Chapter Thirteen:

Bright and Burning Future

{Donnie}

I've never seen Master Splinter like this before. He stands in the doorway, his eyes fierce and yet deeply pained. He scours the room with his gaze, taking in the mutagen splashed all over the floor and the walls, and then he looks to Leo and I with enough weight to make me want to run and hide.

"Sensei," Leo starts weakly, painfully aware of the gathering tension in the room. "We didn't—I mean, we weren't going to—"

But he holds up his hand, cutting off my brother's scrambled speech. I can feel my spine beginning to thaw into a gelatinous noodle beneath our Sensei's stare. Passing a quick glance between my brothers only serves to worsen the feeling. All eyes are on us, and we're in so much trouble.

Splinter swallows thickly like he's unsure of what to say—a mutual sensation. I don't know how many eternities pass before he finally dips his head, ears dropping back, eyes narrowed in an emotion I can't pin.

"Both of you, come with me." His voice is low, heavy and thick. I look to Leo, my heart making a gradual climb into my throat, but my older brother keeps his eyes on Splinter and stands to his feet without a word. I follow suit, slumped by the weighty stares of Raph and Mikey as they move aside to let us both through. No one says anything.

The walk to Splinter's room is what I imagine to be the equivalent of walking the plank. It isn't that far, but the tension gripping our throats drags the distance an across time and space. And suddenly, we're both closed off by the sliding doors. We might as well be in another world.

I consciously tighten my hold on the curtain I've wrapped around my bare waist and give Leo a glare for taking the only towel—though I'm sure he doesn't notice. We both stand there awkwardly while Splinter begins to rummage around the drawers in the dresser by the corner. I keep my eyes to the ground, occasionally flicking my gaze over to Leo, but he won't look at me. Shifting my weight between each foot, I practically hold my breath until Splinter finds what he's looking for. The sound of the drawers sliding shut snatches my attention, and I briefly look up from the ground to see Sensei holding a pair of folded robes.

"Here." His arm extends to the both of us, offering the robes. Swallowing, I look again to Leo, but he just takes the clothing without a word, without a sideways glance, and keeps his head down low. My hand curls around the fabric as I pull it from Sensei's grasp.

"They will not fit," he mutters. "But they will be better than what you have now."

His voice makes me want to melt into a puddle of tears and shame. He's never spoken like this before, not so worn thin and harsh. I can't tell if he's angry or filled with sorrow—maybe it's both. But I slip on the robe, mouth stitched shut, and tie the rope around my waist to secure the loose article. It's much too long on my arms and the fabric pools at my feet, effectively swallowing my frame. I slip my hands beneath the envelope of cloth and undo the curtain around my hips, slowly shimmying it off until it falls at my feet. Shrugging my shoulder to adjust the fit, I begin to tug up the sleeves and roll the material in tight folds until the skin of my arms becomes visible again.

A wave of silence flows back up to the room, lapping at the edges of our spinning minds and thumping hearts. Leo's got his robe on now and has tossed the towel aside, but he's still staring at the floor as if looking up with strike him dead. Maybe it would.

Splinter keeps his back to us and doesn't say anything. The seconds tick by, dripping into minutes and eternities before our Sensei's voice begins to scratch at the ice.

"I do not even know where to begin." His hands are clasped behind his back, and as I watch him, his fingers clench and pull. Heat creeps over the back of my neck, because I honestly don't know what to expect. Is he going to shout and scream at us, or is it going to be the unnerving quietness of his voice that whips us black and blue? Should I speak up? Should Leo? Or should we both sit here and endure Sensei's words?

"I know this life is not ideal for you boys…" he begins, slow, drawn out. "And I know your time on the surface has made you more restless to experience the world, but…"

He seems at a loss for words. My throat tightens, laced up by strings of guilt and shame. I glance to Leo to see my brother's eyes wet with tears. Oh crap, is he going to cry? Leo can't cry—not now, not because I dragged him into this mess—

"It was foolish of me to believe you could be happy here," Sensei continues weakly. It's not just the waver of his voice, the tension of his posture, or the way his ears are folded over—it's the fact that he won't look at us that hurts the most right now. "But I thought, at least, you were at peace with what you were…with who you were."

He steps forth, increasing the distance between us, back still turned until he's standing before the small set of shelves that hold the candles surrounding the pictures of his wife and daughter. I can see the little flames whispering back and forth, casting a soft glow on the ghosts of his past. He always stands there when he doesn't know what to do or say, as if he's hoping to hear advice sifting up from the ones he's lost.

