Chapter Fifty-Two

Severus wasn't imagining it.

Lily let her hand linger, the side of hers pressed rather unsubtly against his own, after joining him at the bench, while they waited the necessary time between adding the ingredients.

He cleared his throat, making to move his hand, when she suddenly glanced up at him with an impish smile, and then lifted her own offending one, reaching to stir the cauldron, as the next step instructed, before stepping away for the further components.

Severus had expected Lily to ignore him in the aftermath of his…rejection, for lack of better word. Preposterous. He still couldn't believe he had actually done so.

Nevertheless, no real negative response from her had occurred as a result. There was no silent treatment, no seeming anger, not even any visible upset at the whole thing when they had come across one another again in the days that followed. Which had been, Severus couldn't help but notice, many times.

And she was still just Lily.

She carried on, almost, exactly as before. Bright smiles. Friendly greetings. And he was certain the reason they were in one another's company so much was down to her, rather than him. Lily did not even have to be at thisparticular investigation; the Project Leads would have been sufficient.

Lily moved closer to him once again, peering over his shoulder at the cauldron unnecessarily, her chin just barely brushing against it and her breath tickling the side of his neck. Severus unconsciously reached up, rubbing the side of it; rubbing away the sensation.

He glanced at her out the corner of his eye; sparkling green ones met his. Another little smile.

These games. He knew exactly what she was doing.

It wasn't the first time since their discussion had taken place that she'd unnecessarily touched him. Brushed against him needlessly when maneuvering by one another in the lab. Given him a flirty little smile when their eyes met. Sparkling eyes beneath batting eyelashes.

If Lily thought she could wear him down by dangling herself in front of him, shamelessly teasing him, she would be sourly disappointed. He had felt for her for so long that he was a self-certified expert in the practice of fighting his urges when it came to Lily Evans.

Severus was beginning to think that his openness with her previously had been an oversight on his part. He had left her with little doubt as to his own feelings for her. Increasing her boldness tenfold. He hadn't thought much of it during the discussion, his guard dropping completely for the first time, as each had finally laid all their cards on their table. Their present, their past, what each of them wanted or, rather, expected of the future.

James Potter. Sirius Black. The prophecy. Being a spy. The kiss.

Or, he supposed, kisses.

As much as he longed for a repeat, Severus was adamant; there was no future for them. Couldn't be.

Lily, of course, opposed his standpoint.

She almost always did, ever since they were children; each of them always on the other side of an argument. Firing one another up.

Even over the most ridiculous of things.

"Sev."

Lily's hand was on his arm. Needlessly. Drawing him from his thoughts.

Severus glanced down at her hand, then shot her a look, hoping it was stern, disapproving.

Lily's lips twitched. And her hand fell to her side. She knew what she was doing.

And, so far, her advances – if they could be called as such – did nothing at all to benefit her argument. All it did was result in his own frustration increasing, only slightly, but enough that his morning showers had begun to last a little longer than they used to.

Maddening.

"Well. I think that a visit to St Mungo's might be in order."

Severus almost jumped out of his skin when Heart spoke up from his other side. He looked at the other witch, who was glancing between them with undisguised amusement.

"Yes." Severus quickly agreed with her, taking a step back; "Perhaps Mrs Potter would like to accompany you?" He looked at Lily; "It would be…beneficial to your upcoming Fellowship assessment."

"You don't even know what we're doing." Heart pointed out with a grin.

Severus shot the older woman a glower.

Lily made a small sound at his side, a muffled giggle, before she nodded; "Yes. I'll come along." She stepped by him, in front of him, meeting his eyes when she was just inches from his face and he forced himself to meet her look evenly, even when the faint brush of her hip against his thigh threatened to weaken him.

And then the two of them left him in peace for the remainder of the afternoon.

Thank Merlin.

Regulus' screams subsided; a low groan escaping him as his body twitched in the aftermath of the Cruciatus.

The Dark Lord stepped over him.

"Commendable, perhaps. Unacceptable, most definitely." The Dark Lord circled Regulus' form but did not look at him; "Remember this, Regulus; benefitting from all I have built, when one is unwilling to stand by my cause, to even attempt to discover my whereabouts, why, I wonder if the punishment for such a misdemeanour ought to be death?"

