Chapter Sixty

They seemed suspended in time.

No one seeming to fully comprehend what had just happened. What was still happening.

Sirius sure as hell couldn't believe his eyes. Rendered immobile, speechless by what he was seeing.

Lily, blouse half unbuttoned, pushed over her shoulder and revealing way more than Sirius had ever seen before, in the arms of one Severus Snape; who was, equally, inappropriately half-dressed, and he didn't know which sight disturbed him more.

But the bare flesh of either of their bodies was nothing compared to the unrivalled disgust that quickly arose within him when his mind unravelled the sight and told him what he had just walked in on; Lily and Snape about to shag.

Snape spoke first; cold, biting, so much so that even Lily flinched; "Get out."

So you can carry on?

Sirius saw red.

"You son of a bitch!" he snarled, raising his wand and firing a spell, the first one that came to mind, the other man's way but Snape was ready for him; blocked it and Sirius was too slow, too furious to react properly and he suddenly found himself slammed back against the wall before crumpling to a heap on the floorboards.

He felt Remus reaching down to help him up and shrugged him off, going to raise his wand again.

"No, don't! Stop!"

Lily reached up, then, touched Snape on the arm, and suddenly all the rage he felt was no longer directed at the man who had dared to touch her.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Lily flinched back under the force of his words.

"Have you lost your fucking mind, Lily?"

"Back off or I'll see to it you lose yours, Black," Snape growled, as if he had the right to step in, to defend her.

"Sev," Sirius heard Lily say quietly to him, making his blood boil further; his rage increase. The betrayal, the disgust almost paralysing. But not quite.

"Sirius –"

"Save it."

He ground out the words through clenched teeth, not even looking at her, his attention now back on Snape; imagining all the things he wanted to do to him in that moment. Things that would make the Shrieking Shack incident look like child's play.

"Let's talk about this at home, yeah?"

Remus.

Voice of reason as always.

Sirius didn't miss the fact that he didn't sound in the least bit disconcerted, not at all surprised what they had just walked in on. In fact, he had tried to stop Sirius from coming in. Tried to cover up this monstrosity.

"At home? No. Like hell am I – what are you thinking, Lily?" His attention was entirely on her once more; "Merlin, this is fucking Snape!"

Snape's fingers twitched against his wand.

"I know who it is, Sirius." She glowered at him; "And I –"

"How can you even think about this? It's disgusting! How can you let him touch you?!"

"That's enough! Severus and I, we – "

"Stop! Just stop. I don't want to hear it."

Just hearing the words 'Severus and I' escape from her lips, the 'we' that followed was enough to make him feel sick. Had he and Remus walked in five minutes later his eyes would have exploded from their sockets.

His mind raced, as it quickly put the pieces together; Lily's behaviour for the past few weeks. Late nights at the new Fellowship. 'Meetings with Dumbledore', which he was now beginning to suspect never took place. How she and Snape had suddenly stopped speaking at the Order meetings; going from the warm friends they appeared to be to pretty much nothing.

That had happened months ago.

Sirius was so blind.

"Well you need to hear it." Lily was speaking, furiously composed, almost calm; "If you want –"

"If I want what, Lil'?" His temper flared; "If I want to be in your life? If I want to see Harry?" Lily shook her head, even if he knew that's what she must be thinking, the card she held in her back pocket; "Go ahead, say it!"

"Sirius, calm down." Moony again. The infuriating, spineless, voice of reason within the group.

"You can't approve of this?" Sirius rounded on him; "Calm down? Are you serious?"

He caught Severus roll his eyes and his tempered spiked, turning back to the person who actually deserved it; the man that he loathed with every fibre of his being; "You stay the hell away from her, you hear me?!"

Snape looked at him then and Sirius could have sworn there was a look of self-satisfaction in his eyes, before it was overtaken by the familiar disdain he was used to.

"I mean it, you stay away from her or I'll…I'll fucking kill you, Snape!"

"I'd like to see you try."

"You'll get your fucking wish then!"

"Stop it." Lily stepped forward then, away from Snape – small victories – and in front of him now; "We're not kids anymore."

"You're right, we're not. In fact, you've got a kid. Harry. Remember him?" Sirius turned his eyes to Snape then; "That's James' son, by the way, in case you didn't know."

"Sirius." Lily glowered at him; "Let's go home."

"Yeah. Say goodbye. Because you sure as hell won't be going anywhere near this git once we're out of this place."

"And who are you to make assertions like that, Black?" Snape practically drawled and Sirius could swear the bastard was actually amused by all of this; taking more than just a little bit of pleasure that he had gotten one over on him in this. Screwing his best friend's misses.

