Chapter Fifty-Nine

Severus did not consider himself to be sentimental.

Perhaps finally allowing himself to succumb to Lily and the ensuing relationship had weakened that side of himself, somewhat. Emotions so much easily touched upon these days than they had been in the past.

Or, perhaps, it was the ever present, ever rising sense of dread that came over him whenever Regulus came to mind.

When Sirius Black's attorney had served him with notice to vacate Newton's, he had long since cleared out his own belongings; the threat of Hopkins' potential strike rendering the property useless to him. But he had gone back, all the same. Barely a minute within its walls before he had emerged with a single framed photograph.

A gift he had received some years before – he had not gotten this thing framed himself.

Within it, the figures moved; a younger version of himself – the foolish one, who had still followed the Dark Lord blindly – and of Regulus, barely seventeen and with a sparkling mirth in his eyes that they had long since lost, for his smiles rarely reached his eyes anymore.

Severus was certain that was still the case, despite their current separation.

Within the frame, the young Severus scowled, middle finger being presented to the camera in lieu of a smile, and the young Regulus sat behind him, arm resting over a bent knee with a cigarette hanging loosely between his fingers, laughing at Severus' response.

That was them all over.

"You are concerned?"

"Obviously." Severus had to keep himself from snapping at the old man, as he and the Headmaster made their way to the Order meeting.

"The very fact that Voldemort remains caught up with the search for Regulus indicates his continuing survival. That he has not sought our help or attempted to make contact with either of us can only mean that he wishes to remain anonymous at this time."

"Or that he is unable to reach us, despite wishing to do so."

"Severus, wasn't it you, yourself, who said that it was best we do nothing to attempt to locate him? You were right when you said it held the risk of posing further threat."

"That was three months ago!" Severus did snap now; "Surely it is now time – past time – for the Order to intervene and attempt to assist him."

"Very well, Severus, if that is your wish. We shall assign a small group with the task of locating him."

The relief that Severus felt was dampened by the statement the old man had just made; that, yes, any attempt at locating Regulus did come with risk. While it seemed that the Dark Lord had withdrawn his focus upon the Order, leaving only Severus to carry on with monitoring their movements, there was still the chance that they could draw the interest of the Death Eaters assigned with the very same task.

"I suppose you understand that it would be unwise for yourself to be included within that group?" Dumbledore added.

"Of course."

Severus was not entirely sure he had escaped monitoring himself, for the time being, his previous failures still neither forgotten nor forgiven. He had all but been banished from hearing any current Death Eater movements, called upon only to relay information he had learned regarding the Order and receiving no other task in turn.

An uneasiness took the place of the relief, then, as he considered what it was going to take for the Dark Lord to accept him, fully, into the Circle once more. For now, he skirted the brink of it. To be embraced once more, he would have to offer up something more than a little substantial. A secret. A life.

Severus pushed the thought away, the two of them finally reaching their destination, stepping into the Burrow; down the narrow hallway into the room where Order members already awaited, chatting amongst themselves.

Lily passed by him, mere inches from the door, as he stepped through the threshold; met his eyes briefly and offered him a small smile, before she carried on her way, taking her customary seat between muppets one and two.

He took his own; directly opposite. Avoided her eyes.

The familiar grip of longing took hold, as it always did, whenever he looked at her. He could blame it on the fact that it had been almost a week since he had last seen her. But that would be a lie. He would have thought that finally being with her, his attentions wanted, sought and, when possible, carried out, would mean the longing would be quelled somewhat. That he would finally be satisfied.

Not so.

If anything, the fact that he was permitted to touch, to kiss, only made him want her all the more. All the time. Furiously distracting.

Severus cleared his throat, composing himself and pushing such thoughts away, and focused on whatever it was Dumbledore was saying.

" – number of aurors and their families have been targeted. And in each case, it has been suggested they logged reports that they believed they were under watch."

"So, the Death Eaters are coming after us now while our backs are turned?" Sirius Black remarked; "Now that's honour."

Like Black would know anything about honour. Moneygrubbing scum.

Severus controlled himself, not voicing the thought, but glowered in the other man's direction all the same and received a corresponding one in turn.

"It seems that Voldemort is focused almost entirely upon recruitment at this time, rather than any particular offensive strategy; opting, instead, to send his Death Eaters out to pick off his opponents as the opportunity arises. Severus has stated that he is currently focused upon enlistment of the Giants, as well as dealing with final negotiations with the werewolves." Dumbledore glanced in Lupin's direction at that; "Which we hope to hear more information on soon?"