Regulus focused entirely on his mind, his occlumency barriers, and he knew his skills in such were by no means brilliant; nothing in comparison to Severus' levels of deception. If the Dark Lord should choose to actually attack with the full force of his legilliemency skills, his ability to maintain the barriers were dubious – he could probably do it but not without the Dark Lord realising he was doing so. And just the mere hint of secrecy on his side would be enough.

"On your feet." The Dark Lord finally said, with a sharp indication in the direction of the others. Regulus scrambled up, making his way back to the space he had vacated when he had fallen to his knees under the first assault of the Cruciatus.

"Welcome home, Regulus. My friends. Now that we are all reunited, it is finally time to begin."

"Augusta Longbottom is dead."

The Order meetings previously had begun as sombre affairs but, with each new one, five so far, since the Dark Lord's return they had become more of a social engagement rather than any true contribution to the war effort.

There was still no war.

As such, this meeting had started out with almost merriment. The first time it had taken place at the Burrow and Molly Weasley had gone out of her way to make the experience as enjoyable as possible; providing them all with baked goods – cookies and pumpkin pie – as well as sweet beverages, which they had all devoured between animated conversations between themselves as they awaited Dumbledore's arrival.

When he had appeared, his expression had been as grim as the announcement he made.

"What about the boy, Albus?" Minerva spoke up.

"As yet, Neville Longbottom is unrecovered. We can only hope that he had somehow been concealed by his grandmother prior –"

"But what are the chances of that?" Moody demanded; "I was with the aurors that found her. And I'm telling you; that woman suffered."

"Thank you, Alastor. The most likely scenario is that Neville has been captured." Dumbledore's eyes met Severus', an unspoken question, to which Severus gave a slight nod; already connecting the dots. The Dark Lord had spoken to them of a location, a den, during his previous gathering with the Circle – though the circumstances of Neville Longbottom's capture had been omitted – and Severus had already related it to Dumbledore.

"And we must see to it immediately that he is recovered. I have already received intelligence of his potential whereabouts however our intervention is most likely expected. Needless to say, we must still investigate with the upmost caution. And readiness. While Neville Longbottom may not be held in this location, indeed, he most likely isn't, there is a chance we can find clues as to his true whereabouts –"

"Dumbledore, come on. The boy is dead," Moody said, with sombre bluntness.

"Very well. Even if I were to concede the point, which I do not, we are aware that Death Eaters will be congregating at this locality which forces our hand. For now, we must tread with due care and discuss our own action plan. It goes without saying that the longer it takes for the Death Eaters to be aware of our arrival, the stronger our position will be."

"We shall divide into three groups," Dumbledore began, receiving a murmuring and collection of hands raised in voluntary acquiescence, of those willing, as he carried on speaking. Discussing the particulars of the location that Severus had already investigated, had already planted the seeds of doubt, seen to it that the odd object was dropped nearby; an auror badge, some extra footprints in the dirt in the surrounding areas, in order to protect his own cover. Somewhere to point the finger, when questions of how Dumbledore discovered the location arose.

The measures were unneeded; Dumbledore received information of the gathering point from others, also. Locals who had alerted the Ministry, who had altered the Aurors, and Kingsley and Moody both confirmed the reports as Dumbledore spoke.

The Death Eaters had been careless; seen.

"I'll go."

Severus met Lily's eyes sharply across the table at the sound of her voice. She held his look for barely a second, before turning back to Dumbledore; receiving the instructions for herself and the group to which she had volunteered herself.

Severus shifted, feeling an uneasiness settle over him, and did his best not to simply stare at her as she listened to Dumbledore with rapt attention; receiving her orders.

Within half an hour, the plan was set; Severus receiving no orders of his own. Being the spy meant all he had to do to contribute was listen and talk; action not required. Action not practical; he could not be spotted.

And then they were dismissed; off to arms.

Severus lingered in the corner of the hallway, as the Order members disbanded and began to head from the Burrow, catching Lily as subtly as he could by the arm; "Lily."

She smiled at him; "Hey." She looked over his shoulder, at those who were leaving; "I'll fall behind –"

"Good."

Lily met his eyes sharply and then raised an eyebrow, her eyes seeming almost amused as she regarded him; "You object?"