"I'm her family, Snivellus. That's who."

"Ah. And family is something you take very seriously."

Sirius bristled at the thinly veiled nod to the situation with Regulus. But, hey, he could have some fun of his own with that.

"That's right. I do."

"So much so that you cannot wait the customary time for your brother to turn cold in his grave before you coming crawling out to take everything he made for himself."

"You're one to talk. Nice big house you've got here, Snape. Freeloading off my brother for the past ten years sure paid off."

"He's not even dead!" Snape snarled, temper beginning to flare, and Sirius felt his own self-satisfaction flicker. Even if fury and rage were still the more prominent emotions he felt at that moment.

"So you claim. But we all know what you are."

"So Dumbledore claims, you opportunistic bastard. And when Regulus returns, all that you've taken from him will go right back where it belongs."

"We'll see."

Snape's eyes flashed.

"You know he cannot reveal himself; that he is running from the very enemy you stand against."

"Maybe he ought to have made better choices then. Rest of us can't be expected to open our arms up to damn Death Eaters. All of them should burn in hell."

Snape's hand clenched around his wand.

"All of you." Sirius glared right at him, eyes boring into his; "Regulus made his bed."

Wands flew up then, Sirius more than ready for it; hell, he was asking for it. Asking for a reason to send this son of bitch down to the hell just spoken of.

Their spells lit the room; furiously clashing against one another in the middle of it; merciless attacks; blocking what was fired; corresponding jinxes and hexes fired back. Then he moved onto curses. Those he only resorted to on the field, for enemies.

And, hell, Snape was certainly one of those!

"Both of you, stop it!"

He could hear Lily shout at them, even as she stepped back, out of the way. Heard Remus make a similar plea; telling them both to pack it in. They were above this.

Sorry, Remus, I'm really not.

Sirius had never wanted to cause physical pain so much, ever; this man who dared to speak of his brother as if he were blood, who dared to touch James' wife and laugh in his face about it. Threatening everything. He would take Lily away; he would take Harry away.

And they were telling him that he needed to calm down. As if he was the crazy one here.

That honour most definitely went to Lily.

Both wands suddenly flew from their hands; disarmed with an 'expelliarmus' that sounded from the other side of the room. It didn't stop him.

Sirius fist quickly collided with Snape's jaw, sending his head back with a snap; the satisfaction Sirius felt at the physical attack making him grin, but only for a second, Snape quickly responding with a strike of his own; a hook to the stomach that winded him.

The two became a blur of thrown punches; grunts and thuds and smacks sounding with each collision but before either could get the other to the ground, to finish them off, Sirius felt himself seized and hauled backwards, away from him.

Bloody Remus, he realised, when he caught sight of the man's wand trained on him. Lily went to Snape and stood in front of him, between them, placing a hand on his chest to keep him back and saying something Sirius didn't catch.

Snape still looked as livid as Sirius felt.

But the hand Lily placed upon him, her words, seemed enough to stop him. It was disgusting.

Sirius shook his head, growling at Remus to let him go or else he'd be getting it next, and when Remus released him he snatched up his wand from the floor, storming from the room.

"Sirius." Lily was close on his heels; "Sirius, wait."

Sirius rounded on her once more when they were in the hallway; "Him? Him? He's the guy? Bloody hell, Lily!"

"Let me explain –"

"Explain? There's an explanation? It's Snape! Merlin, if James could see you now."

"Sirius." Remus suddenly spoke up, warningly, from behind her. Sirius could punch him right now, too.

"What, Moony? You think he'd approve of this? Do you? Why don't we find out? Yeah. Yeah, let's go tell him right now. See how quickly it sends him to his grave because I'd be willing to bet anything that this would kill him."

Lily only stared back at him, chin lifting defiantly, even if her eyes betrayed the hurt that he would attack her like that. Use James against her.

He would. He'd say anything to get her the hell away from Severus Snape and James would thank him for it, if he could.

"You're out of line, Sirius." It was Remus who spoke.

"I'm out of line? The only person out of line, here, is that slimy, greasy son of a bitch."

"That's enough, Sirius." Lily snapped; "This is Severus' house, you can't just barge in here –"

"Like hell it is, this is my brother's house."

"Sirius –"

"Just shut up!" He snapped, throwing his hands up; "Both of you. Just go to hell."

He turned, strode down the hallway in a haze of blind fury, half a mind to turn back and go back to the room Snape was in; finish him off once and for all.