Lupin, who looked even more pale and sickly than usual, gave the Headmaster a stiff nod and a forced smile.

"Then Death Eaters are stalking us?" Emmeline Vance spoke up; "I had a feeling I was being followed a few nights ago."

Hushed chatter erupted and a handful of others spoke the same concerns; paranoia or truth, it didn't matter. Panic quickly set in.

"For the time being, I suggest apparition as the first option of transportation," came Dumbledore's resolution; "And a watchful eye. For now, it would be prudent for us to carry on with recruitment of our own." He made a nod of indication in the direction of three newcomers to the group, introducing them, before going on to assign tasks to others; verbal negotiations, for there were no known imminent attacks to respond to.

Then again, how would the Order know?

Severus, having dropped so many grades in the Dark Lord's esteem, now only learned of them, himself, mere minutes before they were due to take place or, in some cases, after they had already done so; merely so he could relay the Order's casualty list and response.

After all, Severus was not needed to fight. And what Severus didn't need to know, the Dark Lord didn't share.

And with the diminishment of his worth is the Dark Lord's Circle, came a corresponding diminishment of his worth to the Order. For he could offer little information of value.

For the time being, only, Dumbledore had countered, stating that patience was what was needed. Obedience. Compliance. The old man assuring him that, when the time was right, he would offer up information of value that would elevated him back to his previous levels of standing. When memory of his failings were not quite so fresh.

Playing the game.

The meeting carried on another half hour, as each relayed information, questions and concerns of their own, all which led to brief discussion but there was very little of great significance. Another dud meeting, really, if Severus were to speak frankly.

He easily found himself distracted by Lily, instead, particularly when she shifted, meeting his eyes across the table, and she held his look; eyes lingering on his until Lupin glanced her way and she averted them.

The wolf looked at her curiously, before glancing over at him, and Severus held his look, evenly, even if he ought to have just looked away. Not one to back down from a challenge from a bloody Marauder.

Nonetheless, he didn't look Lily's way again as the meeting continued, attention back on what Dumbledore and various other Order members were saying. And it wasn't until after it concluded, when he lingered in the room as the others left, that his attention turned upon her once again when Lily cautiously approached him, under the pretence of retrieving her cloak nearby.

"Harry is staying with Julia tonight." Her voice was low, despite the quickly uttered 'muffliato' she cast when she reached him. Ever vigilant.

A smile tugged at the edge of his lips, as he slowly stood, pulling on his own cloak. Understanding instantly what it was she was suggesting, even without looking at her when he answered; "Is that wise?"

He didn't need an answer. The question was rhetorical. Only six days before, she had spent the night with him. And he could count on one hand how often she had done so since this had started, in part due to both agreeing early on that such occurrences needed to be spread out, and also due to the fact that time was, most definitely, not on their side these days.

"What about Black?"

Lily shrugged, drawing her own cloak on, stepping around behind him, keeping her head down and her voice still low as she passed by; "I'll wait until he goes to bed."

He contemplated it for barely a second.

"I'll leave the door unlocked."

Severus caught the smile tugging at her lips but she didn't look back at him, making the few steps to the door and leaving without any parting glance.

Severus cursed the little thrill that shot through him, hitting him due to the mix of elation at getting to see her that night as well as the little jolt of excitement that came whenever they made such plans, secretly, clandestinely; forbidden little meetings.

Fool.

This wasn't a game.

And he should have said no.

But, well, the opportunities were so little and far between. With the boy away for the night, it seemed only logical they seize the chance. Sensible. It could be weeks before the opportunity rose again and Severus knew he couldn't last so long; weak, now, not only when faced with Lily but also under the strain of his own wishes.

And, hell, there was no denying it; he wanted to have sex with her tonight.

So, driven by primal lust, he had not refused or offered up any resistance or reminder of the dangers; let himself be led by his own desires. Let himself become complacent, careless, as he had done so with her in the past.

And, as always, such a drop in his guard would prove to be less than prudent. Consequences. Consequences.

Although, Lily would be the only to bear the brunt of them this time.

Sirius poured over the paperwork he had received that morning.

Newton's was done. Sold. The final paperwork awaiting clearance. The last of the items within ready to be disposed of. More money than he could even picture in his mind soon set to fill the new vault he had opened up at Gringotts.

It wasn't his, mind. It was his little brother's.