"Yes."

"This is what you've been training me for."

"Muffliato. Lily, you cannot be serious. The purpose of the training was for your protection. And after our discussion regarding your son, I would have thought the need for discretion was obvious."

"Severus, I have fought with the Order before. You said it yourself, you saw me. You fought me."

"Circumstances were entirely different; the Dark Lord knew nothing of you back then. And flaunting your defiance in his face now is hardly conductive to maintaining a low profile."

"It is carrying on as normal, like you and Dumbledore suggested. And it's Harry who needs to be protected, Severus, not me."

"They go hand-in-hand,"

"I'm getting the impression the only way you will be satisfied is if I were to be settled on my couch in a nightgown with a pair of knitting needles while all this is going on."

Severus bristled; "Ridiculous. I am not doubting your abilities. My concerns are valid in this case."

At least that's what he told himself; ignored the little voice in the back of his head that told him that he was the one being ridiculous. That he could not wrap her up in cotton wool or lock her in a box or protect her by denying her the right to protect herself. Such overprotectiveness was not acceptable in any relationship, particularly when there was no relationship in the first place, and he knew he would not appreciate such an overbearing presence if the circumstances were reversed.

"You risk your life every day," Lily pointed out, as if reading his thoughts; "And don't think you can protect me just by keeping me away from you."

"Ah."

"What?"

"I am trying to decide if you are truly stubborn enough to get yourself killed just to spite me."

"You're being a bit over-dramatic."

"This coming from the Drama Queen herself. Life and death situations often call for drastic responses…what?"

A slow, small smile had spread over her face as he spoke, coming out full force when he questioned it, and her eyes softened. She rolled her eyes, making a little 'hmm' in pleasure or amusement he wasn't sure;

"Sev, you're…you're really sweet –"

Severus felt himself bristle again.

"But, really, I can handle myself."

She reached for him, even as she made to walk by, taking his hand and squeezing it, briefly, before she headed in the direction of the others; breaking into a brisk jog to catch up and he could only stand and watch her go.

Left with a gnawing in his gut that he couldn't ignore.

Until the Dark Mark began to burn.

The ambush happened so suddenly, they barely had time to react.

The first curse was sent their way within a second of them realising something was wrong, hitting Moody square in the chest, and sending him to the ground, writhing in agony under the effects of the Cruciatus.

The manic laughter of Bellatrix Black filled the air, mixing with the auror's cries, and then, chaos.

The dark clearing was lit with the light of curses and spells being fired back and forth; Death Eaters seeming to come out of everywhere, as if they had been waiting all along.

"Come on, you can do better than that!" Sirius had engaged his cousin and Lily felt a jolt of worry for him, as he darted about, reminded of his very recent recovery; that his legs could fail him at any moment.

But there was no time to think about it, suddenly caught up in combat with a Death Eater of her own. She deflected their curses with better skill than she had done so in the past, practice duels with Severus paying off, and floored her opponent with a stupefy, before she was quickly engaged by another.

"Lily!" Remus deflected a curse sent her way.

"Avada Kedavra!"

Both she and Remus recoiled, as the words sounded, though the curse wasn't sent either of their ways; instead, it fired in the direction of Sirius, who only just managed to avoid it.

Screams echoed throughout the clearing, the injured, the tortured.

Shouts of curses joining them.

Barely anyone noticed when the first person fell; an Order member.

A Death Eater went next; dead

It was horribly familiar and yet the adrenaline pumped through her veins, keeping her moving, and she felt Sirius' back against hers when three masked attackers surrounded them; anticipated their moves, ready for them, deflecting their attempted curses and firing their own in turn until, finally, two fell and the line broke.

A rumbling sounded by the den next to them and, then, a grumble, followed by a roar, as light burst forth from the opening, the force of it sending everyone in the near vicinity to the ground and an apparition appeared, translucent and vividly green, lunging for the nearest body, an Order member, that Kingsley quickly vaporised with a spell of his own.

And then, from the opening, two dementors suddenly fluttered into the clearing and the atmosphere grew heavy; unbearably cold. The first targeted Emmeline Vance but the creature was so close that the cold invaded Lily's chest, her heart, her breath seen in the air.