He didn't.

He didn't want to have to even see him. And he didn't want to look at Lily, right now, either.

He burst through the main entrance, gratified by the release that slamming it outwards awarded him with, if only for a second, as he stormed out into the night.

"Go after them, if you want."

Lily did want to. She needed to. She had to speak to Sirius, to sort this out, before things got any worse. If that was even possible. She couldn't imagine a worse possible way he could have found out about them.

But she didn't want to just go running out of the place, either. She needed to smooth the whole thing over here, as well.

Lily buttoned up the rest of her blouse, flustered, embarrassed and furious at what had just happened.

"Was a duel really necessary?"

"He fired first."

"And a fist fight?"

"Again. He struck first. Do you expect me to just stand there and take it?"

"Of course not," Lily sighed; "I just wish…I just wish you two could sort it out. Come to an understanding."

Severus shook his head, turning away as he straightened out his shirt, reaching down to lift his robes; "You know we can't, Lily. Don't even ask."

Yes, she did. The scars were too deep. The wounds still fresh. Just as Remus had warned her.

"A ceasefire, then," she said and she noticed Severus' lips twitch when she did. She reached up, running a hand through her hair to tidy it somewhat, and then stepped towards him; "Are you alright?" She could already see the tell-tale signs of a bruise forming on his cheek, a trickle of blood from a swollen lip.

Severus shot her a look; "I can handle Black." He turned to face her fully then, tilting his head to the side as he regarded her; "The question is, can you?"

Lily frowned.

"That conversation isn't over."

"I'll deal with it."

"You have to make sure he knows the stakes, Lily. Lupin, too. No one can know about this. It's –"

"I know, Severus." She silenced him, placing a hand on his arm.

Severus drew in a breath and Lily held his look. She half expected him to throw in the towel on them there and then. Because of discovery and the danger it posed, or, even, simply a wish to disentangle himself from her now that he had just had a front row seat to the dysfunctional family dynamic that he'd eventually have to contend with when this war was finally over.

Severus' hand came up, instead, fingers tucking her hair behind her ear and his thumb trailing her cheek; "You should go. Now."

Lily nodded; "Yes." She took a step closer, kissing him softly, careful of the cut on his lip, before pressing her forehead to his; "But I'm not done with you, yet."

Severus smiled.

"We'll try again soon." She winked as she stepped back and he rolled his eyes, but the smile still lingered, even as she turned and headed from the room.

This was unbelievable.

Had Sirius not seen it with his own eyes, the ghastly sight so brutally before him, he would never have considered it to even be possible.

Lily was sleeping with Snape.

Even when they had fought about him, when she had so adamantly defended him against Sirius' accusations, he had not entertained the thought. The idea that Lily would even go there so improbable, so ludicrous that it didn't merit a second's thought.

But, Merlin, it had been so obvious. And just because he considered Snape to be the most repulsive being on the planet, that did not mean he should have left himself completely blind to the threat that he posed. An error in judgement that could not be rectified.

He knew this wasn't the first time.

To think just a few hours ago he had actually been happy, thrilled even, that Lily was taking those steps, opening up and finding someone new. Oh, how his ancestors must be laughing at him right now. And for Lily to let go of James only to end up doing the horizontal tango with that odious excuse of a man; not acceptable. Revolting. Outrageous.

If ever asked to provide an example of a physical manifestation of evil, Severus Snape would be it. Everything that Sirius had turned from, had run from as a child, he could see it in him from the moment they had first set eyes on one another. Slytherin house and pureblood supremacy and the Dark Arts they coveted. Snape, up to his ears in them and wielding them, creating them, without shame and then spending his days grovelling at the feet of a man who wanted people like Lily dead.

People don't come back from that. People don't change that much.

"That went well."

"Piss off, Moony."

"Charming."

"You don't seem surprised."

"I had an idea."

"And yet you did nothing."

"What could I do? It's Lily's life."

"You're alright with it, then? Lily and him. It's fucking Snape, Remus!"

"I know who it is."

"Do you? Do you remember? He's gonna break her; he's gonna get her killed!"

"It doesn't matter what I think about it, what matters is what Lily thinks. Not me, not you. Don't push it, Sirius, or you'll lose her."

"She's fucking Severus Snape. She's already lost."

"Don't. I'm serious. You'll push her away. We're her friends, not her keepers; we don't get to decide who she gets to be with. Who she loves."

"Loves? Don't even go there, Remus."

"Why not? Lily's there."

"She told you that?"

"I can see it."

This was so much worse than Sirius could get his head around. The thing between them so far gone that love was now involved. How could this be?

