Chapter Forty

Lily was furious with him.

But Sirius was used to that.

If anything, it was reassuring that they had seemed to fall back into their normal patterns. He was sure he wasn't imagining it, that Lily was walking on eggshells ever since he'd come back. Mind you, maybe it had nothing to do with him being in the chair at all and had everything to do with the big-fat-secret she had been keeping named Severus Snape.

Sirius felt like he was fifteen years old again.

He couldn't help it; something about that guy just brought it all back out in him.

Eleven years old, ready to finally break free from his parents' iron grip on his life, his mind, his friends – 'connections', as they'd preferred to call it – and one of the first people he'd come across on the Hogwarts Express was one Severus Snape.

Sirius had been dreading Hogwarts in a way – part of him was desperate to get away, but another part of him was fearful of what would happen when he sat under that Sorting Hat. What it would see in him.

If he was going to be just like them.

Even Andromeda had been sorted into Slytherin.

Creepy little Severus Snape had spoken about Slytherin as if a position in the House was somehow coveted. It sickened him.

The little twerp was everything Sirius didn't want to be.

The fact that Snape wasn't even a pureblood made his admiration of the House even more loathsome.

And then, well; he supposed everything else just followed from there. James despised him from the get-go, his hate only increasing with every minute Snape spent with Lily – Merlin, what would he be thinking now – and Sirius' hate increased accordingly and, well, the rest was history.

It should be damned history!

But no, now the greasy git had somehow managed to slither his way back into their lives. And, apparently, had Lily wrapped around his finger. And his dumbass little brother to boot.

It couldn't be a coincidence that this creep shows up again, right when the Death Eaters are beginning to rise once more.

Severus Snape was dangerous.

How Lily and Regulus could trust that man –

"Uncle Sirius?"

He was startled from his thoughts by Harry's voice.

He gave his head a little shake and gave him a bright smile; "Having fun, little man?"

Harry nodded; "Yeah." He glanced over his shoulder, expectantly, and then his brow furrowed; "It was just–" he broke off, eyes searching, and then he started waving an arm at another kid nearby, who was watching them uncertainly; "Come over!"

The dark haired little boy walked over, timidly, and Sirius thought he looked vaguely familiar. More than vaguely. He felt a strange coiling in his stomach as the boy met his eyes but he pushed away the odd uneasiness and offered the boy the same wide smile he'd given Harry; "Hello friend-of-Harry's. Enjoying the party?"

The boy gave him a small smile and nodded.

"This is Malachi, Uncle Sirius. You're his uncle too!"

The blitheness of Harry's announcement threw Sirius off the significance of his statement for a second.

And then he met the other little boy's eyes sharply.

Malachi.

He'd heard about him. Andromeda had told him bits and pieces throughout the years. Not much, really. To be honest, Sirius had vaguely registered that the child really even existed, never having met or even seen a picture and his relationship with Regulus being as it was.

But just looking at him, now, and Sirius was suddenly thrown back to another time. Times way before little Harry Potter, before James, before Hogwarts, right back, back, back…

His little brother, Regulus, and him playing Dungeons and Dragons in the gardens. Regulus and him wrestling in his bedroom. Regulus jumping on his back. Regulus and him plotting oh-so-funny pranks on their big cousin Bellatrix. Regulus smiling. Regulus laughing.

Regulus' tearful expression when he'd dropped his ice cone.

Regulus' tearful expression when Sirius had walked away.

Sirius released a breath he didn't know he was holding, his voice softer when he spoke this time; "Hey, kid."

Malachi gave him another shy smile, shuffling on his feet; "Hi."

Sirius had always been good with Harry. He'd always known what to say. Even when the questions got difficult, he'd always known what his Godson needed to hear.

Now, though, Sirius was speechless.

Harry was looking back and forward between them, expectantly. When neither spoke, he rolled his eyes, dramatically; "Malachi goes to school with me, Uncle Sirius."

The Learning Centre. Right.

"Oh yeah, I remember you saying." He nodded; "Do you like it there?"

"Uh huh."

"His dad is the boss."

"So he is."

"Malachi said his dad doesn't like you –"

"Harry!"

"What? You told me!"

Malachi looked utterly mortified. He met Sirius' eyes and then looked away, quickly, and for a second Sirius thought the little boy might bolt.

Sirius gave a chuckle, finding his feet; "Hey, don't worry about it, little nephew. Your dad and me, we're brothers." He winked at him; "Believe me, we've said a lot worse about each other."

