, inwardly marvelling at the way he could always make a joke out of everything. Even serious issues, such as this one.

"I don't understand," Harry went on, after some further thought; "He said mudbloods are filth. Why do they think muggles are dirty? The kids I went to school with before were muggles, and the teachers, and they were nice to me."

Lily lifted her shoulders in a shrug; "I suppose it's because they don't know them."

"Ignorance, Harry. That's all it is."

Harry nodded, slowly, contemplating what she and Sirius had said, before he lifted his eyes back to hers; "So, Goyle is wrong?"

"Yes."

"And, I was right?"

Lily tilted her head, suspiciously; "Mhm."

"So, I can't get punished then, right? Because you only get punished when you do something wrong."

Lily could see Sirius shaking with silent laughter out the corner of her eye and she rolled her eyes; "You were right about that particular issue, yes. But you did try to get into a fight with the boy, didn't you?"

"But I was trying to help someone. Goyle and the other boys were picking on him. I was being brave!" He turned to Sirius; "Like you, Uncle Sirius. I wanted to be like a Gryffindor and stand up to the bullies."

Lily leaned back slightly, regarding Sirius curiously this time. Sirius gave her a shrug and a sheepish smile, before winking in Harry's direction; "You do that, little Lion Heart."

Lily rolled her eyes, reaching over and brushing the hair from Harry's forehead; "I suppose under the circumstances, punishment isn't warranted. This time." She turned his head so he was facing her again, away from where he was making faces at Sirius; "But no fighting at school from now on." She raised an eyebrow; "Understood?"

He nodded; "Uh huh."

At her smile, Harry smiled widely in return, before turning back in Sirius' direction as he wheeled himself over to them; "Are you a mudblood too, Uncle Sirius?"

"Harry," Lily quickly interrupted him; "You can't call people that. It's not an acceptable term, under any circumstances."

"Oh. Okay. Um…what are they called, then?"

"Muggleborns."

Harry nodded, slowly, his mouth forming the word without a sound, before he gave a firmer nod; "Muggleborns. Okay." He looked back at Sirius; "Are you a muggleborn, Uncle Sirius?"

"Pureblood," Sirius responded, rolling his eyes and pretending to tug on a noose around his neck. Harry snickered, before Sirius added more seriously; "Like your dad."

Harry's playful demeanour vanished at the mention of James and he pursed his lips together, then looked in Lily's direction; "And Uncle Remus?"

"A half-blood. Just like you."

Harry beamed, seeming pleased to hear one of his uncles was the same as him, and nodded, seeming satisfied with the conclusion of the conversation.

"So, purebloods are the bad people?"

"We are the bane of the Wizarding World."

Harry giggled; "Not you, Uncle Sirius!"

Sirius reached for him, grasping him by the sides; "Aha! I am the biggest and baddest of them all!" And he made a roaring sound, lifting Harry up into the air and dropping him onto his lap, tickling him mercilessly while Harry squealed and attempted to wriggle and kick himself free.

Lily laughed, shaking her head when Harry squealed and reached for her, begging for help; "As always in these circumstances, Sweetheart, you are on your own."

"No! Mum! Help me!" He squealed out between laughs and gasps for breath.

Lily laughed again as she stood and headed through to the kitchen, leaving the two of them to their tomfoolery.

Sirius tried not to dwell on the fact that playtime with Harry, now, was far more subdued than it had been before. Pretended not to notice the little moment of recognition in Harry's eyes when he'd realised he'd jumped just a little too far away, that Sirius couldn't get to him at all, that the chair was clipping the edge of the couch or the coffee table was blocking his way.

Harry recovered quickly, jumping up onto the arm of the couch, just within reach, and jumping over the back just before Sirius could grasp at him again.

Although his Godson put on a good show of having fun, Sirius knew that it didn't really live up to the same levels of excitement as it had in the past. Before, they would quite happily rough and tumble, Harry would be tossed in the air now and again, Sirius would chase him around the room.

Not so, now.

Sirius pushed away that burning hate for Peter that rose up in his gut.

Later, he told himself, he would make the rat pay for all he had done to them.

It was just a matter of time.

Sirius glowered into the fireplace that night, still contemplating it after Harry had excused himself and headed up to his room. Probably to find something a bit more entertaining to do, rather than humour Sirius' feeble attempts at horseplay, he couldn't help but muse.

And the combination of considering how useless he was to his Godson now, another consequence of Peter Pettigrew's existence, with the connected concerns about Death Eaters and Dark Marks and, now, the exposure of Harry to bloodline prejudice at school eventually led him back to a piece of information the little boy had dropped into conversation just a few days before.

Severus Snape.

At Remus' insistence, Sirius had pushed aside his concerns about the man several months ago. It hadn't been too difficult to do. Peter had escaped not long after he'd first heard about him again and then there had been all the trouble with Harry and then he was gone.

He figured or, rather, hoped that Remus was right; Lily could handle herself well enough not to get drawn in by…what? Severus Snape's charms.

Sirius snorted at the thought. Surely Harry was mistaken in thinking the two were friends.

