Chapter Five

Remus didn't want to know.

He had never wanted to know.

It wasn't only the fact it was none of his business that stopped him from confronting Lily, years ago, when it was clear where things with Snape were headed. Remus had seen the writing on the wall, even then. The entire circumstance would be nothing short of a disaster; Sirius finding out and his reaction, the three of them blown apart in the aftermath.

The worst of it all, though, was that it still wasn't over. Almost seven years on from his first realisation at Harry's birthday party and here he was, drawn into the secrecy and lying to the boy who trusted him, explicitly, and who knew the was no reason at all that Remus would lie to him.

And now that Harry knew he was keeping something from him, it could only mean one thing; the boy would be driving himself crazy wondering why.

"Remus, what is it? Is it Harry?"

"Yeah."

"What happened?"

It took a few weeks for Remus to finally broach the subject with Lily. With no little degree of nervousness about it, at that. There was an unspoken agreement between them – they did not speak about Grace's paternity, ever – and Remus almost felt as if he were breaking a pact by doing so now. Even if it was for Harry.

It wasn't the first time Remus had considered it. Upon learning of Lily's pregnancy his first thoughts had been about Harry and what it would mean but he held back then, telling himself that it didn't matter what he said or what advice he offered. Lily would do as she wished and was it really worth putting his own friendship with her on the line to voice the obvious? She had disregarded his concerns before, the first time, when he had pleaded with her to open her eyes and see the bigger picture and he doubted she would listen to him then, when Snape had clearly become such an important part of her life.

The father of her child.

But the silence could go on no longer. The secrecy could go on no longer.

Somehow, Remus had found himself wrapped up in Lily and Snape's mess; lying, covering, denying, turning a blind eye to it all. More than once had Dumbledore come across him in the hallways past curfew that year, asking if he had seen Snape anywhere in the castle, and he had mumbled out excuses on the other Professor's behalf about 'headaches', 'marking that needed to be done' and 'ingredients to be collected from the grounds'.

All dragonshit. And Remus was certain Dumbledore knew as much but he humoured him and carried on, asking nothing more.

And now Harry.

It was just a matter of time, now that he was asking questions, before it all blew up in their faces. Again.

Remus could bury his head in sand no more.

He knew what was coming.

Their entire relationship, whatever Harry felt or called him by, it was all built on trust. Harry trusted Remus blindly, unquestionably, and it killed Remus to realise, now, that he couldn't. That he could very well lose Harry over this, if something wasn't done to limit the fall out.

Remus sighed, heading past Lily towards the table; "It's not just Harry, it's…" He broke off, still unsure how to begin.

Lily took pity on him, realising immediately what it was, and followed. Drew up the chair beside him and sat down but they were silent for a moment, neither at all keen to finally have the conversation that they had always known they would have to at some point.

And this was the easy one!

"He asked me too," Lily finally said.

"If it was me?"

"Yes."

"What did you say?"

"Obviously I said no, Remus."

Obviously.

Remus refrained from pointing out that she hadn't denied it to everyone else. Not exactly a flattering thought, that those who knew them even believed he would do that. Get his best friend's wife pregnant and then ditch her.

"He's asking questions. I tried to divert him but it didn't work. It just made him realise there must be a reason why. Now he knows that I know and that there's a secret there."

"You're overthinking this, Remus. He's just curious, it's no surprise that he wants to know more about Grace's father –"

"It's more than that. You know it is. Harry might not, but we do. We're lying to him."

Lily frowned, brushing her hair back from her face as she thought on what he was saying, before she looked at him with that same determination that was all so familiar to him and only meant he wasn't going to get anywhere; "You know why I haven't told him, right?"

"Sure."

"You don't sound convinced."

"I get why you didn't. He was a kid. Kid's slip up; look at Grace. But Harry's not a little boy anymore, he gets it. He thinks. And if he finds out, himself, who Grace's father is there's no going back from that. He'd never forgive us for it."

"He won't find out until he's old enough to understand why we never told him."

"He knows Snape, Lily. He knows him and I don't think you're so in the dark about what's going on at Hogwarts to not know how Harry feels about him. I'm guessing that's all part of the lie, right? Keep Harry at distance, treat him like crap –"

"He doesn't do that."

