Chapter Ten
This was not fun.
Grace blew the strands of hair from her face, glancing around the function room. It was filled with old people. Not another child in sight anymore, all outside having fun, and even Harry and Malachi were boring today, hardly speaking with her at all except to tell her to keep up and keep quiet.
They were at it again, talking on and on and on about 'Death Eaters', whatever that was, and something about Malachi's dad as well, as they huddled once more beneath Harry's invisibility cloak.
Grace shuffled back and forth on her feet, sighing and looking longingly out at the grounds where she knew the fairground was still set up.
Rowdy laughter drew her attention towards a larger group in the middle of the room.
"Look, it's almost four. We better get back or my Mum'll start asking where we were. I mean, it hasn't been a total bust, has it?"
"Yeah, let's just go."
Harry took Grace by the hand, urging her towards the exit awkwardly as he avoided stepping on her heels, not nearly enough room to move underneath the fabric.
And then Grace saw him.
Her dad was with Mr Black, Malachi's dad – she didn't know they were friends! – and the group that were shouting and laughing, they were in there with them.
Grace abruptly halted, causing her brother to run into her back.
"Grace, wha –"
"Look, Harry," Grace turned to face him, before excitedly turning back in her dad's direction and pointing at the group nearby; "It's Daddy!"
"What?"
"That's Daddy!"
Harry frowned and then glanced in the direction she indicated.
After a second he rolled his eyes, trying to urge her forward; "Aw, come on, Grace, we don't have time for this just now."
"That's Daddy!" she repeated, insistently.
She hadn't seen her Daddy for so long, she wanted to go to him. And Harry had said he wanted to meet him, he could meet him now!
"Who is she talking about?" Malachi asked, stepping in closer behind them and glancing curiously towards the middle of the room.
"I dunno. Snape, I think."
Snape. Was that Daddy's name?
"Professor Snape?"
Grace looked up sharply at Malachi's tone. It was almost a screech. And when she did he was looking at the middle of the room with a wicked smile quickly spreading across his face.
And then he started to laugh.
He laughed and laughed and laughed, until his eyes started watering, and Harry hissed at him to be quiet.
"Oh, please let it be true!" Malachi squeaked out between guffaws.
"You're such a dick, sometimes!" Harry shoved him, though he was smiling too now, and then he was laughing. They were both laughing as if they had just heard the funniest joke they had ever heard in their lives.
And Grace was so mad because she quickly realised that they were laughing at her.
That they didn't believe her.
She'd show them!
Grace flung the fabric from her head, revealing herself to the room, and stormed off in her father's direction.
"Daddy!"
Severus could hear her.
Oh, hell, could he hear her.
It took every shred of self-control he had ever exerted not to move, not to react in any way to the voice of his daughter as she called to him from across the room – thank, Merlin, it was from across the room – but he could see her, now, out the corner of his eye and she was approaching, quickly.
"Certainly, we could use your input on Project Cassidy if you didn't already have an initiative of your own in mind –" Littlewood was saying, as Severus looked directly at him and nodded, feigning interest as he took a drink of his firewhiskey, if only to calm his rattling nerves.
"Daddy."
Grace's voice again and Regulus reacted, that time, looking in her direction sharply.
He was not the only one.
And, suddenly, as if appearing from nowhere, Severus could see Potter and Malachi close behind her, near enough that he could hear their voices, also.
"Grace, get back here."
"Let her go, Harry, I wanna see what he says."
There was laughter in their voices, as if this was all incredibly amusing.
It was anything but amusing.
Stupid, stupid boys.
Grace was oh-so-close, she would be on him in seconds, and that would be it.
It would be over.
Everything was unravelling before his eyes. All they had done, everything he and Lily had put themselves through, as well as any other who had been unfortunate enough to be caught up in it, within seconds it would all be for nothing. Years of concealment, of lies, of deceit, everything he had convinced himself would pay off, would be worth it in the end, all about to come undone.
And he was helpless to stop it.
"Regulus."
Severus grasped for the only lifeline he possibly could.
It was quiet, a desperate plea simply breathed out as he turned as subtly as he could in his direction.
It was enough.
Regulus moved instantly.
"Well, well, if it isn't Miss Grace Potter."