His little brother who, for the first time in over a decade, had actually, willing, come to him. And Sirius wasn't going to screw up this chance; the chance to make it up to him. To finally make amends for what had happened in the past.

His own pride and arrogance had led to losing James; to alienating Remus.

He wasn't going to let it destroy his relationship with Regulus as well; his brother could use him in whatever way he wished, so long as he got it. That Sirius would do anything for him.

Including pouring over mind-numbing documents detailing the legalities of purchasing the new property he had finally managed to settle upon.

A cottage in Scotland; secluded but not as forsaken as the dingy dwellings he had put them up in for the past few months. Caves, shacks, ruins.

It was a wonder Malachi hadn't come down with a respiratory ailment over the winter.

This place was perfect. An island just off the mainland.

They could even step outdoors once in a while, if they wanted to, such a small population that the island itself could hardly even be considered to be truly inhabited. Besides, once the Fidelius charm was cast, it no longer mattered; Voldemort couldn't touch them, then, even if he were to someone learnt the location. The cottage would be unseen and his brother, his nephew, would be untouchable.

It wasn't a way to live, no. Sirius had seen it before, with James and Lily; the strain threatening to break them as time went on. Cut off from civilisation. But at least they would be alive.

Though, from the sounds of it, Regulus had no intention of remaining cut off. He would hide, yes, but he would still fight, he had made that clear. He would stand against the monster he had turned from in whatever way he could.

Sirius couldn't help smiling as he thought of it; proud, even if he had nothing to do with it. Could take no credit for how his brother had turned out. Regulus had done it all on his own.

The door to the kitchen suddenly clicked open, quietly, and Sirius grasped for his wand; raising it as he got to his feet, as he quickly confirmed that, yes, it was past four in the morning.

Lily stepped through; froze in her movements when she caught sight of him at the table.

She looked incredibly caught; guilty.

Sirius frowned.

"Sirius."

Sirius glanced back at the timepiece, needlessly, before meeting her look; "Where have you been all night?"

Her cheeks reddened; "I…I was taking a walk."

"A walk?"

"Yes."

"At four in the morning?"

"I couldn't sleep."

Sirius eyed her sceptically; mind wondering if it was really just a 'walk' she had gone on, then why was she acting as if he had just walked in and caught her with her knickers around her ankles; "Uh, yeah. Not buying it."

Lily straightened, suddenly looking defensive; "I wasn't aware I needed your permission to leave my own house, Sirius."

Sirius suddenly grinned, the puzzle fitting into place. Lily had been with someone. That explained it. She had been acting weird for weeks. Staying out later than he knew was necessary, he was certain the new Fellowship she had taken up didn't require her staying late into the evening, not as often as she claimed. And she carried herself different; practically walking on clouds, humming as she dotted about the house.

And, more pleasingly, she had stopped hanging about with bloody Snivellus now that the Foundation had closed down.

At least one good thing had come of his brother's legacy being destroyed.

And now, it seemed her attentions were on some new mystery man.

Someone she had met at St Mungo's, he guessed, and he put down her uneasy defensiveness due to uncertainty over how he would react. He had been, was, James' best friend, after all. Perhaps she expected him to confront her? To feel betrayed on James' behalf?

Not at all. This was great. Lily was finally moving on.

Sirius raised his eyebrows; "Does he have a name?"

Lily bristled, walking behind the counter; "I don't know what you're talking about."

Sirius laughed; "Oh come on, Lil'. It's so obvious."

Lily shook her head; "There's no one."

"I don't mind. It's great! Do I know him?"

Lily ignored him.

"It's not Remus is it?" Sirius couldn't help it; he didn't like the thought of it. The thought of either of them being with Lily, after being practically brothers with James all that time, gave him the icks. He'd rather it be someone else; someone who didn't know them. Someone new.

And someone new would come into their lives on their terms. He may be getting ahead of himself here, but he wasn't going to stand back and be cast aside by some stepfather that came along and tried to muscle in on Harry's life.

"It's not Remus. It's no one." Lily rolled her eyes and then she shot him a grin of her own; "Not that you're one to talk, mind you. I've noticed your little disappearing acts for the past few months and they've been far more frequent than my midnight walk tonight."

Sirius paused as she turned the tables on him. He hadn't told her about Regulus. Partly because Regulus had insisted only Sirius know about his situation, and partly because, well…things just weren't the same with Lily anymore.