"He singles him out. Punishes him for nothing. I can count on one had the amount of times Harry didn't have some sort of detention this past fortnight. Why? To keep him close? To keep him away?"

"Do you really want to know?"

Remus hesitated.

"It's better that you don't. You know that. I…I'm sorry you got caught up in all of this, Remus. But - it's just better than you don't."

"But I do know, Lily. I've known for years and the lies, Merlin! How can you live like this? Isn't it driving you crazy?"

"You get used to it. It's not as bad as it sounds, Harry's never questioned it before –"

"What about Grace? She talks about it, about Snape all the time."

"Yes, he's her father."

"You let him come here? You play house, make a family with him, and Harry doesn't know about it?"

"He's part of it."

"He's not. He's not and he won't see that any differently when he does find out. You think he's going to take this lightly? That you've had the whole other life that he wasn't part of?"

"That's not how it is, Remus!" Lily finally snapped, standing up and turning away; "Look I couldn't just tell him that Severus is Grace's father. He'd want to know why I kept it from him, why he couldn't tell anyone, and then I'd have to tell him everything. I'd have to tell him about the Death Eaters, about what Severus was and what he is now, and I'd have to tell him about him. I'd have to tell him that Voldemort is coming back for him. He's thirteen years old, I can't tell him that, Remus."

"He's already faced Voldemort three times and survived."

"Barely. And that was only a shadow."

"If Harry knows the stakes, if he knows what he's fighting for – he can keep the secret, Lily, he'd get it."

Lily shook her head, her jaw set; "Who told Voldemort that the prophecy related to Harry?"

Remus paused, meeting her eyes.

"Who?" she repeated.

Remus closed his eyes, lifting a hand to his forehead; "Sirius."

Lily nodded; "That monster went into his head and he took it from him. It didn't matter that Sirius wouldn't have breathed a word of it, it didn't matter that he would have died for him a thousand times over."

"Lily –"

"Harry has faced Voldemort three times already, you said it yourself, what if he looked inside his head? What if he saw it? They'd come for Grace. They'd go for Severus. We'd lose our spy, our only spy in that Circle, and we'd be sending Harry in blind. Voldemort would still come for him and we'd have no idea how or when. Harry will get that."

"He –"

"It's war, Remus. Voldemort may be gone but it's only temporary. We're still at war."

"Harry needs to know he has people he can trust. If what the prophecy says is true, if he's going to have to face him again – you know Harry won't stand back, not now, not after what's happened since Sirius died – Harry's going to need us. He needs to know he can trust us, more than he needs a spy within Voldemort's ranks."

"You think Severus should walk away? Defect?"

"Yes."

"That's insane, Remus. Have you seen Regulus Black? Malachi, unable to step out of his own house without fear for his life? We couldn't do that to Grace."

There was the rub. There was more than just Harry to think about here; there was that little girl, too.

And Remus loved Severus Snape's daughter just as much as he did James Potter's son.

"We could protect her. The house is already under Fidelius protection."

"We couldn't. It's not just Voldemort that Regulus is running from."

"Hopkins is in the States. The amnesty protection is only valid as long as he is serving them, he's not going to throw his pardon away to come back here."

"You don't know that. The man burned a house down when Malachi was still inside it. His mother was killed. He murdered his own colleagues, all a quest for vengeance against Regulus Black and the Death Eaters. He knew Severus, too, he won't let that slide."

"You don't know what he'd do."

"Either do you!"

Remus knew he wasn't getting anywhere with this. At this point, he wasn't even sure he wanted to. What Lily was saying held merit but still; "There's more than one way to lose a person, Lily."

The statement took the fight out of her. Of course it did. Remus meant what he said to Harry the previous month, it was true; everything Lily did, she did for her children. To protect them. Only now, the choices that had to be made to do so were not so easy, not so sure.

Remus sighed, standing up; "Look, I get it. I do. It's…it's your choice." Lily didn't look comforted by his admittance of defeat in the slightest; "I just thought it was time. We had to talk about it."

"I know."

"I have to go. Dumbledore."

"Right."