There was only one way to find out; so, he asked her.

Lily tensed almost instantly just at the mention of his name. She glanced over her shoulder from where she stood in the kitchen, putting away the dinner plates; "Sorry?"

"I said, Harry told me you and Snape have been spending a lot of time together."

It wasn't entirely the truth but he couldn't very well say; "Hey, Harry says you like Severus Snape. A lot. Please discuss."

Lily was hesitant as she considered his words and he thought she was either going to snap and tell him it was none of his business or ignore his statement all together, like she would likely have done in the past. Instead she nodded; "Yes." She carried on with what she was doing, pulling open a drawer and putting away the cutlery as she spoke; "We work together." There was a pause, in which she glanced at him out the corner of her eye, before she added, without any hesitancy at all this time; "And we're friends."

Sirius was so taken aback by the straightforwardness of her response that he found himself speechless for a moment. The casual way with which she had declared her friendship with the man throwing him off balance; the fact of the matter also not leaving him feeling all that great either.

Sirius cleared his throat, suddenly at a loss for words after having expected a confrontational response, and already having his defences up in preparation; "Friends?" He repeated.

"That's right."

She wasn't even looking at him, carrying on with what she was doing.

"Lily."

She met his eyes then.

"Have you…you do realise…Lil', for Merlin's sake, he was a Death Eater!"

Lily narrowed her eyes, shaking her head; "You don't know that."

"How can you be so blind! He's friends with my brother, remember? And Lucius Malfoy! Both were proven to have been involved back then; you can't seriously think Snape didn't go along with them. He was the worst of them all! All those crazy spells -"

She only shook her head, looking away, not seeming to want to even address the issue or, rather, the fact that Severus Snape was most definitely a damned Death Eater only five, six years ago.

Obviously she was softer on the man because of some residual empathetic feelings, more like pity, that she had felt for him back when they were all kids. She'd been friends with the git for a while back at Hogwarts, he remembered.

Ah.

"Are you forgetting where friendship with Snape got you before?"

Lily met his eyes, darkly.

"Crying your eyes out in the girls dormitory while Snape slithered around outside our common room, that's where. That Goyle kid Harry's on about isn't the first slimy git to call you a…" he hesitated at the word, not quite angry enough to throw it out there.

Her eyes narrowed but she still didn't rise to the bait; instead, she spoke with deliberate precision; "Sirius. Grow up."

She turned away from him and Sirius noticed her clench a fist, before she reached for a cloth and ran it under the tap and began washing down the window. Unnecessarily. It was an odd habit of hers; whenever she was agitated she started doing muggle chores.

Which at least told him that she was agitated.

He rolled his chair over to her, hating the fact that he was half her size and had to look up at her when he spoke; "Lil', listen to me. He's dangerous."

He heard a puff of air come out her nose, a humourless smile on her lips, before she turned away from him and he suddenly felt himself become angry, as she took a few steps away. What was this? Since when didn't she fight or argue or square off with him when they didn't agree with one another.

Since he ended up in this fucking chair, that's when!

Sirius scowled and flung his arms up, grasping the edges of the island counter and pulled himself upwards; pulled himself until he was almost upright, his arms straining under his weight, ignoring Lily's concerned voice and turning furious eyes at her.

"Don't walk on egg shells around me, Lily," he growled; "We're gonna have this out. What the hell are you thinking, even spending time with him? You forgetting the hell those people put you and James through that year? Forgetting what they've done to James, to us, to me?"

"That was Peter."

"Wake up!" he almost shouted; "It was all of them! It was probably Snape that told them to get to Peter in the first place; go after the weak one. Snape knew Peter was the one they could get to."

"He wouldn't!"

"You're joking," he gaped at her; "You can't seriously be that naïve. He knew us, Lily, he hated us! I bet he was fucking rejoicing when You-Know-Who sent them after James! I can just imagine -"

"Sirius, you don't know that! You don't know anything!"

"What! What don't I know?" Sirius was shouting now, they both were; "What dragonshit has he been feeding you, huh? The guy's a liar, he's a creep, he would say anything -"

"Just shut up, Sirius!" Lily squeezed her eyes shut, running a hand through her hair; "I'm not listening to this."

Dammit, didn't she get that he was trying to protect her? He couldn't just let her go running around with a, pretty much, known Death Eater, especially not now, not when they were rising again. It wasn't safe, not for her, not for Harry.

James would turn in his grave if he let that happen.

Sirius winced at his thoughts, mentally reminding himself that James wasn't in a grave. But that wasn't the point; soon Lily very well could be if she didn't stay the hell away from that man.

He wanted to grab her, give her a shake and tell her to get a grip, but his knuckles were white just from keeping himself upright so that he could be eye-level with her; even if she was pretty much avoiding all eye contact with him at all now. Shaking her head, looking at the floor, the wall, anywhere but him.

"Lily." She met his eyes. "Sorry, but you don't have a choice. You have to listen to me; Severus Snape was a Death Eater. I know it and you know it too. Even if you won't admit it to yourself, you know. It's not safe for you to be around him. Especially not now."

