Chapter Twenty-Two:

Bridges, Scars, and Time

{Raph}

"Man, Splinter must be working them into the floor!"

Casey laughs somewhere behind me, bouncing a wet, worn-out soccer ball Mikey found in a dumpster from the AC unit to the brick wall of the roof stairwell with loud clangs and thuds. "They're gonna be grounded for the rest of their lives."

They both snicker and joke and toss the ball around, but the black and red in my skull quickly blocks them out. I sit on the edge of the building, feet dangling over the street—over the lights and honking cars and clusters of nightlife, drinking and having fun and pretending the whole world isn't a wasteland of problems and disappointment.

"…tonight, Raph?"

"What?" I glance back at Mikey and smack the ball away as he tries to hit the back of my head.

He catches it and rolls his eyes. "What do you wanna do tonight, bonehead?"

"Nothing with you two idiots," I grumble. Honestly, I just want to sit here and do absolutely—

Wait.

Something catches the corner of my eye. A shadow slipping through the alleyway below, silent and dark against the noisy street-life.

I get to my feet when I see the form vanish beneath one of the manhole covers.

"I'm going for a walk," I mutter. "I'll see you guys later."

"Come on, Raph!" Casey groans. "How long are you gonna piss and moan about this?"

"Yeah, man, just hang out with us and enjoy something for once!"

I don't even look back before hopping over the edge of the roof and scaling down the fire escape. I can hear them complaining above me, but I don't care. I'm itching for distraction, something to punch or break—anything to ease the pressure inside my skull and shut the voices out. Down the rungs, hit the asphalt, blood buzzing, I make sure the alley is clear before darting toward the manhole cover and sliding under.

The surface becomes silent, completely shut out by the heavy metal lid and the dark, echoing tunnels around me. My mind immediately quiets, comforted by the darkness, by the pitter patter of dripping water and faint rumbles above.

Home.

I stop at the end of the ladder, close my eyes, and listen. All the familiar sounds become one in my head, vanishing into the back of my thoughts. And then I hear it—footsteps. Soft, swift, barely there, but my trained ears catch the slip of each step along the slimy concrete walkways.

I move through the tunnels, hands on my sai, focused and silent. It doesn't take more than a minute to track down the footsteps, and when I do, the black starts to bubble at the edges of my mind.

I knew it.

"The shell do you think you're here?" I snap.

She whirls around, eyes wide, tanto drawn in a split second. I stomp toward her, lip curled, knuckles white around the hilt of my sai. Her expression wavers—she even takes a tiny step back.

"It's none of your business." Her voice sounds normal, all nonchalant and full of attitude, but there's something different in her eyes—a fracture in that confidence and apathy that makes her so obnoxious.

My brow furrows. "You're on my turf, princess—I think that makes it my business."

She puts the length of her sword between us when I get too close. I scoff and catch the blade in the prong of my sai, shoving her into the wall beside us.

She has the nerve to give me that stupid little smirk. "In a bad mood, Raphael?"

I lean my weight into her until she winces, and up close I can see that our last encounter formed a small scar above her lip. I'm disappointed she still has all her teeth.

"You remember what I said last time I saw you?" I ask lowly.

Her nostrils flare as she tries to wriggle away from the arm that's crushing into her chest. "Not really," she grunts. "Something dumb, I'm sure."

I twirl my sai in my free hand and have it against her neck in an instant. Her pupils constrict ever so slightly, but the rest of her remains still.

"I said I'd get you back. Remember?" More weight, more pressing. I can see her throat working while she struggles to take a breath. "That night, on the roof."

The memories come flooding in. The darkness, the worry, wondering where my stupid brother ran off to and then finding him with her. Finding him cornered, bleeding, drugged—right before he fell off the building and broke half his body. Having to drag him back home, how limp he felt…

And now he's not even him anymore.

I clench my eyes shut as the rage takes over.

"You almost killed him."

Again, her eyes shift, a sad flicker in the gold.