Regulus swept her up into his arms with a flourish and took several steps back in the direction Grace had come as he did so.
All whom Severus still stood with looked.
In fact, everyone in the near vicinity looked.
He was forced to, as well, if only to keep up appearances; it would seem strange to any observers if he didn't.
Regulus had his back to him and Severus could barely even see Grace, now, as Regulus made the conscious effort to hold her in such a way that she could no longer see him, either, though she obviously still knew that he was there.
"Cornelia, another drink?" He noticed her glass was empty and didn't wait until she responded before setting off to fetch another.
As well as a double for himself.
Malachi could barely contain his chuckles as they hurried after Grace, wiping the tears of laughter from his face.
Severus as Grace's father.
Oh, he could only just imagine.
Harry's sister was so funny, sometimes, and her stories were always entertaining but this, this, was absolutely hysterical. Malachi couldn't think of anyone that could possibly horrify Harry more as a candidate for her father other than Voldemort himself!
His amusement was snuffed out almost instantly, however, when his own father appeared, as if from nowhere, and swept Grace up into his arms.
"Well, well, if it isn't Miss Grace Potter."
He took several steps in their direction as he said it until he was standing almost right in Malachi's face and the look he shot him in that moment was murderous. Malachi didn't think he had ever seen his dad look so furious in his life.
But before Malachi could respond, offer up some sort of apology or explanation, his dad had turned back to Grace with a smile; "And what are you doing all the way out here at the Foundation, Grace?"
"Harry brought me. We were spying."
"Spying, eh? On who?"
"On you!"
"On me?"
"Yep!"
Malachi almost groaned out loud at the brutal honesty.
"Doesn't sound like much fun."
"It wasn't. But it wasn't a total bust!" Grace repeated Harry's words, to both their mortification.
"Is that right?" His dad was chuckling; "And have you been here all day?"
"All day!" Grace said it with over-dramatic vexation in her tone, entirely oblivious to the fact that she was seriously ratting them out here and no way in hell was she ever getting to come with them anywhere, ever again, if he had anything to say about it.
"Just as I thought," his dad said, still smiling widely at her; "Well, I suppose if you've been following me around all day then you won't have had a chance to see the fairground yet."
"We did. But just a little."
"Come on. Let's have another go, shall we?"
"But, I wanted to see Daddy," Grace said, trying to look over his dad's shoulder, and he turned, looking in an entirely different direction from where he had come.
"Well, I should like to meet him, but I hear there's owls outside for petting too, if that takes your fancy instead?"
Grace perked up; "Owls? And I can touch them?"
"Sure can."
Grace made a show of thinking about it, before she smiled and nodded; "Okay, Mr Black."
His dad grinned, placing her back on her feet, and nudged her with one hand in the direction of the exit; "Lead the way, Miss Potter."
Grace hurried in that direction, Harry following behind, and Malachi made to follow too – foolish enough to hope that was it for now – but a hand swiftly clamped down on his shoulder, preventing him from moving, and his dad leaned in close, face inches from his once more, speaking lowly and looking directly at him with so much fury that Malachi shied back.
"I don't know what's gotten into you, Malachi, but another foot out of line and, so help me, you will never again see the light of day before you come of age. Do you understand me?"
Malachi swallowed, nodding and saying nothing; he daren't say anything in that moment. His dad looked ready to explode.
Instead of doing so, he simply nodded in the direction that Harry and Grace had gone and Malachi quickly set off to follow, his dad close on his heels.
Harry liked Regulus Black a lot.
That wasn't why he thought it, though.
That wasn't the reason the truth, the obvious truth, came to him so suddenly while they stood in the fairground; the three of them out there with Malachi's dad and they had spent a good ten minutes just letting Grace talk to and pet the various owls that had been brought in for the Fling.
Mr Black stayed with them the entire time, his attention focused almost solely on his little sister, with the exception of the odd few disappointed glances he shot Malachi's way when she was suitably distracted.
Harry still couldn't get his head around the very real possibility that this man had been a Death Eater. He was so good with her, smiling and kind and gentle, humorous comments popping up here and there to make her giggle.
It was so obvious.
And when Mr Black had finally announced that he should have to return to the 'painful duties of hosting', he had dispatched them to his office where they were to wait – no room for argument there – they were to wait there until his mum came to collect them. And stay away from the windows.