"Just…just think about it, though, okay?"

"You think I wouldn't?"

"No, that's not…look, I'd be there, alright? If you wanted me to. If you decided he was ready."

Lily's eye softened, if only slightly; "I know."

Remus gave a smile in turn, brushing her arm on his way past; a small comfort but what more could he do, now that he'd finally shattered the silent pact the two of them had maintained for so long.

"Thanks, Remus."

Remus knew better than to believe that gratitude was the prevailing emotion directed towards him as he left the house.

Blood traitor.

Malachi was used to it.

He was used to it, sure, but it still brought about feelings of shame, of unworthiness, and he wasn't entirely sure why. He knew that it only meant he was friends with muggleborns, with half-bloods. Harry was a half-blood. Malachi wasn't ashamed to be his friend.

Harry was the only person who got it, the life he had to lead.

He was the only person who didn't think it was weird that there was always a professor nearby, pretending their patrol just happened to bring them to the exact location Malachi was spending his time whenever they were out of school grounds such as the Forbidden Forest or during Hogsmeade visits.

Harry didn't think it was weird that Malachi couldn't speak of where his home was located – the Fidelius charm preventing it – as Harry was under the same spell.

Still, Harry had it easier.

Malachi hated that he had been sorted into Slytherin if only because his own housemates were far less accommodating of his circumstances than the Gryffindors were to Harry.

Within the Gryffindor House, Harry was hailed as a hero, a legend.

Within his own, Malachi was deemed a traitor.

His dad defied Voldemort outright by creating the Foundation. By continuing to maintain it now that he was gone.

Sometimes, Malachi wished his dad would just let it fall. Or give it away. Surely Severus – Professor Snape - would be happy to take it on. He never seemed like he was happy in his job, here, at Hogwarts.

"Mr Black."

The voice of the professor in question suddenly sounded behind him.

"Professor Snape," he responded with a jump, looking over his shoulder at where the man had appeared behind him in the Great Hall.

The professor's eyes weren't directed towards him, however. Instead, they were focused on the words that had been enchanted onto the pages of his textbook.

Blood traitor.

Malachi quickly snapped it shut.

His Head of House met his eyes then, looking at him with guarded concern and Malachi thought he could see sympathy in the man's eyes too.

It only made Malachi feel worse. The pity.

"Yes, Sir?"

"Is there…perhaps you would like to come to my office?"

"Oh. Um…"

Within minutes there he was, back down in the dungeons, face to face with his Godfather, who seemed to have dropped the stern Professor act now that we were alone.

"Is there something you'd like to discuss?"

"No. It's fine."

"I had hoped that after our last discussion you would have realised you could come here with any issues or concerns that may arise. Particularly with regards to your housemates."

"It wouldn't matter."

"What was that?"

"They wouldn't stop. So why bother?"

"Because I will not tolerate victimisation within my House, as I have repeatedly made clear during our assemblies."

Malachi shook his head. He didn't want it, to be either Severus' charity case or his example. This was his life and he wanted nothing more than to simply get through the day unscathed.

The only Slytherin who didn't look down their nose at him was Draco and that was because they were family. Even then his cousin tended to keep his distance, only offering kindness when the older boy was certain they were alone.

"Malachi –"

"It's okay, Professor. Really. I'm fine. It's just a prank."

Severus' jaw set at that, an uneasy silence seeming to come between them in light of the statement and Malachi wasn't entirely sure what he had said to offend him but he knew, instinctively, that it was the wrong thing to say.

"As your Head of House, and your Godfather, I insist that you come to me the next time you experience any other 'pranks' from your housemates. Or, indeed, from any student within this school."

"Okay."

"I can't help but doubt your sincerity."

Malachi only shrugged, glancing around the room, mortified and praying that no one would see him leaving the office. If anyone thought he'd been in there actually saying something to his Head of House then there'd be hell to pay.

"I'll tell you."

There was only the slightest of nods, a tilt more than anything, that indicated both acceptance and dismissal. But just as he was standing from the chair to leave, he was startled when Severus reached out, stopping him with a barely felt touch to the arm.

"Malachi. Do not simply endure this and brush it aside. You don't have to."