This had to be a nightmare.

"From what I gather, the relationship is something they want to keep to themselves."

"Good. Least it shows that Lily knows it's wrong; that she's ashamed of it."

"I don't think shame has anything to do with it. Snape thinks –"

"Now you know what Snape thinks –"

"Snape's a spy. It's dangerous for people to know about them."

"All the more reason for Lily to stay away." Sirius shook his head, still in a state of disbelief; "What is she doing, Remus?"

"What she wants. If it's a mistake, let her make it."

"No."

"You've got no choice."

"There's always a choice. And Lily's the one making the mistake here."

"You can't stop her. Neither of us can."

"I can give it a damn good try."

"Then you'll lose her. You'll just make her fight harder for him; push them closer together. You hit the nail on the head back there, Sirius; if you want to be part of her life, part of Harry's, then you have to stand back and let her live it."

"You said it yourself; he's dangerous. He'll hurt her. If not himself, he'll get her hurt. People will come after her."

"He wants to keep her safe; that tells us something. It tells us he cares."

"Like that matters. He's so wrong for her it's unreal. How can she even want him?"

"Ask questions like that all you want, Sirius; it's not going to change the fact that she does."

Lily could find no trace of either of them on the grounds when she left, little option left other than to return to the house and wait.

Sirius would come home, eventually, after all. And, in the meantime, she could try and compose herself a bit better, try to figure out how to handle this whole thing.

Sirius actually coming upon them like that was the last thing she expected. Yes, he had inherited the property from his brother, but Lily didn't think he actually spent any time there. Late at night. With Remus. He had just finished finalising selling the place up, after all, and had told her he was done packing it all up days before.

Lily could be grateful for one thing, at least; that Harry hadn't been with them, having been invited to stay with the Weasleys for the night as a late celebration for their youngest boy's birthday.

Sirius returned sooner than expected.

"Where's Remus?"

"Went home. Thought we needed to talk. Alone."

Lily gave a nod, supposing that was true.

Sirius seemed hesitant now that the information had sunk in, no longer consumed with the fiery rage that had been apparent in his expression when Lily had last seen him.

A humourless smile came to his lips; "I'm an idiot."

Lily frowned.

An apology?

That was a surprise.

"You were angry."

"Not about that," Sirius bit out, glancing away; "I'm an idiot for not seeing it sooner. It's obvious, now, looking back. You'd get so fired up about him. Always spending all that time at the Foundation. But then, it's not exactly the first thing that would come to mind. Even now, I still can't believe it. You with Snape. Of all people."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know what it means. He was a Death Eater, Lily – he still could be – he was one of them. Those people ruined our lives; they took James from us."

"Sirius." Lily shook her head, speaking quietly; "He's not one of them. Not anymore."

"It doesn't even matter. The fact that he used to be is enough. The things he's done, you can't seriously condone them, can you?"

"No worse than your brother. Everyone makes mistakes. Holding onto them doesn't help anybody; people move on. We can't expect them to remain static, in the same place they were when they were kids."

"Regulus spends every second of his life regretting it."

"So does Severus."

"Hell, Lily, It's not even close to being the same thing! Regulus was forced into joining by our parents and their brainwashing. Snape grew up with muggles, for Merlin's sake, he obviously didn't have pureblood superiority drummed into him when he was a kid."

"You're making assumptions about things you don't even know."

"I know my brother."

"And I know Severus."

"You only know the side he's letting you see. The side that wants to fuck you. He wants you so he'd say anything to have you. You forgetting the guy lies for a living?"

"He's fighting for us, Sirius. He can't change the past. He can't go back and change what happened; all he can do is be the person that he is now. You may not like him but even you must see what he's doing for the Order. He's giving it everything that he can."

"Doesn't mean you have to drop your knickers for him. You don't owe him anything."

"That's not what it is. I –"

"Please don't say it."

Sirius drew in a breath, meeting her eyes; "How long?"

"Does it matter?"

"I want to know."

"Three months."

Sirius shook his head, slowly, looking away; "Right."

"I know it's difficult for you, Sirius. I know there's history. I'm not going to say you have to get over it. I'm just asking you to look past it; see now. Like what you're always telling me to do."

Sirius shook his head; "No."

"I trust him, Sirius. I know he's good. If you don't, then just trust me."

"It's not just that, Lily. You lied to me. For months. And now you're telling me to trust you? Bad enough he spends his time skulking and lying; now he's got you doing the same, too."