Harry's eyes had almost immediately settled on it; that hideous scarf he had seen his mum holding the night he had come home from Hogwarts last week, lying innocuously upon Mr Black's desk.
And, then, he just knew.
"It's your dad!" Harry announced, turning wide eyes upon Malachi.
"What?"
"Your dad. He's Grace's father."
Malachi looked sceptical, shaking his head; "I don't think so."
"Come on, it's so obvious. Did you see the way he grabbed her back there? He couldn't shut her up fast enough."
"My dad would tell me if I had a sister, Harry."
"Maybe not. Not if what my mum's saying is true and if it is your dad then it would be. We know he was a Death Eater, now, and, you know, there's everything else too. All the stuff that he does to protect you. Maybe it's the same for Grace."
Malachi just looked at Grace, uncertainly, at where she was standing with her nose pressed against the window, looking out at the festivities.
He looked back at Harry; "But my dad and your mum? I don't see it."
"They were both really messed up back then. About what happened to Uncle Sirius, remember? Mum got pregnant right after that. Maybe they…"
Harry broke off, suddenly feeling grossed out; yeah, he didn't really want to think much on that particular maybe.
But, brushing all technicalities aside, it made so much sense that he was astounded that they hadn't connected the dots together before.
Harry felt himself getting excited, as it all came together in his mind.
"I mean, look how your dad is with me. He always talks to me and he's always inviting me out places with you two, he lets me come to your house and he's one of the only people who gets to come to ours, even with the Fidelius protecting us all. So they trust one another with us, their kids, why? The only other people who get to know where we are are Uncle Remus and Julia. Even Professor Dumbledore doesn't know!"
"But Grace doesn't know him as 'Dad'," Malachi pointed out.
"Because it has to be a secret. If they can't tell me, they can't tell her, either."
Malachi grinned and Harry knew right away what he was going to say; "She said it was Professor Snape, mind."
Harry scoffed, almost shuddering at the thought; "Yeah right."
"He used to work here too, don't you remember? With my dad."
"First of all, what's dangerous about it being Snape? And second, you really think my Mum would tell Grace who her dad is but not me? Blabber mouth here, she couldn't be trusted to keep anything secret."
"Yeah, about that, I thought you said she'd be no bother? She just told my dad everything! Now he's going to want to know why I've been spying on him all day."
"Good, then you can finally just ask him about it. And ask him about Grace, as well."
"I'm not asking him that," Malachi shook his head; "He's not her dad."
"Look, this is my mum's scarf here, see."
"They both work here, she probably just left it after a meeting or something."
"Too much of a coincidence. And look, he's got it all folded up nice and everything for her."
"So?"
"So."
"So, what, now you think my dad is Grace's dad and that this folded scarf means he's in love with your mum and they're having a secret affair behind our backs?"
It sounded ridiculous when said out loud.
"Maybe."
Malachi rolled his eyes; "Grace isn't the only one with a crazy imagination."
Harry could say nothing more to convince him of the case, for at that moment the door to the office opened and his mum stepped into the room.
She did not look happy.
"Mummy," Grace went over to her with a smile, "I got to touch the owls, Mummy."
"Did you?" His mum gave a tight smile, giving her a one-armed hug when Grace reached her side and held her close.
"I saw Daddy, too."
"You did?"
"Yeah. He was with his friends."
Harry watched his mum closely as Grace spoke and his mum, while making a good show of humouring her, could not conceal the fact that she was not only uncomfortable, but also uneasy, almost looking upset as she only nodded at his sister and drew her closer, before turning her eyes on her son.
Harry had expected her to be furious, in the way Malachi's dad had been.
Instead, she just looked tired. And Harry could have sworn there was even guilt there as she spoke his name, the only thing she said, to indicate that he leave with her.
Harry shot Malachi a look of farewell, and then headed over, and his mum frowned as he reached her, realising what he had in his hands.
"Is that my…"
He looked down at it, the offending scarf that had given them away, and then he looked at her and nodded, holding it out to her; "Yeah. I found it."
His mum took it, looking bewildered, but she said no more, simply tugged on Grace's arm and took her hand and headed from the room.