"Sirius –"

"You see what's going on, Lil'. Death Eaters; Dark Marks; attacks in Diagon Alley. You know how it goes. It'll be the muggles soon; the muggleborns." He held her eyes with his own; "It's happening again."

Lily looked like she wanted to say something, tell him something.

He had the sudden realisation that she was holding something back from him, some secret, but when she spoke she only said; "Just trust me, Sirius."

"Lil' –"

It took all of his restraint not to scream back at her to trust him; to trust that he knew Snape would hurt her. Even if he didn't do it himself, even if it was someone else. Sirius knew what had happened to Regulus' son's mother.

"No. No, I can't. You're not thinking clearly! He's got you…I don't know…you need to just see…think about…"

Sirius knew the battle was lost when she only stared back at him, her resolution evident in her expression. She knew something, something she wasn't sharing, and that only made Sirius more furious because he was pretty sure whatever it was she thought she knew was some pure, utter crap that Snape had fed her. Lies she had bought from him.

He drew in a deep breath, willing himself to calm down, maybe that would make her listen, make her understand; "You know how I feel about the guy, Lil'."

She nodded; "I know." She lifted her chin; "But you don't know him."

And that was that.

"You seem a little on edge."

Lily had found him in the gardens where he had gone to escape any unwanted visitors. From students. From colleagues. From Lucius. From Regulus.

Severus had been so wound up the previous evening that he had spent the night in his chambers at Hogwarts, not even alerting any of the other professors to his presence.

Regulus' attitude towards everything that was happening was infuriating him. If he didn't learn to toughen up, to be strong, the Dark Lord was going to see straight through him when he returned. Regulus was going to wind up dead.

And what concerned Severus even more was that Regulus didn't even seem to care. Not about his own life, anyway. Not even when he had a young child at home who needed him.

Regulus seemed determined to be defined only by the mistakes he had made in the past and Severus didn't know what he could say or do to make him let go.

And then there had been Lucius.

Severus didn't know what was going on with himself and Lily. Nothing at all, as far as he could tell. But he did know that whatever Lucius had heard would have been some embellished rumour or other that his colleagues had conjured up and sent out into the world.

This was why Severus hated people.

What right did others have to judge, to gossip about, to influence other people's behaviour, when it was absolutely none of their business. Did these people not realise the effect their careless words had, that their trivial, simple-minded witterings actually had consequences on other people's lives.

He supposed they didn't.

People were inherently idiotic by nature.

Severus sighed, trying to calm down; aware that he had been more than just a little on edge these past couple of weeks, as Lily was now suggesting.

He reached up, rubbing his hand against the back of his neck, and gave her a nod; "I suppose so."

"Mind if I sit?"

Lily indicated the grass next to him, where he had been sitting for the past hour or so, working through some books.

Lily wasn't one of the people he had been avoiding. He welcomed her company, as always, but now the thought didn't give him much comfort. Were people really still watching them, judging them, reporting back their findings to their other colleagues, as if their relationship was some sort of headlines news?

Pathetic, the lot of them.

They would be sorely disappointed.

Severus gave her a nod, pushing aside some of the books that were next to him. They were out of sight from any prying eyes here, anyway.

Severus wondered how Lily had come across him here, so out of the way from the building, and noted she didn't seem inclined to give a reason to want to see him; no questions or enquiries. Instead she just settled next to him and leaned back, balancing some of her weight on her knuckles as she looked out over the maze a little bit ahead.

Had she actually come looking for him?

Severus pushed the thought away, thinking; why would she?

And then, almost instantly; well, why wouldn't she? Weren't they friends?

He sighed, rolling his eyes at his own confusing thoughts, and when Lily didn't seem inclined to say anything, he turned his attention back to his book.

It was a few minutes before Lily spoke again.

"Severus?"

"Hm?"

There was a pause and her voice was quiet; "Are you scared?"

Severus froze, eyes on the page in front of him. When he finally lifted his head, she was looking at him curiously, concern evident in her eyes. Concern and affection; two things he wasn't really used to seeing from anyone.

He didn't say anything as he didn't really know what to say.

At his silence she drew in a breath; "It's happening again." He lowered his eyes and it wasn't until he looked back at her again that she asked, quietly; "Isn't it?"

Severus shouldn't answer, shouldn't say anything. It would do no good for her to be afraid; to be waiting, just like he was, for that moment to come. When suddenly everyone would know.

But he could tell by the look in her eyes that she already did know, that she was already afraid, just like he was. And she didn't need him to tell her or even to deny it, so much as just let her know that he was there with her.

He was.

Merlin, he would always be.

If she wanted him.

"It seems so."

He expected her to be scared, expected to see the fear he felt himself reflected in her eyes. Instead, her eyes softened and he caught something in them, a warmth, a tenderness that almost made him catch his breath.

And then she gave him a small smile. It wasn't a smile of happiness but something else. Something he didn't really understand.

Severus had no idea what it meant, had no idea what it was she was thinking. Only knew that what he had said had been right, that he had said what she needed to hear.

And when she held out her hand, he took it, returning the squeeze hers gave his with one of his own.