"I don't understand…" His words are so low, so quiet, I almost don't hear them. "My sons, how could you go to such lengths without confiding in me, or even your brothers?"

Another glance at Leo. His hands are clenched in his lap, and those watery eyes are fixated downward as if he's looking straight through the floor. My throat works and I idly rub the thin fabric of the robe between each finger, trying to focus on anything but the looming punishment. Neither of us can answer his question; our response is absorbed by the silence trickling through the room. Sensei releases a heavy sigh and his back straightens.

"Donatello." The way his voice forms my name is like a death sentence. My shoulders slump, and I find myself wishing I could sink into the robe and vanish. "You lied to me about your mission with the Technodrome."

"I didn't lie!" I protest feebly. "I mean, not completely—"

He whirls around, robe splayed, and the tone of his voice sharpens with the movement. "You said the mutagen was going to be used to find a cure for Leonardo—not to mutate yourselves behind my back."

I avert my gaze to my hands as the weight of consequence settles in. "Look, Sensei… I wasn't completely truthful, but I am going to use the mutagen for biomedical purposes. I've already started configuring a batch for the renewing of osteocytes and—"

"But you did this first," he interjects, swiping his hand through the air at our appearances. "You lied about your intentions, your priorities, knowing full well what you were planning to do instead." His gaze bores down on me, peeling layers off my soul. And somehow, it only intensifies. "Look me in the eye and tell me you did not use Leonardo's injuries as a bargaining chip to get what you wanted."

But I can't, and he knows it. My throat works and the words leave me. I knew exactly how to get him to let us go on that mission, to let me get what I wanted, and I used Leo to do it. I wrap my arms around myself and lower my head in defeat. Sensei was still deep in concern over his son, and I knew it…

Great job, Donnie.

I have nothing to say, and I wait in shame and fear for Sensei's words to cut me to ribbons. But it's Leo who speaks first.

"This is my fault too, Sensei," he says in a quiet voice. We both look to him and I note the gleam of tears coating his eyes. "I knew what he was going to do, and I went along with it. I…I let him use my injuries against you." His hands clench in his lap, and slowly, he lifts his head. "But…but it worked, Sensei. My limp's gone, and that head cold I had is gone too. For the first time in months, I feel… I feel better."

Master Splinter watches my brother intently. Some part of me feels relieved that Leo jumped beneath me and cushioned my fall, but the other parts feels…guilty. I know I dragged Leo into this—he shouldn't be taking the beating because of my foolishness.

Heart thumping, my eyes carefully draw up to Splinter's face. His expression is like a mask, concealing a whirlwind of emotions and decisions in the darkened storm of those amber eyes. I can see the cogs whirring in the sharp color, and I wait in anticipation for the gavel to come crashing down.

"Leave us, Donatello." He won't take his eyes off Leo. "I will speak to you later."

Hesitation creeps over me. I remain standing while I try to decipher the situation, but Leo won't meet my questioning gaze, and neither will Splinter. I want nothing more than to run from this room, but I don't know if Leo could ever forgive me for leaving him here to face our father alone.

"Now, if you will," Sensei presses. The edge to his words physically pushes me back out of instinct, activating that father-son mode of authority I've been programed to obey.

"…Hai, Sensei." Stepping back, careful not to trip on the excess robe, I make for the sliding doors. One last glance at Leo sends a message I can't give audibly: a silent prayer that he will manage on his own…

And that I'm sorry.

~T~

{Leo}

The sound of the doors sliding shut is the only thing to break the silence. Sensei's stare pushes me to my knees and bows my head low. The tense quiet screams with accusations, with questions, betrayal, confusion, and pain. I can feel each one tearing at my spirit, like little ghosts gnawing at my being.

How could I have been so selfish? How could I have gone through with this without thinking of the consequences? Was I really so blind…?

"Father…" Speaking hurts. It's like my throat is closing up and squeezing out all the words I can't say through the tears brewing in my eyes. I can't bear to look at him.

The mess we've made…

"Father, I'm sorry."

The cords of muscle along my neck strain as I dip my head lower. I wish I could melt into the floorboards and be gone.

"Explain this to me," he whispers. "Tell me why you and Donatello pursued something such as this."

My hands clench and unclench, fingers drawing tight into fists around fabric, only to release it again. There is no purchase to be found here.

"I… We just wanted…" My chest deflates as the truth is forced from the confines of my soul. "We wanted to see what it was like, Sensei… To know what our lives could be if we were…different."

"My son," he reprimands. "You were blessed with humanity out of the same incident that stole my own." His words strike hard and cut deep, all the way to the bone, and further still. "Maybe you should be grateful you have experienced life in any form, instead of being ashamed of the one you were given."