Malachi held his eyes, looking at him searchingly for a second, and then his expression relaxed and he smiled again. It was different this time, though, no longer the little polite, shy smile he'd given him before and there was something so Regulus about him in that moment that it almost took his breath away.

Sirius tilted his head to the side, raising an eyebrow; "So, what's it like living with my brother?"

Malachi looked hesitant and then he shrugged; "Good."

"Good? Come on. I wanna hear more than that. My brother's a dad! I never thought I'd see it! Took him until he was, like, seven just to be able to tie his shoelaces properly."

Malachi grinned; "Really?"

"Nah." Sirius laughed and Malachi's smile widened; "He was, maybe, a little bit quicker than I was. But hey, I was busy learning more important things."

"Things like what?"

Sirius tilted his head back and forth, making a show of thinking; "Oh. You know; how to do magic without getting caught doing it. Figuring out plans for how to prank our big cousins – your dad used to help out with that. We used to drive our mum and dad mental."

Malachi's eyes widened; "He was bad?"

Sirius grinned and shrugged; "We were boys."

Malachi was staring at him in wide-eyed wonder and then, after a second, his smile slowly widened and he gave a giggle. He looked at Harry and then back at Sirius again, stepping forward a little, his expression eager now.

"What else did he do?" There was an adorable, wicked little gleam in his eyes.

And, oh Merlin, this kid was so much like his little brother that it almost hurt.

Regulus was torn between irritation and amusement.

The week before, Malachi had asked him if he would be able to go to Harry Potter's birthday party and Regulus' answer had been a resounding no.

Sure, he'd maybe made a joke and thrown in a few anecdotes about birthday parties and the like to soften the blow, but the decision was perfectly clear.

No, Malachi would not be going to that party.

Regulus was shocked at his son's outright defiance. He had never experienced anything like it from Malachi before.

However, and this was where the source of his amusement had come from; Regulus had not been as shocked as Severus had been when he had explained where his son was when he returned home, after Regulus questioned his whereabouts.

"I dropped him off at noon. I trust you can collect him yourself."

"Dropped him off where?"

Severus had lifted his head then, eyeing him over the book he was reading; "At Potter's birthday celebrations. Obviously." He shook his head, turning his attention back to his book; "You really ought to pay more attention to your son, Regulus."

Regulus had ground his teeth together; "Potter's house? You mean, my brother's house?"

Severus' eyes, which had been roaming the page, froze. And a silence fell over them, before his gaze flicked from the book to Regulus face.

Regulus shook his head; "You didn't think I'd have a problem with that?"

Severus looked utterly dumbstruck for a moment. It was almost humorous. Actually, it was humorous; Regulus just hadn't really appreciated it at the time.

"The boy said…" Severus had broken off, looking thoughtful. It lasted a moment. And then a slow smirk spread, as he slowly shook his head.

He met Regulus' eyes again then, raising an eyebrow; "You'll make a Slytherin out of that boy, yet, Regulus." And then he tossed the book he was reading onto the coffee table and headed down to the basement.

Severus Snape had been played by his six-year-old Godson.

Severus had actually looked impressed as he had left the room.

Regulus couldn't help smiling as he thought about it, even as he wandered down the little path leading to the door of the house he had sworn he would never set foot in, nodding politely at the other parents and children that were passing him by in the garden.

The door was open but he knocked anyway and a woman, someone Regulus only remembered vaguely shot him a wide smile and waved him in.

He nodded, giving her a smile in turn. It was hard not to; "Hi. I'm here for Malachi."

"I figured. I remember you; it's Regulus Black, right?"

He nodded, looking at her curiously, trying to put name to the face.

She put him out of his misery, stepping forward with her hand held out; "Julia Bradbury. You probably don't remember me; last time we saw one another you were preoccupied trying to coerce your buddy into taking my buddy for a spin on the dance floor."

Ah.

Regulus smiled widely, remembering the incident; "Ha. Right. Yes. I…uh…I paid for that."

"Oh really? What was the price?"

Regulus snorted, rolling his eyes; "I barely remember, my penalties all sort of blend into one. But, rest assured, he wouldn't have let me get away with that."

Julia laughed, gathering up some children's toys from the floor – presents, Regulus guessed – in her arms and he moved forward to help her.

"What a gentleman," Julia remarked as a thank you, once they were settled into a box, and he noticed a little tattoo on the inside of her wrist when she brushed the hair back from her face.

"Interesting marking." He lifted his eyebrows, briefly, inclining his head at it.