Harry followed, surer than ever, that the big secret as to Grace's paternity had finally been revealed.
"That boy is out of control!"
Never before had their circumstances been more frustrating. With the Fling falling just as the weekend was beginning and Potter still at home for the holidays – and grounded, of course – it meant that it was the beginning of the following week before Severus had finally managed to get Lily alone.
The days of reflection had done nothing to calm him down.
Severus was just as livid as the moment it had happened.
"He didn't know what he was doing. As far as he knew, he was just sneaking out with his friend for the day."
Lily was taking the incident with both enviable and foolish calmness, or so she was trying to lead him to believe, for both of them knew exactly what was at stake here and how close they had come to losing it all.
"Do not make excuses for him, Lily. Don't even try. I was almost exposed in front of hundreds of people – highly influential people, I might add, from both sides of this war. This could have utterly destroyed everything that we have been working towards for years."
"If he knew the stakes. If we told him the truth –"
"Oh. Don't even go there. That boy has just proven that he is incapable of following even the most basic of safety instructions – he knew exactly what he was doing, walking into that place, at the very least he knew it was dangerous for Malachi, and yet he decided to go anyway. And to take Grace with him! A four-year-old child! And now you speak of the truth. I would not trust him with the safety of a goldfish, nevermind something of that magnitude."
"You're not being fair, Severus. Harry doesn't know any of this. How can we expect him to conduct himself the way we need him to if he doesn't know why?"
"You told him not to go, that ought to be enough. Does the boy have no respect, whatsoever?"
"Stop calling him that."
"What?"
"'That boy'. He has a name."
"Potter, then."
"Harry."
Severus sighed, turning away, his fury still brimming and he didn't want Lily telling him to calm down, play nice, show respect when her son had just demonstrated the most blatant and damaging form of disrespect he had ever experienced from him.
"Do you realise what he's done? You've surely heard by now?"
"Yes, I've heard," Lily conceded.
What they had heard, of course, was just wonderful.
Severus' cover had managed to emerge unscathed, yes.
The same could not be said for Grace.
The entire incident had occurred in the most public, inappropriate place imaginable, and whispers very quickly began making the rounds that a little girl had come running into the room calling for her father, only to be immediately swept from her feet by none other than Regulus Black, himself.
What could this mean?
Well, it was obvious.
"He took our daughter to the Foundation, where perhaps every influential wizarding figure was present and, in doing so, has managed to trigger the beginnings of a rumour that Regulus Black is her father. Who, it goes without saying, is perhaps the only person in the world worse than the truth of it being me! Indeed, the only thing that makes the two situations different is that Regulus' defection has already been revealed. This is about as bad as it could get for Grace!"
"Rumours, Severus."
"With Regulus' reputation and you working there, it is entirely plausible. These assumptions are not going to go away quickly.
And yet you stand there acting as if I am the one who is being unreasonable. That – Pott – Harry has just put Grace into one of the most dangerous positions imaginable; there is a reason Malachi cannot go outside of the house without a chaperone."
Lily only nodded, not looking at him as he did.
"That is something that cannot go unpunished."
"He is being punished."
"A simple grounding doesn't add up. Not even close. He is up there right now, entirely unaware of the damage he has just wrought, no doubt concocting – "
"Will you listen to what you're saying? Yes, he is up there, right now, entirely unaware. We understand the damage, yes, but Harry has no idea about any of this. So, what do you want me to do? What do you want me to say to him? Because, in his eyes, Harry has done far, far worse than sneaking out to the Foundation – a place that I have always insisted is safe for him – just to meet a celebrity."
Severus pursed his lips together.
Lily shook her head; "It's not just Harry's decisions that've brought us here, Severus."
The reason for Lily's seeming calmness was suddenly clear. Lily did not blame Potter for what had happened.
She blamed herself. And him.
They had put Potter, and Grace, into the positions they now found themselves. And yet, both remained entirely in the dark to the fact, because that was the way he and Lily had chosen to do this.
Severus looked away, clarity washing over him and leaving him cold.
When he looked back at her, this time, the culpability in her eyes was so blatant he did not know how he had possibly missed it.
He drew in a breath, deflated; "You're right. It should never have happened the way that it did," he shook his head, glancing away; "Grace should never have known me."