"I wasn't thinking. I-I was just… I don't know, Sensei…" My nostrils flare and I swallow thickly. "We'll change back, as soon as Donnie can whip up another batch—"

"No..."

My words tumble to a halt. Mouth agape, I dare to look up at him. He's watching me with sad eyes, and it's like a knife to my gut. I've never felt so ashamed in my entire life. He looks me over, studying my features as if he's trying to find his son behind this new mask of white flesh. I can't imagine what I look like—that I, who was never human to begin with, have taken this form before him.

"This…this is what you and your brother want, yes?" His voice sounds like he's stepping out onto a frozen lake, and with each word, he's tapping the ice in search of safe passage. But there is no safety. All of this, from here on out, is unknown—and I can tell he's afraid.

"Sensei—"

"It must be so, since you went to such lengths." He folds his hands over his front and meets my gaze. "You have my permission, my son. Test this new life of yours…and see what it holds for you."

My eyes widen and my jaw hangs down in disbelief. "What?"

"Go," he presses. "There are consequences to every choice we make. Go and see what your choice has given you."

I can't tell if he's reprimanding me or seriously telling me to try this out. Is this a punishment, or a blessing? Sensing that fear, that hesitation, that chilled feeling of staring at my father and knowing that he can't even trust the words coming from his mouth makes me even more uneasy. Because for once, Sensei doesn't know better. For once, his decision is not made out of wisdom or experience. It's simply a father relinquishing his sons to their own choices.

I kneel there for a moment, stumped. "Sensei…are you sure? I mean, we shouldn't do this—we don't deserve something like this—"

"Life is not a question about what you deserve," he retorts. "It is about what you do with what you were given. Whether or not your…decision…proves fruitful is up to you and your brother, my son. So yes…I am sure."

Emotions ripple across my eyes, and I nod fervently. A strange weight has settled over me, snuffing out the joy I should be feeling and putting something dark in its place. "Hai, Sensei…"

He simply dips his head and gestures for the door. "Now go. You and your brother have a bathroom to clean."

I nod again and stand to my feet, flushed with too many conflicting things to decide how I feel about this. After I give my respective bow, I turn on my heels and head for the door.

"Leonardo?"

The tender concern of his voice stops me, and I glance back.

"Promise me you will be careful," he says thickly. His eyes glisten deep with worry, because he's letting us go. His sons are fair game to the world above—the same world that stole the life of his lover and his baby girl, the same world that stripped him of his humanity and damned him to the waste below.

Is that what I want?

But I don't give myself time to decide. I nod again, sealing the promise. "Of course, Sensei."

And then I rise to my feet, turn, and walk out the door.

~T~

{Mikey}

"Mikey, what're you doing?"

"Shh!" I hiss, pressing my ear against the door. "I'm trying to listen!"

Raph groans behind me, working his face into his palm. "What for, man? We know they're gonna get in trouble, and we might too if Splinter finds out you're eavesdropping."

I wave him off. "I'm just waiting for one of them to get pimp-slapped by Master S." I snicker to myself. "I bet it'll be Donnie. He's always the first to talk back—well, besides you, anyway."

Raph's hand curls around the back of my shell and pulls me away from the door. The other one clamps down over my mouth, effectively stifling my yelp of protest.

"Seriously, dude," he growls. "Knock it off. None of this is funny right now." He drags me to the living room and shoves me on the couch. Plopping down beside me, he slumps into the cushions, arms crossed over his front and a scowl carved into his face.

I watch him carefully and note the swirl of icky-blah feelings in the air. I've been trying to ignore it, but now that both Raph and I are alone, I can't help but to feel…

Left out.

I bite back the thought and shove it down.

"What're you thinking, Raphie?" I ask, leaning back into the couch. I expect him to shoot me a glare for the nickname, but he doesn't even look at me as his bottom lip pushes out in a thoughtful pout.

"I don't know, Mikey," he mutters. "It's just… I don't get it. I mean, I can see Donnie being this stupid, but Leo? He's usually the first to turn down any crazy plans." He sighs, slumping forward and wrapping his arms around his knees. "I don't know what to think right now."

Watching him hurts. Being here hurts. Everything feels tender and sore, like my insides are being squeezed. My head is clouded with the daze of waking up to find my brothers have turned human. The change is so drastic, so out of nowhere, that's it's like a sucker punch to the back of my skull. I don't know if I should feel angry or excited or scared, so it all just mushes together into a pile of achy nothingness.

"What're you thinking?" he asks back.

A slow breath pushes from my lungs and I slump beside him. "I'm thinking I just want to go back to bed and pretend this never happened."