Julia glanced and nodded, slowly; "Mhm. Isn't it just? I spent a year in the Philippines after Beauxbatons. Got carried away with a little cult of witches over there. All spiritual and divination worshiping and the like; a total riot. I loved it but it wasn't for me." She held up her wrist again; "This was the only thing that stuck."

"They marked you?"

Regulus felt a chill run down his spine, thinking of his own.

She gave him a smile, dropping her arm to her side and shook her head; "No. It wasn't that sort of cult."

He gave her a lopsided smile; "What does it mean?"

"No regrets."

Ha.

Sounded nice.

And totally unachievable.

"Well, really, their moto was; live free, regret nothing and have hope for tomorrow."

Regulus only nodded.

Julia raised an eyebrow; "You don't agree?"

He gave her a wry smile; "Who wouldn't agree with something like that?"

"You. Apparently."

Regulus averted his eyes, forcing himself not to frown, but he was offended. This woman didn't even know him.

"Sorry. Big mouth. Ignore me." She rolled her eyes with a smile and walked by him.

Regulus crossed his arms, taking a few steps behind her; "It's not that I don't agree. I just think it's a fantasy."

She met his eyes.

"Everyone has regrets."

Julia lifted her shoulders; "I don't."

Regulus stared at her, asking with his eyes; what is that like?

The sound of Malachi's laughter drew his attention to the other room. He glanced back at Julia and she nodded, giving him another smile, this time one of dismissal, and turned to carry on cleaning up.

Regulus only took one step into the other room, eyes transfixed by the sight of his son.

His son and his brother.

Sirius was sitting, not in the wheelchair Regulus knew he was dependent on now, but on the sofa and Malachi was sitting next to him, facing him with his legs crossed. His eyes were wide and he was listening with rapt attention to whatever it was that Sirius was saying.

Malachi laughed, suddenly, and Sirius' smile widened, before he reached over and tickled the boy's side. Malachi jerked and giggled, before speaking again.

The sight of them together, something that would have been so normal under different circumstances, made his stomach tighten. He felt a little rise, a lump form in his throat. He cleared it, to get it away, not to interrupt, but Sirius heard.

His brother's eyes flicked from his son's face to his.

The lightness in Sirius' eyes fell away. Back to the expression Regulus had now become used to, on the few occasions they saw one another.

Pain. Sadness. Regret.

The spell was broken. Malachi turned from Sirius to Regulus.

Regulus raised an eyebrow at him.

Malachi looked sheepishly at the ground and then turned around to face Sirius. Saying goodbye, Regulus noticed, and Sirius reached out, squeezing Malachi's shoulder before the little boy turned and jumped down, heading towards him.

Malachi didn't look nearly so eager to approach his father; eyes downcast and his feet practically dragging along behind him.

Oh yes. He knew he was in trouble.

For a second, Malachi kept his eyes on the tips of Regulus' shoes, peeking out from beneath his robes, but when he didn't say anything, he nervously lifted his head, meeting his eyes.

Malachi raised his eyebrows, hopefully, and then reached into his pocked, plucking out something wrapped in a napkin; "I saved you some cake."

It took all his willpower not to crack a smile.

"Grounded."

Malachi's shoulders dropped.

"But…I…"

"Grounded." Regulus turned, heading back through to the kitchen.

"Dad!" Malachi hurried after him.

"Grounded, grounded, grounded." Regulus repeated, though he was smiling now. Not that he didn't mean what he was saying, mind you.

Regulus thought he heard Sirius calling him back.

He told himself he didn't care.

As always, when it came to her life, Lily found herself muddling through the various opinions of everyone who felt they ought to put in their own 'words of wisdom'.

It was always the same.

First with everything relating to James.

And then with working at the Foundation.

And now with Severus.

Sirius was the worst offender, of course. He seemed to take a particular interest in any and all aspects of her life, as if she was incapable of being trusted to make any of her own decisions whatsoever. A consequence of her allowing him to have such a large role in their lives the past few years.

She was torn between the gratitude she felt towards him, for being there for her, for Harry, when they most needed it. Torn between that and the desperate need for him to give her some breathing room. Let her make her own choices even if they did end up being mistakes. The mistakes were hers to make.

Lily felt as if she was suffocating under the weight of his overbearing interference.

The behaviour he had just exhibited towards Severus was almost a tipping point. Surely Sirius didn't really think he could stop her from choosing her own friends.

In just two minutes, he had managed to successfully decimate the good mood she had been feeling all week, all month.

But Sirius wasn't the only one who had opinions.

"What's up?" Julia had heard the shouting, had distracted the kids, only casting Lily a curious glance when she'd returned to the living room.