"Severus –"
"Don't backtrack now, Lily, we both know it's the truth. We've discussed it numerous times since before she was even born. It wasn't safe."
Severus turned away, walking towards the window of the shed he had lured Lily out to, peering carefully back at the house where they were, Grace and Potter, tucked up safely in bed – as safe as they could ever be, now, and oblivious to what they would soon be facing.
Their children.
Children whom he and Lily could not expect to bear the burdens of their mistakes.
He sighed, turning back to her; "We only have two choices here, Lily. I know what you want to do. I know how you've been struggling with it; with Harry," he shook his head, wishing it were different, but it wasn't. They weren't even close to that yet; "But he's not ready."
"He may surprise you."
"That's not a risk I'm willing to take. This is our daughter's life. This is finally defeating the Dark Lord once and for all. This is our family, our home, and we can't put that into the hands of a thirteen-year-old boy, no matter how unjust keeping him in the dark may seem. It is too much and the consequences of failure are too great."
Lily shook her head and he could already see the glimmer in her eyes, as she realised where he was going with this. Because if they couldn't tell Potter the truth, if they couldn't follow through on this, then there really was only one other choice here and both of them had been avoiding it for far too long now.
"We've always said that when the time comes, if it got too dangerous –" Severus stopped, he would not go on patronising her with the reasoning, he knew she knew the how and why of it all.
"I have to go, Lily."
Lily's voice was quiet, a tremor in it as she offered up a feeble protest that she knew wouldn't change anything; "It's too late, she already knows you."
Severus glanced back out the window, at the house, up at the drawn curtains of his daughter's bedroom and it could break him, the words that he spoke next, though he knew, without doubt, that this was the way it had to be.
"She'll forget."
Lily crumbled then, hand going to her forehead as her head dipped down, and Severus knew the tears were there, even if she shielded them, and he stepped forward, taking her in his arms.
He pressed his lips to her hair and just held her, let this be for a moment, because although they had discussed this, although it had always been the plan, it had come upon them now so suddenly, so unexpectedly that they were entirely unprepared for what was about to happen.
The crumbling of their house of cards, the playing house, the family life they had told themselves was completely normal, completely right; it was all over. And Severus could not return home, now, until this war was finally done, and both knew that would not be soon. Certainly, not nearly soon enough.
It seemed as if every word, every warning Severus had given her before this all started, so long ago, had now come back to haunt them as he held her in his arms.
But he could not be weak. He had been so, long enough. What had happened with Potter and Grace, there could be no more mistakes like that.
Severus leaned down, encouraging Lily to meet his eyes; "Are you with me on this?"
She needed to be. He couldn't possibly walk out that door otherwise. He wasn't strong enough. He wasn't.
The sadness, the defeat in her eyes went straight through him, but the love was there too, just as it always was, when she looked at him and she needn't answer, he already knew; "I'm always with you, Severus."
He swallowed and then leaned down, kissing her deeply, and tried to pour it all into that one act, all the regret and wishing and love that he felt for her. And when drawing back he didn't go far, touching his forehead to hers; "I'll be back at the Foundation within the month. It will be easy for us to see one another, should we need to."
Lily gave a small smile and a hopeless shrug, shaking her head; "I always need you."
"Likewise."
Were they really going to draw this out with endearments and platitudes? Would it make it easier if he were to fall to his knees there and then and make a pact, swear that he'd take her away when this was all over and make her his wife and her children, their children, his and theirs.
Lily knew all of this. She knew that they were it for him. What he was fighting for. Even as he turned away.
Would it all be worth it, in the end?
He could only hope it would.
Both knew as he walked away from her, left the grounds of their home for the last time, that he may never come back. The war may never end.
One, or both, may not even be around to see it if it did.
But he knew, without doubt, that he couldn't stay. Not now.
For all the lies, all the deception, the self-control and the fighting that he had done since the day that damn prophecy had made its meaning known to him; since this all began, nothing had been more difficult for him than this, this moment, when he walked out the door.
And with one last, long look at where he had left Lily in the shed and then up at the bedroom of his daughter, he drew in a breath, committing it all to memory, hoping it would not be the last one, and disapparated.
Leaving his home and family behind.