Lily clutched her wand tight; she knew the incantation. She knew the spell. Willed a memory to come, something bright, her son. Harry. But, suddenly, she could see nothing; could only hear agonised screams and she knew it wasn't of those in the area, that they were coming from somewhere deep inside of her. Memories of the past.

"Expecto Patronum!"

Bright light warded off the dementors, sending the two of them scattering in a flee.

It wasn't Lily who had done it.

Lily was suddenly pulled to her feet and Remus right in front of her; "Are you alright?"

She only had the chance to give a sharp nod when, suddenly, the dementors were back, and three others fluttered out from the den.

Remus grasped at her wrist and urged her in the direction of the forest, as the Order members fled; the Death Eaters having already done so, upon the first onslaught from the dementors, but they were lying in wait, and Lily barely managed to deflect the first curse sent her way as they reached the trees. Too slow to react to the next.

"Sectumsempra!"

It got her.

Lily doubled over as it struck her across the chest but it wasn't enough to floor her and she heard Sirius call out to her, just as Remus was sent flying across the forest; coming to a stop when his body collided with a faraway tree.

The dementors surrounded them again, circling from above, and the unbearable coldness overwhelmed them. The grass and the leaves of the trees curling under the effects; frost and ice developing on the surfaces.

Lily fought back, as another Death Eater engaged her, but whoever it was pushed back, making her stumble among the branches and the grass at their feet, almost losing her footing.

"Einlatus!"

The Death Eater doubled over, forearms suddenly pressed to the side of his head, a groan, a trickle of blood appearing from the opening of the ear and, then, suddenly, the hand holding his wand flicked in Lily's direction; "Crucio!"

Lily screamed, falling to her knees, unable to help it; it didn't last long, the Death Eater's torture of her interrupted by an Order member – Kingsley – who threw a hex their way. And she scrambled back to her feet, suddenly feeling weaker, vision blurring, and Lily glanced down at the wound across her chest; the fabric of her robes matted against her skin and she touched it; drawing her hand back and seeing the dark moisture of blood that had soaked through.

Lily stumbled backwards, slightly, before she willed herself to carry on; keep fighting. The forest still lit up with the battle. But, before she could take another step, she was suddenly hit square in the chest and was sent flying; she reached out, grasping for anything, as she felt herself hit a slope. Tumbling downwards. She grasped a vine or a branch or a plant, she wasn't sure, whatever it was she didn't hold onto it for long, the object slicing through the skin of her palm under the friction as she felt herself descend rapidly down the incline.

Her back hit something hard and then she flipped, in the air for only a second, before her body smacked back down onto the ground, temple colliding with it less than a second later, and her world went black.

"Lily."

The voice was soft, calling her name, drawing her back to consciousness.

She felt a hand on her face, the voice still speaking softly, telling her to open her eyes. A familiar voice but she couldn't place it. Her mind still fuzzy, barely able to remember what had happened.

There had been a battle.

Dementors.

Familiar screams from her darkest memories filling her ears.

A Cruciatus.

She groaned as the pain hit her sharply in conjunction with the memories.

"Lily."

Her eyes flicked open.

A Death Eater was above her; masked and inches from her face.

Lily jerked back with a startled yelp, reaching for her wand, her panic driving her to action.

"Lily." The Death Eater spoke with a familiar voice, a hand pressing her to the ground, holding her there, and then his other hand reached up and yanked the mask from his face.

Severus.

Lily drew in a shaky breath, her heart still racing even at the sight of him, and she tried to calm herself, closing her eyes; "Sev."

"What happened? Are you…tell me where it hurts. I have healed the wounds on your hand and chest. Are there any others?"

Lily drew in a breath, opening her eyes, and seeing the unconcealed apprehension in his pushed her to get a grip of herself. She pushed herself up onto her elbows, wincing at the pain that shot through her; "I…I think I'm okay."

Severus looked at her dubiously. His eyes flicked across her; from her face down to her toes. And there was a rare openness in his eyes when they met hers once again; concern and tenderness, affection and vulnerability. His hand clutched her arms as he lifted his wand; "Let me check."

He cast the charm, hovering above her, and she touched her forehead to his shoulder as he did. Stayed like that until he drew back a few moments later; "Your ankle's broken. Other than that…"

Severus trailed off, expression grim as he looked at her.