He chuckles softly and opens his mouth to reply when we hear the sliding door to Sensei's room, and the quiet voices of our brothers follow. Raph and I sit up and turn to look over the back of the couch toward the hallway just as Leo and Donnie's forms—their human forms—appear in the dim light from the living room. It still shocks me to see them like this. Thinner and not green and no shell—it's like they're not really them anymore. But it helps a little that they're both wearing robes Sensei probably gave them. Naked humans are freaky.

Raph suddenly tenses beside me, silent as he glares at our brothers. There's an awkward moment where no one speaks, so of course, it falls on me to break it.

"You guys look funny in those robes," I snort, as if there's not a hunk of lead stuck in my tummy. "Can I wear one?"

It's out of instinct that I duck to avoid the hand Raph was just about to smack upside my hand. I bounce back on the cushions and give him a cheeky smile that he returns with his infamous glare.

"Shut up, Mikey," he snaps. "This isn't a joke." He turns back to Leo and Donnie, who are still standing between the couch and the hallway that leads to Sensei's room, like they don't really know what to do with themselves. "So what'd he say?" Raph prods.

Leo's got that scary look on his face—the kind where his brain is a storm and the only way we could ever see it is through the blue of his eyes. He won't look at either of us, and Donnie keeps shifting his weight nervously and glancing to Leo, like he's waiting for some kind of direction.

"We have to go clean up the bathroom," Leo mutters.

Oh, good, 'cause that was on my chores list this week.

"You two should probably get some sleep before training." He turns then and walks stiffly for the bathroom, leaving Donnie to trail behind him.

"Leo?" Donnie whispers, catching up. But our older brother must be ignoring him, because he doesn't respond, and the two are soon past my line of sight. I don't say anything for a moment while I listen for the bathroom door to open and shut, and then I sigh and slump further in my seat.

Raph's still scowling, his gaze locked on the spot Leo and Donnie disappeared from, and somehow, his frown gets even frownier.

"What do you think Sensei said?" I ask quietly. Raph's nostrils flare.

"I don't know," he grumbles. "But I hope they got grounded for life."

~T~

{Leo}

The door shuts behind us, and the first thing I do is stoop down to the cabinet under the sink and retrieve some of the cleaning rags we keep there. Without a word, my mind becomes a hurricane, and my body moves beyond my command. My brain's too full to process simple things like soaking the small towels or scrubbing at the goop stuck to the faucet and the mirror. I can feel Donnie's questions floating up all around him until they fill the little room, but he doesn't say anything and follows my lead with the cleaning.

I'm not even thinking about how hard this crap is to get off, or the weird smell that permeates the air, or the obnoxious tug of my robe as my feet continuously step on the ends. All I can see and hear and feel is the look in Sensei's eyes. The daggers of his words are still stuck deep, slotted between each rib and jabbing at the aching muscle pumping beneath. He let us go, and part of me is elated, but the other part is so weighed down by the pain in his voice, in his eyes, that I can't even enjoy the feeling of being released—not after knowing how much it hurt him.

What do we look like now? How must he see us? Are we still the sons he grew to love, or are we something completely different?

I thought it was only the flesh that had changed, but after seeing Sensei, I know that it's something deeper, too. We've changed. Donnie and I, we went against our family, against everything we've known, just to taste a life that was never meant to be ours. And through that decision, we've become something else. It's clear now that we lost more than our bodies—I'm just scared to find out how much more.

"So what did Sensei say?" Donnie's timid voice prods at the raging blizzard of my mind. I'm on my knees trying to clean the floor, and my jaw clenches as I scrub harder at the grout between the tiles, putting all my concentration on getting the dried mutagen crust out.

I'm replaying the scene over and over again. Hearing the words, feeling the pain, the hesitation, the aching tear of a father letting go of his sons. Something stings in my eyes, and I quickly blink it away.

"He said yes," I mutter.

Donnie drops the bucket we've filled with water and soap, and it spills all over the floor, soaking my robe.

"Donnie!" I snap, sitting up as the water seeps through the fabric.

"He said yes?"

My eyes narrow and I snatch the bucket from the floor. "Yeah," I bite. "Now help me mop up all the water you just spilt."

"If he said yes, then why are you upset?" he questions. "We got what we wanted, didn't we?"

"I don't know," I retort sharply. "Did we?"

I don't have to be looking at him to know he's glaring at me. My brow knits and I focus back on scrubbing the tile until my knuckles hurt and my knees ache from kneeling on the floor, but Donnie doesn't help; he just stands there, no doubt giving me the face.

