Chapter Forty-One

"When is Uncle Sirius coming to get us?"

"Soon. He said one o' clock," Harry said, glancing over at the clock – the little hand after the twelve, the big one at the eight – trying to ignore the little twinge of irritation he felt when Malachi referred to him as 'uncle' Sirius.

He couldn't help it. His Uncle Sirius was his Uncle Sirius. He had always been.

He'd never had to share him before.

Harry forced himself to be nice. He was the one who wanted Malachi to meet him, after all. He was the one who said Malachi just had to be at his birthday party because Uncle Sirius was going to be there and, hey, wasn't it so cool the he was his uncle too.

It was cool. Malachi was his best friend now. And them having the same uncle made them like cousins, like his Uncle Sirius had cousins - he'd said how he had loved them – or, even, like brothers.

Harry always thought he'd like to have a brother.

Though his Uncle Sirius and Malachi's dad didn't like each other much at all.

Malachi said he was grounded by his dad just for coming to the party. That his dad really didn't want Malachi to see his brother. Ever.

Harry found himself wishing that Malachi's dad had tried harder to keep them apart. Malachi only had to ask him a few times to let him come flying with them and then he had said yes.

And then Harry felt guilty. He was supposed to share, that's what his mum had always said to him. He couldn't keep everything to himself. It wasn't fair.

And Harry had wanted them to meet, he kept reminding himself. It's his own fault this happened.

But, he reasoned with himself, he didn't know that his Uncle Sirius was going to end up liking Malachi so much.

It was him who had told Harry to invite Malachi today.

It was like he loved him. Right away.

Harry scowled, throwing the book he was holding onto the floor.

Malachi looked at him, frowning; "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

Malachi didn't look convinced; "You look mad."

"I'm not."

"But –"

"I'm not mad."

Harry rubbed his heels back and forth on the carpet, glowering at the floor. Malachi watched him, looking upset, and Harry felt bad.

Not that bad though.

"How come you call him Uncle Sirius? You only saw him once."

Malachi frowned; "He told me to call him that."

The revelation only made Harry angrier.

"I called him Mr Black at first. He told me that was silly. He said we're family."

Harry felt tears prickle in his eyes and he looked away.

Malachi went quiet. They both went quiet. Harry tried to hold back his tears, not angry anymore. Just sad.

"I'm sorry."

It was whispered, a little shaky, and when Harry looked at Malachi he looked sad too. And then Harry felt even worse.

But, before he could say anything, the ground beneath them shook.

"Eugene's leave of absence means he'll be gone during the Conference this year."

Andromeda nodded; "So, you'll have to find someone to introduce Orion?"

Regulus lifted his shoulders; "Severus will do it." He glanced at the window, the sound of the ever-persistent protestors still carrying through the walls.

Severus had told him to charm the room; soundproof it.

Regulus didn't.

"You think?" Andromeda raised an unconvinced eyebrow; "He's never spoken at an event before."

"He teaches for a living. He's used to it." Regulus sat down behind his desk, across from her; "Besides, he ought to get the credit for it. He did most of the directing on that project anyway."

"What were Eugene's reasons for time off?"

"Family obligations," Regulus said, absentmindedly, as he flicked through some parchments, looking for the monthly schedule; "Did you manage to arrange accommodation for the Learning Centre's field trip?"

"Mhm. All sorted. Elena dealt with it. You're letting Malachi go?"

It was not so much a question of letting his son go to Scotland; Regulus didn't have a choice. One week away would give Regulus the chance to focus on the pressing matter of the Dark Lord's imminent return and work with Dumbledore to track down the remaining horcruxes. Time was running out and they were grossly unprepared for what was coming.

Six years to prepare and yet here they were, facing the very real possibility that the Dark Lord was going to return, just as powerful as ever. Still immortal, just as before.

"Sirius told me he's spending the afternoon with Malachi."

Regulus met her eyes.

Andie raised her eyebrows; "I was surprised."

