A/N: This story was inspired by the video of Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell eating chocolate floating around on the internet. If you haven't seen it...please do so and enjoy. As I watched I said to myself, I wonder who else would eat ridiculously stupid chocolate? Herein lies the answer.

"All right new guy. I dare you."

Clay dropped a black box in front of Vic who looked up skeptically. "You're trying to goad me into eating chocolate?" he asked.

"Not just any chocolate," Clay said, a glint of mischief in his eye.

Sonny reached for the box and flipped it over to read the label. "Cocoa Loco? What the hell is this?"

"Chocolate with hot pepper in it," Clay said. "Reapers. Hottest known to mankind."

"Who puts pepper in chocolate?" Jason asked, grabbing the box to look for himself.

"Lots of Mexican dishes made with chocolate," Clay told them, snatching it back. "Ever heard of molé?"

Bravo One wrinkled his nose. "I'll stick to burgers thanks."

"How hot is it?" Brock asked, Clay's excitement catching the attention of the rest of the team.

"Hot enough to burn your tastebuds off," Clay said with a grin. "Who's in?"

Trent grunted. "Anybody that eats that is outta their minds."

"Come on! Brock, give it a try."

"Got acid reflux," Brock said. "Not gonna happen."

Clay rolled his eyes. "Ya'll are a bunch of wusses. C'mon new kid. Eat up."

"Sorry, I'm off sugar," Vic said.

"Of course you are." Clay scoffed.

"Don't look at me." Ray held up his hands. "I know the line between dumb and stupid. This, is stupid."

Sonny looked around at the group. "I'll do it."

Ray shook his head. "Bad idea Son. You're not a young man anymore. That kinda thing'll mess with your stomach for days."

"Who you callin' old?" Sonny asked, glaring at him. "I'll have you know, I was the Texas Peewee Hot Sauce Champion of 1989. Sixty wings covered in the hottest sauce this side of the Mississippi."

"You were twelve," Trent said drily.

"And I can still eat like it!" Sonny said. "Let's go Clay. Gimme some of that."

"Twenty says Sonny goes down first," Jason said quickly.

"Oh I'll take that bet." Trent pulled out his wallet.

"My money's on Sonny. He may be getting up there, but he's stubborn," Brock said with a grin.

Clay ripped open the packaging and handed Sonny a large square of chocolate. "Don't look weird or fancy." Sonny turned it around in his hands and took a whiff. "Whoooee. I can smell it though."

"On three," Clay said, holding up his half of the bar. "One, two, three."

He shoved the entire piece in his mouth. Not to be outdone Sonny followed suit, chewing rapidly as his mouth immediately lit on fire. He tried to school his face, keeping his eyes on Clay who seemed completely unfazed so far.

"Well, how is it boys?" Jason asked.

"It's uh," Sonny choked as some of the chocolate slid down his esophagus. "It's really…Clay?"

"It's not…" Clay's eyes bulged and he gagged. "Oh shit."

He grabbed a water bottle and began to chug it. "No! That's just gonna make it worse," Trent said between chuckles. "You need milk."

Sonny sucked in a breath as tears began streaming down his face. Never in his life had he experienced this kind of pain. Keeping it in his mouth was torture but when he swallowed it further it lit up his insides like a molotov cocktail. "It's like fucking Hades in my mouth," he gasped.

Clay reached for a napkin to deal with the uncontrollable drool that was leaking from his mouth. He retched, grabbing the table for support as the rest of the group roared with laughter. His eyes met Sonny's and they both knew in an instant that this was probably the biggest mistake they'd ever made.

Sonny could tell the second the chocolate hit his stomach because it instantly turned into a roiling pile of snakes trying to worm their way through his intestines. He burped, his eyes watering with what came up. Shit. God damn it. Ray had been right. He was an old man and now he was burning all his insides up.

"It just doesn't end," Clay rasped as he retched again.

"You can spit it out," Vic said practically.

"Not happening," Sonny said through gritted teeth, burping again as his stomach writhed and twisted in his gut.