"Alright, Leo," he starts lowly. "What's up? You were fine—you were excited—until Sensei had that talk with you. What else did he say?"

"It's not what he said," I mumble. I shove the towel into the small amount of water left in the bucket and slap it back on the floor, pressing my fingers into the rough cloth until it hurts. "It's how he said it, Donnie. Didn't you hear him? Couldn't you see the pain in his eyes when he looked at us?"

"Well, yeah, but…" He sighs. "This is gonna sound bad…but you should've expected that, Leo. We both know what we just did was crazy, and it's going to cause some problems. But we'll sort it out, alright? Even if Sensei's upset, or our brothers are angry, that doesn't mean we should just throw in the towel and give up before we even try."

"It's selfish, Donnie." I stare down at the puddles of water beneath the rag clenched in my hands. "This whole thing is just selfish…and I don't know why I didn't see that before."

"Is it?" he asks. "Is it selfish to try, to take a chance on something we've all dreamed about?" My mouth opens to protest, but he cuts me off. "You know it's true, Leo. You know every single one of us has thought about being human more than once. Just because we're the first ones to actually try doesn't make us selfish—it just means that we want it enough."

My eyes narrow and I lower my head, pushing the breath from heavy lungs. He drops his cleaning towel to the floor and nudges my ribcage with his foot.

"Stand up, Leo," he whispers. I swallow hard and hesitate for a moment, lost staring at the dirtied floor and feeling sick to my stomach. But he nudges me again, and with a sigh, I slowly stand to my feet.

"Come here." He tugs on my sleeve and positions me in front of the mirror. I keep my eyes downcast, refusing my reflection. I don't want to see whatever Sensei saw. I don't want to look up and see a traitor, a liar, someone who's so ashamed of his form that he stole another against the will and instruction of his family. That's never someone I wanted to be.

"Look," he presses. "It's not going to kill you."

But it might.

He waits patiently by my side until I scrape up the courage to lift my head—something that seems to take far more strength than I remember—and suddenly, I find myself staring at a face that seems entirely…me.

My eyes widen as I search this person in the mirror. Blue eyes, brighter and more vivid than they've ever been, standing strong against the pale white of skin—my skin. And hair, dark black, like the feathers of the crows I've seen flitting overhead. It hangs in sticky strands over my face and down my neck, plastered by bits of dried mutagen to the side of my face. I tilt my head, watching the movement, studying the way my cheekbones round out my features, the way the bridge of my nose dips, the way my eyes carefully slant, lined with dark lashes that make the blue even bluer.

My breath comes shorter, shallower, as the realization sinks in. This is me. Through and through, every cell, every curve of my bone, every muscle, every dip and shadow, it's me. Though I'm entirely new, flesh forged into a body I've never worn before, I can see myself shining through the skin. Every fiber, every color, every line and crease. All of it is me.

I look to Donnie's reflection, to the soft red-brown of his dark eyes, to the sharp bones of his cheeks and angular jawline. His hair isn't black, but a deep brown, almost so dark that in any other light, it might look the same as mine. It's uneven and a disastrous mess of dried Kraang goop and it's no better off than my own, but I can see the way it curls slightly at the ends, coiling around his ears and neck. And despite the high angles of his facial features, something about him seems soft, as if his spirit is reaching through his body. There's something tender about seeing the same curious look swirling in the eyes I've known since I can remember. And he's still tall—taller than me, at least—and lanky, like he's always been. It's my brother standing next to me, Donnie all the way through. The same Donnie I grew up with, the same Donnie I've fought with, the same Donnie I've spent hours confiding in and helping when the others were too hard on him.

"See?" He smiles, and something skips in me to see that same goofy gap between his teeth. "We're still us. We're still the same people we've always been."

I can't find the words and my gaze flicks back to my reflection. My human reflection. My heart flutters as the weight is suddenly released, and my stomach lifts like the gravity has lost its grip on me. From every pore of my flesh seeps promise of something new, something whole and different and wonderful.

"This is our life, Leo," he says softly. His eyes gleam with excitement and wonder and anticipation. "I don't think it's selfish to take control of our future. Even if it makes things difficult now, it's not going to stop me from doing something with my life. I had a chance, and I took it—you did too. Whether or not it was selfish doesn't matter anymore, because we're here."

I find myself nodding absently, lost in the image splayed across the glass. And suddenly, it's not just a reflection of me, but a projection of something I've never even imagined. A future, bright and welcoming, unknown, wondrous, and thrilling beyond comprehension, dances across the glass in front of me, woven in the strands of this new body. A world where I can be anyone and everything I've never been.

And it's mine.