"I was trying to help," she presses, her voice squeezing out from her. "I had it—he was safe—"

"Safe!?" I scoff, jamming my elbow into her gut. She grimaces and tries to double over, but I hold her against the wall. "He wasn't safe with you! He's never been safe with you! You've been nothing but trouble for all of us, especially my idiot brother! You and your nutjob followers sent him over the roof!"

Her gaze locks onto mine, defiant and pained and a million other things, shattered and glued together. "That was your fault."

And then she takes that, that tiny instant of surprise, of hesitation, where I can't decide whether to choke her out or just snap her neck. She takes that moment, slips her hand between us, and lands a palm-strike up into my jaw. I swear, vision blotching and face tingling, and before I know it she's rolling out under my legs and making a run for it.

I cloud over. Black and white and red—pluming like ink and staining my insides. Muscles taut, blood rushing, I tear after her through the tunnel.

{Leo}

The water drips all around me, soft and comforting. With eyes closed, I take slow, deep breaths, gathering every thought, every emotion rumbling in my skull, and sifting through them, trying to understand the pieces as they appear one by one.

A chasm…

Broken trust and deceit…

Selfish…

Sensei's words circle around my mind—a vulture preying on the thoughts below, plucking the flesh from bone until everything is exposed for what it is.

Selfish. I was selfish. I am selfish. There is no excuse, no dancing around it. No matter how hard it is, I must force myself to look at those bones, fresh and white, and see all of what I am, and what this situation is. No bias, no feelings—nothing but the truth.

Donnie and I made a selfish decision. We went behind our family's back because we were too afraid someone would stop us or tell us we were wrong. We didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to hear it. I still don't.

But I have to.

Because we did something wrong. We hurt them—all of them, in one way or another—and we did it in a way that cannot be reversed or excused or covered up. No bandaids, no stupid gifts from the mall, no easy conversations will be enough to mend what we have broken. Nothing will be enough. We can only try, and fight hard to help the wounds close.

But like any deep wound, like the many I've had—they don't close or heal. They scar. Like the bridge of the chasm Sensei mentioned, scars close the gap, but they will always stand apart from the rest of the skin. Tougher, discolored, jagged; a constant reminder of the pain.

I sigh. Is that the best we can do now? Have we dug that deep?

"I'm sorry." My whisper carries through the tunnel, woven by the drip of leaking pipes. I bury my face in my hands. In my safe place, in this tiny nook amongst the vast maze of the sewers, I listen to myself apologize over and over again, quiet and pained because I know it won't do any good and no one can hear me.

We have to change back.

Do we?

This was wrong…

Was it?

I don't know. The way we did it was wrong, but is the actual thing wrong? Why can't we be happy, after all we've been through?

I groan and pull my hair over my face. This is ridiculous! It's either wrong or it isn't. We either fix it or we don't. It shouldn't be this difficult to think about!

I splash the water around me and get to my feet. I can't meditate anymore. I can't sit here and pout for something I'm still unsure of. It's just time, that's all—we'll give it time and see if things will resolve on their own. If not, we change back, and we forget this whole thing ever happened and move on with our lives.

I start walking, hands shoved in pockets, eyes on the ground, thoughts ablaze. I try not to think about moving on, because I'm not sure I could ever move on, let alone forget how it feels to just be normal for a change. But settling on time gives me some measure of peace, so I hold to that and wander through the tunnels.

I need to find Raph, and we need to start fixing this. Building the bridge, as Sensei put it. I'm sure Raph will consistently set my bridge on fire for quite some time, but at least I'll know I'm trying.

I reach the end of the tunnel and climb through one of the drainage systems until the main sewers come into view. I'm about to head home when a loud clang! Just about sends me out of my skin. I flatten myself against the wall and whip out the two small daggers I borrowed from Sensei to train with, and I'm ready to cut some face off when a shout echoes down the tunnel to my left.

"Raph?"

Is he here? I thought he went with Mikey and Casey—they're supposed to be on patrol or something. Why is he down here?

More clanging, more splashing. It's getting closer now. Another voice weaves in and out, stifled by the clashing of weapons on stone. It only takes me a second to recognize who it belongs to.

And when I do, I'm already running towards it.