It wasn't that he didn't trust her. He did. She was family. But a distance seemed to have come over them, one he couldn't blame on a new man, for it had been growing for months. Ever since Peter had escaped from Azkaban. Sirius going after him being the defining moment; Lily no longer being able to count on him.

Or, maybe, it was Snape that had caused it. The sting over her siding with that man, keeping the truth of his past from him, even when he had been certain, had voiced his concerns, still hadn't completely diminished. He didn't care what cock and bull story the git had offered her; Sirius had been right and Lily hadn't cared.

There was a growing distance between them now that Sirius wasn't sure could ever be joined.

Sirius shrugged, smirking; "Gotta get my jollies somewhere, Lil'."

Lily's eyes widened and she suddenly smiled, delightedly; "Seriously?" And then she laughed, shrugging out of her cloak and approaching him with unconcealed interest; "Who is she?"

"No one in particular. Just a bird."

Lily shot him a disapproving look.

Sirius gave her an unabashed grin; nothing to be ashamed of, after all, for there was no bird. Just his kid brother and nephew, held up in a crumby little shack.

Rather, he enjoyed it. The light in her eyes and the teasing in her voice as she attempted to coerce information from him, in much the same way he had done so about her new beau, and it seemed to reach back to the camaraderie they had had, years before; after James, when the pain was fresh but they had still counted on one another. Leant on one another to get through it.

And he pretended that, yes; they'd manage to bridge it, this distance.

He could fix, hold onto, his relationship with Lily, the same as he could with his brother. The same as he was doing with Remus.

They'd be just fine.

Remus wasn't fine.

No matter how much he insisted it; both verbally to those who asked how he was doing and silently, in his own head, as he told himself to get a grip.

Sirius seemed to see past the insistence, suggesting the two head out and scout the area Greyback intended on prowling next.

Almost six months undercover now; five full moons. The first two had been bearable, if terrifying, Snape's offering of Wolfsbane in exchange for his blood taking the edge off his transformations; maintaining his humanity, even as he became the monster.

It was freeing, such relief that he had almost wept when he had come back to himself; to know that it was possible and to have it.

He had heard of it before, Wolfsbane, read all about the potion, but he had never before had the opportunity to take it. When the concoction became better known, the instructions and ingredients list made available, the expense of them had floored him; he had refused when Lily had offered to purchase them but she did it anyway. Only for them to go to waste because the skills required to brew it were so advanced; one mistake and all was lost.

Lily tried again the following two months, in vain, until Remus had told her to stop. Wasting money that he would never be able to repay. And time that, he knew, she would have much rather be spending on her whole 'Save-James' mentality she had been plagued with, at the time.

Snape's offering had been a godsend; so much so that he doubted even Snape knew how much Remus appreciated it, even if it was simply an offering made for the other man's own gains.

However, having it and then losing it, only made the natural transformations all the more unbearable. The third, the forth, the fifth. The task of spying, of becoming one with the werewolves, taking its toll harder and faster than it had done the first time.

He guessed it was obvious; Sirius and Lily asking him frequently how he was doing. Reminding him that they were both there. He could go to them. And he was certain that it was Lily who had convinced Snape, somehow – he had an idea, though tried not to think too much on it – to provide the Wolfsbane for him once again that month.

Lily was with Severus.

Remus knew it; no doubt whatsoever.

Even if Lily hadn't confided in him once again. Even if their outwards behaviour seemed to indicate a disconnection, Remus knew from the conversation before everything really hit them, the feelings that lingered there.

That knowledge, along with the strain of just keeping himself together right now, meant that Sirius' questions and musings only served to make him uncomfortable. And irritated.

"If there was someone and it was serious, she'd tell us."

Sirius seemed to find the whole thing incredibly exciting. Lily with a new man. Not exactly the reaction Remus had been expecting though there was still time for it; for the inevitable 'intentions' discussion with the poor man who happened to catch Lily's fancy, along with the ensuing 'hexing of the testicles' that would be sure to follow.

Remus was one hundred percent certain that Sirius would not be so animated about the whole thing if he knew the truth; that it was Severus Snape who Lily had, apparently, been sneaking out in the middle of the night to meet with.

"Do you think we know him?"

Most definitely.

"No."

"Yeah, me either. Someone new, right? From St Mungo's, I'm guessing. She seemed, I don't know, guilty or something when I asked her about it. Probably because of James."

"Hm. Must be."

"I mean, I've told her before, that I wanted her to move on. I meant it, too. I don't expect her to be Prongs' wife forever."

"Yeah."

"It's not good for her."

"Right."