"Hm." Regulus looked down at the desk, fingering his quill; "So am I."

"You're unhappy about it?"

"Malachi put himself in a situation where meeting Sirius was inevitable. On purpose. I've spent the past few weeks listening to; 'Uncle Sirius said this', 'Uncle Sirius said that', 'Is it true you once made Auntie Andie's hair turn green?'" He met Andromeda's eyes at that and they shared a smile.

"He's enamoured with him."

"Sirius does have a way with children. Dora adores him, too."

"He asked to go with him and Harry this afternoon; I said no at first."

Andromeda was silent, offering no response, neither approval nor otherwise. Just understanding. She was good like that. She was the warmest of his cousins. And, though he'd never say so out loud, she was his favourite of the three of them. Narcissa he loved too, but she was always so reserved – and Bella was just stark raving mad – but Andie, she was always there to just to listen. Just always there.

"Then I thought I couldn't do that, y'know? I couldn't stop him…couldn't control who he wants to be with. Not when they were, well, safe with them anyway." He was hesitant; "I couldn't be like them."

Like his own parents. Like Andie's parents.

Andromeda gave him a small smile.

"You're doing the right thing, Reg." She finally offered up her opinion; "Malachi deserves it; to know everyone who'd love him."

Regulus just shrugged, reaching for the ink; "We should get working on the proposals for the Conference, then." He began scrawling on the parchment.

"Shouldn't Severus be here for that, if you're after his cooperation?"

Regulus glanced at the clock; twenty to one; "He's probably still at Hogwarts."

"I saw him an hour or so ago. On the grounds."

Regulus hesitated. Then a smile tugged at his lips, as he carried on writing; "If he's outdoors he's probably engaged in more…enjoyable pursuits."

He heard a little snicker escape his cousin's lips and he raised his eyes from the parchment with a responding grin.

"Are they together?"

"I don't know."

"How can you not know?"

Regulus rolled his eyes; "We're guys, Andie. We don't discuss our innermost feelings over cocktails and doing each other's make up."

"You don't talk at all about it? You seem to know there's something going on."

"I have eyes."

"And ears?"

Regulus snorted; "He's never brought her home, if that's what you mean."

He reached for spare parchment.

"And he wouldn't appreciate this turn of conversation," Regulus added, grinning as he turned his attention back to work; "If they are, well, shagging or anything, he hasn't told me about it."

Andromeda was laughing; "You do have a way with words, Regulus."

"Pack it in. If he found out we were talking about this he'd gut me."

Andromeda was still chuckling when she spoke; "Either way, we still need him here for this. For his research notes, if nothing else. And it's not like that's what he'd be doing right now, in any case. Send a greeter; Elena's down the corridor."

"Yeah, he'd really appreciate that." Regulus scoffed; "The reason they're outside is because they don't want people to know they're with one other."

"Why not?"

Regulus' writing halted.

He cleared his throat; "Because he's a private person."

Andromeda wasn't buying it. Now she was regarding him curiously.

This was great. Soon, he was going to have to come face to face with the Dark Lord and try to maintain his cover and he wasn't even able to keep from slipping up pieces of information around his big cousin.

Regulus stood; "The findings of Orion are in his office; he wouldn't mind me taking them." He stepped out from behind his desk and was making his way to the door when someone on the other side knocked.

He pulled it open, revealing Elena standing on the other side, arms balancing a package; "This just arrived for you, Sir."

Regulus indicated with his head towards the desk and she headed over to put it down; "Thanks Elena." He nodded at the package, addressing Andromeda; "That'll be the supplies for the trip to Scotland. Bunch of matching scarves and cloaks Gillan said she wanted. Makes the kids easier to track."

Andromeda smiled, glancing at it; "Cute."

Regulus rolled his eyes and headed from the room, making his way down the corridor.

He was just a few steps from Severus' office when he felt it.