He could feel sweat beading on his forehead and he suspected his face had turned the color of a tomato. Clay was looking awfully flushed himself and Sonny's only comfort was that his buddy was in just as much pain as he was.

His stomach lurched and he clapped a hand over his mouth, sending up a prayer to anybody listening that he didn't puke his guts out right here in front of all his buddies. "All right there Sonny boy?" Jason said, clapping a hand on his shoulder, a massive grin etched into his face. "Not too hot for you is it?"

Sonny just grunted in response and tried to breathe through his nose. He swiped a hand across his streaming eyes and looked around desperately for anything to relieve this agony. Vic appeared and wordlessly put a glass of milk in front of each of them. Sonny chugged the whole thing and got a small reprieve from the fire ants dancing through his body, but within minutes the inferno returned full force.

"It's like I swallowed a fucking flamethrower," Clay choked out, still working on his own milk.

"Texas hot sauce champion huh?" Ray said with a laugh.

Brock had taken out his phone and was recording the whole thing. "Come on man, put that the fuck away," Clay said, swatting at him before coughing and gagging again.

Brock dodged him. "No way brother. I don't want to forget a minute of this for as long as I live."

It took an hour for the taste in Sonny's mouth to return to anywhere near tolerable. The rest of the guys had eventually gotten bored watching their friends' struggle not to die and had taken up further alcohol and a game of darts.

Both Clay and Sonny still sat slumped at the table, emitting the occasional belch or grunt as the chocolate made its way to a new home within their digestive tracts. "I still feel like my whole face is on fire," Clay said, wincing when his stomach gave a loud gurgle.

"I can't even feel my tongue. I think it mighta burned clean off," Sonny said hoarsely.

Eventually they called it a night. Sonny had to stop twice on the way home to retch on the side of the road. Nothing came up and he wasn't sure what was better, to have it come back out the way it went in, or just to have it sitting in his intestines.

"Whoa. What the hell happened to you?" Lisa asked when he arrived at her place.

"Clay," Sonny said tersely, moving directly to the fridge so he could drink directly out of the milk carton.

"Uh, we've talked about this," Lisa said. "We have glasses for a reason."

He just glared at her as he continued to chug. "That can't be healthy," she said after a few more swigs.

He finally set it down, holding onto every second of the temporary relief. "It's better than what else is in there right now," he said.

"What—" Lisa's phone pinged and she picked it up. "Why is Brock sending me a video?" she asked.

Sonny reached for it, but it was too late. Humor lit up her face as she watched the events of the evening play out in front of her. "Can't hold your chocolate there, huh buddy?" she asked.

"You have no idea. That was chocolate from hell. That was Satan's chocolate," Sonny protested.

"Right. I'm sure it was. But the fact remains that you willingly ate it because you were trying to prove you were a tough guy in front of Clay and the new kid," she told him.

"I can handle it!"

"Uh huh. Clearly."

If Sonny had thought the worst of it was over he was sadly mistaken. His stomach refused to settle no matter how he tried to get comfortable and he made no less than five trips to the bathroom. Around three o'clock Lisa shoved him and said, "You sound like a garbage disposal. Get outta here."

He ended up on the couch until dawn, staring up at the ceiling, promising whoever was listening that he would never eat chocolate again if his stomach would just stop its merciless clenching.

When he arrived at the base the next morning he felt like shit. It was worse than any hangover he'd ever had in his life. At least the taste had finally receded from his mouth, although his stomach still gurgled unpleasantly when he moved too quickly.

He found Clay sitting in his cage, his face a weird shade of gray, dark circles under his eyes. "Morning," he grunted.

"Morning," Clay grunted back, letting out a small burp.

"You still—?"

"Uh huh. You?"

"Oh yeah."

They sat in mutually pained silence. "So never again?" Clay asked.

"Never, ever again," Sonny agreed.

A/N: Oh these two. Will they ever learn? Probably not. And honestly, I'm okay with that! Leave your love in the reviews!