Lily gave a little shrug, regaining her composure; "Hey. Not a bad initiation back into the Order, right?"

Severus did not look amused. Simply glanced away from her as he tucked his wand back into his sleeve.

"Hey, Mr Sunshine. You're blinding me here."

Severus met her eyes and shook his head, making to speak but saying nothing.

And then she smiled and lifted an eyebrow; "Go ahead. If you dare."

"What?"

"Say it. I think it starts with 'I' and then ends with something along the lines of 'told you so'?"

"You'll have to excuse me. I'm not in the mood for jokes."

"I'm fine, Sev."

"Luck, that is all."

"Luck? I didn't think you believed in such things."

Severus sighed, leaning back over her; "Let me fix that." His wand was in his hand again, as he reached for her ankle.

"I can do it," Lily said, wincing at the pain as she moved her leg; "For the first few months of my apprenticeship all I did was mend broken bones."

"I'll do it," Severus said, quietly, not looking at her, as he moved himself further down. He lifted her leg with a tender grasp around her calf, brushing away the fabric of her robe, her dress beneath, and lifted his wand, speaking the spell and Lily felt her heart swell with her affection for him as she observed the way he worked.

His hand gentle, but firm, holding her with a tenderness that made her heartbeat quicken. A dark intensity in his eyes when they met hers that stole her breath for a second, making her catch and hold it. But he looked away, back down at her ankle, as he carried on.

She felt rather silly, under the circumstances, Severus here tending to her wounds and she so captivated by him under his ministrations.

So far, since he had turned her away the two weeks before, his resolve had been firm. He hadn't given in or even shown any notice of her attempts at…what? Wearing him down? Seducing him?

It wasn't something she would normally do. In fact, she had never done so. Lily had always been the one to be chased. And to be so forward with someone, particularly when they had made it clear they weren't interested, wasn't a situation she had ever expected to find herself in. Except, in this case, she knew that Severus was interested, despite his protests.

He wasn't keeping her at distance because he didn't care; he was doing it because he did.

And, the more she thought about it, the more it strengthened her desire to be with him. Knowing that Severus cared about her that way, to the extent that he was so determined to put her welfare above his feelings for her – as frustrating as it may be – was both thrilling and unnerving and it stirred her own feelings for him, told her more about his character, the man he had become, so much so that she couldn't keep away.

His determination to keep things between them static was maddening.

Lily wanted him.

Yes, it was a childish thought; that she wanted him so she should get him. She had always been particularly spoiled in that regard. After all, she almost always made sure she got what she wanted. But, in this case, she knew that she wasn't the only one; Severus wanted it too.

He was just too pig-headed, too sure of his own decision to listen to her and accept that, for her, it was worth the risk. Especially when she now knew how deep his feelings ran for her. That what they were feeling was something real.

Apparently even Dumbledore knew.

Though, she supposed, that made sense. Severus had told her, in the same conversation, that he had turned to Dumbledore for her. And now, he kept them apart, had sought to shelter their relationship from the prying eyes of others, all to protect her too. Because he cared for her.

And Severus expected her, with that knowledge, to just walk away?

Not a chance.

Severus moved, lifting his head, only to find her staring at him with every thought, every feeling that had risen with it, evident in her expression.

His own eyes darkened in response to the yearning within hers but he rolled them, drawing in a breath, making to pull away.

Lily stopped him with a hand to the arm, holding him still. Still and close, face mere inches from hers, and she glanced down at his lips and then back at his eyes, giving him a little smile.

Severus melted, giving her a smile of his own, but his eyes averted, glancing over the clearing when he spoke; "My instincts tell me you are not the type to take 'no' for an answer."

"Your instincts, Professor Snape, are as stellar as always."

Severus met her eyes and Lily could see the same longing in them that gripped her tight; coiling and burning deep inside, telling her to just lean in and take what she wanted.

Severus swallowed, shaking his head; "The answer is still no, Lily."

His eyes said something different. But Lily knew that his eyes only revealed what he wanted, not what he would actually do. And that his resolve was just as set as it had been before.

"I know."

Lily kissed him anyway; his look making it clear he wouldn't stop her.