Just a few steps and then a strange force seemed to pull him back; his breath catching and his muscles clenching. The world around him seemed to coil and tense up; pulling him inwards. And then, suddenly, the tension was released and he found himself thrown forward, his body hitting the door ahead and bursting it open; barely registering the walls crumble around him before everything went black.

Death Eaters were rising.

The Dark Lord was returning.

Protestors were screaming at the gates.

Severus found it easy to turn it all off; easy to forget the world as it crumbled around them when he was here.

Lily smiled down at him.

His own lips twitched in response.

"Okay, so, I have to ask."

He raised an eyebrow, not moving from where he was situated on the grass; propped up by the tree behind him.

"What made you decide to become a Professor?"

The outside world prodded on the edge of his consciousness.

Severus glanced at his wand, where he held it over his chest, wondering what he ought to tell her. After all, becoming a Professor at Hogwarts was never a choice. It was something forced upon him when he had defected; Dumbledore wanted it and the Dark Lord wanted it. Therefore, that is what he became.

He figured she ought to have guessed that by now. She knew he had turned to Dumbledore; she knew he'd went to Dumbledore with the information to save her.

He'd been honest with her so far. Mostly. Whenever she asked anyway.

"It was not a choice." He met her eyes; "It was necessary."

Lily seemed to think about that for a minute; "Do you enjoy it?"

His lips twitched, wryly; "Don't be foolish." She'd asked him this before. Though, he hadn't answered her then.

Lily made an amused 'mhm' sound and nodded, running her wand over the little pile of pebbles she had gathered; watched as they transfigured from stones to flowers; "I figured as much." She shifted; "You were the spy?"

"Yes."

"But you're not a spy anymore."

Severus forced himself to hold her gaze though he dreaded where the conversation was going next. Already had a fair idea of the dangerous territory they were now encroaching on. He wanted to be honest with her. He wanted to tell her everything she wished to know.

But there were some things he couldn't.

"So, why do you stay?"

Severus swallowed.

"I made him a promise."

"Dumbledore?"

"Right."

Lily looked thoughtful for a moment. Then she drew in a breath and met his eyes again; "Tell me what happened."

He felt his stomach knot.

She went on; "Back then."

"We've already discussed it."

Lily shook her head, tucking her wand into her sleeve, and crossed her legs, sitting up straighter next to him; looking down at him; "You told me you were a Death Eater. That there was a prophecy. And that you told Dumbledore that Voldemort –" Severus flinched at the name; "- that Voldemort believed it was us."

Lily bit her bottom lip, before she went on; "You never told me anything else."

"I would have thought what happened next was obvious. You must have guessed –"

"Guessing isn't the same as knowing."

Severus swallowed, almost gulped, and he looked away.

He didn't want to talk about it.

"Sev?" her voice was soft.

They were silent. She waiting. He thinking.

He hoped she would change the conversation. Accept the silence as his unwillingness to share.

No such luck.

She carried on waiting.

He drew in a breath and didn't meet her eyes when he spoke, keeping his wand on his chest.

"I went to Dumbledore about a year before the war ended. He was…less than pleased to meet with me. As you would expect. He was aware from the beginning what I was. I…told him what I knew."

Severus pushed himself up from his half-lying position on the grass so that he was sitting more fully, still leaning back against the tree. Still not meeting her eyes.

"It was agreed that I should become his spy. But we needed a reason, something to explain our meetings. The Dark Lord was aware there were defectors within the ranks and it did not take long for him to realise there was a leak. Dumbledore was careful; he tried to conceal your movements. But there was a spy within the Order also."

"Peter." Lily's voice was a whisper.

"Yes." Severus met her eyes for a second before he went on; "Some months before, the Dark Lord had asked me to apply for the Defence Against the Dark Arts position at Hogwarts. I was unsuccessful. It was at this interview…moments before this interview, that I overheard the prophecy."

Severus hesitated, allowing himself to meet her eyes. They were still on him, just listening to what he was telling her. There was no anger, no hate in her expression; things he still expected, even now.

Her forgiveness was something he could never have imagined back then. Even now, he still could not forgive himself.