There was a sincerity in his Godfather's eyes that surprised him, the man was always so stoic, but Malachi supposed that was to be expected. He was responsible for him, here, after all.

Malachi only nodded before he headed from the room, knowing that he would never take Severus up on the offer of help because, really, what did a Professor understand about the intricacies of Hogwarts House politics?

"Lupin ought to mind his own business."

Brilliant.

Just another day.

By the time Severus had managed to escape the walls of Hogwarts that evening it was almost nine, well past Grace's bedtime, and he had come home with a mind full of concern and memories of inter house rivalries (or, rather in-house), to a pile of parchments that Regulus still needed his input upon, and Lily, who was agitated following some sort of 'heart to heart' with Remus Lupin.

Really. Severus wished with all his might that the wolf would just go away.

"He means well."

"Doesn't he have better things to do with his time now that he is employed? I would have thought he'd have finally seen the merits of getting a life of his own."

"Severus."

"Wishful thinking, no doubt."

"He's part of Harry's life."

"Harry," Severus scoffed, not even bothering to look up from the parchments he was studying, as he sat up in bed; "He follows you around like a lovesick puppy. It's pathetic."

He caught the eye roll of Lily's out the corner of his.

"Let's not."

"We're not. I'm merely pointing out the obvious."

"We are and you're not," Lily pulled back the sheets, getting into the bed beside him; "I've told you time and again there's nothing to be worried about."

"I'm not worried."

He wasn't. Worry, and jealousy as he was sure Lily was attributing his assertions to, were not the reasons for his annoyance.

Severus was quite certain that any self-respecting man would have a problem with another imposing himself so brazenly upon his family. In his absence, no less. Lily had given Lupin, and Black before him, far too much rope when it came to his role within their lives and the very fact that he felt it was appropriate or that he had any right to question their parenting choices was proof of that.

Regulus wouldn't dare!

Severus wasn't quite sure when things had changed from it being him, on the outside, stepping into Lily's family – he supposed it had been with the birth of Grace – to Lupin looking in, but that was the way it was and had to be.

Severus would not have it any other way.

Though Severus supposed he'd be lying if he said that the very obvious infatuation Lupin had with Lily didn't add to his irritation.

"Remus knows about us."

Severus smirked, shaking his head, but still didn't look up from his reading; "Like that would stop him."

"He's a friend."

Severus scoffed once more, finally dropping the parchments to his lap; "Don't act naïve, Lily, you'd have to be blind not to notice. Why else would he persist with his constant hovering and interference in our lives?"

"Because he's always been there. Because he cares about Harry. And Grace."

"And you."

"Yes, and me, we're friends."

"The very fact that when you became pregnant everyone within your acquaintance immediately – and still – assumed it was by Lupin should tell you just how obvious it is."

"Gossip? Busybodies? They don't know us."

"Well, I do. And I see it plain as the sun in the sky. The wolf is biding his time."

Lily shook her head, looking both exasperated and reluctant when she finally played the winning card; "He was James' best friend."

Severus pursed his lips together.

"He wouldn't," she asserted.

Severus drew in a breath, turning back to the parchments in front of him though he was in no mood for reading now; "Well, far be it for me to question the moral integrity of one of James Potter's cronies."

"Remus isn't the issue here."

Lily put her hand on top of the parchments as she said it, forcing his attention back to her before she went on in earnest; "He thinks Harry's ready. Do you?"

"No."

"No?"

"No."

Most definitely not. Severus had still not yet got over his incredulity that the boy had spent the past three years of detentions with him mindlessly rewriting the text from his volumes without any of the information managing to penetrate his skull.

Though a teeny, tiny part of him wondered if Lupin's suggestion did have some merit. Perhaps if the boy was aware of the stakes then he would begin to take Severus' training methods more seriously.

But then, Severus was not willing to bet the safety of his daughter on the possibility.

Severus trusted Regulus with his life and even him knowing the truth made him uneasy. Neither of them had even spoken the truth out loud simply because it was not a matter of trust at all. Regulus, more than anyone, understood that. The Dark Lord had his ways, his methods, that could break past even the most resolute of minds; veritaserum, legilliemency.