She supposed the whole almost-dying thing might have weakened his resolve a bit.

It was soft and slow and sweet, without the same desperate passion that had been in the others they had shared, this one meaning something different. Something more. Her own feelings poured into it, deeper than those demonstrated the first time; this time the warmth, the affection, the promise for more. Love.

The thought made her start and she drew back.

Severus' eyes opened and he tilted his head to the side, just looking at her.

Lily's heart was racing so fast, pounding so hard, that she was sure Severus would be able to hear it.

Love.

Of course.

She didn't even realise when it had happened.

When she had fallen.

Lily reached up, her hand cupping his cheek, her thumb slowly trailing across the skin in a gentle caress, and then she leaned in again. She had to. She had to.

Her lips had barely brushed his when he spoke against them.

"We are only making this more difficult than it has to be."

Lily reluctantly drew back at his words, the open vulnerability was still there but there was a guardedness to his expression now, telling her that he wasn't going to let this go further.

One kiss.

He gave her that.

Nothing more.

Lily raised an eyebrow; "Speak for yourself."

Severus smiled, one of the rare genuine ones of his that made her heart swell.

She titled her head forward, speaking quietly; "It doesn't have to be. If what you're worried about is other people…no one has to know."

Lily had thought about it. Considered it following their discussion. That, if what Severus was concerned about was Hopkins finding out, Voldemort, then she could do it. She could keep it quiet, if it only meant she could show him how she felt; that her feelings were as real as his. That her want for him was the same as his for her.

Her own intensity rising as the depth of his had become apparent.

"I couldn't ask you to do that."

"You mean you wouldn't. That's fine. So I'm asking you."

Severus drew in a breath, shook his head; "It wouldn't be fair, Lily. To have to live your life in secrecy, as I must in mine? No."

"Now who's being impossible?"

"Because it is. I've thought about it too, Lily. There is no way."

"Only because you're being a stubborn wanker about it all."

Severus' lips twitched in amusement; "Interesting assessment. And yet you…" His words trailed off, his expression become guarded once again, and he looked away.

"And yet I." Lily repeated, each word pronounced, as she leaned forward, forcing him to look at her; "Yes, I do."

Severus look at her, right at her, and for one hopeful second, Lily though he might concede; might agree. Instead he sighed, offering up another excuse; "It would be too complicated."

Lily bit her lip, leaning forward to close the tiny gap between them; "Simple is overrated."

She caught his lips once again with hers.

Severus didn't pull away. Staying almost remarkably still, the only movement the parting of his lips as she kissed him, the feel of his hand curling tight around hers where they lay against her stomach.

The stirring of leaves, the snapping of a branch, snapped him to attention. Severus tore himself from her in a second, wand gripped tight in his hand, as he spun, still in a crouch, to face the intruder.

Remus.

Remus halted in his footsteps, looking incredibly awkward, and Lily was certain that if it hadn't been dark she'd be able to see a blush on his cheeks as he averted his eyes; "Oh. Um…s-sorry. I was…I saw you go down."

"You took your time." Severus' voice was cold.

"I'm fine, Remus." Lily smiled at him, pushing herself more upright behind Severus, so he could see her properly; "Severus found me."

Remus nodded, eyeing them both, and then looking away; "Yeah. I…I saw."

What he had seen was obvious.

An awkwardness descended.

An uncomfortable silence.

Remus cleared his throat, glancing back at her briefly; "Well I'll…uh – I'll just leave you two to it then."

Severus eyes flashed and he was on his feet; "I was just leaving. Perhaps you'd like to see to it that Lily gets to St Mungo's? She's injured."

"I'm not in–" Lily made to protest the statement but Severus was already striding away.

The look he shot Remus was ice cold as he bypassed him, full of even more loathing than usual, and then Severus was gone.

Remus watched him retreat and then turned back to Lily, as she got to her feet, and it seemed like he was going to say something about it. About Severus. About what he had seen.

But he didn't.

His expression became guardedly concerned; "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

Remus held her look.

And then he nodded; "Right."

Lily exhaled audibly, the awkwardness swelling, and she stepped towards him, the two of them sharing another look, him desperate to say something and she daring him to do so.

But he didn't.

So they walked, the silence dragging on all the way back to the house.