Severus remember all of these events as if they were yesterday.

This was the thing that had changed him.

His greatest regret.

"The Dark Lord had wanted me as his spy at Hogwarts. His fury at my failure to procure the role was only diffused by my…offering."

It almost sounded like he was trying to excuse himself.

He went on; "Dumbledore was aware of this. So, it was decided I would become Professor of Potions. The Dark Lord would believe I was spying for him; while, in actuality, I was working with Dumbledore."

There was a silence.

Severus shifted uncomfortably under her gaze, finally meeting her eyes; "Surely you had figured this all out on you own."

Lily nodded; "I suppose. But…what did Dumbledore offer you?"

Severus could only stare at her.

No.

Lily was not that dense.

"I mean; you gave him the information to save us. You agreed to become his spy. You pretty much agreed to serve him for the rest of the war; even now, you stay loyal to him. Stay with him."

Severus gave her a humourless smile and leaned the back of his head against the tree.

"Why do you stay?"

Severus met her eyes.

He wasn't going to answer. If she didn't know by now, if she couldn't figure it out, then she'd never know. But, dammit, it was so bloody obvious.

He had done it all for her.

But like hang was he going to say that.

"Sev." Her voice was quiet; "He would have hidden us, anyway."

Ah. So she had figured it out.

He kept his eyes on her.

She shook her head, slightly; "You don't owe him anything."

Severus wasn't sure how to respond to that. As far as he was concerned, he owed Dumbledore a hell of a lot. Lily's life; his life. The future that he had built for himself. None of this would have been possible without what the other man had given him; his trust.

Severus wouldn't break that.

Maybe when he was younger, before all of this, when he was a lesser man he might have done. Actually, he would have done. He was a coward back then.

Severus didn't particularly consider himself to have blossomed into a beacon of nobility in the years since; but he knew, without doubt, that he would not be the sort of man who would break his word.

Regulus' absolution was the Foundation.

Severus would find his only through Dumbledore.

Without really thinking, Severus reached for her hand.

Lily's hand squeezed his own and he met her eyes.

He gave her a small smile; "I do what I must."

Severus half expected her to protest but his statement was met only with curious silence. A silence that stretched. Her thumb trailed slowly across the top of his hand, down to the underside of his thumb. Severus swallowed, uncertainly, his heart skipping at the seeming tenderness in the gesture.

He lifted his eyes to hers.

She was closer than he realised, her gaze intent, searching his face. Severus could only stare back, unable to look away, but a nervousness came over him. Rose up inside of him.

Lily was looking at him in a way he had only ever thought he'd see in his imagination; a warmth, an affection in her eyes that was mixed with something else, a little haze of something more. Something he never would have considered he could see reflected in them.

His own breathing quickened, unconsciously catching his lower lip between his teeth as his eyes dropped from her eyes to her lips.

Her hand tightened around his and then, slowly but just as shockingly to him, her face moved closer.

He was still but his mind and his heart were racing. Barely able to believe –

The ground beneath him trembled. He wondered, for a split second, if that was his imagination; if the prospect of finally kissing Lily Evans was enough to make him physically shake. And then, the blast hit them both from behind him and he found himself thrown forward against her and they landed in a heap, him on top of her, in the grass.

"The fuck -!" He gasped out, winded from the collision. His hands quickly pushed against the ground, lifting himself off of her; "Are you alright?"

Lily nodded, looking as bewildered as he felt; "Yes, I'm fi – what…what happened?" Her eyes darted around the clearing and she pushed herself upright as he got to his feet, turning.

And, then, he saw it.

The glass of windows blown out; cracks searing up the left side of the Foundation building; the rumbling as its stability weakened and the walls began to crumble.

"Mother of –" he breathed; "Lily, get out of here!"

"Harry – Harry's in there." She whispered, looking shaken, but only for a second and then she took off; running in the direction of the building.