When it came to secrecy, magic was not their friend.

Potter had already faced the Dark Lord three times and not always by accident either. Twice Potter had, foolishly, sought him out by himself and with him flaunting his defiance in the dark wizard face before he even had any comprehension or hope of defending himself – he had survived by pure luck – there was no way Severus would place even the tiniest of secrets within the boy's head.

Both he and Lily knew there was no other option in the matter with her son, at least not until he was old enough to understand the risks, and it did little good to spend precious time going over all the same arguments they had already had to death for the past seven years. When Potter was ready, Severus would tell her. Or she him.

Until then, it was business as usual. Family. Strategy. War. Fantasy.

Severus indicated the parchments Lily had given to him, changing the subject.

"This wouldn't work."

"Why not?"

"Because it is not possible for a half blood to call upon the powers of their ancestors and if, somehow, we could do so it is even less possible to harness and control it for any meaningful length of time. Before death, lest we forget the final result."

"That's what Regulus is trying to learn, how to counter it. Or…"

"Or," Severus repeated, both knowing exactly where Regulus' mind would be going; "Even if Regulus were to somehow take this upon himself, there is no way he would be able to get close enough to the Dark Lord to make use of it."

Lily was silent, offering no counter argument because there wasn't one, both knew it was true. Regulus, if not killed instantly, did not stand a chance if the Dark Lord got his hands upon him.

Severus shook his head, flicking through the parchments, going on; "He will get nowhere with this."

"Voldemort was defeated by blood magic before."

"At what cost? The Longbottoms have been entirely wiped out. And we mustn't forget the brush we, ourselves, had with it when Hopkins attempted to harness the power against Regulus."

"We need something stronger, something bigger than the magic Voldemort knows. Blood magic is the key."

"Blood magic is stronger because of its nature. It is rooted in sacrifice. And neither yourself nor Regulus would be willing to pay that price. Because whatever the use, whatever the reason, the price is always blood."

Lily brushed her hair back from her face, looking both defeated and thoughtful, as if by musing on it further she may come up with a solution to the problem there and then.

Severus gathered up the parchments.

Enough.

They had talked war and strategy and Lupin long enough that night.

He placed them on the side table, reaching for her and she went willingly, laying down in his arms and he held her close.

"We'll find a way," he assured her.

Lily was silent for a moment, turning her head and pressing into his chest, and for a moment Severus thought that was the conversation over for the night. He was just about to reach for his wand, to extinguish the light so they might curl up to sleep, when she drew in a breath and raised her head to meet his eyes and the upset in hers when she did made his stomach sink.

"What if Remus is right, Sev? What if I lose him?"

"Lily. Don't do this to yourself."

She shook her head; "I've already made so many wrong decisions when it comes to him. I've already –"

"Stop."

He tightened his hold on her; "Don't."

"What if he finds out from someone else? What if –"

"What if," Severus repeated, silencing her; "Lily, we both know there is no other way. Lupin knows nothing of it. Everything he thinks he knows is from simple guessing. These are our children. Ours."

Lily met his eyes at that, at the earnestness in his assertion.

Slowly, the doubt seemed to fade, if only a little.

And then she smiled and so did he, reaching up to brush the hair back from her face and letting his hand linger there until she leaned in, pressing her lips to his.

Her eyes were warm when she drew back, but not far, turning further onto him and taking his face in her hands; "Mm. I love you."

Severus smiled and leaned in again, kissing her deeper this time, and when she drew back once more he answered; "And I you."

Lily only looked back at him, the depth of her own feelings evident within her eyes and it amazed him how she did it, how she could simply look at him like that and he could know and feel exactly as she had expressed to him in words.

Connected.

Loved.

Severus tightened the arm that was wrapped around her, the fingers in her hair slowly trailing her neck and down her collarbone, and he was rewarded with a coy smile in return that told him that the night was surely looking up.

He leaned in, fingers replaced by his lips to taste, and the hands in his hair tightened, her head dipped back, and the only sound that followed was a quiet but all-too-erotic sigh that couldn't help but make his heart beat fast.

And he knew that, despite it all, nothing could ever feel more right.