"And James wanted that for her too, you remember? He said so. That he wanted her to move on, keep living, if anything ever happened to him."

"I remember."

"Yeah. I mean…What's up with you?"

Sirius was looking at him with a frown.

"What?"

"You're barely even listening."

"I'm listening. I just don't see the point in this."

"The point? You don't care?"

"That's not what I meant."

Sirius began to speak, looking exasperated, eyes flashing, but then he hesitated. Seemed to think for a moment. And then his expression softened; "How you doing, anyway?"

The concern in Sirius' voice caused a surge of guilt to shoot through him; at keeping the whole Snape and Lily truth from him, when his concern, his care for her was so evident.

But he had a loyalty to Lily, too. And it wasn't his place to reveal the confidence.

And really, like Remus was going to be on the receiving end of that.

"I'm fine."

Sirius looked sceptical, concerned, and Remus was glad that the focus of his friend's thoughts seemed to have shifted away from Lily, for the time being, so he no longer had to dodge the questions Sirius was innocently voicing. Really, had Remus not known the truth, he would be immensely interested in the whole thing, himself.

Sirius suddenly clapped him on the back; "Well, I think we've gotten all we can do out of this scouting mission. How'd you fancy heading over to my brother's mansion for a bit? You really ought to see this place. It's obscene. And it'll be gone by this weekend."

Remus had deliberately avoided commenting on Sirius' encroachment on Regulus Black's estate the past few months. But, hey, the man was dead. It wasn't like he was going to miss it. Sirius wasn't hurting anyone.

And he wasn't blind to Sirius' intentions; he wanted to take Remus' mind off the approaching full moon. Show him a good time. Act like kids again.

Remus, too, wanted to take Sirius' mind off of things; Lily's love life, more specifically.

"Why not?"

Sirius wasn't kidding. Newton's was immense. And he and Sirius had just walked straight from gates right up to the door, without any inhibitions, passcodes or wards to keep them out.

"You don't worry someone will break in?"

Sirius scoffed; "Nothing in here I need. But no, I put up a bunch of protective wards, advanced ones; you don't need passcodes for those. They can identify the owners of the place; only I can get in."

Remus nodded, approvingly, both of his words and of the estate as he curiously looked around.

Sirius gave him the 'grand tour'; nodding, winking, pointing and gesturing with wide movements. A few instances, he would slip into praise for the younger Black, his pride in his brother's accomplishment evident, and Remus couldn't help but smile.

Sure, Sirius may have seemed like an arse, going after his brother's fortune when he had passed. But, maybe, it was more than that. He knew how Sirius had felt the loss, the need to reconcile with Regulus, the past few years. How his eyes would frantically search the list of the dead during the first war, assuring himself that his brother's name was not on it, entirely certain he had joined Voldemort's ranks.

Maybe it wasn't fortune hunting. Maybe Sirius just wanted, needed a part of his brother. Needed to just see the life he had built for himself, even if he wasn't allowed to be part of it.

Remus couldn't grudge him that.

A soft giggle drew him from his thoughts. A laugh. It came from somewhere down the corridor; behind a closed door.

Sirius met his eyes, the confusion in his perfectly mirroring what Remus felt.

"I thought you said only you could get in here?" he spoke lowly, quietly.

"Yeah."

Sirius drew his wand, made an indication with his chin that Remus do the same; follow him.

The two approached the closed door.

The laughter had stopped now. A silence on the other side. Perhaps he had just imagined hearing anything at all. Or, more likely, it was just the house elves. A place this big no doubt had a number of them.

A voice put end to those thoughts.

A very, very familiar one.

Suddenly, comprehension dawned upon him.

Yes, Sirius had cast wards over the place so that only the owner of the property could enter.

But Sirius Black was not the only owner of this place.

Another laugh. The other person. Also familiar.

What the hell were they doing here?

"Ahh, Sirius." Remus quickly seized him by the arm, preventing their approach; "Maybe –"

Sirius' eyes turned on his. The same understanding that had come to Remus plain on the other man's face. He knew. Even if the evident understanding was mixed in with shock, disbelief; nonetheless, there was no way that Remus could possibly stop him from opening that door.

Or, as the case may be, bursting it open with force and stepping inside.

The voices, the laughter, stopped.

Lily, encircled within Snape's embrace, spun to face them, as Snape straightened from where he leaned back against the cabinet.

Their dishevelled state of dress left little to the imagination of what he and Sirius had just interrupted.

Caught.