Severus was behind her, wanting to keep her close; they didn't know what was going on here. People were running towards them, some of them screaming as they ran away from the building; some were injured, blood oozing from wounds. All looked petrified.

Severus seized someone on the way past; Shaw, a messenger from the West Wing; "Shaw! What the hell happened?" Lily carried on running and he wanted to yell at her to wait but he knew it was pointless. She needed to get to her son.

"I don't know, Sir!" The man he'd captured wheezed, looking over his shoulder and pointing at the building; "I was delivering a message and the whole building just shook; then everyone was running."

"Did you see any intruders? Is it Death Eaters?"

Shaw shook his head, sharply; "No. I didn't see anyone. I just ran. Everyone just went running."

"Severus!"

He let go of Shaw, who took off, when Heart called out and hurried up to him; "Severus, it was in the Office corridors! The boss' office."

Severus felt his stomach drop.

He stood, staring at her for a second, and then he ran past, almost knocking her from her feet; actually succeeding in knocking some others to the ground as he fought his way past the crowd that was evacuating the building. Severus caught sight of familiar red hair ahead, as Lily pushed and fought her way in the direction of the Learning Centre.

Severus went in the other direction.

As he burst into the opening, the door having been thrown from its hinges, he was hit with it; that horribly familiar, lingering disturbance in the air that Dark magic left behind when a particularly powerful curse had been triggered.

Severus almost tripped over the first of the dead, lying just a few feet in. He walked briskly, calling out; "Regulus!"

When he was greeted with silence he broke into a run, knocking into Felix Butterman as he rounded a corner. The other man was gripping his upper arm, while blood trickled down a wound from his temple; "Felix! Is there anyone else?"

Butterman shook his head, looking dazed; "No…no one. I don't…" He struggled, stumbling on his feet, reaching for the nearby wall. Severus grabbed him, not entirely gently, and quickly lowered him to the ground.

"Wait here."

He hurried over him and he went for his wand, needing to light the corridor, and realised he had left it outside. He'd left his damn wand outside! The walls around him rumbled, ominously, and he called back over his shoulder; "If you can move, Butterman, just go!"

As he took the left leading towards his and Regulus' offices, he stopped short, the walls having already come down in places, confirming what Heart had said. It had happened here.

Severus hurried, climbing over the rubble; he could see Regulus' office ahead. What was left of it. The walls were blown outwards.

He stumbled into the room.

Andromeda Tonks lay lifeless on the floor.

Elena Fitzherbert's body was nearby.

Severus couldn't see Regulus.

"Regulus!" his voice came out as merely a croak; the next came out as a harsh shout; "Regulus!"

Utter silence greeted him.

For a moment, Severus was as still as the dead.

And then desperation took over. He launched himself at the rubble, tearing at it with his hands. Getting nowhere; unearthing nothing. Severus called his name again, as he stepped over the fallen walls into the next office, the structure having been destroyed between all rooms in the row.

His own hands were bleeding but he felt nothing; nothing but the crippling desperation that he needed to find Regulus. Now.

Little slithers of grief began to tug; began to make themselves known as he stumbled, eyes searching and hands grasping.

It all happened quickly, even if everything seemed slow motion to him, and as he stumbled into the remains of what he recognised was his own office, his eyes caught sight of familiar black robes beneath the broken remains of one of his bookshelves.

Severus launched himself at the form; turning it gently.

Regulus.

Severus' heart thudded in his chest, his breathing ragged, and he could only grip him for a second, foolishly.

And then the other man let out a low groan, shocking Severus from his state.

"Regulus?" His fingers went to his neck; a pulse.

Regulus' eyelids flickered and Severus felt something within him flicker correspondingly; the sudden relief, the joy that soared through him making him released a harsh, humourless laugh. Regulus' eyes focused on him for a second.

Two heavy breaths; "Sev." He sounded…horrific.

Severus made a quick search, trying to find Regulus' wand, but it was lost. He reached down, heaving him up into his arms; "Quiet."

He stumbled from the remains of the room.