Ten minutes later, she was providing her with a more-than-eager ear to vent to.

"He doesn't have any right to say that to him." Lily finished up; her voice was low, so as not to be overheard, but the anger in her tone was enough to get her point across.

Julia shrugged, looking sympathetic; "You know Black. He's just being protective."

"I don't need his protection, Julia! I need him to just back off."

Julia looked like she was fighting a smile.

"What is it?" Lily sighed, recognising the knowing gleam in her eye.

"Oh, you know what it is, Lily. I think it's cute."

"What is cute?"

"You know, your boys fighting over you."

Lily lifted her hand, rubbing her eyelids with her thumb and forefinger; "I'm really not in the mood for jokes, Jules."

"Who's joking?"

Lily let her hand fall, shooting her a glare, feeling incredibly, unexplainably defensive all of a sudden.

Her relationship with Severus was nobody else's business and she was becoming so tired of other people passing judgement on it. Already the nosiness of their colleagues at the Foundation were influencing Severus' behaviour towards her; she really didn't need the people in her own life trying to influence the way she behaved around him too.

"Jules. We are just friends."

"Look, don't get snappy about it. You may not be ready for it yet but I'm just telling you what I see. And, you know what; I see something good."

Lily sighed, feeling guilty, knowing Julia was just being a friend. And, right now, she was really the only one on her side about the whole thing.

"Jules –"

"Lily, I've seen it, okay? I see you changing. And I'm pretty sure Sirius sees it too. That's why he's freaked. He knows this thing with Severus means something."

Lily just shook her head, looking down, feeling more confused than ever.

She doubted that was true. At least, she doubted Sirius suspected the same thing that Julia was implying. If Sirius really did think there was anything more than friendship there, she was pretty certain after today's encounter that he would go ballistic.

And that was a certainty that was only heightened when Remus decided that he, too, ought to offer some sage advice of his own.

"Just be careful. That's all I'm saying."

"Remus, I really do not need to hear this."

He had cornered her in the kitchen, while she had been dividing up portions of birthday cake for the children to take home. She had decided to do it the muggle way and to use the opportunity to get some peace.

No such luck.

"I just want you to be sure. Think about what you're doing."

"Remus," she sighed, shaking her head; "Do you honestly think Severus is some great threat to me?"

Remus had looked at her uncertainly before he went on; "That's…not what I'm talking about, Lily."

"Then what are you talking about?"

Remus had balked then and it left her with a strange, uneasy feeling in her stomach. Instead of offering any answer or explanation, he had just left and Lily had the sneaking suspicion that, while Sirius may not have yet started to suspect the same as what Julia was always so insistent upon, Remus had.

Remus knew.

Knew?

Thought. He thought there was something more there.

Lily swallowed, feeling that strange nervousness twist in her stomach whenever she thought too deeply over what was really happening with Severus.

How she really felt.

She wasn't oblivious, as much as she tried to be. She noticed every little way she reacted to his words, to his touch, to his smile. His smile, whenever she succeeded in drawing it out, had the ability to give her goosebumps.

Goosebumps, butterflies, sweaty palms; you name it, Severus Snape gave it to her.

And she wanted it.

She didn't know if he did too but, somehow, that made it okay. It gave her some time to try and figure all this out. As much as she wanted to spend that time with him, carry on feeling the way that he was making her feel, she wasn't sure if she was ready for anything more than what they had right now.

It was a strange push and pull she was feeling, on his side as well; wanting to be close to him but still holding back, pushing him away when it seemed like it was becoming too much.

There was something there, she knew it. Something deep down, inside of her.

But then there were other things, other thoughts that made her hold back.

Severus was so closed off sometimes, that she thought he couldn't possibly feel the same way. That she could ruin everything with one wrong word, one wrong move. Send him running. Some days he already seemed to have one foot out the door.

Then there were other times when he was so open with her, so seemingly there with her that nothing in the world had ever felt more…well, right.

Obviously there was now Sirius to consider. She picked up easily on what Remus was saying. Something like this, she and Severus, that would change things. It would change everything.

The possibility that Sirius could end up giving himself a heart attack or something from rage if he ever found out notwithstanding.

And, then, there was James.

Being with Severus just wasn't the same as heading out on some blind date Julia had set her up on. It was one thing to say it was time to move on. Time to let go. Time to date. Time to try again.

All that, it was just words.

Being with Severus, that would be something real.

Something there was no going back from.

And the thought of that unnerved her so much that it almost made her want to run.

Almost.