"I'm sorry," Lily whispered, shaking her head; "It wasn't just you, Sirius. It's…it's the way it has to be. With everyone. Because of his role in the war, he can't –"

"Anyone he's connected with is in danger. Yeah, I got that. Seen it with Reg. Good to know you get it too. Though it does bring us back to the whole 'what the hell are you thinking' aspect of our conversation."

"Sirius, you don't understand –"

"Damn right. I don't understand how you can throw your life away – again – over some guy who's asking you to lie to us; to your family, to your friends, to your son."

"It's bigger than us. It's Voldemort. It's the war."

"Lil', you've spent the past seven years frozen because of what happened to James; not moving. Wasting your life away. And now you're finally letting go, finally ready to be with someone else, and you choose him. Snape! Even if he was a decent guy – which he is not – no one is worth putting your life on hold over. No one. You deserve better than that – Harry deserves better than that."

Lily closed her eyes, shaking her head; "I –"

"If you say you're in love with him, I'm walking out that door. It's not good enough."

"It is for me."

"What do you expect me to say, Lil'? Huh? That it's alright? I'm fine with it? That I'm happy for you?"

"I don't expect you to say anything. I…I just hoped you might understand."

"You knew I wouldn't. That I don't."

"Sirius –"

"We're talking about Snape, Lily. I mean, do you have any idea how much I – how much James hated him? He wouldn't want this. He wouldn't want him anywhere near his son."

"You've spent the past seven years telling me to stop making my decisions based on what James would want."

"Spitting in his face wasn't exactly what I had in mind."

"Screw you, Sirius, that's not what I'm doing."

"It's hardly respectful to his memory."

"James would want me to be happy. I know that. So do you."

"Not with fucking Snivellus. And don't stand there and tell me you're happy, how can you be? This isn't a life. It's a lie."

"Look, it's complicated, okay? I know that. But if it's enough for me, it should be enough for you. He does make me happy, Sirius. More than that. I've never…I can't walk away, alright? I just can't."

"You're throwing everything away, Lily. If you do this, there's no going back."

"I don't want to go back, Sirius. I want to move forward. With him."

"Well I can't be there when you do."

"Wh - what?"

Sirius lifted his chin, his resolve evident.

"That's not fair." Lily's voice shook now; "It doesn't have to be that way."

"That's the way it is. I can't stand by and watch this happening, okay. I don't accept it. I never will. Go ahead with it, if that's what you want, hell, I'll even keep my damn mouth shut about it – not that it's something I really want to broadcast from the rooftops anyway – but if you do, I'm out. We're done."

"But…Harry –"

"We'd work it out. If you want. If you'd still let me see him."

"Of course I would!" Lily swallowed, shaking her head and stepping forward; "But…Sirius, please. Don't – think about this, will you? I know it's always been James, he's what kept you with us, but…but you and me, we're friends, aren't we?"

"Yeah, we are. Least I thought so. That's why I'm saying this – because I do care about you, Lily. It's got nothing to do with James, not all of it, anyway. You deserve better. I've spent this whole time since he's been gone trying to protect you, to help you, and you've been doing nothingto help yourself. Nothing. You've just been coasting through life and, even now, when you finally have a chance, you're choosing wrong. It was different when it was with James, I got it, but now Snape? I'm just…I'm done. You wanna do this; you do it alone. That's it, Lil', it's your choice."

"You said it yourself, we're family."

"Then choose me."

"Sirius." Her voice was a whisper, shaking her head; "I can't."

The fight in his eyes was suddenly gone, his expression crumbling as he looked away, and when he looked back there was grief there; wishing, hoping she had chosen differently. But his resolve was still apparent, also. He would do it. He would leave them.

Lily bit her lip, stepping closer.

"Sirius –"

"I'll be gone by morning."

"No, that's – that's too soon. We need to talk to Harry first –"

"You're his mum. You do it."

"Don't do that. Don't punish him for what I'm doing."

"I'd never do that. If he wants me, he's got me. But I'm not fighting any more battles for you. Not anymore."

Sirius shook his head, passing by her, making to go upstairs.

"Wait."

Her voice came out choked, pained. She had known for some time now that this would happen, that it had to happen; she and Sirius had to stop what they were doing. They had to put some distance between them. But not like this. Not so final. Not with goodbye.

Sirius looked at her, seeing the sadness she felt, and he drew in a breath, a sigh and then shook his head; "Lil', I want you to be happy, alright? I do." He shrugged; "I just know you won't be."

Lily said nothing, shaking her head slightly.

"G'night, Lil'."

Sirius was gone before dawn.